The Hidden Room

by C S Joseph

  Reese handed a towel to Julia for her face. This was the last night they had together before Julia went back to Portland. That thought alone was enough to make her feel as though a piece of her heart would be gone. Right then, she wanted to enjoy her last few hours with Julia. They finished eating dinner and washed the dishes. Reese nodded her head in the direction of upstairs and simply said, “Bed?” They walked up to the bedroom, and their nightly routine was soon complete. They both lay down and stared at the ceiling.

  “I want this.” Julia said. “I’ve seen what life with you could be like. That’s what I want. I love you.” The silence settled back between them. Reese rolled over toward her and kissed her. She wanted to convey how she felt about her in that kiss full of want and passion. There was also pain and regret. She still had a husband and getting out of the marriage was not going to be easy. She pulled back and looked into warm, hungry eyes.

  “I love you, too.” She meant it.

  Julia turned off the lights.

  Reese lay there thinking about how she was having an emotional affair with her friend and she needed to stop telling herself it was okay just because they hadn’t had sex. In many ways, this relationship was more intimate than most of her marriage to Aiden. Her son was completely attached to Julia. Now that she acknowledged it in her mind, she would need to discuss it with Julia. Maybe after she goes back to Portland. No sense in ruining the last few hours they had together.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Reese pulled the pillow over her face. If she didn’t see any sunlight, then morning wouldn’t be there. If the morning stayed away, she wouldn’t need to say goodbye when Julia started her drive back to Portland, away from her and Zachary. She lifted the pillow, and light crashed against her eyes. “Dammit,” she whispered into the room. She sat up slightly and saw Julia sleeping on her side. She smiled at her sleeping form.

  A groan made its way to her ears. Reese stretched, and Julia slowly rolled out of bed. She looked like someone had stolen her favorite toy. “I gotta get ready to go. I’m gonna take a quick shower.”

  Once Julia was in the bathroom, Reese leaned over and grabbed the pillow on which Julia had slept. She inhaled deeply and took in her scent, hoping that smell would stay long after Julia was gone. Reese put the pillow back in place and decided to face the day. She went downstairs to make the morning coffee. She looked around her kitchen. It was a relief to not run into town for every meal. She pulled two mugs out of the cabinet. When the coffee maker beeped, she poured herself a mug and sat at the kitchen island. After a while, she heard a noise as Julia entered the room. “The coffee is ready.”

  “Thanks.” Julia found the mug sitting near the machine and poured her coffee. She held the mug to her nose. “After this cup of coffee, I’m gonna pack up the car. I’ll wait til Zach comes home so I can say goodbye to him.” She took a small sip to test her drink.

  “Yes, he would love that. He should be home soon.” Reese went back to her coffee, and Julia started to take her packed luggage out to her car.

  When she walked back in the house, they stood there for a few moments, looking at one another. They heard a vehicle approach and looked out the front door. A blue minivan pulled up, and Zachary jumped out the sliding door. “Jules! You’re not leaving yet are you?”

  They walked toward the car, and Reese waved at the other mom who was getting out of the driver’s side.

  “Soon, but not quite yet.” He hugged Julia. Reese watched the scene before her.

  The other mom approached Julia. “You must be Julia.” She stuck out her hand “I’m Jill. We heard all about you last night. Zachary was the perfect angel. You and Reese have done a fantastic job raising him.” Julia lifted an eyebrow and looked over at Zachary, who grabbed his backpack and said a speedy thanks and ran into the house.

  “Thank you. I appreciate that, but the credit really has to go to Reese.” Julia smiled politely. Reese walked closer to the two of them. Jill looked up at her.

  “Ah, Reese, I was just telling Julia what a fantastic young man you have there.”

  “Oh, good. I’m glad he behaved.”

  “Yeah, he was great. It’s kids like him that make me so aggravated at the morons who say two women can’t raise a son. He’s very well balanced.” Reese’s eyes widened.

  “Excuse me?” she said.

  “I mean. I guess I shouldn’t have said it like that. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just glad that Zachary has two moms. You are such a cute couple. I was really complimenting you both.” Julia smiled at Reese, as if she was enjoying the assumption Jill made.

  “We’re not a couple. She’s my friend.” The curt tone of the comment was not intended to be hurtful. The look on Julia’s face made Reese cringe a little. She was going to have to apologize.

  “Oh. The way Zachary spoke, I just assumed you two were together.” Jill’s cheeks reddened. The woman was clearly embarrassed. Reese waved it off and gave her best reassurance.

  “Well, I really should be going. We’ve got a big day planned. I’ll talk to you later.” Jill walked to her car and drove away.

  The back of Julia’s car was full of her luggage and baseball gear. She turned and walked into the house. Reece followed. They sat in the kitchen and enjoyed their last breakfast together. Ollie had learned to sit next to Zachary. The boy was seen feeding the puppy on a few occasions.

  After the dishes were finished, Julia said, “Well, I’ve got everything ready to go. I’ll call you when I get back home.”

  Reese smiled and nodded, hiding her sadness. She knew that she should apologize for how she’d sounded with Jill.

  The three of them walked outside, and Julia opened her car door. Ollie ran out into the yard instead of jumping into the car. Zachary ran over to Julia, and she bent down to give him a long hug. He told her that he would miss her and not to forget about her promise to come and visit soon. “I would never forget to visit you. I love you. Be good for your mom.” He stepped back and wiped away a tear from his eye. He nodded and looked at Reese.

  “I love you, too, Jules,” he said, as he took a step backward. Reese wanted to yell out for this to stop, demand that Julia stay. Give her a reason to stay. Actually, she wanted a reason to go with her. She forced herself to stand still and clasped her hands in front of her.

  “Reese, are you alright?”

  “Of course, I am. Have a safe drive home.”

  Julia opened her arms. From within the safety of those strong arms, she whispered, “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too.” Julia leaned back and smiled. After a small chase of Ollie around the yard ended, she got into the car and pulled out onto the driveway with a wave. Then, she was gone.

  †

  Julia called Reese once she got back home and threw the phone on her bed. She walked into her kitchen and opened the refrigerator. She stared and finally grabbed a beer. She popped off the top and settled herself on the sofa. There was a knock on the door. She looked over and leaned her head back for a moment. Begrudgingly, she stood and answered it. “Julia! I hoped you were home.” Alexander Porter walked inside and swung the bags he was holding onto the kitchen counter.

  “Dad, now’s not a good time.” Julia closed and locked the door. Alex waved his hand, dismissing her. “Please?”

  “Julia, you just got back from spending two weeks with Reese. Knowing you, you have an empty fridge. I’m making you dinner, and we can talk about things.”

  “What? There are no things to talk about.”

  “Oh really? Well, I talked to Caitlyn. You two broke up before you left.”

  Julia’s mouth snapped shut.

  “She also told me about you and Reese.”

  “What? Why did you talk to her? There is no me and Reese.” She looked at the floor. She cursed Caitlyn for saying something to her father. She looked back up and saw Alex staring at her with a stern look on his face. “What?” she whined.

  “Sit.” As she dropped her head in defeat,
she found her place back on the couch. Alex followed and sat next to her. “Listen, Jules, I love you very much. Caitlyn didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t already know myself.”

  “Can you just not?”

  “Hush.”

  She opened her mouth to protest, and Alex pointed his finger toward her. “Now, I am your father. I’m not an idiot. I see how Reese looks at you. What happened while you were up there? Don’t think you’re getting out of this conversation.”

  “Dad, it’s…nothing. It’s not your business.” She got the look again and grunted in frustration. “Fine. She’s married. Nothing is happening.”

  Alexander Porter was no fool. As much as Julia pushed back when talking with him about her personal life, he always knew what his daughter was feeling. “I knew the moment you first uttered Reese’s name that you were in love. There isn’t much hiding in her eyes either. I knew you wouldn’t be able to fight your attraction forever.”

  Julia grabbed her beer and took a swig. She stared at the bottle in her hand for a few minutes. The first tear broke free and dripped down her cheek. “I kissed her.” It was a hoarse whisper. Alexander closed his eyes. “I mean we kissed. We told each other how we felt, but at the end of the day, she’s married.” For the first time since Julia could remember, Alex sat there silently and listened.

  “She wants to get divorced, but there was a prenuptial agreement. It would be a messy, complicated divorce, unless we can prove he’s had an affair. She’s terrified. I just…Dad.” More tears fell from her eyes. She wiped at them, as she took a deep breath. “I love her. The last two weeks were the best of my whole life. We were a family. The three of us. We didn’t go further than kissing. We fought it. I feel tired from how much I fought it. I can tell she was too.” She leaned forward, and Alexander’s arms opened and he held her.

  “Oh, honey.” He rubbed her back and attempted to soothe her.

  “I’ve made such a mess. I feel so guilty. She doesn’t deserve this. Aiden and Zach don’t either. I couldn’t help it. Dad, I just…how can I move on from this?”

  “Julia, look at me. Life is complicated. Love is even more complicated. Now, I don’t condone you two kissing while she is married, but I understand that it takes a lot of effort to fight the feelings that you have. Marriage is also very complicated. They don’t warn you about that. I almost had an affair once.”

  “What?”

  “It was a long time ago. Your mother and I were so in love, but we didn’t know how to communicate with each other. When you were young, she struggled with depression. We would bring you to friends’ houses so that you could play with their kids. She would get drunk, and we would fight all the way home. I started feeling frustrated with my life. I didn’t have a partner anymore. She cared more about her own feelings than mine. I loved you more than anything. You always made me happy, but it’s not the same, you know?” Julia nodded as he continued.

  “We started spending time with the Durantes. It was when Brooke and Tony were going through their divorce. Your mother wanted me to go over and cook for Brooke after Tony left. She was so broken. I would make dinner and take it to her every night.”

  “Yeah, I remember that. On the weekends, we would play with Becky, Enzo, and Little Leo.”

  “That’s right. One night, I ran over to drop off dinner, and Brooke was sitting at the kitchen table. The kids were with Tony that night. She was upset. I sat down, and we started talking. After she got out what she needed, she looked at me and told me that she wished she’d fallen in love with a man like me. She said I was the sexiest man she’d ever seen.

  “I was very flattered. Your mother hadn’t said that to me in a long time. I went home that night and couldn’t sleep. I started thinking about Brooke. She was a good-looking woman. We always got along. We were able to talk about anything. I thought about her the next day. Your mom and I went over there just like we always did, but there was new tension between Brooke and me. We flirted, but your mother was too drunk to care. I almost let it go too far. She kissed me when I dropped off their dinner one night. I came home and realized that I was still in love with your mother. Brooke couldn’t fill that place in my heart; your mom had already claimed it. I stopped taking Brooke dinner. In later years, I knew she wasn’t my person.”

  “Mom ended up cheating on you, and you ended the relationship before she died.”

  “That’s true. Our relationship was ours. What she did, I never blamed her for. I committed to the relationship too late. By the time I realized how I felt, I had spent too much time being resentful toward her and her drinking. I didn’t know how to help her. I chose to be angry with her. When you’re committed to someone, that’s your focus. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right. The point is that you should realize that no matter how much you give them, if you truly give to them unconditionally, your own anger doesn’t matter.

  “You know that she was an alcoholic. That was her demon. When she was trying to stop drinking, it was difficult for her to be around her friends and even me. I was a trigger for her to want to drink. I told her that she needed to meet new people who didn’t drink. The affair was born from that. She ended that relationship and ours. You’ve been angry at her for years about it. We didn’t have issues because of the affair. Our issues were with her struggle with alcohol. You were so little, only seven at the time. After our divorce, your mom worked hard on her sobriety for you.”

  “I know she did. I haven’t really been witness to a healthy marriage. I don’t think I want to be married. It changes people. It changes things.”

  “Do you think it would change you and Reese?”

  “I don’t know. I want her. I think we would make each other happy, but marriage is heavy. I could be committed to her without a contract.”

  Alex pursed his lips. “That will be up to you. I hope that in your life you give it a shot. It’s about wanting your relationship more than you want to be right.“

  “Being right about what?”

  “Anything. I wanted to be right about your mother being an alcoholic more than I wanted to support her through her disease. Now is the time for you to support Reese. That is more important than whether or not she decides to end her marriage.”

  “What if she never leaves him?” Julia asked.

  “Well, if that happens, I’ll be here for you. I won’t lie to you. It’s gonna hurt. It’ll hurt badly. She’s smart, and so are you. You two will figure this out.” He leaned forward and pulled Julia into a hug.

  “Thanks, Dad. What are you making for dinner?”

  “There’s my girl. Chicken cacciatore. C’mon, you’re helping me.” He patted Julia’s legs and they went into the kitchen.

  †

  The rest of Reese’s day was full of frustrations. Zachary was distant, and they had a couple of arguments. She asked him to pick up his room. He refused. When she went to check on him later, he was lying on his bed, playing his video games. It looked as though he’d taken out everything and dumped it everywhere. Threats were made, and he told her that she was too strict about his room. He told her she should leave him alone, because he likes it dirty. She raised her voice and lost her cool. She grabbed his game console and yanked it out of the wall and walked out of the room. He screamed after her that he hated her and wished he had a different family.

  The afternoon was no better. They ate dinner together in silence, as Zachary pushed the food around on his plate. She tried to explain that she lost her cool but that his behavior was not acceptable. He rolled his eyes at her and didn’t say anything except wanting to know when he could get his game back.

  At bedtime, Zachary came into Reese’s room. He jumped on the bed and lay down next to her. “I hate that Julia left.”

  “I hate that she left too,” she whispered, as she closed her eyes. She pulled back and looked at him. “I love you. Do you want to talk about it?” He shook his head and gave her another hug. “You can have your games back when your room is clean.” He s
miled for the first time that day. He jumped out of the bed and ran to his room.

  Reese lay down and held Julia’s pillow close to her. She inhaled her scent. The emptiness seemed to leave no space in her chest for air. She sat up and went to the bathroom to finish up her nighttime routine.

  †

  Aiden pounded a fist on his desk. “Goddammit!” He looked around his office. He was getting frustrated that he did not hear back from Petrovich. The IRS agent that he just spoke with on the phone was not willing to change the schedule of their investigation.

  The stress was starting to get to him. Petrovich needed to come through for him. His girlfriend was starting to be a little too hormonal. She seemed distant. He tried to remember how Reese was when she was pregnant. He couldn’t remember. At the time, he didn’t really think much about the baby. He was more interested in the fact that Reese Iverson was going to be his wife. That gave him a beautiful woman on his arm and in his bed. It also gave him access to a lot of money and power.

  While Reese was pregnant, Aiden was a little drunk with that new-found power. He began to spend money like water. He bought his condo and furnished it the way he wanted. Any man of power needed a place to carry out secret affairs. He always felt that he was so very slick to come up with this plan early on. Reese helped him pick out the place. It was a more comfortable place to meet clients who didn’t want to be paraded around in his office. He’d also explained that if he had such a place, investors would see him as someone they could trust their money with. The best part was that he was convinced that Reese was unsuspecting of the women he took there. He had the perfect life. Then, he met Janice. She was beautiful and so in love with him that she would do anything for him.

  That was quite a change from his wife, who acted as though she didn’t care enough about him to ever respect his wishes. Eventually, he realized that he had feelings for Janice that he hadn’t felt in years. She wasn’t as wealthy as Reese. She wasn’t as independent. She also was not as beautiful as he thought his wife was. But she made him feel important and loved for the first time in his life.