The days by his side

by M. C. S

  “You know it is,” I played with the pencil between my fingers, trying to placate the nervousness before being introduced to Ben’s parents as his girlfriend. “My mother was happy when I told her. She knows you do me well,” I stopped staring at my notebook and stared at Benjamin.

  “And your dad?”

  “My dad doesn't care much about which girl I'm dating. Whether it is right or not, whether it is full of defects or not, does not matter to him. He is neutral. He won’t intrude. You have this in your favor. But me.... Who is your father, Elle?” I definitely didn't expect that question. I didn’t know my father's figure, neither physically nor in character.

  “I don’t know him. He and my mother have cut ties definitively. He also didn’t care to have me present in his life.”

  “Sorry, I shouldn't have asked,” I shrugged.

  “I don’t care. He didn't miss me. Many people say they’d like to meet their parents. I don’t. Like I said, I didn't miss him. I’d miss my mother if she went away. I coexisted and coexist with her. That didn't happen to my father. I don't hate him, and I don't love him. I hope you understand my reasoning.”

  “Makes sense.”

  Ben did not talk about "my dad" anymore that day. I did not really like talking about it either. I thought it unnecessary to explain about someone I do not know.

  29th Day

  The strong heat made me spend most of the morning sitting on the porch floor of my house. Mom took the opportunity to correct some work. Sitting in one of the four chairs, she devoted herself earnestly to one of her duties as a teacher. Nothing distracted her at a time when she was determined not to make any mistakes except when I opened my mouth to say something.

  “Ben's mother invited me to lunch at her house tomorrow.”

  “And when did you see her if you're grounded? And the only requirement is that you don't go to Benjamin's house.” I swallowed and decided to insist, or rather, lie.

  “She invited me by cell phone. She is so kind that I found it impolite to refuse.”

  “She really is a kind person. Alright, Elle. You can go. But take it easy, don't get carried away.”

  “Thanks,” I said, wondering if she already suspected something.

  “By the way, take Carla,” I did not protest. If that would be her condition, I was willing to accept. And Carla's company was never a nuisance to me.

  “My mother allowed,” I called Benjamin in the afternoon. We spent over an hour talking on the cell phone. I had to intervene twice when he insisted he would come to my house to ring the bell until I finally answered him.

  “What a...”

  “Ben!” I interrupted.

  “Shit! You don't even wait for me to finish and you're already jumping to conclusions,” I heard his muffled laugh. “Seriously, I need urgently to see you.”

  “Tomorrow! Don’t spoil everything.”

  “I’ll try to control myself.”

  30th Day

  “I can't believe you made me come here!” Carla said. “What I don't do for you, huh?”

  “I hope someday I can repay.”

  “No need to repay. Sometimes it's torturous to live with Ben's presence, but I know that one day I'll get used to it. I hope it doesn't take so long,” she whispered the last sentence.

  I pressed the intercom, I was answered and announced my arrival. The gate was opened, I located Ben on the doorstep waiting for us.

  “Hello!” He said, followed by a smile. “Carla, I could never imagine your presence here. Welcome!”

  “Neither do I, and thank you!”

  He made way for us to pass.

  “Is this how my girlfriend welcomes me? No kissing?” I ignored Benjamin and went in. Carla and I sat on the couch. Ben stopped the chair near me. I watched as a completely unknown boy entered the room. He found himself with his frantic fingers typing something on his cell phone. With his head lowered, he did not look at the people next to him.

  Ben faked a cough in order to get the boy’s attention. The blond boy raised his eyes, leaving his cheek pink visible. His gaze ran across me and stopped at Carla, who turned red with the boy’s glare. I could understand why she was embarrassed. He was a perfected boy, the word beautiful definitely suited him.

  “Girls, this is Bernardo. My cousin. Don't be surprised by the similarity of the names. My aunt wanting to pay tribute to me when this creature was born.”

  “Ben as always, being politeness in person,” Bernardo answered in a serious voice.

  “Thank you,” Ben mocked. “Bernardo this is Carla; I saw that you liked her,” Ben chuckled, hit him with a punch in the arm, because he made Carla even more embarrassed. “There! And this is Elle, my girlfriend and also a beater,” Bernardo reached for me, I held the boy’s cold hand. Then he did the same thing to Carla. He stared at her and held her hand longer than he held mine. Carla let go of his hand and crossed her arms. She lowered her head, looking away. “Just to warn you, I still prefer Fernando.”

  “Ben!” I said his name, wanting to shut him up.

  “Who is Fernando?” The blonde asked a little curious.

  “Carla's likely boyfriend,” Ben answered.

  “My what?” Carla shot Ben with the eye.

  “Ah! So he is not your boyfriend? And why likely?” Bernardo asked, with some urgency to know the answer.

  “Ben doesn't know what he's talking. You should know by now that he's a master at talking nonsense,” Carla defended herself.

  “But I also know when he's telling the truth,” Ben threw his head back and laughed.

  “She doesn't want to talk about it,” I intruded. Bernardo shrugged, ignoring the subject. “Ben, that's enough of saying nonsense.”

  “Elle, now you have to take it. You made a bad choice by choosing Benjamin,” Ben's father said as he descended the stairs.

  “It's great to see how your family supports you,” Ben muttered.

  Ben's father greeted us, repeating Bernardo's gesture. He talked to us, while I was still trying to figure out from whom Ben inherited this unconventional way of his. Bernardo was a very serious boy. His way of speaking was not compatible with his eighteen years. He managed to catch up with Carla, holding her attention just to him. I saw that as a good sign. Forgetting was sometimes the best solution, although I never chose that option regarding Ben.

  Before lunch was served, we counted on the presence of Dr. Andréia, who asked me to ignore the doctor and call her just Andréia. She looked very excited and did not show the seriousness of the shrink I had met. I thought maybe it was from her that Ben had inherited that unconventional way.

  After lunch, the invitation extended to the pool. Carla and I had not brought a bikini. We both ran home to provide them. I put on shorts over my bikini and was tempted not to go back to Ben’s. My legs were whiter than a candle. I stared at myself in the mirror and also felt ashamed that they were too thin. I was in a panic, starting to compare myself with Jessica. Although she was my declared rival, I had to admit that her body was one of envy.

  “Stop comparing yourself with her!”

  “I’m ridiculous.”

  “You are not.”

  “Ben will think I’m ridiculous.”

  “He will, if you continue with your low self-esteem. No one is perfect, Elle.”

  “That means you think I'm ugly.”

  “I’m just saying that everyone is dissatisfied with something in the body. But even so doesn’t get martyred. Come on!” Carla held my hand, pulling me out of the room.

  When I got back to Benjamin’s house, I forgot my body and let happiness flood my heart. I could still hear Ben’s mother protesting to Andréia that it was not safe. That Benjamin was not completely reliable. He was on a floating mattress, floating in the pool water, while Bernardo surrounded him, implying that he would be there if anything went wrong. Ben’s father was resting in a reclining chair. I approached them and sat at the edge of the pool with my feet in the water, which was warm and inviting. Carla
approached as well. She looked apprehensively at Benjamin, she had the same insecurity as his mother.

  “Hi, Princess!” Ben said after an effort to look my way. Bernardo carefully turned the float, leaving Ben's face visible to me.

  “Hi!” I answered.

  “Get in the water!” Benjamin invited me. “Or can't you swim?”

  “I'm not an expert, but I can survive a pool,” I answered, I left my glasses with Carla and got in the water.

  “Can you make sure he doesn't drown for a few minutes?” Bernardo asked me as soon as I reached them.

  “I can try.”

  “Great!” Bernardo took a few strokes, swimming to the edge. He got out of the water and sat next to Carla.

  “I'll have to interfere with that,” Ben muttered.

  “You’ll do anything.”

  “But Fernando...”

  “No but…” I interrupted him. “Fernando is doing nothing to deserve it. Your cousin looks like a nice guy. And he's very handsome too,” Without thinking my eyes darted over Bernardo's belly and muscles.

  “You didn't say that. Are you looking for him?”

  “Not the way you are thinking,” I turned my attention to Ben.

  “I see!” Ben snorted, turning his face to the side. “I knew the presence of this donkey here wouldn't be a good idea. As always, he is calling attention.”

  “He didn't get my attention. Not that way. But I can't say that he's ugly either.”

  “Gabrielle, you’re getting complicated.”

  “Benjamin, you're driving me to do this,” I replied. “Are you jealous?” I ran a hand through his slightly wet hair.

  “I'm not jealous.”

  “You're so childish.”

  “Great! So go talk to the adult gentleman over there!” Ben said, pointing to Bernardo. He lost his balance, the float turned around, I tried to stop him by holding on, but I was never too powerful. Ben fell into the water. I could not think straight, a knot formed in my throat as I tried to scream for help, but I did not have to. Bernardo had already dived. I heard Ben's mother's copious cry as Bernardo returned with Ben to the surface. Ben's father approached them, helping Bernardo get his son out of the water. Carla stared at me with wide eyes open, and I could not move.

  “Damned! I had forgotten how bad it was to almost drown,” Ben said between coughs while trying to catch his breath.

  I swam to the edge, stepped out of the pool, and knelt beside Ben.

  “Is he fine?” I asked no one specific.

  “Yes. He didn't stay long in the water. It was just a fright,” Ben's father answered, putting his hand on my shoulder. His mother approached, held his son awkwardly and hugged him.

  “Mom, I'm fine. No exaggeration,” She helped him to sit down. Andréia came to us, bringing the wheelchair. “It was just an oversight. I won’t go in.”

  “Don't be a stubborn, Benjamin. You need to rest,” Andréia answered.

  Ben's father put him in his chair, ignoring his protests and led him inside.

  “Elle, no need to collapse here,” Carla whispered to me.

  “I will not,” I said, fighting for it not to happen.

  I waited a few minutes until Ben was alone and went to meet him.

  “You gave me quite a scare,” I said, sitting on his bed. Ben lay on his back, his hand reached mine.

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “I shouldn't have teased you.”

  “And I shouldn’t have accepted your provocations. No need to feel guilty. I should have acted more cautiously. Come here!” Ben carefully pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his chest. I heard his heartbeat, thinking that a few minutes ago he might not be making that sound anymore. I fell asleep nestled in his chest while his hand stroked my hair.

  31st Day

  I woke up with a little color on my face. A little bit of sunbathing by the pool yesterday gave a more presentable tone to my skin, turning it pink, and removing that sick aspect it always looked like.

  I remember waking up in Benjamin’s arms, trying to loosen up quickly, feeling slightly embarrassed. It did not take me long to leave, and today I woke up with a sudden regret for running away from him.

  At school, I was visibly moody because Ben did not show up. His mother insisted/forced him to stay home and rest. It would be another day based on texts exchange. Mother decreed new rules. I could go to Ben’s house only twice a week. And since I was at his house yesterday, there is no way I could go there today. Well, I guess I would have to settle for messages exchanges.

  32nd Day

  It was after 2 pm when someone clapped in front of my house. I ran into the living room and my heart burst with joy as I saw Benjamin on the other side of the gate.

  “Your mother forbade you to come to my house, but she did not forbid me to come to yours. How much time do we have, princess?”

  “Until six third,” I answered and run to open the gate.

  33th Day

  Ben and I went to the mall together looking for a birthday present for Carla. It was a typical sunny day, but on this day there seemed to be more than one sun in the sky. The bus was empty, which eased some of the heat, and also there were several vacant seats.

  I was undecided on what I would give to my friend as a gift. I could not remember anything she needed. Carla has it all. Her family is wealth. Money has never been a problem for her family. It was then that I remembered that what she really wanted was a little freedom. Make her own decisions. Perhaps that was close to happen. Saturday she would be 18 years old. But her freedom would come only when she could support herself.

  We had already entered two stores and had not yet found anything that caught my attention.

  “How long it’s gonna take?” Ben asked, a little bored. He had already bought his gift on the first store we entered. It was quick to choose, not much searching. He just asked the opinion of a saleswoman and took the first shirt he had seen. What puzzled me was why he did not ask my opinion. I am her best friend. I hope Ben does not think I have bad taste. I really hope he does not think that.

  We took a break for a snack. As I drank my soda, I was a little embarrassed by the way Ben looked at me.

  “What?” I put the soda can on the table.

  “Since you’re not finding anything material to give, give something physical.”

  “Didn’t get it.”

  “Does Carla like a pet?”

  “I don't have enough money to buy an animal.”

  “I can buy.”

  “No, thank you! The gift is mine. So that means the money must be mine too,” I pushed my glasses to the bridge of my nose.

  “Rude!”

  “Then don't offer to pay things for me.”

  “Elle, will you stop? Or will I have to come over and shut you up with a kiss?” Ben knew not to be discreet at the most inappropriate times. I felt some pairs of eyes embedded in me. I did not want to look to the sides to see the faces of the curious. Ben not only told me to listen, but to that whole diner too. He knew how to shut me up.

  “Asshole,” I whispered.

  “I know you like.”

  “That’s what you think.”

  “Will you accept my idea? We can go around looking for an abandoned puppy. We won't have to pay, but it will take a lot of work to find one. So what? Do you think your friend will like it?”

  “I think so, but there’re her parents. I don't know if they will approve the idea.”

  “They don't need to know. They won't make us return after we're there.”

  “Why are you so against the rules? But I’m in.”

  “Great! Keep a piece of the sandwich in your bag. We'll need it.”

  “Why don’t you keep?”

  “Because I don’t have a bag. Are you ashamed?’

  “No!”

  “But you’re red.”

  “You don’t make a point of leaving my face in the natural color. Okay, it’s done. Are you feeling better?” I threw the piece of t
he sandwich quickly into my bag.

  “Way better.”

  We left the mall heading for Benjamin's madness. He was stubborn and inconsequential when he wanted something.

  “Isn’t it better for us to go to a shelter?” I asked.

  “That's right, but we wouldn't take a dog off the streets.”

  “Since when are you concerned with abandoned puppies?”

  “Benjamin is not only a pretty face.”

  “Ben, don't make me believe that you really are an idiot,” we stopped, waiting for the light to turn green. As soon as the signal opened, we took the crosswalk.

  “My mother has an institution for needy children,” Ben said.

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “When I was a kid, I used to go with her at least once a week to make a visit. I used to play with some kids there. At least they didn't see me as a mean little brat,” Ben smiled.

  “I never thought you cared what others thought of you.”

  “I never cared and I don't care, but that’s not a nickname to give to a child. I was an angel,” I nodded, knowing that this was not true indeed. “What is the view you had of me when I was a child? Do you remember? We never communicate. But the neighbors liked to draw my parents' attention to me.”

  “I remember you were very terrible. Of course all female children wanted to get away from you. Your games were dangerous.”

  “I didn’t murder any children with them.”

  “Ben, you’re hopeless.”

  We had been walking for half an hour. Something told me that Ben did not know exactly where we were going. He had guided me through some streets until we entered a neighborhood I did not know. I froze and spun my body, wanting to return.

  “Don’t fear. I’m here to protect you,” Ben said with a laugh. He held my hand, resting his head on my arm.

  “Tell me where we're going.”

  “Not for a motel,” I blushed at his speech. I let go of my hand with a bump, while he fell apart laughing.

  “I'm leaving and I'll leave you there.”

  “You wouldn’t do that.”