The days by his side

by M. C. S

  “I’m not interested in Elle. Just think you don’t fit with her.”

  “And why not?”

  “She doesn't like guys with glasses, I think it might be to prevent one hitting into other when they are going to kiss,” I pretended to puke. I felt a little annoyed to imagine the two of them kissing.

  “Got it. If you behave like an adult and tell me you're interested in her, I give up on her.”

  “First, I'm not an adult yet, I'm still in the teen level. I am nineteen years old,” Fernando laughs, except it wasn't for him to laugh, especially when I'm serious. “And second, you don't have to give up. Elle would never be interested in you.”

  “Really, why not?”

  “Carla is interested in you,” Fernando closed his eyes briefly, fixed his glasses, reminding me of Elle. “So, I don't think she would betray her friendship with Carla because of you.”

  “Carla and I are just friends, just that.”

  “Then tell her about it.”

  “I won't tell her that. And you shouldn't have told me that,” now I remembered that I shouldn't have told you at all. Carla and Elle will be upset with me. And I don't want them to be upset with me.

  “You’d better don’t tell really. Carla tell me nothing, I just noticed.”

  “As well as I noticed that you have a crush on Elle?” asked Fernando.

  “I don’t have a crush on Elle,” I said with a pissed voice.

  “Then why all this jealousy scene?”

  “I am not jealous.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “No, I am not.”

  “You are.”

  “I am not,” we were in that yes and not for at least three minutes, not that I counted the minutes, but it was a long time before the subject of the conversation entered the room without warning.

  “Were you fighting?”

  “No,” I answered without looking directly at Elle. “But Fernando is already leaving.”

  “No, I’m not leaving.”

  “Yes, you are. And don’t wait me to open the door for you.”

  “Are you really going to kick me out?”

  “Ben, are you kicking Fernando out?”

  “I’m not kicking him out. How dare you thinking that about me? He was already leaving.”

  “He said he wasn’t.”

  “Must be because someone came in,” I huffed, pissed off.

  “Didn’t get it.”

  “Don’t try to, Elle,” said Fernando, standing up and putting his hand on her shoulder. My stomach rolled with the scene. “Just going.”

  “Goodbye,” Elle said as she watched Fernando out the door. She turned her gaze to me, and before Fernando closed the door, he whispered a word to me:

  “Jealous.”

  “You ass...” I whispered to him.

  After Fernando left, we chose the song Just the way you are by Bruno Mars to start rehearsing. To give Elle some moral support, I sang first. I used to take singing lessons when I was a kid, so singing in front of a crowd or in front of a girl specifically did not make me embarrassed, but when Elle laughed, I confess that I was a little embarrassed. I could not understand her attitude. I turned the chair around and led it to the stereo, turned it off to contain Elle’s laughter.

  “Why did you do that?” she asked.

  “Maybe because I don’t like to feel like a clown.”

  “Then it is I who suffer from bipolarity,” Elle blushed and changed suddenly, bitterly regretting the subject. The girl straightened her glasses and pretended to be cleaning something in her pants. “I was just laughing because I didn't know you sang.”

  “Everybody sang, Elle.”

  “You understood what I meant.”

  “Understood what?” I asked, inducing her to say clearly what she meant. “Don’t be shy, Elle. Admit it, my voice is beautiful.”

  “Except for your modesty.”

  “She's also beautiful. I could spend all day talking about my infinite qualities, but I don't.”

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Says you. Come on, now it is your turn.”

  “Don’t know if I can make it.”

  “You have to try. I won’t laugh, I promise. On three, one, two, three,” I pushed the play.

  “Her yes, her yes…” Elle's voice came out almost in a whisper. She sang too low; I don't think we'll get a good grade with her singing like that.

  “It's horrible,” I was honest.

  “What?” Elle looked at me like she was offended. Very offended.

  “Not your voice. I can't hear you.”

  “Then give me a microphone.”

  “Come on, Elle. I know you can do better.”

  “Not with you looking at me.”

  “So I’m the problem?”

  “Not you. Not totally. You know I'm shy.”

  “Me too,” a smile spread across Elle's face. I pulled the chair, so she was seated. As soon as she sat down, I approached my chair with hers. I braced my arms on her legs. “Let's see how long you can look me in the eye without turning red and look away,” just by saying that, Elle was already red, and her gaze was already fixed in another direction.

  “You are crazy!”

  “Seriously, if you can't even look at me, how can you face a group of thirty students?”

  “I've already presented before and I didn't have to stare at someone, seeing how long I could handle it without turning red.”

  “I just want to help you.”

  “You help me a lot if you keep quiet,” she replied.

  “You don’t like me, do you?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But sometimes it seems so. You are so rude to me.”

  “You ask me to.”

  “But at anytime I saw you being rude with Fernando,” she looked at me astonished.

  “What Fernando has to do with this conversation?”

  “That asshole has a crush on you,” I poured it all and turned the back of my chair to Elle. Oh, damned, why did it bother me so much?!

  “Where did you get that ridiculous idea?”

  “He told me.”

  “Why would he tell you that?”

  “Because he wants me to help him to win you over.”

  “And you said no?”

  “Yes. I think you two don’t match.”

  “And who says so?”

  “I said.”

  “Fernando is cool.”

  “Would you stay with him?”

  “I didn’t say that. I never would do that with Carla.”

  “So, if it was not for Carla, would you stay with him?”

  “Where are you going with this? Why are you talking to me like that?” I turned again to face Elle. I did not know why this idea insisted on disturbing me. Fernando was interested in Elle, so what? I did not have to intrude on her relationships.

  “Sorry. It's just that I care about you. And just to warn you, I told him that Carla is in love with him.”

  “You what? Carla will kill me.”

  “I know. Please, don’t tell her anything.”

  “I have to warn her.”

  “Let me talk. I want to apologize.”

  “If you don't do it before the first class bell rings, I'll do it. And just to make sure, I wouldn't be with Fernando, even if Carla wasn't interested in him. He is not my type.”

  “If Fernando isn't your type, what kind of guy interests you?” I asked the question without understanding why I urgently wanted an answer. I waited a few seconds for Elle's answer, but she seemed to be stuck. She stared at the floor as she searches through her head, trying to formulate an answer, so she met my eyes again. “Isn't there any guy in school that interests you?” I asked, since the other answer did not come. Elle blushed and looked annoyed by something completely unknown to me.

  “I'm not interested in anyone at school,” her voice came out as a whisper. She had difficulty saying each word, as if it was a torture to her. “The guys aren't very nice
to me at school,” she completed.

  “But everyone has someone who feels some interest besides friendship.”

  “I'm not everyone.”

  “What a cliché answer! We are friends, Elle, we can talk about these matters.”

  “Only I don't want to.”

  “Why?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Because the guy is an asshole?”

  “Yes.”

  “And who is he?”

  “I won’t tell you.”

  “I won’t insist. Have you ever dated, Elle?”

  “Why are you doing that to me?”

  “So the answer is no. Have you ever kissed anyone?” if Elle was already red, her condition worsened. She got up from her chair, grabbed her backpack from the bed, getting ready to leave.

  “I’m leaving.”

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed. You’re just sixteen, it’s normal not to being kissed yet.”

  “But it’s not normal for you to keep asking me that.”

  “I just want to know more about you.”

  “Just that what you are willing to know is too much for me.”

  “Friends talk about these things.”

  “I want to go.”

  “You can go, you are not my prisoner.”

  I walked Elle to the door. The girl stopped to watch the man cleaning the pool. She put her arm on the small grid and bent to watch. I approached too; it has been a while I had not approached. Elle looked at me, and I watched his fragile face. Some freckles framed her nose. I ran my eyes down to her small mouth, never noticed how beautiful it was. Elle turned her attention to the pool.

  “Why the bars?” she looked at me again and fell silent, I am sure she thought exactly what I did not want her to think.

  “Don't you think I'd throw myself?” she shook her head and walked back.

  At the gate, I held her delicate hands, gently pulled Elle into my lap, and she did not stop me from doing so. I ran my fingers through her hair and opened my mouth to say something completely stupid.

  “If you want, I can fix your immaculate lips issue. It will be much more normal than if it were with another guy,” Elle opened her mouth in disbelief. Her look said: I'll kill you! And, I felt that she really wanted to do that.

  “Ben, you didn't tell me that. You can't have told me that.”

  “But I said. Did I screw up? I did. I just want to help you.”

  “I don't need your help with that, asshole,” she stood and paced my chair as if trying to assimilate what I just said. Nor could I believe what I had said. What was I thinking?

  “Can you stop? I'm getting dizzy.”

  “Do apologize,” it didn't seem like a request, but an order.

  “I do not,” I shrugged.

  “What is your problem? Are you doing this to later make fun of me with Marcos?”

  “I would never do that.”

  “Really?”

  “That time... I don't want to talk about that time,” I stared at the floor and watched Elle's sneakers. “Your shoelaces are untied.”

  “And so what?”

  “So you can trip and fall.”

  “And?”

  “After you can break your glasses, your mother will be furious with you.”

  “Are you running from the subject?” I nodded.

  “I don't know what got into me, I shouldn't have said that. You have to forgive me. You offended me by text, and I relieved,” I couldn't help the smile that brushed my lips.

  “Besides asshole, you're a blackmailer.”

  “Yes, I can bargain very well. So will you forget what I said?”

  “You made me feel like an idiot. You got a pity on me, didn’t you?”

  “I didn't feel sorry for you. I think you're amazing. I'm sure you will still find a nice guy.”

  “Except I don't like nice guys,” Elle opened the gate and then left, without saying clearly whether she had forgiven me or not.

  Tomorrow I would have to think about what I would say to Carla about Fernando.

  Elle

  10th Day

  B en approached me ten minutes after I reached the classroom. He looked a little sleepy and tired. He went to his usual place and stared silently at the blackboard.

  “Have you already talked to Carla?” I went straight to what was annoying me. I was worried about what her relationship with Fernando would become from now on.

  “I already told her,” Ben said, still staring at the board.

  “And what was her reaction?”

  “She let the dogs on top of me. I had to run away,” he answered, naturally.

  I nodded, and the bell for the first class rang, preventing us from continuing the matter.

  At break time, Ben refused to leave the room. He brought his ready-to-eat snack and did not say much, I did not make a point of insisting either. If he wanted to come later, he would come. I went downstairs and went to meet Carla.

  “Fernando is weird with me,” she said as we waited in the cafeteria line.

  “He's shy. He must have been embarrassed to find out that his friend is interested in him,” Carla turned her head slightly back. Her face showed surprise and shock. I knew my friend very well to know that she definitely did not know about the conversation between Fernando and Ben.

  “Ben didn’t tell you?”

  “I didn't see this asshole today,” yes, it seems that I do not know Benjamin enough, he lied to me blatantly. Why did he do it? Of course Carla does not look like an angel when she gets nervous, but he did not have to lie. Only by admitting that he had not courage enough to talk was fine. “Is it serious that Fernando already knows?” I nodded. “How come?”

  “He went to Ben’s yesterday.”

  “Ben,” Carla said Ben's name with some contempt, then left the line, fists clenched. She was walking in heavy steps, and I know she was heading towards Benjamin. I went after her, trying to stop the beginning of the hurricane, if one can prevent a hurricane from happening.

  “Carla, don’t do anything that you’ll regret latter,” I warned her.

  “I won't kill him if that's what you want to know.”

  Carla came into the room with no kindness.

  “Ben!” Carla wasn’t concerned with her pose and shouted, not bothering to get attention.

  “Hi!” Ben said, then showed a sarcastic smile. I scolded him with my eyes, but he kept his mocking face.

  “Who gave you the right to say what I feel or should feel for Fernando to him?”

  “It was not my intention. When I perceived, I had already spoken. I’m sorry, I didn't want to get you in an awkward situation with him,” despite the mocking air, Ben's request sounded sincere.

  “I won't apologize you,” Ben shrugged. “Fernando didn't even look in my face today.”

  “Because he's a coward. Who wouldn't want a beautiful girl like you?” I didn't like the way the conversation was taking.

  “Maybe it's because not everyone prefers blondes,” I spoke with a mixture of anger and jealousy.

  “I thought you were by my side,” Carla said, a little disappointed. I looked away from her. I did not want to have implied that Fernando was not interested in her.

  “Is that supposed to be directed at me?” Ben asked, pointing to himself,” I have no preferences for blondes. Okay, Jessica is blonde, also there is the girl at the movie’s, a former English language classmate...”

  “Ben, I don't wanna know,” I interrupted him.

  “Anyway, the damage has been done and there is no way to fix it.”

  “I wish I could break your face. It would be a great way for me to fix this,” Carla said.

  “Wished, but you know you can't do that. It would be bad for you to hit a guy in my condition,” the more Benjamin spoke, the more I felt that Carla really wanted to do that.

  “And now?” she sighed and sat down in a chair. “How will I face him?”

  “Just like you did this morning. You didn'
t know anything and yet you talked to him.”

  “Just that he was completely puzzled.”

  “Then tell him the truth.”

  “Ben, you’re not being a help,” I said.

  “What do you want me to tell him?” Asked Carla.

  “Fernando, my cute, I'm in love with you,” Ben said, trying to fake a woman's voice. Carla and I look at each other, and I know what she wanted to tell me. What did you see in him? I'm still trying to figure out. I answered with one more look that only we both knew.

  “You’re ridiculous!”

  “Ok, then, be natural, as nothing has happened.”

  Carla's lips tightened in a rigid line, she stood, heading towards the door, turned her body, and pointed a finger at Ben.

  “Don't you dare talking about me again to anyone or I don't answer for myself. Next time, I rip your head off,” she left the room, and even receiving the threat, Carla's words prompted Ben to smile even more.

  One of the things I hated about Ben was that he used his physical condition to take advantage of me, especially when he was thirsty and too lazy to go to the kitchen, which was not far from his room.

  I filled the glass of water while Mrs. Laura prepared a fruit salad for Benjamin's mother. I was already walking towards Ben's room when a small part of the conversation from the day before came to my mind. I turned my body and dared to ask:

  “What’s with the fences around the pool?” she stood with the knife on the pear and looked at me a little astonished, then turn back to cut the fruit, not answering my question. “Would Ben throw himself in the pool?” I asked softly, looking around to make sure no one approached.

  “From where that come from, girl?” she seemed to be bothered by my questioning.

  “Would he jump? I mean, has he ever jumped?”

  “If you haven't noticed, Ben is no longer a guy who would jump in the water,” she answered sarcastically.

  “You got it,” I said dryly, not caring how the tones of the words came out.

  “Mrs. Ana doesn't like people talking about this. If Benjamin didn't tell you, that means he doesn't want you to know.”

  “So the answer is yes?”

  “You are insistent,” she pulled me closer to her. “Will you keep your mouth shut?” I nodded. “That was at the beginning, right in the early days that he returned home. By our carelessness, Ben had managed to guide his chair out. He went to the pool, did not brake his chair and threw himself. We heard the noise of something falling into the water. Luckily, Mr. Paulo was at home. Mrs. Ana and I wouldn’t have the strength to get him out of the water. Ben's father was his savior that day, although I don't think Ben wanted to be saved. He swore he couldn't stop his chair in time. Not even his psychologist could take it from him, that yes, he had tried to commit suicide. He still does therapy; his mother didn't allow him to stop. “I was astonished at Mrs. Laura's confession, tried to rearrange my thoughts, confirmed my suspicions, and bitterly regretted asking,” he never did that again, you know, attempting suicide. Please, Elle, don't comment with him. Everyone in this house has already suffered a lot from what happened.