The days by his side

by M. C. S

  And as I dried my hair, I wondered at the stupid way Ben's mother had acted with me. She did not even offer me a lift. And it was raining. I lay down shortly afterwards, trying to forget about my terrible early night.

  6th Day

  I woke up with a sore body and a throbbing head. I caught a cold after being in the rain, and to make things worse it was Saturday, meaning goodbye shopping and movie with Carla. It would be another weekend locked up at home. All I had to do was catch up on my readings, and later browse Netflix for something interesting to watch.

  Mom allowed me to stay in bed until later, she would be attending one of her courses, so she would be out all morning. It was just going to be me, my books, and my bed, which was not bad at all for the state I was in.

  My cell phone vibrated, I reached out to it on my old solid wood nightstand. I should have reached my glasses first. I put the phone close to my eyes, my vision blurred, which took longer than usual for me to read the message than if I had the glasses.

  The sender surprised me. It was Saturday. And if it were a few Saturdays ago, I would never have imagined that Benjamin would send me a message. I got to my feet immediately.

  — Good morning. I´m in front of your house.

  — And what are you doing here?

  — Good morning, bad-mannered. — Of course, how come not answering his good morning.

  — Good morning. — I answered back. — What´s up?

  — Today is Saturday. I have a day off.

  — Are you really in front of my house?

  — Yeap.

  I put on my glasses and ran into the living room, wondering if Ben was telling the truth, I did not believe everything Ben said, he showed up quite mockingly sometimes. I opened the door and saw the boy waiting for me under the warm morning sun. He looked at me with pure strangeness, when I realized that I was still wearing my huge, wide, spotted pajamas.

  “You're not sexy at all dressed like that. And your hair looks awful!” Ah! He had to comment.

  I had not combed my hair either, a blush washed over my face. Ben was the first boy to see me in my deplorable state after waking up. Embarrassed and annoyed, I slammed the door in his face. A few seconds later he sent me another message:

  — Do not let a cripple to fry in the sun. — It was Ben being Ben.

  I hated it when my conscience weighed. And the image of Benjamin in the wheelchair under the warm morning sun invaded my mind. I was moved by the scene, although Ben deserved to be a little in the sun, maybe he did not think twice before saying what he should not.

  I took the key on the rack, closed my hand around it, and left the house, going to Benjamin. I opened the gate and invited him in. Ben did not disguise and stepped into the yard, braking his chair as he reached the porch. Because of the height, there was no way he could climb the chair by himself. I grabbed the push canes with a little force, tilted the front wheels up and as soon as they hit the floor, pushed the chair all the way up to the porch. I sighed and wiped the sweat off my forehead, although it seemed easy, it was a little physical effort for someone as powerless as me.

  “So, this is how you sleep?” Ben asked, analyzing my clothes. It made me even more embarrassed.

  “Ben!”

  “Ok, I´ll stop talking.”

  I left Ben on the porch and headed to the bedroom to put on a more appropriate outfit. I looked in the mirror as I combed my tangled hair. I sneezed a few times, what made me look in my mom's bathroom cabinet for flu medicine, did not want to spend the day with my nose running in front of Ben, and mostly, did not want to hear his jokes about it.

  I prepared a small breakfast for both of us. I carried the tray to the porch and found Ben looking down at the gate. He was supporting his chin with his hand and another was resting on his lap.

  I watched him and could not help noticing how beautiful his eyes were exposed in the sunlight. It gave an extra glow, bringing back the Ben of few years ago. A Ben I thought I would never see again.

  “My mother sent me to apologize,” Ben finally looked at me. I pulled out a chair and settled into it.

  “No worries,” I smiled without humor while I placed a glass of chocolate milk next to Ben. I did not want to extend the subject. I had really been upset. And, I was, still. And I did not want to exalt myself to the point of criticizing his mother, after all, mother is mother.

  “My mother is afraid,” Ben insisted on the subject.

  “Afraid that Ben?” I asked, not wanting to leave him in the void, and because I was curious to know what his mother is afraid of.

  “Chocolate chip cookie, I love it,” he said, biting a bite of the cookie and not answering my question. “She wants you to have lunch with us tomorrow,” my black eyes widened in surprise.

  “She… she… She wants?” I stuttered. “I can't, I have to have lunch with my mother. She is alone...”

  “It's just one day, I'm sure she won't mind.” Ben interrupted me.

  “The only houses I have the habit of having lunch are my grandmother's, here at home, and Carla's.”

  “Are you ashamed?” I nodded, even knowing how ridiculous that was. “Shame of what?”

  “Your father, will he be there?” Ben nodded. “I don't know your father yet.”

  “He’s a little rough around the edges, but then you get used to it.”

  “He's rough, and yet everything is fine?” Ben smiled softly.

  “I won't let you feel left out.” Ben said, taking my hand, bringing it to his chest. My heart felt like it would come out of my body. What does Ben think he is doing? “Cold hands. Are you ok, Elle?”

  “Sure, it's just my reaction to your touch,” only I didn't say that.

  I took my hand from his and grabbed a cookie, trying to disguise my discomfort in the face of the Benjamin situation.

  “So, are you coming? I already ordered your favorite desert.”

  “Really?” he nodded. “And which is my favorite dessert?” Benjamin flashed one more of his wonderful smiles. Of course, he did not know which my favorite dessert was. It is just one of his unconventional ways of convincing me to go to his house for lunch. “I am coming, but only if I have Ovomaltine ice cream.”

  “Okay then, I'll arrange for you.”

  After the breakfast, we watch two rounds of horror movie. To tell the truth, I paid more attention to Ben than to the movie itself. I liked to see the faces he made at each death scene that occurred in the movie. My favorite part was when he made some comments about the movie:

  Why can't the main character always open the house door or start the car and thus knocking over the keys? What would you choose? Going to a town house or an abandoned vacation home? Don't answer me, I know what your choice will be, but you can be sure that wouldn't be mine. Are you hearing any noise? Don't worry, I'll check there.

  “Have you finished?” I pretended to yawn.

  “Indeed, now I need to go to the bathroom.” I almost fainted at Ben's statement. I was not prepared for that. Not at all.

  “Ba, ba, bathroom?” I stuttered.

  “Yeah, bathroom. You know, that space you use to...

  “Ok! I know what a bathroom is for. You don’t need to explain to me.” I cut him off before he uttered something stupid.

  “Nervous you, huh?” he arched his eyebrows in a perfect bow. “Come on, help me!”

  “What?” My heart galloped violently against my chest; my expression was of pure nervousness. I put one of my fingers to my mouth and chewed on the pinky nail in a sign of nervousness. Definitely, I did not know how to solve this situation. I stood up and moved on the edge of my shirt.

  “I just need you to take me to the bathroom, I don't need you to help me pee,” I hated when he acted without shame.

  “I wouldn't help you do that,” I approached and pushed the chair. I purposely hit it on some furniture in the house in response to the embarrassment.

  “Hey! Be careful, Elle,” he muttered.

  I led Ben to the bat
hroom. I left him there but preferred to stay near the door if something happened. It was a while before I heard the water from the sink falling. He opened the door and smiled when he noticed that I had not left.

  “Weren't you seeing me through the keyhole?” Ben and his stupid comments. I touched his arm in response. “Stop hitting me,” he ran his hand over the spot.

  “Stop teasing me, then.”

  “I cannot. That's one way to put some color on your pale face,” he moved the chair down the hall as if he'd already known by heart every part of the house. If a few years ago someone told me that in the future Ben would visit me at home, I would say that person was going crazy.

  “What did you mean by pale face?”

  “You know,” his shoulders shook slightly, he was giggling. “The sun is out there and it's for free, you don't have to pay to enjoy its benefits.”

  “Did you take the day to offend me?”

  “I'm not offending you, Elle, I'm just inviting you out,” he braked the chair and spun it, facing me. “I know I was rude to you at first, but up to now, I'm enjoying your company.”

  “Seriously?” he nodded. Maybe that was one of the best things I could hear from Ben, it was amazing coming from him. “I thought you found me boring.”

  “I'm boring, Elle,” Ben closed his eyes and sighed. He opened his eyes again and massaged his temple. He seemed to be suffering as he relived something inside.

  “Are you alright?” I asked, concerned.

  “Yes, just tired.”

  I led Ben to the porch for some air. I hated it when his cheerful face suddenly became sad. I sat on the floor and watched him in silence.

  “I have to go.”

  “Already?”

  “Yes, I have to help Mrs. Laura prepare tomorrow's lunch,” Ben blinked.

  “Is that the only reason you want to leave?” I asked him.

  “No, but I still have to go,” he looked down and then at me through his long dark lashes.

  I walked Ben to the gate, he didn’t go any further, and I didn’t insist, I felt he needed to go. He crossed the street, and I stood there, accompanied him with the gaze until I saw him safely arriving at his home. I returned home, feeling my heart beating with joy.

  This Saturday entered in the list of the best Saturdays in my life, gained an eternal space in the memory of my heart.

  I threw myself on the bed and called Carla, telling her each detail.

  “Take it easy, Elle!” Carla said, concerned about all my excitement about Benjamin.

  “I know,” I paused. “So, I need you tomorrow.”

  “Ok! Just to get me up early on Sunday,” she answered me.

  “Love you too.”

  7th Day

  C arla arrived home at eight in the morning, just as she had promised. She was never late when I needed her for something. It was not hard to convince her to get up to come home early, the hard thing was to convince my mother to let me have lunch with people completely unknown to her. The excuse she made was the fact that Ben's father had a snobbish reputation. And, I did not even know he had that fame. Let's say that gossip between neighbors was not part of my life. Not that my mom went around talking about other people's lives, she did not even have time for that, but there is always someone to talk to even when you do not want to hear.

  Carla's smile appeared every time she showed me one of her dresses. She herself did not believe I was going to wear a dress. A T-shirt and basic jeans were enough for me. I tried on seven dresses, until I decided that I would go to lunch at Ben's house with the first one I had tried, wasting time dressing the others.

  Although Carla and I wore the same size, I thought the dress did not look as elegant on me as it did on her. Carla was perfect, not only by her beautiful face, but also by her curvy body, and not to mention her huge heart.

  Anxiety seemed to travel through every cell of my body. And anxious people tend to sweat cold, just as I was this morning. I lost count of how many minutes I was sitting on the bed, swinging my legs like a nervous tick. I was looking at the clock on the nightstand in milliseconds.

  “Can you stop?” Carla said, annoyed by my last look at the clock.

  “I'm afraid,” I confessed, even though it was stamped on my deeds, on my face.

  “This is very clear. Just be you. Or rather, don´t be, otherwise is quite certain that you are capable of dropping the lunch table,” Carla laughed.

  “Carla! You're just making my state of nerves worse,” I warned her.

  “Listen, it's just a lunch between friends and family, not an engagement lunch.”

  “You're not helping today.” I lay down, reached for the pillow, and placed it over my face. How shy people suffer and are misunderstood.

  “Ok, I'll keep silent. But please calm down.”

  I ring the intercom at Ben's house, Mrs. Laura answered; she seems to be happy with my arrival. On the other side, she opens the gate for me. Up to that moment, everything was quiet, but I hoped that the door would not be opened by any of Ben's parents, I would like to be greeted by Mrs. Laura, who always acts kindly to me.

  I follow in cautious steps until I reach the entrance of the house, my heart beats in accelerated rhythms, as strong as a drum, but not as audible as one, thank. Safe in the dress bar, keeping one of my hands occupied. I heard the door squeak being opened, the dress loose, I could feel the tension drain and my shoulders relaxing to see that it was just Ben. Just Ben. I wonder what the moment I started seeing him as was: just Ben?

  A smile broke out on his face when he saw me. Then his eyes roamed over my body, and shyness seized me once more. Ben stared at my feet.

  “Beautiful dress.” I did not thank for his compliment, because I knew the dress was not beautiful. I chose the simplest of all. It was just a pink lace dress in a very light tone that went to the knee. Then he added, “even Carla's dress looked good on you,” my eyes widened in disbelief. Ben did not say that. If his intention was to embarrass me, he achieved his goal.

  “Seriously? Did you say that?” My voice came out like thunder, rumbling fiercely on a stormy day. I clenched my fist, wanting to hit Ben's perfect face and pull out that cynical smile of his.

  “Come on. Peace and love! Let's not argue with my parents just inches from us.”

  “Few inches, Ben?” he nodded. Damned! What will they think of me? That I'm so screwed that I didn't have the decency to go to a simple Sunday lunch with my own dress. “Couldn't you keep that to yourself?”

  “No, that would undermine me from the inside. I saw Carla passing in front of my house with some bags.”

  “Just for that you deduced that the dress wasn't mine?”

  “No. I just think it suits Carla better. You know, it's not your style, it's very angelical. What seems to be yours in this whole arrangement is just your ponytail and your black sneakers,” he smiled, he smiled. What did he mean by all this? That I don't look angelical?

  “You want me to leave, don´t you?”

  “No, princess. Come in!” Ben spun the chair and entered. I followed him, still determined to hit his face. My determination ended when I ran into him:

  Marcos.

  It is not possible.

  He is not here.

  My stomach messed up. I looked into the face of one of my school's most hateful alumni. Marcos put his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his sarcastic smile as he saw me as I tried to control my displeasure. What was that annoying human being doing here? Why did Ben invite him? Why did Ben invite him if he said lunch was an apology from his mother to me? Of course, Marcos was Ben's friend, he was part of the Four Stooges group, he was also with Benjamin on the day of the accident, and maybe I am the only intruder in this house.

  Marcos seemed stronger than at the time he was studying at school, his body was visibly muscled, his hair was shaved from the sides, and those black eyes like a night sky stared at me with curiosity, what he did not have in him was the shining stars. Of course, even though I was never p
opular, Marcos recognized me. I’m teacher Elizabeth’s daughter, that was enough for him to recognize me.

  “You told me a friend was coming to lunch with us, but you didn't tell me this is your friend,” he pointed at me. “Really, Ben?” said, full of malice.

  “Marcos, please.”

  “It's just that I can't believe it,” Marcos masked the smile that threatened to come to his lips.

  “If you had told me this animal would be present, I wouldn’t have come,” I could not help being rude.

  “What did you say?” Marcos left the couch, puffed out his chest, looking furious.

  “Animal!” Ben repeated. “Come on man, you got it.”

  “So, you are there,” Ben's mother came down the stairs, interrupting our little discussion. She opened her arms to me, wrapping me in a friendly hug, I return the gesture hugging her too. “Sorry about that day,” she whispered in my ear. “For some specific reasons, I don't like Benjamin going out alone without my company to be clearer.”

  “No problems,” I said, turning away from her.

  We remained in the living room, waiting for lunch to be announced. Me in my corner and Ben in his. Marcos made a point of talking about his exuberant achievements. He was already in his second law period and was proud of his high grades, and yes, he had chosen the right profession. Ben gave one of those cynical smiles as he heard Marcos say that. Marcos, I do not know why, scolded him with his eyes. Ben returned to his serious position instantly.

  Occasionally, Marcos gave me a sinister look, as if he said I was in the wrong place. I could not disagree with him.

  While Ben’s mother seemed to have fun with the cases told by the boy, I was here, sitting alone on the sofa, in silence and feeling completely affected by the presence of Marcos at the scene.

  Mrs. Ana sometimes shared her gaze with the stairs. She sighed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, which happened at least ten times. She was anxiously waiting for someone to come down that stairs, I know that someone must probably be Ben's father. He had not yet appeared. Ben sometimes stared at those stairs too.