The Short Plays of Harold Pinter

by The Short Plays of Harold Pinter (retail) (epub)

  Pause. BILL rises.

  BILL Will you excuse me? I really think it’s about time I was dressed, don’t you?

  BILL goes up the stairs.

  HARRY, after a moment, turns and follows. He slowly ascends the stairs.

  Fade to blackout on house.

  In the flat JAMES is still reading the paper, STELLA is sitting silently.

  Silence.

  STELLA What do you think about going for a run today … in the country?

  Pause. JAMES puts the paper down.

  JAMES I’ve come to a decision.

  STELLA What?

  JAMES I’m going to go and see him.

  STELLA See him? Who? (Pause.) What for?

  JAMES Oh … have a chat with him.

  STELLA What’s the point of doing that?

  JAMES I feel I’d like to.

  STELLA I just don’t see … what there is to be gained. What’s the point of it?

  Pause.

  What are you going to do, hit him?

  JAMES No, no. I’d just like to hear what he’s got to say.

  STELLA Why?

  JAMES I want to know what his attitude is.

  Pause.

  STELLA He doesn’t matter.

  JAMES What do you mean?

  STELLA He’s not important.

  JAMES Do you mean anyone would have done? You mean it just happened to be him, but it might as well have been anyone?

  STELLA No.

  JAMES What then?

  STELLA Of course it couldn’t have been anyone. It was him. It was just … something …

  JAMES That’s what I mean. It was him. That’s why I think he’s worth having a look at. I want to see what he’s like It’ll be instructive, educational.

  Pause.

  STELLA Please don’t go and see him. You don’t know where he lives, anyway.

  JAMES You don’t think I should see him?

  STELLA It won’t… make you feel any better.

  JAMES I want to see if he’s changed.

  STELLA What do you mean?

  JAMES I want to see if he’s changed from when I last saw him. He may have gone down the drain since I last saw him. I must say he looked in good shape, though.

  STELLA You’ve never seen him.

  Pause.

  You don’t know him.

  Pause.

  You don’t know where he lives?

  Pause.

  When did you see him?

  JAMES We had dinner together last night.

  STELLA What?

  JAMES Splendid host.

  STELLA I don’t believe it.

  JAMES Ever been to his place?

  Pause.

  Rather nice. Ever been there?

  STELLA I met him in Leeds, that’s all.

  JAMES Oh, is that all. Well, we’ll have to go round there one night. The grub’s good, I can’t deny it. I found him quite charming.

  Pause.

  He remembered the occasion well. He was perfectly frank. You know, a man’s man. Straight from the shoulder. He entirely confirmed your story.

  STELLA Did he?

  JAMES Mmm. Only thing … he rather implied that you led him on. Typical masculine thing to say, of course.

  STELLA That’s a lie.

  JAMES You know what men are. I reminded him that you’d resisted, and you’d hated the whole thing, but that you’d been – how can we say – somehow hypnotised by him, it happens sometimes. He agreed it can happen sometimes. He told me he’d been hypnotised once by a cat. Wouldn’t go into any more details, though. Still, I must admit we rather hit it off. We’ve got the same interests. He was most amusing over the brandy.

  STELLA I’m not interested.

  JAMES In fact, he was most amusing over the whole thing.

  STELLA Was he?

  JAMES But especially over the brandy. He’s got the right attitude, you see. As a man, I can only admire it.

  STELLA What is his attitude?

  JAMES What’s your attitude?

  STELLA I don’t know what you’re … I just don’t know what you’re … I just … hoped you’d understand …

  She covers her face, crying.

  JAMES Well, I do understand, but only after meeting him. Now I’m perfecdy happy. I can see it both ways, three ways, all ways … every way. It’s perfectly clear, there’s nothing to it, everything’s back to normal. The only difference is that I’ve come across a man I can respect. It isn’t often you can do that, that that happens, and really I suppose I’ve got you to thank.

  He bends forward and pats her arm.

  Thanks.

  Pause.

  He reminds me of a bloke I went to school with. Hawkins. Honestly, he reminded me of Hawkins. Hawkins was an opera fan, too. So’s what’s-his-name. I’m a bit of an opera fan myself. Always kept it a dead secret. I might go along with your bloke to the opera one night. He says he can always get free seats. He knows quite a few of that crowd. Maybe I can track old Hawkins down and take him along, too. He’s a very cultivated bloke, your bloke, quite a considerable intelligence at work there, I thought. He’s got a collection of Chinese pots stuck on a wall, must have cost at least fifteen hundred a piece. Well, you can’t help noticing that sort of thing. I mean, you couldn’t say he wasn’t a man of taste. He’s brimming over with it. Well, I suppose he must have struck you the same way. No, really, I think I should thank you, rather than anything else. After two years of marriage it looks as though, by accident, you’ve opened up a whole new world for me.

  Fade to blackout. Fade up house. Night.

  BILL comes in from the kitchen with a tray of olives, cheese, crisps, and a transistor radio, playing Vivaldi, very quietly. He puts the tray on the table, arranges the cushions and eats a crisp. JAMES appears at the front door and rings the bell. BILL goes to the door, opens it, and JAMES comes in. In the hall he helps JAMES off with his coat.

  JAMES comes into the room. BILL follows. JAMES notices the tray with the olives, and smiles. BILL smiles. JAMES goes up to the Chinese vases and examines them. BILL pours drinks. In the flat the telephone rings.

  Fade up on flat. Night.

  Fade up half light on telephone box.

  A figure can be dimly seen in the telephone box. STELLA enters from the bedroom, holding the kitten. She goes to the telephone. BILL gives JAMES a glass. They drink.

  STELLA Hullo.

  HARRY Is that you, James?

  STELLA What? No, it isn’t. Who’s this?

  HARRY Where’s James?

  STELLA He’s out.

  HARRY Out? Oh, well, all right. I’ll be straight round.

  STELLA What are you talking about? Who are you?

  HARRY Don’t go out.

  The telephone cuts off. STELLA replaces the receiver and sits upright with the kitten on the chair. Fade to half light on flat. Fade telephone box.

  JAMES You know something? You remind me of a chap I knew once. Hawkins. Yes. He was quite a tall lad.

  BILL Tall, was he?

  JAMES Yes.

  BILL Now why should I remind you of him?

  JAMES He was quite a card.

  Pause.

  BILL Tall, was he?

  JAMES That’s … what he was.

  BILL Well, you’re not short.

  JAMES I’m not tall.

  BILL Quite broad.

  JAMES That doesn’t make me tall.

  BILL I never said it did.

  JAMES Well, what are you saying?

  BILL Nothing.

  Pause.

  JAMES I wouldn’t exactly say I was broad, either.

  BILL Well, you only see yourself in the mirror, don’t you?

  JAMES That’s good enough for me.

  BILL They’re deceptive.

  JAMES Mirrors?

  BILL Very.

  JAMES Have you got one?

  BILL What?

  JAMES A mirror.

  BILL There’s one right in front of you.

  JAMES So there is.


  JAMES looks into the mirror.

  Come here. You look in it, too.

  BILL stands by him and looks. They look together; and then JAMES goes to the left of the mirror, and looks again at BILL’s reflection.

  I don’t think mirrors are deceptive.

  JAMES sits. BILL smiles, and turns up the radio. They sit listening.

  Fade to half light on house and radio out.

  Fade up full on flat.

  Doorbell.

  STELLA rises and goes off to the front door. The voices are heard off.

  STELLA Yes?

  HARRY How do you do. My name’s Harry Kane. I wonder if I might have a word with you. There’s no need to be alarmed. May I come in?

  STELLA Yes.

  HARRY (entering) In here?

  STELLA Yes.

  They come into the room.

  HARRY What a beautiful lamp.

  STELLA What can I do for you?

  HARRY Do you know Bill Lloyd?

  STELLA No.

  HARRY Oh, you don’t?

  STELLA No.

  HARRY You don’t know him personally?

  STELLA I don’t, no.

  HARRY I found him in a slum, you know, by accident. Just happened to be in a slum one day and there he was. I realised he had talent straight away. I gave him a roof, gave him a job, and he came up trumps. We’ve been close friends for years.

  STELLA Oh yes?

  HARRY You know of him, of course, don’t you, by repute? He’s a dress designer.

  STELLA I know of him.

  HARRY You’re both dress designers.

  STELLA Yes.

  HARRY You don’t belong to the Rags and Bags Club, do you?

  STELLA The what?

  HARRY The Rags and Bags Club. I thought I might have seen you down there.

  STELLA No, I don’t know it.

  HARRY Shame. You’d like it.

  Pause.

  Yes.

  Pause.

  I’ve come about your husband.

  STELLA Oh?

  HARRY Yes. He’s been bothering Bill recently, with some fantastic story.

  STELLA I know about it. I’m very sorry.

  HARRY Oh, you know? Well, it’s really been rather disturbing. I mean, the boy has his work to get on with. This sort of thing spoils his concentration.

  STELLA I’m sorry. It’s … very unfortunate.

  HARRY It is.

  Pause.

  STELLA I can’t understand it … We’ve been happily married for two years, you see. I’ve … been away before, you know … showing dresses, here and there, my husband runs the business. But it’s never happened before.

  HARRY What hasn’t?

  STELLA Well, that my husband has suddenly dreamed up such a fantastic story, for no reason at all.

  HARRY That’s what I said it was. I said it was a fantastic story.

  STELLA It is.

  HARRY That’s what I said and that’s what Bill says. We both think it’s a fantastic story.

  STELLA I mean, Mr Lloyd was in Leeds, but I hardly saw him, even though we were staying in the same hotel. I never met him or spoke to him … and then my husband suddenly accused me of … it’s really been very distressing.

  HARRY Yes. What do you think the answer is? Do you think your husband … doesn’t trust you, or something?

  STELLA Of course he does – he’s just not been very well lately, actually … overwork.

  HARRY That’s bad. Still, you know what it’s like in our business. Why don’t you take him on a long holiday? South of France.

  STELLA Yes. I’m very sorry that Mr Lloyd has had to put up with all this, anyway.

  HARRY Oh, what a beautiful kitten, what a really beautiful kitten. Kitty, kitty, kitty, what do you call her, come here, kitty, kitty.

  HARRY sits next to STELLA and proceeds to pet and nuzzle the kitten.

  Fade flat to half light.

  Fade up full on house.

  BILL and JAMES, with drinks in the same position.

  Music comes up. BILL turns off the radio.

  Music out.

  BILL Hungry?

  JAMES No.

  BILL Biscuit?

  JAMES I’m not hungry.

  BILL I’ve got some olives.

  JAMES Really?

  BILL Like one?

  JAMES No, thanks.

  BILL Why not?

  JAMES I don’t like them.

  Pause.

  BILL Don’t like olives?

  Pause.

  What on earth have you got against olives?

  Pause.

  JAMES I detest them.

  BILL Really?

  JAMES It’s the smell I hate.

  Pause.

  BILL Cheese? I’ve got a splendid cheese knife.

  He picks up a cheese knife.

  Look. Don’t you think it’s splendid?

  JAMES Is it sharp?

  BILL Try it. Hold the blade. It won’t cut you. Not if you handle it properly. Not if you grasp it firmly up to the hilt.

  JAMES does not touch the knife.

  BILL stands holding it.

  Lights in house remain.

  Fade up flat to full.

  HARRY (standing) Well, goodbye, I’m glad we’ve had our little chat.

  STELLA Yes.

  HARRY It’s all quite clear now.

  STELLA I’m glad.

  They move to the door.

  HARRY Oh, Mr Lloyd asked me if I would give you his best wishes … and sympathies.

  He goes out. She stands still.

  Goodbye.

  The front door closes. STELLA lies on the sofa with the kitten. She rests her head, is still. Fade flat to half light.

  BILL What are you frightened of?

  JAMES (moving away) What’s that?

  BILL What?

  JAMES I thought it was thunder.

  BILL (to him) Why are you frightened of holding this blade?

  JAMES I’m not frightened. I was just thinking of the thunder last week, when you and my wife were in Leeds.

  BILL Oh, not again, surely? I thought we’d left all that behind. Surely we have? You’re not still worried about that, are you?

  JAMES Oh no. Just nostalgia, that’s all.

  BILL Surely the wound heals when you know the truth, doesn’t it? I mean, when the truth is verified? I would have thought it did.

  JAMES Of course.

  BILL What’s there left to think about? It’s a thing regretted, never to be repeated. No past, no future. Do you see what I mean? You’re a chap who’s been married for two years, aren’t you happily? There’s a bond of iron between you and your wife. It can’t be corroded by a trivial thing like this. I’ve apologised, she’s apologised. Honestly, what more can you want?

  Pause. JAMES looks at him. BILL smiles. HARRY appears at the front door, opens and closes it quietly, and remains in the hall, unnoticed by the others.

  JAMES Nothing.

  BILL Every woman is bound to have an outburst of … wild sensuality at one time or another. That’s the way I look at it, anyway. It’s part of their nature. Even though it may be the kind of sensuality of which you yourself have never been the fortunate recipient. What? (He laughs.) That is a husband’s fate, I suppose. Mind you, I think it’s the system that’s at fault, not you. Perhaps she’ll never need to do it again, who knows.

  JAMES stands, goes to the fruit bowl, and picks up the fruit knife. He runs his finger along the blade.

  JAMES This is fairly sharp.

  BILL What do you mean?

  JAMES Come on.

  BILL I beg your pardon?

  JAMES Come on. You’ve got that one. I’ve got this one.

  BILL What about it?

  JAMES I get a bit tired of words sometimes, don’t you? Let’s have a game. For fun.

  BILL What sort of game?

  JAMES Let’s have a mock duel.

  BILL I don’t want a mock duel, thank you.

  JAMES Of course you do. Com
e on. First one who’s touched is a sissy.

  BILL This is all rather unsubtle, don’t you think?

  JAMES Not in the least. Come on, into first position.

  BILL I thought we were friends.

  JAMES Of course we’re friends. What on earth’s the matter with you? I’m not going to kill you. It’s just a game, that’s all. We’re playing a game. You’re not windy, are you?

  BILL I think it’s silly.

  JAMES I say, you’re a bit of a spoilsport, aren’t you?

  BILL I’m putting my knife down anyway.

  JAMES Well, I’ll pick it up.

  JAMES does so and faces him with two knives.

  BILL Now you’ve got two.

  JAMES I’ve got another one in my hip pocket.

  Pause.

  BILL What do you do, swallow them?

  JAMES Do you?

  Pause. They stare at each other.

  (Suddenly.) Go on! Swallow it!

  JAMES throws a knife at BILL’s face. BILL throws up a hand to protect his face and catches the knife by the blade It cuts his hand.

  BILL Ow!

  JAMES Well caught! What’s the matter?

  He examines BILL’s hand.

  Let’s have a look. Ah yes. Now you’ve got a scar on your hand. You didn’t have one before, did you?

  HARRY comes into the room.

  HARRY (entering) What have you done, nipped your hand? Let’s have a look. (To JAMES.) Only a little nip, isn’t it? It’s his own fault for not ducking. I must have told him dozens of times, you know, that if someone throws a knife at you the silliest thing you can do is to catch it. You’re bound to hurt yourself, unless it’s made of rubber. The safest thing to do is duck. You’re Mr Home?

  JAMES That’s right.

  HARRY I’m so glad to meet you. My name’s Harry Kane. Bill been looking after you all right? I asked him to see that you stayed until I got back. So glad you could spare the time. What are we drinking? Whisky? Let’s fill you up. You and your wife run that little boutique down the road, don’t you? Funny we’ve never met, living so close, all in the same trade, eh? Here you are. Got one, Bill? Where’s your glass? This one? Here … you are. Oh, stop rubbing your hand, for goodness’ sake. It’s only a cheese knife. Well, Mr Home, all the very best. Here’s wishing us all health, happiness and prosperity in the time to come, not forgetting your wife, of course. Healthy minds in healthy bodies. Cheers.