A Staten Island Love Letter 2

by Jahquel J

  “Yes, he can,” she replied so sure of herself. “He’s going to get a prosthetic leg once everything heals.”

  “Oh, got it. So he’s just going to pop that leg on and be saving muthafuckas from fires that quick? Wrong! He still has to be fitted, have the shit made, his insurance has to approve that and then he has to learn to walk on that shit first. You gonna be the one taking care of the bills?”

  “I lost my job a while back,” she mumbled. Shaking my head, I walked out of my office. I heard her following behind me. “Freedom.”

  Turning around, I placed my hand on my hips and stared at her. What had become of my sister? “What happened to you? You used to be so confident and sure of yourself. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

  Justice looked down and then when she looked back up, I saw the tears sliding down her face. “Priest wants nothing to do with me,” she admitted.

  If this was another time, I may have hugged, kissed and comforted her. Today wasn’t that day and I wasn’t about to do that shit to her. The reason all of this was happening was because of her. She was the one who did all of this to herself. No one said she had to go and be with Priest right away, but he was a good man. Yeah, he was in the street, still that didn’t make him less of a good man. The man treated her with respect and just wanted to make her happy. Why was it so hard for her to accept that? She acted like he was the spitting image of Todd. That’s probably where I got it wrong, if he was just like Todd, she would have jumped at the opportunity to be with him.

  “I don’t blame him.”

  “Can you stop already? I feel so alone since I’ve been released from the hospital. You and Liberty give me dry conversations that are forced. I want things to go back to normal,” she cried.

  “You’re lucky we’re even giving you any conversation.”

  She sighed and went to sit at the island in my kitchen. “I miss him, Free.”

  I handed her a bottle of orange juice and stood on the opposite side of the island. “I don’t blame him for falling back, Justice. I want to fall back from you and you’re my sister. He doesn’t need that toxic back and forth shit that you and Todd do. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Simple as that.”

  “Have you spoke to Ghost? I feel so bad about what happened to Summer. That little girl didn’t deserve none of that.”I guess this was her way of getting heat off of her and the dumb ass decisions she always chose to make.

  “Nobody has spoken to him except Priest. That’s the person who is keeping us informed if he’s alright.”

  “Not even Ms. Rae?”

  “Nope.”

  “Damn. I feel so sorry for what’s happening to him. And Shakira?”

  “What about the bitch?”

  “How is she doing? Despite how you feel about her now, you can’t ignore the fact that she’s still a mother who has lost a child.” Justice was right.

  After the hospital, I made sure to remove her home and project off my work load. I was so angry that she felt threatened by my appearance and tried to start a scene. You just find out your daughter died and you’re making a scene because I’m consoling your fiancé? Me and Ghost went back years and it didn’t matter that years had passed, I was going to be there for him. It was a reason Mama Rae called me and told me that I needed to be there. She knew how Ghost was when he was angry, and knew that I had calmed him down many times in the past.

  “Should I reach out to her?”

  “She was your client. You should definitely reach out and send some flowers. Losing a child is never easy, so I can only imagine what she’s going through.”

  “You’re right,” I pulled my phone out and dialed Shakira’s number. If I was going to do it, I needed to do it now. If Justice left, I wouldn’t have made any efforts to make the call.

  “You’re calling right now?” Justice whispered and I held up my hand. The line had picked up.

  “Freedom right now isn’t a good time,” Shakira’s voice came through the phone. From her voice, you could tell she had been crying. More than likely crying herself to sleep every night. “One sec, baby girl… Lay down really quick,” she spoke to Rain the background.

  “I’m sorry. I just wanted to call and send my condolences and see how you were doing,” I played with the top of the orange juice praying that I didn’t have to curse a grieving mother out today.

  She sighed. “It doesn’t get any better. Especially when Rain asks for her sister all the time,” her voice cracked. “It’s just very hard.”

  “I’m sorry for everything. I really wish this never happened to you. I want to send flowers and pay my respects at the funeral.”

  “It was very big of you to call me, Free. I appreciate you calling. You can send all flowers to my dad’s dealership.”

  “Of course. Which one? He owns so many.”

  “The one on Amboy Road.”

  “Okay. And the funeral?”

  “The funeral will be this weekend at Colonial funeral home on Hylan Blvd. The wake is tomorrow night, but it’s closed to just family. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. Thank you for attending. I’m praying fo—”

  “Baby, we can’t go home right now. Daddy is going through some things, okay?” she cut me off and started talking to Rain.

  “Is Sissy with him? I miss her.”

  Shakira cried. “No, baby. She’s not with him. I told you she’s with God. God is going to take care of her for us, okay?”

  “I WANT SISSY! I DON’T WANT GOD TAKING CARE OF HER! SHE BELONGS HOME!” Rain screamed and it broke my heart.

  “Free, I gotta go. Thank you for calling,” she ended the call.

  Justice was in tears as she looked at me. “I don’t know how she’s doing it. The conversation wasn’t that long, and my heart is so heavy,” she sniffled and wiped tears.

  I hadn’t realized that I was crying until a tear hit the back of my hand. “I need to be there for Ghost. This is going to be the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.”

  “Let him tell you that he wants you to be there. Don’t push yourself in, Free. Years passed and he’s not the same man. Let him isolate himself and he’ll come to you when he’s ready.”

  Although I didn’t like her advice, I knew it was the right kind of advice. The more I poked and pushed my way into his space, the more he would fight and pull back from me. I already wasn’t his favorite person since he found out about the twins, so I needed to tread lightly.

  “How is it that you’re smart about other people’s shit, but not your own?”

  “Don’t start,” she rolled her eyes. “And you need to stop putting it off and tell the twins,” she added.

  I had been playing games about telling the twins. Since I mentioned that I had to talk to them a few weeks ago, I hadn’t told them anything. I can admit that I was using the excuse of Summer’s death not to tell them about their father. The twins needed to know, and I had to be the one it came from. The disappointment on their faces when I finally told them is what I didn’t want to see. I didn’t want to see my kids hurting, especially when I was the reason that they would be hurting.

  “I’m going to tell them tonight,” I replied.

  “Free…”

  “I am. I’m going to tell them tonight.”

  My front door chimed, and Liberty rounded the corner with McDonald’s bag. “Oh, I didn’t know you were here, Jus. I brought enough food, so you can have some,” she said and kissed Justice on the forehead.

  “I thought you worked today?”

  “I got off early,” she said as she grabbed some plates from the cupboard and emptied the contents of the bag onto her plate.

  “How do you eat that junk?” I sighed.

  “Leave me alone. What y’all talking about?” she bit into her Big Mac and looked at both of us.

  “Free needs to tell the twins about Ghost.”

  “Yeah, you really need to do that. Stop putting the shit off and just get it done, Freedom,” Liberty told
me like it was just that easy.

  “It’s not that fucking easy, so I wish you both would stop acting like it is,” I scolded.

  “Well, if you never hid them in the first place you wouldn’t have to do this. At the end of the day, you need to stop putting the shit off and do it.”

  “I am. Tonight.”

  “Hm,” they both said in unison.

  “I am!” I protested.

  It grew quiet and I typed away on my phone. A text message from Zoe popped on my screen while I was scrolling my emails and I tossed my phone down onto the counter and sighed. Both Justice and Liberty looked at me.

  “Who pissed you off that quick?”

  “Zoe keeps reaching out to me and shit. I don’t want nothing to do with his ass, I’m done.” Zoe had a hand problem and that shit wasn’t my issue to deal with. My sister was in an abusive relationship, so how would it look with me getting into one? I wasn’t about to deal with no nigga putting his hands on me. He had the wrong one.

  “Yeah, you need to stay away from Zoe. There’s shit going on and you don’t need to be caught in the crossfire,” Liberty warned me.

  “Like?” Justice asked.

  “Like, I think Zeek killed his own daughter,” Liberty revealed and we both gasped. “When I keep thinking about that conversation he had at my house, I feel like that was what he had arranged, not knowing the girls would be in the car. They were only supposed to shoot Staten.”

  “Now, I know you said that Summer looked different and people said she wasn’t Ghost’s baby, but when did it become Zeek’s baby?” Justice asked. She had been so out the loop that I wished she would be quiet so I could hear the rest of the tea.

  “When he came up there demanding he see his daughter. Shakira’s face confirmed everything for me. Summer is Zeek’s baby and she hid it from Ghost.”

  “Wow!” Justice replied.

  “You need to tell Ghost.”

  “Didn’t I tell you that it isn’t my business?” she responded after she popped a fry into her mouth. “I don’t need to be ducking and making sure no one is trying to kill me next.”

  “You know Ghost would never allow that to happen, Liberty. This man just lost his daughter and you know who could have done it, but won’t say shit.”

  “And I could lose my fucking life!” Liberty screamed at me.

  “Whew, chile… I don’t know who is more selfish.” Justice budded in and finished her orange juice. “You need to tell Staten or Ghost. Ghost would die before he would ever bring harm to your front door. You need to tell your damn kids about their father and stop trying to hide it,” she told both of us and got up from the island. “I need to get back home. The physical therapist comes today,” she said and grabbed her purse.

  “You have some fuc—”

  “Later, Jus,” I cut Liberty off. When Liberty was mad she could say shit that hurt. Her tongue was like a viper and it didn’t stop until she successfully cut you down.

  “Oh, can I borrow some money to get ahead of some bills?” I knew that was the main reason she came over in the first place. The conversation had took her off the main reason she came over.

  “I’ll send it through Zelle,” I replied.

  “Where’s your man’s money?” Liberty asked, knowing damn well that Todd was broke a hell.

  “Thank you, Free,” she ignored Liberty and headed out the door.

  “Why is she so damn stupid?”

  “Because she’s in love. Justice has to be the one who ends up saying when enough is enough. Until then, she’s going to continue to put up with whatever that man wants.”

  “Even more so since she’s pregnant with his baby.” Liberty sucked her teeth.

  Liberty stayed over for a little while longer before she left to go meet up with Myla. I hadn’t caught up with my cousin in a while, and I knew I needed to. She had been so busy with her nigga that she never had time to come hang with us anymore. I sent her a quick text message to let her know I loved her and wanted my hair done.

  Love you too.. we’ll link soon. She sent me a quick message back and I smiled and went back to my office to get some work done before the twins came home from their afterschool activities.

  Sade was playing, candles were lit, and I had our favorite snacks in the loft area. It was where the twins spent the most time together. They loved being on their phones, watching TV and being in their own worlds while I cooked dinner. I held a pink box in my hand as I walked into the loft area. They were watching Avengers and looked up when I entered the room. Smiling, I admired them. So beautiful, innocent and pure. They were my small piece of heaven on this earth. It was the reason I was so overprotective of them. The world was cruel, and children weren’t an exception to the cruelness that the world possessed. The funeral for Summer was tomorrow and it was about time I stopped putting off the enviable. The kids were home from school, homework was done, and they were just chilling. It pained me that I was going to rock their world, confuse them and open a bunch of other emotions. All of it was too much to handle and I almost back peddled out of the loft if Somali hadn’t noticed the box in my arm.

  “Mom, what’s the box for?” Somali sat up and sat her phone down beside her. Samaj had turned his attention back to the movie.

  “I have to talk to the both of you about something very important,” I started off and sat down on the section in between them. Samaj was still caught up in the movie until I turned the TV off.

  “Ma, you serious? The best part was about to come on,” he groaned.

  “How many times have you saw the movie? Relax.” Somali looked over at her twin and replied. Sometimes, I saw so much of myself and Liberty in Somali. It was like she had the best of both worlds when it came to me and my sister.

  “Don’t matter,” he protested. Samaj was stubborn just like his father. He was the boss, and everyone had to follow. It was so crazy that he possessed the same personality as his father and had never met him a day in his life. Genes were a beautiful and magical thing.

  “Alright you two. I really need to talk to you both about something important,” I stopped their little fight before it got any bigger.

  Opening the box, I had a few items that Ghost had given to me during our relationship. There were pictures and movie stubs in the box as well. It was a keepsake box of the man that I loved. Leaving him and moving to Georgia was the hardest part of everything, so when I missed him I would sit on my back patio and looked through this box while reminiscing about our past. I pulled a picture of myself standing in front of our old house. My hand was propped on my hip, I had costume jewelry on with my sidekick LX attached to my hip in a black case. My asolo boots were fuchsia pink to match my leather jacket. It brought a smile to my face because these were the times. I didn’t have to worry about a thing. My dad was still alive, my mom was happy, and life was grand.

  “Mom, what are you wearing?” Somali took the picture and giggled. “Those boots are huge.”

  “Those were the style baby. Everyone was wearing those, including me and your aunts,” I laughed.

  I continued pulling pictures out. The one I pulled out was the one with me and my dad. I was leaned up against his cop car while he held onto me. A smile appeared on my face because I missed that man so much.

  “Do you miss him?” Samaj asked.

  “All the time. I wished you both had the chance to meet him. He was an incredible man,” I sniffled. My father was a sore subject for me. I missed him so much and tried to move through life without thinking too much on him. My mother lost the love of her life and I could see how it affected her every day. She dated, yet hadn’t found someone she could share her life with.

  “I wish we could have met Pop Pop too.” Somali laid her head on my shoulder while Samaj rubbed my back.

  “You both are so awesome. How did I get so lucky?”

  Somali shrugged and Samaj kissed me on the cheek as I pulled out a picture of both me and Ghost. We were in a staircase in Stapleton projects. The c
inderblock walls were our background. He held me around the neck as I smiled so wide. I had his chain around my neck and thought I was the shit. I remember the night. My 18th birthday was that next day and it was the first time we slept together. Ghost went all out to make sure that I had the best birthday. Even though he didn’t have much. He made sure that he spared no expense to make sure my 18th birthday was one for the books.

  “Who is that man, mama?”

  “Her old boyfriend,” Samaj replied.

  I laughed at Samaj, closed the box lid and held the picture in my hand. “He’s your father.”

  Both Samaj and Somali laughed. “Father? Ma, stop lying,” Samaj said in-between his laugh.

  Somali stopped laughing when she realized that I hadn’t laughed. “Mom, were you joking?”

  “No, I’m not,” I sighed. “That man is your father.”

  “So he dead?”

  “No, he’s alive. He actually lives here in Staten Island,” I continued to stare at the picture because I didn’t want to look them in the face.

  “So, we have a dad? Mom, you’ve always said we didn’t have a dad.” Somali was trying to piece everything together.

  Samaj stayed quiet. “I know and I lied. I feel horrible for lying to you guys, but I did that to protect you both.”

  “Is he a bad man?” Samaj questioned.

  “No, he’s actually a good man and loves kids,” I continued to explain to them. “I needed to get away and follow my dreams, so I moved to Atlanta. I didn’t know I was pregnant with you guys when I left, but when I did find out I promised myself I wouldn’t come back to Staten Island. It was wrong of me and selfish. I should have allowed your father and you guys to have a relationship. I wanted to protect you both and it was for the wrong reasons.”

  Somali sniffled and had tears in her eyes. “I had a dad this entire time and you lied to me. All my friends got to go to dances with their dads or have their dads come for career day and you lied to me!” she screamed.

  “Somali, stop yelling at mama.”

  “Why Samaj? You should be angry too. We thought we never had a dad and he’s alive and lives here. I want to meet him now!” she continued to scream.