10th Grade

by Joe Weisberg

  After school was over I went home and hung out and had dinner. Then I called Gillian. She’d called me 3 times and once we talked for over 2 hours and once I wasn’t home and called her back so I was used to calling her. We have an office in the back of the house next to the garage where my Mom goes sometimes to do volunteer work and where once in a while my Dad goes for some peace and quiet there’s a typewriter and a phone there so that’s where I go for private conversations. Beth has a phone in her room so she doesn’t have to which is not totally unfair because she didn’t get it until she was a Junior. Anyway I call and Gillians mom answers and gets Gillian. I say hi and she starts talking about all the million typical things girls like to talk about including: what happened in every 1 of her classes, who said something smart, who said something stupid, what her mom said when she got home, what her mom meant when she said what she said when she got home, and what she thought about just about everyone in the world. I say “Uh-huh.” Then I said “So I did that Banana Maloosa thing today.”

  “So how was it?” she said like she was really excited.

  “Bad. Way too salty” I said.

  “Oh no” she said like she was really sad.

  “Yeah I pretty much poisoned everybody. It was funny though.”

  “Funny?”

  “People were like “Those Ife need a McDonalds.””

  “Well I don’t think that’s so funny” Gillian said.

  “What?”

  “Everybody’s always making fun of everybody.”

  “It was funny” I said.

  “I don’t think it’s funny. You worked very hard on that report and you cooked The Banana Maloosa and it didn’t go well.”

  “Um” I said.

  “I don’t suppose somebody could just eat something and not make somebody else feel bad about it?”

  I said “But you couldn’t eat it. It was uneatable.”

  “Oh I don’t know people are so - so - something.”

  “I didn’t even eat it.”

  I realized Gillian was really sensitive.

  “I wish it wasn’t so salty” I said.

  Then Gillian asked me how Carter did in the Knicks Game and I said 3 minutes no points no rebounds 1 assist. The truth was after the game which was the night before I thought for a long time about Richardson breaking his ankle and Williams injuring his eye and both of them sitting out the rest of the season and Carter leading the Knicks to the Finals and then winning it all and Richardson and Williams on the bench just watching and then when it’s over both coming up to Carter and giving him a big hug while he cried a little happily and saying “Good job man” and Williams saying to the newscaster “That’s my boy.”

  Anyway we said good night I went back through the living room to go upstairs and my Dad was reading the paper in his chair and he said “You too?” which meant now I talked on the phone all the time like Claire and Beth and my Mom. I said “No.” Then I went upstairs.

  CHAPTER 9

  GILLIANS BASEMENT PART II

  Gillians basement was sort of unfancy probably because her parents are divorced. Her Mom works at some kind of organization but that probably doesn’t pay enough to remodel a basement which can be a very expensive proposition. In fact my Mom tried to get my Dad to remodel our basement for a long time and he always said it was too expensive and a waste of money until he said OK. At Gillians some things like the carpet and the couches were old and 1 of the bean bag chairs had a hole and leaked bean stuffing all over the place. The TV was OK. It smelled like an old basement. I liked going down there there was this feeling down there like you never knew what was going to happen.

  Gillians Mom respected her privacy too so we could be down there and have privacy. Gillians Mom wasn’t crazy. She was a little strange but she wasn’t mean so it wasn’t like having a mother who beat you or something and destroyed your sense of yourself. Her father lived 4 miles away.

  Anyway we’re down in the basement with everybody and Kath who wasn’t around as much as the rest of us because she’s sick or doesn’t feel like going out. It’s Saturday night and Gillians Mom isn’t home but might be coming home soon. Caroline by the way was wearing leather pants which I’ve never seen her wear and Kath is in sweats because she likes to be comfortable and I don’t wear Alligator shirts when I go out at night anymore so I’ve got a very soft brown sweater my Mom got me last year on and of course my trusty soccer jacket which I’m not wearing. We’re talking about sex we’re speculating about who in the class had it and joking about who obviously hasn’t had it. Douglas and Kath haven’t either and Gillian never told me if she ever did but she hasn’t had a boyfriend since I’ve known her which was over a couple months now and as for Caroline who knows even though we all kind of assume probably. Anyway we start talking about how guys always want to have sex but girls are more into love and emotions and maybe more grown-up which is Gillians opinion and then Caroline says “I don’t think you should live with somebody. No really I don’t I don’t believe in sex before marriage.”

  “Oh please” says Kath because we all know Caroline does a lot even though no one unless Gillian and Kath and they’re not telling knows exactly how far she’s gone but we know she must at least believe in it I guess because of everything about her. Caroline says “I don’t I think you should wait. Because it’s like well you just delve into stuff you’re not ready for. Guys too.” She makes this face like “So there” the way she does when she’s got an idea she’s going to believe no matter what.

  “Yeah well. Okay fine who here has had sex?” Caroline says.

  Nobody says anything.

  “Jeremy?” she says.

  I say “Well I don’t know exactly what you mean by sex but”

  “Douglas?” Caroline says.

  “I’m waiting for my wedding night” he says. Everybody laughs. Then he says “I’m on a quest for my true love.”

  “Oh please” says Kath. She’s rolling her eyes.

  “Douglas is right it’s a completely different experience when you’re in love” says Gillian.

  “It’s a feeling you get” Gillian says next.

  “People don’t even know when they’re in love. Not for sure. Everybody’s just guessing. Even married people” I say.

  “Do you think?” said Kath.

  “Yeah” I say.

  We were sitting on the floor and after everybody was quiet for a second Caroline said “Douglas give me a backrub.” Douglas got off the other couch from the 1 I was on and sat behind Caroline and put his hands on her and started to rub. We all watched for a minute then Kath said “I’ll do you” to me she got off the couch and sat down in front of it and leaned back against it and I got off the couch and moved down in front of her and I sat there wondering how far back to sit because I didn’t want to crush her tits. Her tits are really big in the way big girls tits are not so much so they’re great but just so they’re big like as part of the fatness. Which is still big but you can tell squishy. She put her hands on my shoulders and she starts to rub and then she says “Relax” which is like announcing with a megaphone to the whole world “Jeremy’s not relaxed” and which makes you more unrelaxed and then Gillian sat down in front of me and said “do me.” She was wearing a blue wooly shirt with these little holes you could almost see through and with 2 bra straps pressing through it on her shoulders I put my hands on her shoulders with my fingers kind of spread out so I wasn’t right over her bra and I started to rub I was trying not to touch the bra which is hard when you’re trying to rub somebodys back until I moved my hands farther out and squeezed there and then moved back inbetween the bra straps and her neck with my hands and squeezed there. That was when I noticed there were all these tiny little see-through hairs on her neck. They were the smallest little hairs I ever saw. They weren’t bad like being hairy. They were more like on a fish or something just some thing you never saw that then you see. Kath is squeezing my shoulders but it didn’t feel especially anything. Meanwhile
Douglas’s about 2 feet away doing Caroline and her leather pants are sticking out straight in front of her on the floor and I swear she starts moaning like “Uuuuh” and “Mmmmm” like she’s fucking or something and Douglas’s got his usual bored look on his face but I’m not buying it for a second I’m sure he’s faking it to be cool and I can see Carolines Tits which are pointy like some girls are and don’t really go out to the sides at all but still go forward with their pointiness so that I definitely crave them. And Kath is moving down now and rubbing my back lower so I do the same thing to Gillian and when I move down I realize for the 1st time her back is super super thin and I can feel all her bones and her spine which is sticking out and I press around the bones and she moves a little and I’m looking over at Douglas and I’m thinking he’s there with his hands all over Caroline and I’m stuck here I think between the fat and the flat even though it’s mean to think and even though I’m not really into Caroline like for sex like I am totally with Renee still I think he’s pretty lucky and I’m not having too much fun or luck. Gillian is bending her head way down and Kath is breathing all over my neck and suddenly I get an idea and I move my hands up and start doing Gillians head which feels weird like having someones head in your hands. For a second I pretend it’s Renee and her head and that makes me feel bad because it’s Gillians head but still I do. Something pretty intense happened about a week before with Renee even though she didn’t know it. We had our last soccer game of the season versus RTS (Rianeck Township High). Our season has kind of gone down the drain at this point because we’re 8-15. Fan support has dwindled considerably. So it was the last game of the season and nobody even cared and especially since it was away nobody came. At 1/2 time I was disgusted with us and our effort and how much we lost all year and losing again and again and again and I went to the visitors locker room to take a piss and then I went out the door but instead of going back to the field I went the other way around the side of the building to the back of the school just to see what was there and blow off some steam. There was nothing much back there except bike racks and a field behind the school until I see all the way over by the side of the building 2 people and it’s Renee and some guy. He doesn’t go to Hutch Falls so he must go to RTS he’s kind of short and thin and he has those “I’m an intellectual” glasses some people wear and a leather jacket which I have to admit is pretty cool and they’re facing each other and they’re right in each others faces really really really close and they’re far enough away I can’t hear what they’re saying to each other but I can just tell they’re fighting. Even though their faces are pretty close for fighting. And then this guy puts his hand on her shoulder and she whacks it off. And I wonder if I’m going to have to go over and beat the shit out of his scrawny ass and then he says something else and puts it back and this time she leaves it there.

  I go back around the other side of the building the girls always seem to know guys from other schools and I don’t see how they do it. How the fuck it just happens anyway I was maybe going to come around the other side and say hi just because I felt like I was spying on them or something and it would be better to let them know but then I realize they might be kissing and I didn’t want to disturb them. I wonder about Renee seeing me hiding with some girl from another school somewhere and then I thought she might see me somewhere with Caroline but I didn’t know if that would be good or if she’d look down on Caroline as a whacked-out black-clad druggie fuck-up or not.

  And then I realize nobody knows. Because just a few weeks ago John McKnight said to Randy Brewer in the locker room these exact words - “She’s gonna have to go out with somebody because what is she gonna do be a nun the rest of her life” and Randy Brewer said “You should make another move she was probably just in a bad mood the 1st 200 times she blew you off.” John threw a dirty sock at Randy and the rest of us weren’t really listening even though I bet everyone was but now even though before I didn’t think she was necessarily going out with John or anybody else because wouldn’t I of heard about it now I was sure and I was pretty psyched except now suddenly I realize who’s this guy and is he her boyfriend. Except I’m not sure he is her boyfriend or anything serious. And they’re not looking too happy. The next day after that I saw her about 50 times before Spanish when we’re finally in Spanish I almost say “Hey I saw you at the RTS game” or “I saw you with that guy at RTS” and for once I’m praying for a dialogue drill with the verb IR which means go so I could say “Tu vas la game at RTS?” But I didn’t know how to say “I saw you” which would be a problem. But sometimes because Mr. Eller says “Your primary objective is to be understood” you can act that stuff out like point to your eyes and just say “Tu”. But I didn’t say anything.

  OK that story about Renee and the soccer game was the past and now I’m going back to the present which is still the past. I had a conflict with Mr. Rasfenjohn about this between the soccer game and the backrubs when referring to my last composition for Creative Composition and I think all the other 1s too he said my use of tenses has to improve. Specifically he said “You must keep a careful watch on your tenses because I am becoming confused too often.” I said I’m just expressing myself. He paused then he said “but you could express yourself even more convincingly. It is disturbing your flow” and I said “I just like to write” and then he said “Yes yes alright”. The thing is sometimes when you’re writing about the past (which I usually am because I’m not standing there writing when something’s happening I’m going home 1st and eating and a lot of times I’m busy with stuff and I write about something that happened a couple weeks ago) I have observed that tenses are confusing because if you’re writing in the future about the past then you use the past tense but what you’re writing about is happening then (when you’re writing about) so you use the present tense and pretty soon Mr. Rasfenjohn is like “it’s disturbing your flow”. And philosophically speaking is the past ever really past? No. It is always with us.

  Anyway Caroline and Douglas switched. So she was doing his back. He was looking in front of him and his head was moving because of her rubbing him and her hands came over him in front of his shoulders as she really dug in there. I was wondering if me and Gillian and Kath were going to switch but we never did and then finally everyone just stopped. Me and Douglas went upstairs for drinks. I know Douglas a lot better now because over the last few weeks since a little before soccer ended we’ve hung out more mostly with the girls but a lot without them too in the parking lot after practice when there was practice and after school now that there’s just school when we don’t feel like going home a bunch of times and once he came over to just hang out. I know for example that his Dad is some kind of genius scientist who invents vacuum packing and things like that and his Mom’s a scientist too and their idea of a good time is trigonometry. I know that Douglas gets As but doesn’t like people to know because he thinks they’re judgmental and I know that when he’s weird around you at 1st it’s because he doesn’t know you and later when he trusts you he really trusts you. Like the Mafia. And he believes trust is the only real thing that matters. And I know that when Douglas gets mad he’s dangerous and he can hurt somebody but I really just know this from him saying it I kind of doubt he would hurt anybody. He’s a really nice person I think who hates the world and also most people. Whatever you’re discussing he can show you the people are full of it for example if you say Mr. Zeldof is a boring teacher Douglas says he’s part of a centuries old education conspiracy to bore us to death. I know what he means because Mr. Zeldof is so boring he puts himself to sleep and he’s famous for sleeping if you’re taking a quiz or a test and for snoring. I heard that 1 time he fell asleep when he was talking and crashed onto his desk but I don’t know if that’s true. Anyway though I don’t think it’s some conspiracy I don’t take that stuff too seriously I just think Douglas is screwed up about it but once in a while even he laughs at how harsh he is and I respect that.

  But here’s the really big thing. Douglas
doesn’t get along with his parents and they don’t get along with him. He thinks they’re detached from the world and they think he’s just a teenager who hasn’t learned anything yet about the world so they let him do what he wants. Also they’re always working so they don’t even notice. So he can’t stand to be home in the house with them. Even sleeping. So he never is he always crashes at somebodys house. The comments I heard before about Douglas not getting a good nights sleep at his house and about crashing at Gillians foreshadowed this problem. Basically Douglas doesn’t live anywhere. I mean not really. But sort of.

  Anyway the kitchen is dark and we didn’t turn on a light but we could see especially when the fridge was open. We got ice and poured Cokes and Tabs and the house and everything was spooky quiet and I said “You’ve got Caroline all over you.”