Provoked

by Riley Murphy

  “Is that why you keep inviting me for moonlight rides in the Cobra? Now that I think about it, those trips always wind up with me kneeling in the dirt.”

  He tried to hide his grin. “Sheer coincidence.”

  “Hm. Maxie warned me about you.”

  “He did?”

  “Yep. He said if I ever got tired of you he’d be the man for me.”

  “That chickenshit back stabber. He can’t handle Catherine, but he figures he can handle you? That’ll be the day. In some respects you’re worse than she is.”

  “Cat’s not so bad.” She poked him in the shoulder and scowled. “And neither am I. But back to Cat for a minute. She’s mad.”

  “About Jude? He hasn’t even spoken to her since that night at the club.”

  “Yeah, she’s mad about that too. She’s also mad at Pearl.”

  “That woman is a saint. What could she have done to piss Catherine off?”

  “Cat calls her the informer, because every time she’s asked a question she answers it truthfully.”

  “Imagine that.”

  Charlotte flashed him a brilliant smile. “As in, my mom asked Pearl what she thought of her twin sisters. Pearl said, Charlie is nice, but Cat calls Regina vagina.”

  Neil chuckled. “Does she?”

  “Yeah, but that’s not the point. Anyways, Cat’s convinced Reggie and Pearl are in Colorado. She says every time our mom opens ‘the Skype’ the two of them are sitting in a different coffee shop surrounded by people that look like they’re stoned.”

  “Interesting. Do Pearl and Regina look like they’ve been smoking?”

  “No.” She laughed. “You just called her a saint. Why do you say stuff like that? Wait.” She wiggled out of his hug and leaned back. There was a smile hovering over her lips when she said, “Let me guess. Because you can?”

  “Yes,” he growled and would have pulled her back in for a squeeze, but she stopped him.

  “Hold on. I have something I want to give you. Stop tickling.” She laughed. “This is serious. Haven’t you noticed? I’ve been trying to get your attention for over an hour.”

  “That outfit would get any red-blooded male’s attention,” he muttered.

  “Yes, but it doesn’t have any pockets, so I had to stuff this in here.” She shoved a hand in her cleavage and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper and held it up. “That night…the night I came over to apologize and you were really, really, really mean to me?”

  “Would you like a marker so you can underline and star a really so I understand how important it is to you, Charlotte?”

  “Not necessary.” She leaned in and said, “That’s why I repeated it three times. Remember I wrote you an apology that I never gave to you because the page was blank? I found it yesterday in my other purse. It’s still relevant… I just… Here it is.”

  She held the paper so he could take it and then clung to him like an octopus.

  “Am I supposed to read this while you’re glued to me?”

  “Yes.” She turned her head so her cheek rested against his biceps. With her breath heating the skin of his neck and her fingers drawing those lazy circles on his back he figured it was okay. “Out loud, please.”

  He held her with one arm and used his other hand to snap the paper a couple of times to get it to open. “Sure.” Then he looked at the page that had writing on both sides of it, and when he recalled another night a letter was read out loud, he couldn’t help murmuring, “What’d you write, a Pulitzer?”

  “No,” she whispered, nuzzling her nose into his neck. “You wrote me the most eloquent explanation about people and needs before I was able to understand and appreciate it. I do now…so, well, read it.”

  He cleared his throat and began.

  “You told me once that I provoked you, but I think it was the other way around.

  You probably think I wasn’t listening…

  But I was.

  You told me once that we are all born broken. That it’s these imperfections that make us special, and it’s the people who love us best who provide the glue that stops us from shattering under the stress of our mistakes.

  You called it beauty under pressure.

  I remember that first night when you whispered to me that you were a spectator of grace. At the time I didn’t understand, but now I do.

  Beauty without grace cannot exist. Grace without beauty, can.

  You probably think I wasn’t listening…

  But I was.

  You showed me the truth about perfection. A person who aspires to be flawless is boring because there are no faults to be fixed. You whispered to me, just before you kissed me that first time, that you didn’t want me to be dull. That it took courage to make mistakes and when people did they would learn, grow, and have the capacity to forgive. At the time I didn’t understand, but now I do.

  Forgiveness is a gift. It’s not something you’re entitled to because you’ve said you’re sorry.

  You probably think I wasn’t listening…

  But I was.

  Pain is the fuel that courage burns to breathe.

  These are the words of a dominant man. The man I’ve surrendered to. You.

  You said you’re the kind of man who likes to make solemn promises to his woman? Well, then this is what I want from you.

  I want you to be my friend when I need quiet understanding. My lover when I seek a soul healing touch. I want you to be my mentor, guide, and tutor when the confusion of the world around me pushes me to a place I can’t escape. I want you to be my lifeline, my door, and open window to better journeys to come.

  I want these things because when I’m with you…you make me feel cared for. Cherished. Loved. You promised me that I’d have no fear of the stones and thorns scattered on my path in life because you’d give me an alternate route to travel. You said you’d send me to a calmer space where I may not be able to do everything, but I could do something. One thing. Fight for my heart’s desire and protect what I love.

  That’s what I’m doing now.

  You swore you’d keep the world’s chaos at bay while I battled to find the grace within me. At the time I didn’t understand why, but now I do.

  Grace is the outer reflection of a woman’s inner soul. It’s the single and unique beauty of her submission. It’s her gift to give to the man she loves. And I give mine to you.”

  He had to pause here to take a steadying breath. He’d never been so humbled. So overwhelmed. He hugged her more tightly because he knew she was crying. He felt the slide of a tear against his shoulder as he turned the paper over to continue.

  “You thought I wasn’t listening, but I did when you inspired me to embrace the part of myself that refused to breathe until I met you. You forced me to unite the pieces of me that were nothing more than cracked and broken bits of hope escaping, when you gathered me in your arms and told me you’d catch me if I fell, and you’d never let me go.

  I fell for you. There in the most unlikely place, Kelli Sharp’s club, the world opened up for me.

  And in that solitary moment I understood everything. I understood you. You loved the wild side of me more than I did. You were prepared to be a better protector, a better listener, and a better lover to her than I could have ever been. It was safe for me to place her into your keeping because you understood her when I could not.

  Do you know what provoked means? To stimulate or incite (someone) to do or feel something. A lot of people would probably think I provoked you with my male-hating attitude when we first met, but they’d be wrong. You provoked me into finding the courage to live an authentic life. To recognize there is no success without failure and no rewards without sacrifice. To me, it all comes down to courage. If a person has the courage to admit their mistakes, their partner should be able to find the courage to forgive them.

  So, before I ask you for forgiveness, I want to thank you. Thank you for being the man you are, but especially the man you’ve been to me.

  I
know you think I wasn’t listening…

  But I was.

  I clearly understand that your forgiveness is a gift, and it’s not something I’m entitled to because I tell you I’m sorry. Please know that I am. I’m sorry and I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.

  I love you. I will always love you.

  Rocky Road.”

  Neil carefully let the letter float to the floor. Later he’d fold it and lock it away, but right now, all he focused in on was her.

  “That was beautiful, tiger.” The second her head fell back he kissed her. “So fucking beautiful.”

  “Neil?”

  He stopped sucking on her neck, but continued undoing her halter. “Yes?”

  “I’m Rocky Road, aren’t I?”

  When they were both naked and his cock sank into her tight heat, he sighed. “You can be anything you want to be.”

  He didn’t add, because it didn’t matter. To him she’d always be his butterscotch tiger.

  Epilogue

  Charlie examined the metal circle and frowned. “What is it?”

  “It’s a sterling silver collar.”

  Neil had been in a funny mood all afternoon and now she knew why. Had he been anxious about presenting this to her? One look up and she decided, no. He was very calm. Intense almost. But on edge? Not in the least.

  “How do I put it on?” She turned it around in her hands trying to find the break.

  “You don’t. I do. Hand it over, tiger.”

  This was the first time when she was kneeling naked at his feet that he was bent over. Right now he rested his elbows on his knees and the position brought him closer to her. It was more informal, but for some reason it felt more formal to her when she gave the necklace back to him.

  Her heart rate picked up speed while she watched him lazily turn the metal around in his hands. “Sir?”

  He remained quiet and the longer he did the more nervous she became. Something wasn’t right with him. She wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, but it didn’t seem appropriate at the moment.

  The silence stretched between them until he sighed. When he spoke to her his voice was soft. Solemn almost. “I’d planned on doing this by the water and then taking you out to dinner to that restaurant you liked. I was going to do the whole shebang.” One corner of his mouth tipped up in a smile and he continued. “I know how much you like the big Hollywood ending type thing.”

  Did she? Right now she couldn’t think of one instance when she’d mentioned that to him.

  “But.” His gaze locked onto hers and she had to take a breath. She’d been right before. There was something the matter with him. She read it in his eyes. There was a sadness. A weariness she’d never seen before. “Today was a tough one.”

  And she thought she knew why. “Jude? Did Maddox finally find him?”

  His nod was hesitant and his words distant as he looked away. “Yes, he’s home.”

  “Is he…is he okay?”

  “Sure.” He took a deep breath and let it out, as he sat up. “But I think he has a greater appreciation of things now. A better understanding of what he wants in his life.” He looked down and whispered, “A need to exert some control in his environment. A want to be in a position of power again. I really got that from him.”

  She searched his eyes as they drilled into her. Then she dropped her gaze, and answered, “I understand.”

  “Do you?” He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look up. “I hope you do, because his journey is going to involve Cat and I don’t want you to interfere with it.”

  “Cat doesn’t need my help. She’s a tough cookie.”

  “Tough cookies crumble, remember? And Jude is…? He’s ready to take on a challenge. He needs one. And breaking your sister would be the perfect escape.”

  That scared her a little. “Is this why you decided against our dinner out? Did you decide against the collar too?”

  He shook his head. “I changed my mind about the method, but not the purpose.” He let go of her chin and sat back. “Speaking with Jude today it occurred to me. There has to be a balance in all things. You’ll get your romance, but not before I get what I need from you first. Do you know why?”

  “Because you can?” she whispered.

  “Yes and no. I’ve learned ‘because I can’ has one very large drawback. I find myself more often lately wanting to make you laugh, because I can. Wanting to deliver the big shebang and that Hollywood ending you love so much, because I can. I find myself in the precarious position of wanting to please you, because it pleases me. Why? You’ve melted my steel heart, tiger.”

  “Neil…”

  “No.” His commanding tone was like a whip-crack. “Don’t go getting all soft on me. And don’t do the lip thing. This?” He held up the silver and explained, “Is not Hollywood. It’s real and very important. Accepting my ownership isn’t about feeling good. It’s about commitment. Deep and abiding commitment. There’s no divorce. No separation. There’s no leaving me when the going gets rough. We survive our trials together. One unit. Undivided.”

  A thrill went through her as he paused and took a small Allan key out of his pocket to open the silver necklace. When he had it apart and held it in front of her, he said, “It’s easy for a husband to look good in the eyes of society. He’s seen as caring for his woman by helping to pay the bills, by buying her the perfunctory gifts on the appropriate occasions, and by attending certain social functions when she wishes him to go. And, as long as he screws her in the dark once a week to assure her that he’s not screwing anyone else, it’s a match made in vanilla heaven.”

  She leaned forward hoping he’d get the hint that she was ready to wear his collar, but he pulled back.

  “Before you accept my metal, I want you to hear all of what I have to say. Eyes down.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “A Master who is a husband can never be those things I’ve just described. He is a Master first and husband second. Don’t ever expect it to be the other way around. I need your answer on this.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “A Master wants to take the utmost care of his pet. He wants to pay the bills, buy her things, feed her, clothe her, and fuck her until they both can’t think straight. He wants to consume her and be consumed by her, until where he starts and she finishes is one continuum. He wants to help her succeed in all things. To build and grow with her so they both have a life that is meaningful and interesting. Do you understand what I mean?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “I am a Master. I want to be your Master. I need you to know that I am. I desire you to want this as much as I do. This is not all one sided, tiger. You wrote me a letter and in it, you were looking for my solemn promise so here it is.

  “I swear to you that I’ll do my best to guide us. I’ll work hard to keep our path in life focused. I’ll stand beside you through every storm, and be there when it’s over to give you a different road to travel if there are any stumbling blocks scattered on the journey ahead. I will be your best and truest friend, your one and only lover, and the patient man who will always be there, ready to catch you when you fall.”

  She looked up. This was serious. His words so beautiful—he was so beautiful, that when he winked at her she felt giddy. “Sir?”

  “Do you accept what I’m offering?”

  How could she not. Her heart thumped so loudly it sounded like a drumbeat in her ears.

  It took him a moment to fasten the necklace on her. He was so gentle about it that she felt oddly shy for some reason. And then when he sat back and admired it on her she knew why. She wanted to be his and now she was.

  “Beautiful. As for the husband part of me? He’s a simple guy. Not so complicated. He’s the sucker who wanted to take you out by the water to see the sunset and share a nice dinner. He’s the man who loves to buy you dozens and dozens of roses.”

  That made her laugh, but then she frowned when she realized. “I don’t get any f
lowers?”

  “Maybe later. Come here.”

  He helped her up and settled her on his lap. “The husband in me wants one thing.”

  She dropped her head to rest on his strong shoulder and whispered, “What’s that?”

  “Pictures on the wall.”

  She smiled and snuggled in closer. She knew what he meant, but she asked him to clarify anyway. “What kind of pictures?”

  “Images that detail our history. Our life. Our children. I want the story of us to play out where we can see it. Where we can be proud of it, so we never forget where we started and how far we’ve come. Together.”

  “I’d like that.” She fisted a hand in his shirt, sure that she never wanted to let go.

  “This is for you.”

  Did she just think she’d never let go? That thought went out the window when she pushed off his shoulder and snatched the blue velvet box out of his hand. “Holy shit on a salty cracker! Is this a diamond? It’s huge!”

  He gave her a lopsided grin and popped his brows at her. “I’m filthy rich, remember?”

  “I told you I wasn’t going to hold that against you.” When he laughed, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!”

  “Yes what?”

  She leaned back and frowned. “Yes I’ll marry you.”

  “Great, but in my eyes we’re already married.”

  She looked right and then left. No, she would have remembered something like that. “Quit teasing.”

  “I’m not teasing. The second I locked that collar around your neck you were more mine than any slip of paper could proclaim you to be.”

  “Oh. Oh! Yeah, I understand.” She was a little disappointed. His comments kind of sucked the life out of her girlie-girl fantasy proposal dreams. “But I don’t think my parents would, so we’ll have to have something that resembles a wedding ceremony.”

  “I see.”

  She felt like absolute shit when he took the box with the ring back and gently pushed her off his lap.