10th Grade

by Joe Weisberg

  “Oh really” this guy says.

  “Why don’t we settle this just you and me” I say.

  He doesn’t look so sure.

  “What you can only fight when you outnumber people?”

  So he comes at me but before he gets there I throw a punch and break his nose. He throws a punch that would kill me if it hit me but I duck and punch him in the ribs and he spins around a little from the force of the blow and I grab him and spin him back and pull his head down and my knee up so I knee him in the chin and he goes down and that’s that.

  “Anybody else want to have some fun?” I say.

  Then I start thinking about flying in a helicopter that’s screaming through the sky and jumping out with a parachute and then running through the woods but then slowing down and walking slowly. It’s hot. Nightfall is approaching. I have a compass and also I hear sounds and I make my way through trees and bushes and grass and wild birds as it gets darker and creepier I can see huge trees and big flowing rivers everywhere. There are big lions and tigers and bears all over the place. The jungle makes a man desperate. Finally I see the glow of fire. In the distance as I approach I hear John go “Nooooooooooo”. He sounds scared. Then as I get really close I hear Cindy going “Let me go you fuckers you suck”. Finally I look through the trees and leafs and there’s a big circle with tribesmen all around and in the middle tied to a stake is John and Randy and Lenea and Cindy and Renee each 1’s on their own stake and they look really terrified and unhappy. Nobody’s hurt yet or anything but their clothes are ripped and there’s wood and stuff around them so you can tell they’re going to set them on fire and then burn them to death. The tribesmen are the Galagangas sworn enemies of the Ife who hate each other because the Galagangas are vicious and also hostile and kill and eat human beings and the Ife are more civilized and eat the Banana Maloosa. Also many years ago a Galaganga Prince killed a Ife elder for nothing and the Ife didn’t kill anybody back because they’re so peaceful but hated the Galagangas ever since who are also always trying to steal their land. The Galagangas are everywhere and they’re wearing those tribal clothes made out of leafs and no shirts and big necklaces and earrings and chanting “Oooaaa Ya Ya Ya” and they’re thirsty for blood and banging their drums so loud you can’t hear. I look at Lenea who’s closing her eyes and looks like she’s giving up and Cindy who’s still arguing with everybody about everything Randy looks pissed and John was struggling and trying to get out of his ropes. Renee is looking all around and kind of whimpering “Help!” I don’t want to end up burning at the stake either but what the hell? I suddenly yell as loudly as I can “Ooooooooaaaaaaaa” and then I just walk into the circle in the middle of everything. For a second the Galagangas are like “what the fuck” but then 3 of them rush me I take out my flashlight and shine it in their faces. They stop because only Gods can make light. Everything is quiet then a couple other Galagangas start talking to each other in Galaganga and you can tell they’re not psyched-out anymore so when they come towards me I pull up my machine gun and mow them down. Now all the Galaganga are cowering in fear. I take out my knife and cut the ropes and John and Randy and Renee and Lenea and Cindy fall to the ground. I point towards the woods and we all go out we’re running like crazy for 10 or 15 minutes when at the last second this huge lion roars and comes flying in the air out of the woods. Its roar is louder than anything you ever heard and it lands right on Randy and starts ripping his face off. I’m right there and I kick the lion in the face but that just distracts him he roars again and comes at me but instead of backing up I pull out my knife again and plunge it into the lions eye. Because the lion is coming towards me with momentum the knife goes all the way in into his brain. The lion screams and then totally freaks out clawing at everything and roaring with saliva on its teeth it jumps on me and we wrestle and it sinks its teeth into my shoulder but I flip it and plunge the knife into its neck and now its dead even though I have to hold it down while it shakes for a minute while its in its death agony. I say “lets go” and we take off again soon we hear a chant of “Ooma chaka ooma chaka” and we start running even faster towards where the helicopter is meeting us. It does and we take off just as the Galaganga are throwing spears and arrows and burning spears at us but we just make it. We’re all pretty freaked out even John and Randy who are like “thanks man”. “No problem” I said. The girls are comforting each other and then they each kiss me and each other and say thanks and then they go in the back of the helicopter and just gossip and relax.

  After we finally got home from the funeral I went to the kitchen for a drink and my Mom was there then my Dad came in then Beth and Claire came in a second later. It was like a family reunion. I said “does anybody want any?” referring to the orange juice in my hand. Nobody did except Claire. My Dad put his hand on my shoulder and said “Death is a part of life Jeremiah”.

  “I know” I said.

  “Um-hmm” he said.

  “She was old” I said.

  Then I went upstairs.

  CHAPTER 21

  THE KNICKS GAME

  April 23 is a day which will live in infamy. That is the day I got my 1st F. Of course on a Trig quiz. I’m sure it’s the 1st F anyone in my family ever got for the last 50 generations. The day I got it I went to talk to Mr. Rasfenjohn who I hadn’t really talked to since 1st Semester he said “Math isn’t important for you. But passing math is important”. Kind of a VTS. Anyway I had a mandatory meeting with my academic counselor who said this could serve as a wake-up call for me and when my Dad found out he was so mad he didn’t even really get mad so now I have a tutor who happens to be Mr. Math and he promised I’ll pass the final if I do what he says. Also he does explain things in a way I can comprehend sometimes. If I had him instead of Mrs. Lippner I’d probably be passing already. Other than that nothing much happened between Kaths Grandmothers funeral and what I’m about to tell you about next. But it was a pretty crappy couple weeks even though I used to be kind of a loner now I was sort of used to not being 1 and having stuff to do on the weekends and going back sucked. It was like nostalgia or deja voo. But also like I said maybe having millions of friends isn’t the most important thing maybe the most important thing is how you feel about yourself and who you are. (This is what Gillian thinks and I think she’s right).

  Then 1 day here’s what happened:

  I was stopping and “chatting” with Renee about every 2 days in the hall sometimes we were like “Hey” “Hi Jeremy how’re you?” “Fine” and sometimes we talked about anything and also with Cindy and or Lenea and or John McKnight and or Randy. When they were all there or just 3 of them sometimes I’d just walk by and they were so into their conversations and everything they didn’t see me but other times Renee would go “Jeremy” or John McKnight would say “Hey Man” and I’d stop and stand there. Anyway I’m talking to Renee and Lenea Lenea by the way when she sees me always says “Hiiiii Jeremy” in this voice like she’s goofing around or she’s singing or something I’m not sure what she’s doing but it’s sort of a joke and I always smile like “Ho Ho Ho”. So we’re standing there and I am making 1 of the superhuman efforts of all time not to look at Renees Tits then which is especially hard today because she’s got on a tight very green Polo Shirt that is basically glued to her Tits and every time she turns to look at Lenea I look down and back up so fast my neck gets whiplash and I’m sure any second she’s going to go “Jeremy stop staring at my Tits”! I swear I try not to but it’s like my eyes aren’t responding to the brain commands coming from my head. If you know what I mean. Anyway Renee’s saying how psyched she is school’s almost over because there’s only a month left and she’s going to Japan for 3 weeks to see her Japanese friends there like “Kioto” but her dad can’t leave work for as long as she wants to go and blah blah blah and Lenea keeps playing with her hair with her hand like she’s nervous or something which is funny because I think of her as Miss Very In Control (she’s like she’s from England or something sometimes) but
she’s not saying anything and then I hear her go “Jooooooohn” and up comes John McKnight and he’s like “Hi girls” (which is pretty smooth) and then he sees me and he goes “What’s up J?” So I realize I’m J and I say “Hey.”

  “Do you guys know Bobby Gurin’s in jail?” he said.

  “What?” Lenea said.

  Renee said “Oh please. He’s in jail?”

  Bobby Gurin’s a senior who’s very involved in student union and the school and things like that and you’d never in a billion years expect him to be in jail versus some other people you could sort of expect it.

  “He got busted with a prostitute.”

  “John” said Lenea.

  “I’m serious man he called a prostitute in New York and she came to his house and he got busted.”

  “When?” said Renee.

  “Last night.”

  “He had a prostitute in his house?”

  “Yup.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m telling you the cops came and busted him.”

  “How did they know?” Renee said.

  “I don’t know.”

  Then I said “his new platform can be Free Prostitutes For Everyone In The Student Union. And no Police Harassment.”

  I started trying to figure out if the 1st part of what I said made any sense with the 2nd part but then everyone laughed so I figured it did we had to go to class and John McKnight said to me “Hey man we’re watching the Knicks tonight at my place you should come by.”

  “OK” I said.

  Everyone walked away and Renee said “See you tonight” and I got this weird like mini-explosion somewhere and I’d like to say my foot or my head but lets face it it was probably in my heart I don’t know why I got it exactly because I’ve been in love with Renee for a long time but it was like maybe we were going to be friends and that made it worse or like 2 things going closer so they’re getting further apart at the same time (like magnets or something else in physics). I didn’t know where John McKnight lived.

  PART II

  Beth dropped me off in front of Johns. I found out where it was. She was impressed because she was like “Have fun” but with a “Whooo hooo” in her voice it wasn’t mean though.

  John is pretty loaded his house is in 3 Hills which is a fancy part of Hutch Falls with 3 Hills and he’s on the 1 in back. His house has a metal lamp in their front yard. I changed into clean blue jeans and I show up and John lets me in and we go into the den where everybody is already there watching the game which hasn’t started yet. There were a lot of vases around and things like that that my parents weren’t into. As for clothing it was Thursday and John and Randy were wearing T-shirts but the girls were wearing different clothes since school Renee and Cindy were in dresses 1 with flowers and 1 plain and Lenea was wearing these skin-color pants and a vest that matches it over a white shirt that wasn’t a T-shirt and she looked like somebodys Mom but hot. John said drinks and stuff were in the kitchen and I went and got orange juice and I came back to watch the game then Reggie Carter goes in in the 2nd Quarter and I say “Carter’s underrated.”

  “You think?” said John.

  “Carter sucks” said Randy.

  “He just doesn’t get any time” I said.

  “He makes some decent passes” John said.

  “He can’t shoot worth shit” Randy said.

  “Which 1?” Renee said.

  I pointed to Carter.

  “Isn’t he sort of old” she said.

  Just then Carter missed an easy jumper but just barely and Randy goes “See?” I was bummed.

  “He usually hits that” I said.

  But he didn’t even touch the ball again and then he came out.

  “John order a pizza” Cindy commanded.

  We talked about what to get on it and then John called and then he went into the kitchen and Lenea followed him. When the pizza came we ate it. Lenea gave her crust to John twice she just put it on his plate without even asking if he wanted it.

  At 1 time cheese was dripping down from Renees lips which was very sexy I thought about Gillians lips which as you know from before are really big and cheese dripping down from them but it wasn’t sexy like with Renee it was just cheesy.

  Even all through the 2nd 1/2 the girls didn’t complain about watching the game the way Beth and Mom would if we ever even got near a channel where there was a basketball game on not that my Dad would ever watch basketball. Randy talked like after Richardson sunk a shot he’d say “Did you see that shot?” and other obvious stuff. I always saw him like Johns sidekick like Robin or Tonto but being there it seemed more like he was his robot. We were in the kitchen at 1 point getting more drinks just the 2 of us and he said “You want ice?” so he was nice and everything but he stood like a robot and I was like “Somebody should inject a personality into you.” I could tell the girls all thought the same thing if they thought about it.

  Cindy left to do a Chem assignment and Lenea sat next to John on the couch during the 4th Quarter I was on the floor next to a chair with Renee in it. John looked over at Renee sometimes Lenea leaned over and said things in Johns ear I was too close and too under Renee to look at her but I could feel her in a mysterious way there in the chair watching. Lenea at 1 point said “Jeremy are there any Tabs left?” because I was just in the kitchen and I said “Yeah” and she smiled at me in that “so maybe you’d like to get me 1” way. I was definitely in a Catch-22. This famous saying comes from Joseph Hellers famous book Catch-22 which is often recommended. If you read it you should know Catch-22 is a very bulky book and 1 thing you can do is rip it up as you go so if you read say 20 pages you can rip them off and then if you read the next 20 pages rip them off and as you go the book gets smaller and smaller then you can just put all the parts back together with a rubber band again after you finish (which I almost am). A Catch-22 is when it sucks if you do it this way and it sucks if you do it the other way.

  Yossarian looked at him soberly and tried another approach. “Is Orr crazy?”

  “He sure is,” Doc Daneeka said.

  “Can you ground him?”

  “I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That’s part of the rule.”

  “Then why doesn’t he ask you to?”

  “Because he’s crazy,” Doc Daneeka said. “He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he’s had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to.”

  “That’s all he has to do to be grounded?”

  “That’s all. Let him ask me.”

  “And then you can ground him?” Yossarian asked.

  “No. Then I can’t ground him.”

  “You mean there’s a catch?”

  “Sure there’s a catch,” Doc Daneeka replied. “Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn’t really crazy.”

  This reminds me of Who’s On 1st by Laurel and Hardy if you ever saw it. Anyway if I didn’t get her a Tab I was trying to play it cool and not be her slave but she wouldn’t think I was very nice to her. If I got her a Tab she’d think I was nice and cool but also think I was her slave and I’d do anything for her and maybe had no confidence or manhood. So I was in a Catch-22.

  Mom kind of reminds me of Capt. Yossarian by the way.

  Anyway I groaned like getting the Tab was a huge deal but then I did it as a favor and when I came back with it and a glass of ice Lenea said “thanks hon”.

  Nothing else much happened. When I went home Beth said “How was it?” “Cool” I said. “What did you do?” “We watched the game.” I went up to my room I thought about how hot and sexy Renee and Lenea and Cindy were and all the Tits in the room. I didn’t talk a lot. I made no – 0 – good jokes. I wondered if they’d invite me to the next game but I didn’t care that much I’d go but it wasn’t a matter of life or death or anything.

  CHAPTER 22

  THE CONVERTIBLE

  If somebody like God had come up to me on the 1st day of school and said “Je
remiah Reskin by the end of the year you will be driving in a car alone with Renee Shopmaker - And she will be wearing her Kimono” I would not of believed him and I would of been right about the Kimono part but as for the other part …

  It’s weird how you can talk to somebody every single day and then not at all. For example Gillian. I didn’t even see her anymore except sometimes when the halls were crowded I’d coincidentally see the side of her hair going by a few people away like curls going by. Or sometimes I’d see her whole face coming at me but for 1 millisecond. Sometimes when the phone rang I thought it was her.

  Versus Kath and Douglas and Caroline who I still say “hi” to and Douglas and me walk home at the same time sometimes and we see each other and sometimes we go up Brian Hill together and talk about stuff like how Kath is dealing with her Grandmother being dead and the summer. We never talk about him and Caroline and what is going on there which I think is nothing. Once I saw Caroline outside school standing around and smoking and I talked to her for a couple minutes. Her and Richie broke up but they were still seeing each other and she didn’t seem into Douglas she said she was taking time off from guys. I thought that was a good idea just to sort of get her head together. And learn to be alone.

  Anyway Renee and John and everybody was like “come talk to us when we’re talking” and they start almost expecting me to be there talking to them if I’m there it’s like I must stop. Nobody says “Hey Jeremy come here” I just come over. So 1 day I went with them to another boring baseball game but I wasn’t at anyones house again after Johns before 1 time when I was talking to Renee in Spanish and we were doing a dialogue drill with the verb “Querer”1 and she said “Jeremy tu quieres ir con me nueva york?”2 So of course I say “Si yo quiero ir con tu nueva york”.3 And then Renee says “Sabado?”4 and now I’m like Huh? because we’re just saying stuff to use the verb Querer so she’s getting pretty specific with Sabado. Like if she said “Do you want to go to Disneyland?” and I said “Yes” and she said “How about Thursday at 2:18 P.M.” (which would be fine by the way if we were doing a dialogue drill with Hours and Minutes but we’re not). So I say “Si” and she says “Great. Yo tengo - yo tengo - I have to” and just then Mr. Eller says “Termine Dialogue.”