The First Time Mums' Club

by Lucie Wheeler

  Chapter 36

  Pippa felt sick. Not just a little nausea – full on, I’m-going-to-throw-up-at-any-minute, sick. She walked the short distance from the car park to the back of Jason’s office in silence. His office building was large in comparison to the other buildings surrounding it. It was actually part of an industrial unit on the outskirts of their village, so whilst there were lots of buildings around his, beyond that there were fields and countryside. The building itself was square- looking with multiple stories. It wasn’t a very attractive set of offices, but it did the job it needed to.

  Jenna, Zoe and Ellie were close behind. Everyone must be feeling similar to her as no one was saying a word – the silence was uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as the next instalment of her life would be.

  No one spoke in the car either, which Pippa kind of appreciated. She couldn’t stop the recent events replaying in her mind and, as a result, flashbacks to when she caught Jason out before were resurfacing and bringing with them a tirade of old emotions she thought she had buried deep inside her forever. But no, here they were, screaming I told you so and making her feel like the biggest fool in the world.

  They approached the big, glass-fronted building and Pippa gazed up towards where Jason’s office was. He wasn’t too high up, which she was thankful for today as she didn’t fancy traipsing up all those stairs and no way was she getting in a lift. She walked the steps up to the reception door and froze. Almost instantly she felt a hand on her back. ‘You okay?’ It was Zoe. Pippa turned and looked at her, but still no words came out. ‘It’ll be okay, I promise. We are all here. Just take it at your pace; we don’t have to go in right now if you aren’t ready.’ Pippa swallowed hard, trying to pass the lump that had formed in her throat. It wouldn’t budge. She tried again and gave in to a small cough.

  ‘Here,’ Ellie pushed her hand between Pippa and Zoe, offering a bottle of water. ‘Take this.’ Pippa took the bottle and drank half of it in one go. ‘Bet you wished that was vodka, hey?’ Ellie laughed, but nobody else did.

  Another deep breath and Pippa finally said, ‘Let’s do this.’ She glanced at Jenna, who looked as pale as a ghost, her eyes dark and sunken. She held out her hand to take hers. ‘You ready?’ she asked. Jenna simply nodded. She squeezed her hand reassuringly, pretending to be a million times stronger than she actually felt.

  They walked in, hand in hand still, and Pippa walked up to the desk – not taking in any of the surroundings in the foyer, just concentrating hard on getting to the reception desk without falling over. Betty smiled back but immediately her face dropped when she saw Pippa’s expression. ‘Hi Pippa, is… everything… okay?’ she asked, haltingly.

  ‘It will be. Where’s my husband?’ She was aware she sounded sharp and rude, but right now it took all her energy to not throw up, so this was the least of her worries. Betty would understand soon enough.

  ‘Erm, well he’s in a meeting, I think. Do you need him right away?’ Betty glanced round at the other girls surrounding Pippa and then settled back on Pippa’s face. She turned and looked at the others. ‘I didn’t account for him being in a meeting. What am I supposed to do now, wait?’ She wasn’t sure she had the strength to wait; she was on edge as it was. She was thankful when Ellie stepped forward, leaning on the reception desk and said, ‘We’d like to see him now… please,’ she added as an afterthought.

  Betty looked a little shocked at Ellie’s comment and stood up. ‘Oh, okay. Well, I’ll just go and get him. Would you like to wait in his office?’ She directed the question at Pippa, but then her glance did another full circle around the others, too. Had it not been such a stressful time for Pippa, she would’ve found this amusing.

  Pippa nodded and as Betty began to direct her, she interrupted with, ‘I know where his office is,’ and then, realising her snappiness was uncalled for, she added, ‘But thank you, Betty,’ with a smile for good measure.

  Betty scurried off as Pippa showed the girls towards the stairs and subsequently into Jason’s office.

  ‘Did you see her face? We must look like the pregnant mafia or something.’ Ellie plonked herself down into Jason’s seat behind the desk and began rifling through his drawers.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Pippa squeaked, horrified at the sheer invasion of privacy.

  ‘Looking for anything dodgy,’ Ellie looked up at them all. ‘What?’

  ‘Maybe you should just leave Pippa to the detective work. Let her do things her way.’ Zoe gave Ellie the look and she closed the drawer she was rummaging in and stood up. ‘You still doing okay?’ Zoe asked.

  ‘Yeah, I guess. I just want it to be over already.’ Pippa looked at Jenna, who was going paler by the second. And then she had a thought. It must be so hard for her right now, having this dumped on her, being pregnant too, and not having the support network of friends that Pippa had. It was easy to get wrapped up in this moment of self-pity when, really, she had the girls behind her. Who did Jenna have right now. She walked over and put her arm around her shoulder. ‘How are you holding up?’

  Jenna seemed shocked by her friendliness but then smiled. ‘I’m okay. How are you coping?’

  ‘I’m okay. Look, I know this has been really hard on you and some moments I forget that you don’t know us. I just feel like we are a group of friends going to sort this out and I forget that, actually, before today, you didn’t know who I was. I am so lucky to have these girls behind me and I want you to know that we will be there for you too. He doesn’t deserve to ruin our lives, don’t let him.’ Jenna smiled, but didn’t say anything. Pippa moved away slightly and took another deep breath. She walked over to the window and sighed. What the hell happened to being happily married with a child on the way? A child they had both longed for, for what felt like a lifetime. But now, that all seemed so far away. Pippa could hear Ellie and Jenna chatting when she felt Zoe step up to the window next to her.

  ‘That was a really nice thing you did there. You didn’t have to do that.’ Pippa shrugged. ‘Even in the midst of all this anguish, you still find time to be as lovely as you are. I’m proud of you.’

  The moment was cut short by a door slamming outside. All four girls snapped their heads to the office door and then back at each other. They could hear Jason’s voice approaching and Pippa felt her legs turn to jelly as her blood pumped through her veins rapidly, causing her to temporarily hear a ringing sound in her ear. She glanced at Jenna, who also looked as if she might keel over. This was it. This was the moment Pippa’s life changed forever – no more being walked over. She stared at the door as she heard him approach. The handle twisted and, before she knew it, he came strolling in. He was smartly dressed today in his dark-grey work suit with a pink tie. She always loved this particular suit as it made his bum look amazing. But she couldn’t see past the betrayal now and where before she would see her gorgeous husband, now all she saw was a lying, dirty rat.

  He saw Pippa first, standing with Zoe. Jenna and Ellie were next to the door, so as he opened it, the door shielded them from view initially. ‘Pip, what’s wrong? Betty said you were here and it looked like an emergency. Is it the baby?’

  ‘No, the baby is fine.’ She actually surprised herself with the calmness of her voice.

  He stood in front of her and flung his arms out to the sides in exasperation. ‘Well, what is it? I was in a meeting.’ He sounded frustrated with her and this spurred her on to show him for the lowlife that he was.

  ‘Have you got something to tell me?’ she asked, her outer self projecting calmness and control whilst inside she was flapping massively.

  ‘Oh for God’s sake, Pip, stop talking in riddles. I have work to do. What do you want?’ Pippa saw the expression on Zoe’s face turn to hatred as Jason spoke to her the way he did when people weren’t around. Pippa looked to Zoe briefly and Zoe gave the slightest of nods, just to show she was there and it was okay. ‘Well?’ Jason pressed.

  ‘You lying bastard.’ The words were not what she had planned to
say. They just came out. She even shocked herself a little bit, and it was clear she shocked Jason because his face crumpled into confusion.

  ‘What are you on about?’

  Jenna chose that moment to walk out from next to the door and take up her place next to Pippa. Jason’s expression rapidly revealed a multitude of emotions, ranging from confusion, to shock, to realisation and then to guilt. Neither woman said anything. They simply watched as Jason lifted his hands to his head, rubbing them through his hair and then resting them over his mouth.

  ‘Nothing to say?’ Jenna spoke up, but even Pippa could hear the tremble of despair in her voice.

  He stood in silence. Dropping his hands to his side, he looked defeated. Pippa wasn’t sure if she was glad about that or annoyed. Why wasn’t he pleading with her to understand?

  ‘Are you just going to stand there…? SAY SOMETHING!’ Every person in the room snapped their heads to Pippa as she screamed the words. But she didn’t care. Her whole body was trembling with anger. She wasn’t feeling in complete control of herself and that scared her – she didn’t like not being in control.

  ‘Pip, don’t get yourself worked up,’ he held out his hand to touch her bump, ‘It’s not good for the baby.’

  ‘Get your hands away from me.’ She whipped her hands protectively in front of her bump, whacking his hand away as she did. ‘How dare you tell me not to get worked up? The only reason I’m worked up is because of you!’

  ‘Okay, okay, calm down.’ He turned around and closed the office door. It was then that he spotted Ellie. He didn’t say anything to her, but Pippa didn’t miss the sneering look Ellie gave him. It lingered in the air for a second before Jason pulled his attention away. He turned back, holding his hands out. ‘Can we please talk about this?’

  ‘I’m listening.’ Pippa crossed her arms defensively.

  He looked around at the other girls, but lingered a little too long on Jenna. He then said, ‘Can we talk in private?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No?’ He seemed shocked by her answer. ‘Why not? It’s nothing to do with anyone else.’

  Jenna coughed. ‘Ahem?’

  ‘I meant those two.’ He indicated Ellie and Zoe and Pippa noticed that he spoke to Jenna in the same way he had started to address Pippa. Short, sharp and disrespectful. Jenna was clearly shocked and Pippa wondered if this was the moment when she realised the honeymoon period was now over and shit was about to get real very quickly.

  ‘Do you want us to go?’ Zoe asked Pippa but she shook her head.

  ‘Oh for God’s sake, come on. I don’t want half the town knowing our business.’

  ‘Then you shouldn’t have bloody done it, should you?’ Pippa wasn’t giving in. Plus, she needed those girls. Having them here made it easier to keep up the strong façade. Without them emotionally holding her up, she would fall. And fall hard.

  ‘Okay, here’s the thing…’ he trailed off and looked to be searching for an excuse.

  ‘I don’t want to hear your excuses, Jason.’

  ‘I’m not making up excuses. Pip, I love you.’

  ‘Pfft!’ She shook her head and laughed in disbelief. ‘Love me? You don’t know what the word means. And what about Jenna?’ She looked at the woman next to her who she felt incredibly sorry for right now. ‘You’ve knocked her up too, no ‘I love you’ to her?’

  He glanced over to Jenna and then back to Pippa. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘You’re a coward.’ Jenna said, softly but loud enough to make an impact. ‘All that stuff you told me, all those promises you made me, they were all lies.’ Her eyes rapidly filling with tears, Jenna stopped talking.

  ‘Do you actually want to be with either of us?’ Pippa asked the question that she wasn’t sure we wanted the answer to. What if he said no? She would feel like absolute shit. But equally, what if he said yes? Would she even take him back? Never before had she been so confused.

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘Care to elaborate which one?’ Ellie chipped in from behind him. Jason turned and shot her a filthy look. ‘Hey, no use giving me those looks, mate, I’m not the one who fucked up.’

  ‘This has nothing to do with you. Why are you even here?’ He threw out the words viciously and glared at her.

  ‘Because, Pippa deserves to be treated better than this – and Jenna, for that matter – so I’m here to make sure you don’t squirm your way out of this.’ Ellie squared up to Jason and Pippa actually felt as if she wanted to laugh. Not that she wasn’t falling apart internally from all this, but because if she didn’t laugh, she would cry. And she was scared that if she let that happen, she wouldn’t pull back from this and he would know that he had got her.

  ‘Jason?’ He turned to face her, his expression softening. ‘Let’s face it, you’ve messed up. Catastrophically messed up. And the real question here is what happens next?’

  ‘I’ll make it up to you, I swear. It was a stupid mistake and I promise it will never happen again.’

  Jenna let out a sob as she stormed out of the room. Zoe made a movement to go but Ellie called out, ‘Its okay, I’ll go. You stay here.’

  Pippa was so grateful that the girls had taken Jenna under their wing too. Because the truth of the matter was, he’d played them both. ‘How can you even say that? Jenna had no idea you were married. The poor girl thought she was settled in a long-term relationship with you and you get her pregnant too and then drop her, just like that? What kind of a man are you?’

  ‘I don’t know what you want me to do?’

  ‘What I want you to do? You don’t know what I want you to do?’ She gave in to a laugh. An exasperated, I can’t believe I’m having this conversation, laugh. ‘I want you to have not fucked up in the first place!‘

  ‘But I can’t change that now.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have done it at all.’

  ‘I know that!’ He raised his voice.

  ‘No… I’m done.’ She picked up her bag and tried to walk out of the door, but Jason grabbed her arm. ‘Get off me,’ she spat through gritted teeth.

  ‘You can’t just walk out. That’s my baby in there.’ He pointed to her stomach.

  ‘Yeah, and that’s your baby in there too!’ She pointed out the door towards the direction that Jenna had rushed in. ‘But I don’t see you fighting for that one.’

  ‘I can fight for it if you want. Or I’ll just walk away. What do you want me to do?’

  Pippa paused and slowly took a step forward so that she was just inches from Jason’s face. ‘I want you to leave me alone. I’m done. Not just done for today, done for good. I don’t want to see you ever again.’

  ‘Pip, you don’t mean that.’ He even had the cheek to look emotional.

  ‘Don’t I?’

  ‘What about my baby?’

  ‘What about it? You’re telling me you actually care? It wasn’t that long ago you were saying you didn’t want it. You were ‘struggling’ with it.’ She used air quotes and put her hand on her chest.

  ‘Of course I care!’

  ‘Then why do this? Why, not only have an affair, but get her pregnant too?’

  ‘I didn’t mean to – it was just a bit of fun. You sucked all the fun out of us.’

  And there it was. ‘I sucked the fun out?’

  ‘Yes! It was all planned sex and let’s do this position and let’s have sex now because I’m ovulating and, no touching yourself for however many days before we can have sex so that the sperm is at its optimum. Pip, you made sex into a chore! And that’s saying a lot when a man feels like it’s a chore!’

  She stopped, to take it all in. She knew she had been very regimented with it all in the run-up to her falling pregnant, but to hear him use that against her was hard to listen to. ‘I did all of that because I wanted this baby so much. It wasn’t happening for us, Jason, and this was our last chance. I had no choice but to make sure everything was right.’

  ‘But it was too much. You took all the fun out of
it and I had to look elsewhere.’

  She stood up tall again, anger building her up. ‘Are you seriously blaming me for making you have an affair? Did you not think to just talk to me about it and make things right, instead of going behind my back!’

  ‘I know, I handled it wrong. I can’t change it now.’ He looked exhausted. He watched her for a minute and she maintained her stance. There was no way she was backing down now. She had to face the fact that she was going to have to be the strong, independent woman she was so scared of being. ‘You’re really leaving, aren’t you?’ he asked, sadness deflating his body and making him look so small. Pippa nodded. ‘I want to see my baby… please?’

  ‘Fine. You can see the baby whenever you like. Not because you deserve to, but because this baby deserves to know its father. And when it’s older, it’ll soon realise what a lowlife its father is.’ And she turned around and walked out of the office with her head held high. As she rounded the corner of the corridor, she passed the reception, with Betty still sitting at the desk. ‘Thanks, Betty,’ she said as she marched by. Having second thoughts, she stopped and doubled back. ‘Betty?’

  She looked up at Pippa with the guiltiest face. Pippa knew the answer before she asked the question. ‘Did you know my husband was having an affair?’

  Betty nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Pippa. I just didn’t want to have to keep something like that to myself, so I thought it was better to leave. I caught them in his office. But, I needed the money and he told me it was over. I swear I didn’t know he was still seeing her.’

  Pippa laughed, thinking about just how many people Jason had done over. ‘It’s fine, Betty, honestly.’

  She turned and pushed the doors open, welcoming the breeze on her face as she marched towards the car.

  As she approached she saw Jenna and Ellie sitting inside talking. Jenna was crying. She opened the door and sat down in the passenger seat. ‘You okay?’ she asked Jenna.

  ‘Yeah. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t listen to it any more.’