The First Time Mums' Club

by Lucie Wheeler

‘It’s fine. I’ve told him where to go.’

  Zoe jumped in the driver’s seat. ‘You okay?’

  ‘Not really, but can we just drive.’

  ‘Of course.’ Zoe started the engine and did as she was asked.

  Pippa leant her head against the window and closed her eyes, terrified of the next Chapter in her life. Single, divorced, with a new-born baby. Shit.

  Chapter 37

  ‘He’s still sending me messages.’

  Ellie chose to ignore her sister’s comment and continued rubbing the stretch -mark cream into her ever-growing belly. Zoe was sitting next to her on the sofa, watching her closely. She leaned forward just a little and said, ‘I know you heard me.’

  ‘Nope, didn’t hear you. Not one bit,’ she chirped.

  ‘Hmm, I’m sure.’ Zoe placed her hand on top of Ellie’s to stop the circular motion and to get her attention. ‘He really misses you.’

  ‘He can see me whenever he likes. I saw him a couple of weeks ago.’

  ‘You know what I mean. He hates not being with you. He’s missing out on all the baby- related things and –’

  ‘Zoe, let me save you time.’ She held her hand up for her sister to listen. ‘I’ve already told him and I’ve already told you. He can be as involved as he likes with the baby. I’m not that far away.’

  ‘But why don’t you just talk about maybe, you know, getting together on a more official basis.’

  ‘No, Zoe.’

  ‘Why!’

  ‘Because I said so.’

  Zoe crossed her arms. ‘That’s not a valid answer.’

  ‘I’m a mum now. I’m allowed to use that answer. I can also use ‘just do as I say’, ‘if the wind changes your face will stay like that,’ and my personal favourite, ‘just, because’.’

  Zoe laughed. ‘Yeah, well, that stuff doesn’t work on me.’

  Ellie shrugged. ‘Not my problem, I’m afraid.’

  ‘But Chris is your problem.’

  ‘He’s not a problem.’

  ‘Exactly! And he can be so much more. You like him like that, I know you do. I don’t know why you don’t just let it happen between you guys.’

  ‘Because we are friends, Zoe, that’s it! We don’t work as anything else.’ Ellie stood up as the buzzer went on the front door. ‘Chris has agreed this too; I don’t know why he keeps texting you about me being all the way up here. Nothing can change that. We need to just deal with it. Chris and I have an amazing friendship and I don’t want to risk everything just because society dictates that because we are having a baby together, we need to be together as a couple.’

  ‘Society dictates? Are you serious? You’re not giving this a shot because you don’t want ‘society’ to dictate to you? Man, Ellie, I know you’re always the one who hated being told what to do as a kid, but this takes it to a whole new level!’ Zoe stopped behind Ellie, one foot still on the steps.

  ‘Anyway, you should be being nice to me – it’s my birthday!’ Ellie poked her tongue out at her sister before opening the door and being faced by a floating bunch of flowers. ‘Um… hello?’ she said, peering round the side.

  The man held out the flowers for Ellie to take. ‘These are for an Ellie Samson?’

  ‘Yep, that’s me.’ She took the flowers and looked at Zoe. ‘Who are they from?’

  The courier thought she was talking to him and replied, ‘There’s a note attached somewhere in there.’ He pointed into the centre of the flowers before smiling and walking off back to his van.

  ‘Can you see the note?’ Ellie asked, peering over the top of the huge bunch. ‘I need both hands to hold this.’

  ‘Here, let me carry it upstairs and you can sit down.’ Zoe took the flowers and walked off up the stairs and Ellie couldn’t help but think that Zoe knew what these flowers were about. And if that was the case, then she knew who they were from.

  ‘They’re from Chris, aren’t they?’ She gave Zoe a raised-eyebrow look, but inside she found herself secretly wanting them to be from him.

  ‘What makes you think I know?’ Zoe couldn’t look her in the eye. She placed the flowers down on the coffee table and sat back on the sofa, waiting for Ellie to read the note.

  As much as Ellie wanted to keep her sister in suspense even longer, she desperately wanted to know herself. She whipped the card from between the sunflower and the rose and sat down to read it. Huge letters spelling Happy Birthday adorned the front and Ellie smiled as she opened it.

  Ellie,

  From the second I met you, I knew that I had met an amazing person. You are funny, loving, hardworking and one of the most beautiful women in the world (you’re still number two to Beyoncé, but let’s face it, she’s never going to marry me.)

  Ellie smiled and looked up at her sister, who was watching her closely. Zoe smiled back and nodded for her to continue.

  The reason I am sending you this letter is because I know you won’t take me seriously otherwise. I wanted to tell you this in person, but every time we meet up you change the subject or you walk off and I never get the chance to say exactly what I have been desperately trying to tell you. So I wrote it here – I hope you are still reading it and if you’ve discarded it on the floor and walked off in a huff and Zoe, you’ve picked this up, please take it back to Ellie and, if she won’t read it, read it out loud for her to hear.

  Ellie found herself chuckling at Chris’s stupidity. And also at how well he knew her. She did have the overwhelming urge to throw the message down and pretend it wasn’t happening. But she couldn’t.

  Ellie, I know us sleeping together happened when we were both drunk – it always does – and I know it has freaked you out. It freaked me out too, initially. But not because I slept with you, because I couldn’t understand the immense rush of feelings I had for you after it happened.

  Ellie swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. Her heart was racing and she could feel her hands shaking.

  We have always been ‘Ellie and Chris’. Inseparable. That’s what caused so many problems with all the girlfriends I’ve ever had. None of them could understand the closeness I had with you and every single one of them asked me to spend less time with you, and you know what? I couldn’t. Because I couldn’t ever imagine my life without you in it.

  Ellie paused, folding the letter up and placing it back on the table, unfinished. She put her head in her hands.

  ‘Ellie, what is it?’

  ‘I can’t do this.’ She said, calmly. ‘Take it away.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The letter. Take it away. I don’t want to read it any more.’ She pushed the piece of paper away further and stood up.

  ‘Ellie, where are you going?’

  ‘I need to just… I need…’ she couldn’t finish her sentence.

  Zoe walked over to her and stopped her. ‘What’s going on, why are you being all weird?’

  ‘Zoe, it’s too much. I can’t be with Chris – not like that.’

  ‘Why? I know you want him like that and, clearly, by the sounds of that letter, he does too. Why keep fighting against it?’

  Ellie exhaled sadly. ‘Zoe, I have you in my life, yes?’ Zoe nodded. ‘And I have Chris?’ Another nod. ‘You are both the most important people in my whole world,’ she rubbed her belly, ‘until this one comes along.’

  Zoe smiled. ‘So I don’t understand what the problem is?’

  ‘If I was to make things happen between Chris and I, like proper relationship things, and if it went wrong then I’ve messed it all up. And I lose him. For good.’

  ‘But that’s a huge ‘what if’ moment, Ellie. How about you look at it as, what if it turns out amazing and you live happily ever after?’

  Ellie laughed. ‘Sis, those things only ever happen in fairytales.’

  ‘You’re wrong,’ she challenged.

  ‘Yeah, well, I’m not willing to risk finding that out. Chris and I are friends, and bloody good ones at that. And that’s how it is going to stay.’


  Chapter 38

  ‘So, it’s been two weeks since Jason moved out. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Tired,’ Pippa decided she could no longer hide the fact that she was suffering and putting on a brave face. She was miserable and it was time she leant on the girls for support, not pretend everything was hunky dory.

  ‘Are you not sleeping?’ Zoe poured the coffee and Pippa noticed that she also looked tired and run down.

  ‘Not really. He keeps calling me, begging to come back.’

  ‘And how do you feel about that?’ Imogen took the coffee Zoe had poured for her and picked up a slice of Bakewell.

  ‘I know I’ve done the right thing, but it’s just so hard. I keep thinking about when the baby is here and having to do everything alone.’

  ‘You’re not alone, you have us.’

  Pippa smiled. ‘I know, but it’s not the same, is it?’

  ‘Plenty of people are single parents and they cope. And that’s how you have to look at it. It will be tough, and you will have moments when you think it would be easier to have him back, but always remember that it won’t be hard forever and we are here every step along the way to make things as easy as we can.’

  ‘Zoe’s right. You’ll have me, too.’

  ‘Imogen, you’ll have enough on your plate with your new-borns.’ She felt a pang of jealousy as she thought about the amazing relationship Imogen had with Alice. ‘Anyway, how’s Alice doing?’

  ‘Yeah she’s doing okay. She’s back at work.’ Imogen raised her eyebrow, clearly disapproving of Alice’s choice to return to work so soon. ‘But she said she wants to save her time off for when the babies come, so she’d rather be there at the moment.’

  ‘Surely she’s entitled to have time off in both instances? Hasn’t the doctor signed her off?’ Pippa took a slice of cake, but after the first nibble, realised that she wasn’t that hungry and left it on her plate.

  ‘Yeah she is, but being at home is driving her mad. She likes to know she’s looking after me and by going to work she feels validated – her words, not mine,’ she added quickly.

  ‘If I was her boss, I would insist she was at home.’

  ‘The boss is an idiot. Alice practically runs the place whilst he sits at a desk somewhere else, so to him, if she’s in then it means he doesn’t have to be. She’s just sitting at her desk all day, so it’s not strenuous on her leg or anything. She can get herself around; she just can’t stand for very long. I’ve been driving her into work.’

  ‘Are you off on maternity leave now?’ Pippa longed to have the comfort of maternity leave, but as she was self-employed and had relied on Jason for so many years, she wasn’t able to take a break from work just yet. She was exhausted.

  ‘Well officially, as of Friday. I took it a few weeks earlier because I wasn’t feeling great and Alice didn’t want me to be stressing. The school was really good about it, actually considering I hadn’t been back that long after being signed off. I was half-expecting them to tell me to not bother to come back at all!’

  ‘And what about you?’ Zoe turned her attention back to Pippa. ‘Have you decided what you want to do workwise yet?’

  Pippa shrugged. ‘Who knows? I am taking one day at a time right now. Jason has agreed to pay the mortgage while I look for a smaller place and I have some savings to tide me over for a few months. But really I need to find somewhere ASAP. I can’t afford to stay at the house now that he’s gone.’ She looked down into her cup. The brown liquid churned as she stirred it.

  ‘That’s pretty rubbish,’ Zoe said, standing up to go and see the customers. ‘You know, you can always stay with me?’

  ‘Thanks, but I think you’ve got enough going on at your place, with Ellie staying, and I wouldn’t want to overcrowd you both. I’ll work something out.’ She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  ‘Where is Ellie anyway?’ Imogen asked, just before Zoe walked off.

  Zoe rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t ask. Man problems.’

  Pippa looked at Imogen. ‘Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good.’

  ‘It’s just getting stupid now. I’ve a right mind to get their heads and bang them together.’

  ‘What’s happening now, then?’

  ‘Well, Ellie is saying that she’s not interested in being with Chris because he only wants to be with her because of the baby. He keeps saying it’s what they should be doing and it’s the right thing and she’s taking it that he’s settling for second best because of the situation.’

  ‘And is he?’ Pippa asked.

  ‘No, I don’t think so. He loves her, he always has – she just can’t see it.’

  *****

  ‘Thanks for picking me up.’

  Imogen tutted at Alice’s comment. ‘You know you don’t have to say that every time I pick you up. I honestly don’t mind and I don’t feel as if you’re a burden and all the rest of the stuff you say all the time.’ She smiled knowing she had covered everything Alice was about to say.

  ‘All right, smart arse. I was just saying.’ Alice peered out of the window thoughtfully.

  ‘Look, I know you like to look after me and you are feeling inadequate at the moment but honestly, I’m fine. I like looking after you.’

  ‘But it’s my job to look after you, Imogen. You are the one carrying our babies. I’m just useless.’

  ‘Alice, you are so far off the mark, it’s unreal. You have been so completely with me the whole way. I have had the kind of commitment from you that hardly anyone else gets. You understand me like no one else can. When I’m in pain, you’re there to massage me or run me a bath. When I’m sick, you’re there holding my hair back and telling me it’s okay. When I needed Haribo and cucumber at 3am… you were there with me, eating it as well!’

  They both laughed. ‘Yeah, well, I couldn’t let you sit up and eat on your own – although I still can’t eat the two together; you’re just a freak of nature.’

  ‘Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.’ She smiled at Alice and then took her attention back to the road. ‘I mean it, though, Alice, you are my life. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it wasn’t for you. When you were in hospital last week, I felt like my world had fallen apart. Nothing else mattered in the whole universe; I was just praying that you were okay.’ She felt the emotion catch in her throat as she pulled onto their drive. She parked, pulling the handbrake up, and turned to Alice. ‘I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.’

  ‘Hey, you don’t need to think about that; it’s not going to happen. I’ll always be here for you. Always.’ Alice slowly rubbed her thumb down Imogen’s cheek to her jawline.

  ‘Please don’t ever feel useless. You’re not useless; you’re everything.’

  Alice smiled lovingly. ‘I love you, Imogen.’

  ‘I love you, too.’ She squeezed her in her arms. ‘So much.’

  Chapter 39

  ‘What do you think?’ Pippa held out her arms, showcasing her new flat. ‘Signed the tenancy this morning. First of June, first day of the rest of my life.’

  ‘Wow, I can’t believe you found somewhere so quickly.’ Imogen walked around the empty space that would soon be Pippa’s living room. ‘I love it.’

  ‘It’s great! Why couldn’t I find a place like this?’ Ellie put her hands on her hips. ‘It’s so not fair.’

  ‘Oh you look just like the seven-year-old I remember!’ Zoe laughed. ‘Seriously Pip, I’m so proud of you. This place is great.’

  ‘Really?’ Pippa looked around the room again. ‘This place scares the life out of me.’

  ‘Why?’ All the girls stopped to look at her.

  ‘Because it’s just me. No one else. Me, myself and I.’ She rubbed her bump. ‘What if I mess things up?’

  ‘You won’t mess things up. You’ve got this.’ Zoe rubbed her arm.

  ‘I guess.’ She walked to the hallway and opened another door. ‘Come and look in here.’ The girls followed and one by one entered the small room. ‘This’ll
be the baby’s room.’ She turned and smiled at the girls, waiting for their approval. ‘Do you think it’s okay?’

  ‘It’s perfect.’

  ‘Come on, let’s set up in the living room.’ Ellie walked off and Imogen followed.

  ‘Set up what?’ Zoe didn’t reply to Pippa’s question, but just smiled and walked back through to the living room, urging her to follow. When she arrived in there, the girls were busy unpacking a cool box. Paper plates were lined up on the floor, a picnic blanket was laid out and the girls were unloading little Tupperware boxes of sandwiches, fruit, salads and chocolate onto the mat. ‘Oh my God, what’s this?’

  ‘Well, you said you had a surprise and we figured it was this, so we set up a little celebration tea party. It’s our way of christening your new home.’ Imogen smiled and continued to lay out the little extras.

  ‘Plus, this just means that when you’re in and settled, it’ll be your turn to host a dinner party, because, technically, we’ve already done ours.’ Ellie picked up a strawberry and popped it into her mouth.

  ‘You guys are so sweet. Where did you hide that cool box… and the blanket…?’

  ‘We left it outside the front door as we came in. Didn’t you notice us pushing you to the front as we walked in?’

  ‘Yes, but I just assumed you wanted me to go first because it was my place.’

  ‘Nope, we just didn’t want you to see that Zoe was holding the cool box.’ Ellie took another strawberry.

  ‘Ellie, stop eating all the strawberries!’

  ‘Well, will you all stop the talking and get started? I’m starving.’

  One by one they manoeuvred themselves down onto the floor. Very slowly, and with great difficulty.

  ‘Whose great idea was it to put three pregnant ladies on the floor?’ Imogen whined as she squirmed on her way down.

  ‘I’d say that was the super-slim Jim over there!’ Ellie said, nodding her head towards Zoe, who had plonked herself down nice and easy.

  ‘Sorry girls, I didn’t think this through. So, come on then, how many weeks have we ticked over onto now? Ellie, I know you’re thirty-six weeks.’