How to Get Out of Your Own Way

by Tyrese Gibson

  You cannot be a pushover. You cannot be concerned that someone is thinking you’re messed-up for not giving them what they’re asking for. When you stay in that insecure space, you’re going to give in to everybody and you won’t be a master of your environment. Today, I am so comfortable in the way I feel. It took me a very long time to get here, but I just got more comfortable with telling people my truth. You cannot get self-conscious in your thinking. You can’t worry about what other people are going to think about your speaking or thinking about anything, especially if you are on a mission to maximize your potential.

  There is a time and a place for everything. You have to be selective about when you reveal how you may really feel about something, what you’re thinking, and what you really want to say to someone. I tend to be very blunt about speaking my truth, and sometimes my timing can be off. When it is, I deal with the repercussions. Ultimately, you have to decide when to keep tight about the way you really feel about whatever is going on in your mind. You also have to know if the timing is right—and timing is everything. If the timing welcomes you to say exactly how you’re feeling so you can create the best possible environment for you to be at your maximum potential, then go for it. Speak it, put it out there, and let people know.

  I had to get to a level where I didn’t give a shit. You have to get comfortable in your skin, just like plus-sized women would. I’m making that analogy here because it seems to me that plus-sized women are some of the most confident women out there and I have wondered how that is possible when society tells them they are “less than.” She’s heard every joke and seen every dirty look, but at some point, her mind-set changes and she thinks, If I got through that, I can pretty much put up with anything that this world can dump in my lap. She’s experienced almost every human emotion that could ever be conjured up, but she ultimately steps into her own and knows that she’s a great person, a beautiful person. In the same way, after a certain point you can step into your own, into a space of complete confidence, where everything is okay. It’s not that you don’t feel anymore, but you’ve become conditioned to it and you’re fine with your reality. When you have dealt with all these different feelings and emotions over the years, you come to know your value and stand up for it.

  A few years ago I found out people were screwing me over. I sharpened up, I found out what they did, and more important, I asked myself the questions, What did I do? How was I carrying myself? What did I do to give these people the permission to do that to me? I say to women, you can’t expect men to treat you with respect or pay attention to your mind if your breasts and ass are hanging out and you look like a tramp. The same goes if someone is messing with you or treating you wrong. You have to find out what you decided for yourself. What were you doing to make people feel comfortable about taking advantage of you? Were you welcoming it? Maybe you were supposed to go through that so you could sharpen up and become better.

  Originally, I was too trusting, especially with people who had a lot more experience and knowledge about certain business matters. People were giving me a lot of good energy, so I thought, They must be good people. They must mean well by me. When people have malicious intent toward you, they are using genuine moments of exchange and conversations to build that trust, all with the intention of screwing you over. If people are messing with you, you have to go back to yourself on that. You have to ask, like I did, What about me or my personality and energy allowed them to be comfortable with screwing me?

  When I had my daughter, I felt as if my shirt expanded. At first I thought I could tolerate somebody messing with me a little bit, but I got bold. I started to live in my convictions. I am now living in my strength and my truth.

  I run my business with the motto Out of sight, out of mind. This is pretty straightforward. You can’t expect people to remember your name if you stay at home, away from the action. Unless you’re running a home-based business, your chances for moving your career forward could be cut in half if you are not on people’s radars. What you want to do can be increased by half if you just leave your house, get around the right people, and put yourself out there.

  It all goes back to creating the mind-set of the people and building relationships. What do you want people to think of you? You can’t assume that people think of you the way you think of yourself. You can change people’s perceptions or views of you when you take more control of your identity. For example, if you’re seen in a photo with a famous person and no one has ever heard of you a day in your life but it says “CEO of Such-and-Such with [that famous or successful person],” people may decide to Google you so they can find out who the other person in that photo is. People are very curious about what they see. Even the smallest exposure can create interest and make someone do a bit of research on you. If you’re starting a business, you should have your website in place, so you can further what you’re doing and gain more opportunities for connections and exposure.

  You should always be prepared, because preparation meets opportunity. You should sit down and think of every possible scenario—from Facebook to Twitter to a website to T-shirts—branding and marketing that can help you further your business and create the mind-set of the people. Part of this preparation is preparing your spirit, because every level is another Devil. You need to strengthen your spirit to be ready for the opinions and put-downs you’ll hear when people try to pull your plan apart. It seems to me that our president, Barack Obama, whom I have the most respect for, did his research and got prepared. He had a plan of attack for his campaign. With the very little that I know about politics, it seemed like he did so many fund-raisers and had so many foot soldiers across America, that he put himself ahead in the polls because he had so much money and all the right people endorsing his campaign. He had strategized and prepared his spirit and succeeded in creating the mind-set of the people.

  Some people only associate relationships with celebrity and fame but that’s not what it’s about—it’s about hustling and making any connection you can. Relationships work like this: If you go to party at a nightclub and the cover charge is thirty-five dollars, every person waiting out front to get into the club probably has thirty-five dollars in their pocket and then some. There are three hundred people in line waiting to get in, but if you have a relationship with the guy who works at the door, as soon as he sees you he’s going to let you right into the club and he’s going to let you bring your friends along. He’s going to slap a wristband on you and escort you to the VIP section. That’s how life works. The relationship you have with that man at the door is the reason you were able to bypass the three-hour wait. It’s not about how much money you have or what you’re capable of. It’s about whom you know. A lot of you have been able to meet your favorite entertainer at some point. How much money did you have in your pocket? Were you famous? Most likely you didn’t have a lot, and you weren’t famous at all. But some way, somehow, a relationship enabled you to have that moment. The same thing goes for getting great seats or all-access backstage passes to a concert, restaurant reservations, advance copies of hot items, job interviews, important phone numbers, and anything that may help you enjoy yourself or get to the next level. It’s the person you have a relationship and a connection with who gets you the access.

  In general, whatever you’re trying to do or get off the ground requires hustle. I am very impressed with people who understand the importance of hustling and they go all-out to do it just to reap the benefits in the end. You just have to be aware of everything, you have to be bold. Sometimes you have to wing it, take that leap of faith and discover.

  Listening to God’s Message

  I’ve always had a relationship with God, and that’s not going to change. But my prayers have changed. In the last five years or so, I have been thanking God for the blessings I’ve already received—everything that I am and everything that has happened and that I’ve been exposed to. I say these prayers more than the few prayers I say in which I ask for something that I
really want or need.

  I’ve learned to pray in silence so that I can hear God’s response. There is power in silence. I believe that a lot of people are afraid of silence, peace, and serenity. When you pray and have a conversation with God, the spirit of someone else’s opinion isn’t welcome because the conversation you’re having in that prayer is just between you and Him. I am in awe of the fact that God is receiving prayers from around the world in thousands of languages and that He takes the time to respond to me.

  There is no right way to pray. People want and want and want, but I think we should pray for what we need and if we end up getting some of the stuff we want, that’s just icing on the cake. So many people are struggling and going through tough times, and they’re praying for their circumstances and their situation to change but they’re not giving thanks for all the good things that already happened to them.

  There’s a song by Kim Burrell called “I Come to You More Than I Give,” and it always moves me because she’s saying that she asks God for more than she gives thanks for what she’s already received. There’s no right or wrong way to pray, but I believe paying our respects and recognizing that we’ve already been blessed opens up more opportunity for us to receive more of what we’re asking for. We should stop praying for the wrong stuff—just asking for more and not giving thanks for what we’ve already received.

  Everyone has their own relationship with God. I may not agree with all the dynamics. I always trip when people decide to bring God into situations, like into porn that I’ve seen in my day, or movies, or even in certain conversations. For example, in a movie, a woman is about to climax and says “Oh my God.” Or someone may be about to rob a bank and they’re praying that God keeps them safe before they commit a crime. Or they commit the crime and then pray constantly that they won’t get caught. Or you see someone praying before they go in the ring to beat somebody’s face in. There are a lot of very twisted relationships with God but, of course, to each his own.

  My relationship with God is stronger when I’m in my darkest place. When I get really sad or bothered or am dealing with the loss of a friend or a family member that I really loved, or any difficult situation, God always appears in my darkest hour. He gives me a sense of direction without a map. I hear His voice and am uplifted with clarity from something that I didn’t understand, or from something that I was going through. People associate God’s favor with amazing things happening but I also think that God’s favor helps you figure out things that you couldn’t figure out on your own.

  I believe that every lesson is a blessing, but we’re not supposed to pray for drama. We’re not supposed to pray for trials and tribulations to come our way just so we can learn from them.

  People don’t usually thank God for their problems while the problems are happening. When we are going through a tough time we don’t associate it with God, we don’t think of it as part of God’s plan, that He’s putting us through something so we can learn from it and come out better in the end. When people have problems they just try to survive. Only when it’s all over do we start reflecting, thinking and thanking, and say As bad as it was, thank God I was able to get through that.

  I would love to credit myself with all these things that have happened to me—all the different challenges and opportunities I’ve had—but it’s all God. Jesus Christ in my life is the be-all and end-all to every aspect of everything that I am. Other than my child, I dedicate every aspect of my blessing and these opportunities that are created for me, to my relationship with Christ, and His having favor in my life. God had my life planned out and I’m just waking up every day discovering what He already had in mind for me.

  God has blessed me with common sense and my common sense allows me to decide what’s good for me or not. He is channeling Himself through me, and my common sense. All the ideas and concepts that I get excited about and the opportunities that present themselves are according to God’s plan. I don’t believe in accidents. This may sound extreme, but if I get invited to an event, I will sometimes pray before I go to get some type of confirmation that an opportunity may present itself when I’m there. So that’s why my blessings keep presenting themselves, because whether I’m going to a wild party or just having fun in itself, I believe I was supposed to be at that place, I was supposed to meet that person at that very moment at that very time, so that I can build a relationship or get on someone’s radar about a project that we were supposed to do together—something they did or didn’t have in mind for me, but that God had in mind for me. I can look at the bad stuff in this way, too: When I’ve made a mistake, I am able to see that in my positive mind-set as a lesson and grow from it.

  People always say if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. But sometimes God has something special in store for you, so you just have to listen.

  Listen to your voice, listen to God’s voice, and listen to your response. Try your best to have your response to God’s message be according to God’s message. Don’t twist it or manipulate it. When God tells you to do something, do it. You can find yourself talking yourself out of doing certain things you know will be good for you—that’s self-sabotage, self-defeat, you are standing in your own way. He is telling you what to do, He is telling you what not to do, He is telling you whom you should cut off, because you think the thought. As soon as you have second thoughts and think, I shouldn’t be in this, I shouldn’t be doing this and you figure out a way to talk yourself into doing it anyway, you may want to consider that you are technically ignoring your message.

  The beautiful thing is, God gave us free will. When you are aware of what’s right and what’s wrong and you still decide to do wrong, that’s because of your free will. It’s your specific choice—you may not even consider what you’re doing is wrong. The beauty of free will is that technically there is no wrong and there is no right—it’s your opinion. There is a wrong and a right according to the Bible, but when it comes to free will, the definition of wrong falls into your individual opinion, unless you’re living your life according to the word of God.

  God is always there. He’s with you throughout your choices, in the messages that He may have sent about which is the right choice, and through those choices you make through your own free will. He is with you through your bad choices and your good.

  I’m not lazy in my relationship with God. I don’t pray and just sit back and wait for His blessings or miracles and situations to come to pass. When I need to get motivated, I go to church and I talk to my pastor. When I’m making decisions—business and life decisions—and am struggling with an idea of what I should do, I go to church to get confirmation about a message God is sending me. There have been times I have gone to church and my pastor just happened to be talking about something pertaining to what I was trying to figure out. And that is my confirmation.

  I pray, ask for guidance, and as I take the necessary steps, I ask Him to protect me and I pray for favor. More important, I execute. I could stay home and pray about it, which is just fine to some people, but that’s not fine to me. You’ve got to pray and you’ve got to make up your mind that you’re going to do something. You’ve got to get out there and do the work. That is when the blessings are revealed to you. I always say, Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Just take that first step, take that leap of faith and with God you will land on your feet. Even if you fall you’re going to somehow land on your feet, as long as you’re moving and operating with God. Some people just need permission to be great. Some people need to recharge that battery in their back—the body just needs the jumper cables. You just need that spark and suddenly you can go out and make it happen.

  In the midst of all the things I know and all the things I’ve been through, I know that God is using me to inspire others. Hopefully kids in the hood, teenagers, and men my age will look at me and think, Tyrese did it, so I can do it. I’m giving people permission to be better. God did it for me. Entertainers, entrepreneurs, and businessmen give people permis
sion to be better when they’re doing better.

  I feel like God has put a real responsibility on my heart to put what I know out there into the universe. We shouldn’t only associate giving back with cutting checks. God is love and love is God, so we should give back in whatever way we can. When I was younger, I wanted information on how to make my life better, and there are a lot of people out there who want the same. This is a lost generation. Everyone is desperate for information on how to better handle and deal with their circumstances. Everyone’s desperate—even me. I flipped out when Will Smith dropped his knowledge on me because there were things that I didn’t understand and he brought a level of clarity to my life in a way I just couldn’t believe. The same thing happens with my pastor, Bishop Ulmer. Every Sunday when I go to church, it’s like a therapy session—that’s how powerful Bishop Ulmer’s sermons are. He is a source of my fountain.

  I hope you feel like I’ve given you permission to be great. Because I know you can be.

  After reading this entire book you have the power to decide if this is just another book that you’re reading and stay the same, or apply what you now know and change your life. I know a few people who have said that they’ve read hundreds and hundreds of books in their lifetime, but what do they do with the knowledge that they’ve gained? Don’t be one of those people who read but don’t make use of the information that they’ve come across. I do know that reading is a hobby for some, but I didn’t write this book so it could be used as a relaxation device. Don’t let it end up on your bookshelf.

  At this point you can’t say you don’t know any better after reading this. There are some people who are content and happy with doing the same thing all of their life. Some people are happy and don’t want anything else. Others want more and want options. What concerns me is when people have all this knowledge of self, and inspiration, and motivation and won’t do anything with it. I hope you will apply and activate what you’ve read and that you’ll get out of your own way and find your better place. I thank God for bringing you on this journey with me.