January and the Single Heart

by Zetterwall, Vi

  Glen finished the October financial report and closed his copy of QuickBooks. He glanced over at his buddy, Lou, and whispered, “Can you hear it?” He cupped his ear as though he were trying to hear some small voice from far away.

  Lou did the same. “I can. I can hear it!” Then, making a tiny high pitched voice, Lou said, “Glen! Glen! Come and drink me! I’m your favorite beer. Come and drink me ‘cuz I know you won’t be getting any action tonight.”

  Glen smiled at his friend. “He’s not saying that. He’s saying ‘Glen, hurry on over and drink me. Five hundred International Fashion Models are waiting for you and they want your body.’ That is what the voice was saying.”

  Lou shook his head. “What an optimist. The guy who thinks dating is a lost art form has a hundred models waiting for him. Right.”

  “Five hundred.”

  “Whatever. So, really, honestly, no bullshit, when was the last time you went out on a date.” Lou crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair as though he were going to have to wait until the end of the millennium for an answer.

  “I don’t know.” Glen tried to brush him off.

  Lou feigned shock. “You don’t know! You don’t know? This from the King of Numbers who keeps track of his bathroom breaks on a spread sheet?”

  Glen waived his finger back and forth, “Wrong. I stopped doing that two years ago. And I don’t use Excel to track my dates.”

  Lou loved these moments. He countered, “Oh yeah, so c’mon, take a guess. Give me sumthin’ here. When was the last date?”

  Glen enjoyed the nonsense as well. It always broke up the day. He pretended to be in deep thought and then slowly said, “Ok, let me think.” After a short pause, he continued, “Um, when was Hoover President again?”

  Lou howled. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I rest my case!” They both laughed. Then Lou grabbed Glen’s coat and handed it to him. “Let’s go to the bar before all those chicks get lonely.”

  Glen followed his assistant out of the building smiling as he went. Neither one of them would ever set the dating world on fire, but at least they could laugh about it. Friends could tell each other the ugly truth and it really didn’t hurt. They could say just about anything to each other. That night they each had two beers at O’Brien’s Bar and enjoyed the evening immensely. They hardly uttered a word all night. They didn’t need to.

  Another Sunday afternoon arrived and Jan sat at the bench near the Bath House Theater where she had found the coin. She was just ten minutes into her walk around the lake when she spied the resting spot and made a rapid decision. She needed to just sit and think. Walking while dodging the roller skaters and the kids was not conducive to deep thought.

  She knew she would have to explain away some kind of phony baloney break up story between Eddie and her. But that could wait until a while after the party. It just was the way things were. Eddie was not going to be the one.

  Ten months of holding the coin and still … nothing. Nine Hundred and thirty four un-kissed days. She cursed the day she started counting. Now she still couldn’t seem to stop.

  “Jan?”

  She dreaded the one thousand mark. Maybe I could write a book. Jan of the Thousand Days. Hmmm, very funny or punny or whatever …

  “Jan, is that you? Earth to Jan.” A voice stirred her from her reverie.

  Jan refocused her eyes and looked in the direction of the voice. It was Glen Bay, the creep from accounting. Oh great, just what I need, she thought sarcastically. Was it still sarcastic if no one else hears it? She dismissed the thought and filed it away to be revisited at another time.

  “Oh, hi Glen. Yeah, it’s me. I was just thinking about something.”

  “I could tell. You looked a million miles away. You taking a walk with someone?”

  “Uh, no, just me. I like to get down here once a week if I can.”

  “Me too. I, um, just got started. Care to join me?”

  Jan squirmed in her seat. “I, uh …”

  “It’s OK. I promise I won’t bite and I won’t tell you any boring accounting stories. I won’t even talk about work if you don’t want to. Just a walk. Scout’s Honor.” Glen held up his right hand as though testifying.

  With a skeptical smile, Jan asked, “You were a scout?”

  Glen shook his head, “No but it sounds really good when you’re trying to appear sincere.”

  Jan caught herself thinking that he was actually quite charming. For a creep, that is. But, what the hell, there was no easy way out of this.

  “Sure, sounds fine. Which way are you going?

  “I’m just following directions here. I always walk where the little arrows point me. I don’t want to get lost, after all.”

  Jan laughed. “Of course, we kinda have to walk that way, don’t we?”

  “The other way is like begging to get run over by a bike or a skater.” Glen agreed. “So you live nearby?”

  “I’m just up the hill on 70th near Roosevelt.”

  “Oh, that’s not far. I’m at the Boulevard Apartments right across from where the old Albertson’s used to be.”

  Jan sidestepped a twelve year old on skates.

  They walked a few strides in silence. Glen was thinking fast. He knew he needed a safe subject. In almost the same instant, they both blurted out, “So what do you do for fun?”

  Both Jan and Glen had a good laugh and then Glen said, “Go ahead, you first.”

  Jan smiled and thought about it for a second and then shared, “I like to hike, you know, out in some big city park or maybe up by Index or something. But the truth is I just don’t get out often enough to do it. So a walk around Green Lake takes its place.”

  Glen chimed in, “I know. I’m like that. Big plans and then I get a late start on Saturday morning and the next thing I know I settle for a walk around the lake. Sometimes two. I call it a double walk and somehow, I don’t know, it seems like something good happens when I do that. Uh, sorry, I interrupted. What else?”

  Jan jumped back in, “Well, this sounds sort of boring but I love to watch movies. Mostly at home. I have all my favorite DVD’s and watch them over and over again. I love to see the new ones but lately, well, it’s been a while since I saw something really good.”

  “So, what is the best movie you’ve seen in the last year?”

  Jan hesitated. “Oh, that’s tough. I liked the last Matt Damon movie, what was the name again … Oh, no wait, I know. I am not really big on Westerns but I love Gregory Peck’s movies and I found an old one just last week that I hadn’t seen before. Gregory Peck, Charlton Heston, Jean Simmons in …”

  Glen almost erupted, “The Big Country!”

  “Yes”, a surprised Jan countered. “You know that one?”

  “Are you kidding?” Glen stepped to the side for an elderly couple passing by going in the wrong direction. “One of my all-time favorites. Seen it many times. Peck is so steady, so sure of who he is in that one. Great movie. I’m hoping to grow up and be just like him.”

  Jan laughed at that. They continued on, talking animatedly for forty five minutes more. By this time they had come full circle and were almost half way around again. “Are we on our second time around?” asked Jan.

  “Looks like it. I guess it’s a double walk day.” Glen laughed. “I’m starting to run out of gas. When we get to the playgrounds I think I’ll peel off and head home for a beer.”

  They walked along quietly for a few minutes and then Glen asked, “You got family in town?”

  Jan nodded her head and tried to figure out where to begin. “A whole tribe! My folks live out in the Sammamish Highlands and I have two brothers and four sisters, all younger than me, scattered all over King County. A bunch of nieces and nephews too.”

  “Wow. That’s a lot. The holidays must be a zoo.”

  “They are but they’re fun too. How about you?”

  Glen looked a bit like he didn’t really want to answer. “I’ve got a younger brother, Cameron, who lives in Austin.
In Texas. He’s in the computer business and making really good money. He’s good looking, newly rich and plays the field. He’s exciting and dynamic and so it was decided to cast me in the role of boring brother.” Glen laughed at himself.

  “How about your folks?”

  Glen bit his lip a bit and then replied, “Dad died about six years ago and my Mom just went to pieces. She didn’t know how to be alone. It was bad, so I quit my job, which I really didn’t like much anyway, bailed out of my apartment and moved back in with my Mom. I took care of the house and kept the property up and kept company with Mom until she righted herself. Prepped the house for sale and after almost two years, I sold it for her and she got enough money to move down to Arizona. I miss her but, honestly not that much. She was a handful. Does that sound terrible?”

  “No, I get it. It gets hard trying to live up to someone else’s expectations. Sounds like you were a good son and did what you had to do when she needed you most. So when was it that you started at Grant?”

  “Timing on that was good. I found that job about a year into the time I was living with my Mom and sort of glided into it. I worked for Trent Miller then and when he retired, they moved me up to his spot. Helped me keep my sanity to get away for a while each day. My Mom, well, she’s an original. Always been a bit wacky and heavy into numerology. I tell you, everything had to relate to the number 7 somehow. Where we live, Seattle – 7 letters; where she moved to, Winslow, Arizona – got a double 7 there.”

  “Yow! She had it bad. So Cameron has 7 letters, what happened with you? Glen is four,”

  Glen shook his head. “No such luck. It’s actually Glendon.”

  “Ooh, I don’t know. Kinda nerdy.”

  “I don’t think so,” Glen countered, “Lou and I think it is dweebish. By shortening it to Glen, I figure I’m only half a dweeb. Lou says three-fourths, but what does he know.”

  “Maybe you should go by your middle name.”

  “No, last time I checked, Erasmus was not a step up.” Glen smiled at the thought.

  Jan covered her mouth, squelching a laugh. “I’m sorry but that is just too funny. Where did she come up with those names? “

  “I don’t know. All I know is that growing up in that house with all her numerology bugaboos was a challenge. Everything had to be seven. If I dated a girl without seven letters in her name, she’d break out in tears. It almost became easier to not date anyone.”

  “Wow, that’s wild. You know, that’s kinda funny. My n… Oh! What is going on there?” Jan pointed up the slope of grass leading from the walking trail to the edge of Green Lake Drive. Three teenage boys seemed to be beating on one boy. They had him down on the ground and were swinging their fists and kicking him in the side.

  Glen took the slope two strides at a time. He arrived just in time to hook one of the boy’s arms in mid-swing and pull him away from the fray. Then he grabbed another boy and pulled him off, depositing him on his rear on the grass. The third boy, wearing all gray, stopped the beating and stood up straight, looking menacingly at Glen.

  By this time, Jan had taken a few steps closer and several others, mostly men, had come up from the trail to see if more help was needed. The standing boy, probably not much more than 16, looked at Glen and said, “Maybe we oughta hammer on you a bit too.” He spit the words out as though they left a bad taste in his mouth.

  Glen looked at him and responded, “You know, where I come from, you just do it. You don’t stand around talkin’ about it.”

  One of the other boys had risen now and seeing all the others coming their way, called out to the boy in gray, “Brandon, c’mon. Let’s just go.” With that, all three of the attackers let out a whoop and started running south on Green Lake Drive.

  The boy on the ground was bloodied but not in too bad of shape. He lay there leaning on his elbows as though he had a front row seat to the show. Glen reached out to give him a hand up, but we swatted it away, stood and as defiantly as he could, stated, “I don’t need any help. I can take care of myself.” With that, he brushed himself off and headed north on the Drive.

  Jan looked at Glen. “You OK?”

  “Me? Sure, I’m fine.”

  Jan watched as the victim walked rapidly north. “He didn’t even say thank you.”

  Glen gave an acquiescent smile. “Doesn’t matter. Kinda reminds me of the kid that Bill Murray kept catching as he fell out of the tree in Ground Hog’s Day. Never got a thank you out of him either.”

  Jan laughed. “I remember that. You ARE a movie fan aren’t you?”

  Glen straightened his clothes and headed back down the slope.

  “Well, that was exciting. And it brings us all the way around to the playfields again too. I guess I’ll head back home and call it a day.”

  “Yeah, me too. Thanks for walking with me. I enjoyed the conversation.” Glen wanted to give her a hug or shake her hand or something but it all seemed a bit too weird to do. Finally, he just gave a little wave and headed towards Ravenna Boulevard. Jan waved too and felt a bit awkward about it. She watched as Glen walked on, half expecting him to glance back, which he didn’t. In the movie, In the Line of Fire, Clint Eastwood said it was a sign that the walker gave when he really liked the watcher. What am I doing? He’s living with his girlfriend and as much as he was a good conversationalist, he was still the creep who was trying blatantly to step out on her. I’ll never understand how guys can be so nice and so rotten at the same time. She dismissed her thoughts and began the long walk back up the hill to the 70th Street Overpass. Some things weren’t worth the time it took to ponder them.

  Louis leaned forward across his desk and stared at Glen. “So, really? You had a nice long walk with Ms. Long Legs?”

  “Don’t call her that, Lou. You’ll get us both fired. Gotta be more PC like me … and only think it.”

  “Right. So you think maybe she might be some dating material?”

  Glen shook his head. “I don’t know about that but it does kinda make me think. She’s smart and quick with a quip and she’s easier to look at than you.”

  “Slick. She can replace me then when you hear beers and fashion models calling your name. You’ll have to tone down the volume of conversation though. Last time we went for beers you blabbed like three full sentences. What a chatterbox.”

  Glen just smiled and shook his head at his friends banter. “I don’t know … maybe I’ll throw my hat in the ring.” Out of sight, Lou rolled his eyes.

  The week was flying by. It was already Wednesday night, the 27th. She wrapped up her paperwork and headed for the break room to wash out her coffee mug. As she entered, Glen was there doing the same.

  “Hi, Jan. Nice work today on the Symmons presentation. Land that account and you’ll really be standing head and shoulders above the rest of the sales staff.” He regretted it the second he said it. Never failed. He’d get nervous and say something dumb.

  “Head and shoulders above the others? Maybe I shouldn’t wear heels.” Jan deadpanned.

  Glen backpedalled as fast as he could. “Oh geez, no, I didn’t mean it that way, I just …”

  “It’s ok. I got it. It’s a compliment sort of.” Jan washed her mug and placed it in the cupboard. As she turned, Glen was still there.

  “Say, I, um, I know this is a longshot but I was just wondering. I really enjoyed our walk the other day and I thought maybe, um, you might let me take you out to dinner this weekend … or next?”

  With all that she had going this week leading up to the party, Jan was really on edge. And now this. Just one more male she could add to the list of guys who had disappointed her. Just when she thought maybe the others had judged him too harshly, he goes and tries again to involve her in his sleazy ways. She let him have it with both barrels. “I don’t believe you. What is it with you guys? Can’t you keep it in your pants for fifteen minutes? You’ve got a girlfriend you’ve been living with for five years. Why don’t you take her out instead? The answer is NO! NO! NO! I won’t hel
p you cheat on your live-in girlfriend. Can I be any clearer than that?

  Glen raised his hand and tried to jump in. “Jan, honestly, you don’t understand. I made a …”

  Jan interrupted him immediately. “I do understand! And that’s what makes me so mad. If I had a nickel for every guy who claimed I didn’t understand, I could pay off the national debt. Everyone knows about Vicky and how you treat her. You are disgusting to me. I don’t want to go out with you and I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Just leave me alone.”

  “Jan, really, Vicky is an alley cat. I made a mistake back when …”

  “Shut up! Just shut up! You use that kind of language about her as though she has lower morals than you. You’re the one cheating on her. I don’t want to go out with someone who cheats. Please, leave me alone. If you see me coming, you better walk the other way or so help me, I will deck you.” With that, she brushed past him and left the room. As she walked out into the office, two dozen pairs of eyes were on her. It hadn’t really occurred to her that so many were still here working. They heard it all and it just didn’t matter. Jan was tired of taking anything lying down. From now on, she would fight and no two-timing cheater was going to make her back off.

  Glen retreated to his office, well aware of how many eyes were on him too. When he got there, Latonya was standing with Louis but she left quickly.

  “I’d ask how it went but I think I got the gist of it from the new town crier”, Lou said.

  “I guess everybody heard that, huh?” Glen sat down and tried to be invisible.

  “No not everyone. I think there were a couple of deaf people in South Miami that didn’t catch all of it. Man, when she gets mad, she really turns up the volume.” Louis slapped him on the back and said “C’mon, it could have been worse.”

  Glen just stared back at him, “How?”

  Louis thought for a moment and then added “It hasn’t been on CNN yet and a few bloggers in the Southern Hemisphere haven’t commented at all. Could’ve been worse.”