Happy Families

by Janey Fraser

  ‘Van Van! Why did the banana go to the hospital?’ Then, before Vanessa could reply, Sunshine would jump in and say: ‘Because it wasn’t peeling very well!’ Each time, Vanessa had to laugh and pretend she hadn’t heard it before.

  ‘Sunshine’s a popular little girl, isn’t she?’ Miss Davies often said.

  She certainly was. Vanessa was always being asked in the playground if her ‘daughter’ could come round to tea. ‘Goodness, you look too young to be a granny!’ one mother said, which made Vanessa feel rather good about herself.

  Naturally, all the guests had be invited back. She’d been worried about this at first; for a start, it meant closing the shop earlier unless Bobbie was able to help out. ‘What will your friends want to do?’ she’d asked Sunshine.

  ‘Watch the Sky!’ she’d retorted.

  But Vanessa had got them to make fairy cakes instead in her little kitchen, which went down so well that the mothers all asked for the recipe. ‘My au pair doesn’t know how to make them and I haven’t baked a cake for years,’ said one woman, who was a stockbroker. ‘Such a clever idea of yours. My son loved it!’

  Yet still there was no letter. ‘I’m sorry,’ said the clinic receptionist, when Vanessa rang yet again. ‘We’ve got a real backlog at the moment: everyone’s having them.’

  She spoke as though having a DNA test was a fashionable thing to do. Had the world gone mad? Was it that hard to know who was the father nowadays? In the meantime, she had to sort out the problem of the suede jacket. Lady Marbella, as Bobbie called her, was understandably furious. ‘What are you going to do about it? That jacket cost me an absolute fortune!’

  Vanessa felt tempted to point out that she’d actually sold the jacket to her in the first place, at a very reasonable price, but it wasn’t the point. ‘I hope you’re going to sack your assistant,’ Lady Marbella had thundered.

  Poor Bobbie feared the same thing and had even offered to pay for it out of her wages. But no, Vanessa told both of them, mistakes were made sometimes. It was extremely unfortunate but the shop had been very busy at the time. Perhaps Madam would like to choose something else instead. Anything. Yes, even that evening dress with the matching shoes and bag that was an original Zandra Rhodes. Of course, in return, Vanessa would be grateful if Madam didn’t carry out her threat to ‘badmouth’ the shop. After all, that could be construed as slander, could it not?

  It seemed to work. Trade was busier than ever. Perhaps rumour had spread about the jacket incident and everyone else was hoping for an original Zandra Rhodes dress? Certainly, she’d had to remind more than one customer that they’d ‘accidentally’ left the clothes that they’d come in with on the sale rail.

  Despite that one cock-up, Bobbie had proved to be a dab hand in the shop. She had a great sense of colour even though she herself had been looking rather wan recently. ‘Just tired,’ she said, brushing Vanessa’s concern away. But her own instinct told her it was more than that. She was genuinely worried and, from a selfish point of view, she needed her help. It meant Vanessa could reduce her own hours to do things with Sunshine, like go swimming.

  That had been a real revelation. ‘Where’s the sea?’ her granddaughter had been saying again and again, ever since she’d arrived.

  ‘We don’t have it here,’ she’d replied, amused, but Sunshine hadn’t been convinced.

  ‘The sea, the sea!’ she kept repeating wistfully.

  Then one day, they’d passed a sign advertising the sports complex just outside town. There was a poster of some children sliding down a water chute. Vanessa loathed swimming: in fact, embarrassed as she was to admit it, she’d never learned as a child. But Sunshine was jumping up and down. ‘Sunshine wants to go! Now, Van Van. Please!’

  When she really wanted something, Vanessa had noticed, her granddaughter adopted baby language. Reluctantly, she had taken her there, loathing the smell of chlorine which reminded her of all the swimming lessons she’d had as a child; none of which had done the trick.

  ‘Come back,’ she called out to Sunshine as they stepped through the foot bowl. But she was off! Straight in, swimming like a little fish! Vanessa stood on the side, gobsmacked. She was incredible! Oh my God! There was a flash of red bathing suit haring off to the deep end. ‘Sunshine, don’t dive!’

  But there she was! Poised on the edge of the springboard; so full of confidence. ‘Practising for the next Olympics is she, your daughter?’ demanded a clever-looking mother with steamed-up glasses whom Vanessa vaguely recognised from the teenage parenting class up the corridor.

  ‘I wouldn’t be surprised.’ Vanessa didn’t bother correcting her about their relationship.

  ‘You swim too, Van Van,’ urged Sunshine, who’d covered the entire length of the pool in the time it had taken Vanessa to catch her breath.

  ‘I can’t.’ She stood in the water, shivering in her one piece, conscious of what was – or rather wasn’t – underneath it. ‘I’ll just watch.’

  Somehow she felt safer here within reach of her granddaughter, rather than watching from the spectators’ gallery. Even if she couldn’t swim herself, at least she was close.

  ‘It’s easy,’ Sunshine urged. ‘Look, Mummy showed me when I was little. You just put your right arm out like this and then your left. Kick your legs at the same time.’

  Goodness! Brigid had taught her daughter something that she, Vanessa, hadn’t been able to do. ‘You did well,’ she murmured. ‘Very well. But for God’s sake get in touch, will you?’

  Yet still there was nothing, from either Brigid or the clinic. Sometimes, Vanessa would wake in the night in a pool of terror, convinced that something awful had happened. At other times, she felt furious with her daughter for going off on some jaunt with a boyfriend, abandoning her own child.

  Meanwhile, it wasn’t long until Brian was coming round.

  ‘We won’t be able to do anything, you know!’ she said bluntly on the phone when they made arrangements. Best to make it plain from the start. ‘Not with Sunshine here.’

  ‘Hey!’ He sounded offended. ‘I’m not just after your stunning body, you know!’

  Stunning? Was he taking the mickey?

  ‘I mean it, Vanessa. You’re gorgeous and it’s about time you realised it. Besides, I told you. I need to come round to show you this idea of mine.’

  However hard she pushed, he refused to tell her what it was all about. Vanessa felt quite excited; almost in a childlike way. ‘I’ve got a friend coming to dinner,’ she told Sunshine the following evening when she’d given up trying to get her to bed. Sky had a lot to answer for.

  ‘Is it a man friend?’ asked Sunshine without taking her eyes off the screen.

  Might as well come clean. ‘Yes it is. His name is Brian. He’s the friend you saw before.’

  ‘Mummy has a man friend too.’

  Vanessa’s heart skipped a beat. ‘What’s your mummy’s friend called?’

  ‘Simon,’ said Sunshine, as though that was obvious.

  Vanessa knelt down next to her. ‘And does Simon live with you?’

  ‘No, silly!’ Sunshine giggled. ‘He’s married to someone else.’

  She might have guessed it! ‘Is that why Mummy sent you here?’ Vanessa asked, her mouth dry.

  Sunshine shrugged. ‘Simon said it was best if I left.’

  How awful. Yet wasn’t this just what she’d feared? Vanessa put her arm around her grandchild and held her tightly, breathing in her smell.

  ‘You’re hurting me!’ Sunshine pushed her away. Then she frowned. ‘Will your friend want me to go away too?’

  What a question! The poor kid, she must feel so insecure! ‘Of course he won’t,’ retorted Vanessa indignantly. As she spoke, there was a knock on the door. ‘There he is now.’

  Sunshine’s face had gone tight. Too late, Vanessa realised this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe she’d explain the situation to Brian. Ask him to go home. He’d understand. She was sure he would. And if he didn’t, well, that was too bad. Her grand
daughter had to come first.

  ‘I’m sorry …’ she began, opening the door. Then she looked down and gasped. ‘Are you mad, Brian?’

  His eyes twinkled. ‘I told you it was a surprise. I also asked you to think about it before you said no.’

  He stopped at the rush of light footsteps behind her. ‘A dog!’ Sunshine’s eyes were out on stalks. Throwing herself to the ground, she flung her arms around the little black puppy who had, Vanessa had to admit, the cutest face she had ever seen. ‘Don’t do that,’ she squealed, pulling her granddaughter away. ‘He might bite!’

  ‘Nonsense.’ Brian laughed. ‘This one’s got a heart of gold.’

  ‘We can’t possibly keep him! I’m at work all day. It wouldn’t be fair!’

  ‘I’m not suggesting you do.’ Brian was more serious now. ‘Bingo’s mine, aren’t you, lad? A mate of mine’s dog had puppies and, call me soft, I’ve taken one on. But I also thought that you might like me to bring him round every now and then.’ His eyes twinkled. ‘Now he’s had his jabs, we can go for walks. And he might be a pal for this little lady here. By the way, I don’t think we’ve been introduced. Not properly.’

  He held out his hand to Sunshine who was still sitting with her arms wrapped around the puppy. ‘My name’s Brian.’

  ‘I’m Sunshine,’ she answered gravely. ‘Nice to meet you.’

  Vanessa glowed at her granddaughter’s good manners.

  ‘Please come in.’ Sunshine had jumped up now and was pulling Bingo by his little red lead inside the hall. ‘He can come in too, can’t he, Van Van?’

  Vanessa had to admit that it was a brilliant idea after all. Sunshine had fallen asleep on the floor in front of the television, snuggled up against Bingo, after ‘talking’ to him all evening. ‘Do you have brothers and sisters?’ she asked. ‘I don’t. I just have my Van Van. Where do you sleep at night? Under the stars, like my dog at home with Mummy?’

  ‘I didn’t know you had a dog, Sunshine,’ Vanessa had said.

  ‘I had to leave him behind.’

  She spoke in that voice that Vanessa had learned to recognise: it sounded as though she didn’t mind but underneath, it was hurting. Now, as she carried her sleeping grandchild to bed, Vanessa felt a huge lump in her throat. ‘It was good of you to think of us,’ she said, returning to Brian in the lounge.

  He looked pleased. ‘Glad I’ve done something right. Thought I might have messed everything up when we almost got found out in bed.’ He gave her a nudge. ‘And don’t look so worried. I’m not going to ravage you again, much as I’d like to. Not when Poppet is in the house, anyway.’

  Then he kissed her. A lovely warm slow kiss that made her melt inside. ‘You’re a lovely woman, know that? But I’m going to go now before I do something I shouldn’t, despite what I just said.’

  How tempting it was to ask him to stay, but no. It was better that she saw him to the door. ‘See you,’ she said hopefully. Then she spotted a figure hovering by her little gate. No mistaking that weasel face and earrings. It was Jason! What was he doing here? And how dare he walk right up to her as though she’d asked him in?

  He grinned, showing his horrible teeth, a disgusting mixture of black and yellow. ‘Thought I’d come round and see my daughter.’

  What a bloody cheek! After last time too! ‘We don’t know she’s your daughter until the results come. And besides, it’s late. She’s in bed. Stop harassing me like this.’

  Brian laid a hand on her shoulder protectively. ‘You heard the lady. Now clear off, Jason, or I’ll call the police.’

  The youth spat on the ground. ‘Is that so? Maybe it’s me as should call the cops. I don’t like the idea of my daughter being in a house with an old woman and her bit of rough.’

  ‘How dare you?’ Brian pushed the boy away. Not hard but firmly enough to send him reeling on to the verge.

  ‘Oy! You can’t boss me around now!‘ He scowled. ‘I could report you for this, you know!’

  ‘Go ahead.’ Brian tightened his arm around her. ‘It’s all right, Vanessa. He won’t trouble you again. Not while I’m breathing.’

  But somehow she wasn’t so sure.

  Later that night, Sunshine called out in her sleep.

  ‘Shhh,’ Vanessa soothed, lying next to her and holding her in her arms. ‘It’s all right, Van Van’s here.’ She lay there for some time, until certain that the child was breathing peacefully. Then she gently eased herself off the bed, taking care not to wake her. As she did so, she knocked her left breast on the side table. Ouch. That hurt.

  Cupping it with her hand, she froze. There was something hard there! Something, she was certain, that hadn’t been present the other week when she’d checked herself. It was only the size of a pea but it was definitely hard. With a rather uneven shape.

  Oh God! she whispered as all the old fears came flooding back. Please. Not a lump. Not now.

  MORE KIDS’ STUFF

  ‘Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.’

  Martin Mull

  ‘The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.’

  Mel Lazarus

  ‘Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.’

  Bill Cosby

  PERFECT PARENTS: SESSION SIX

  WHAT WERE YOU LIKE AS A CHILD?

  HOW COULD YOUR PARENTS HAVE DONE IT BETTER?

  LEARN HOW TO BREAK OLD PATTERNS – AND MAKE NEW ONES !

  Chapter 24

  ANDY

  MURDER! THAT’S WHAT Kieran had called it. Ever since that awful day, all those years ago, Andy had convinced himself that it hadn’t been his fault. But would a jury see it in the same light? Quite possibly not.

  All through his teens, Andy had been on tenterhooks in case the police got on to him; jumping every time the doorbell went or the phone rang. But as time passed, he learned to imagine a massive steel mental door coming down between him and his fears.

  Now and then, however, a chink opened in that door, especially when Camilla was around. For some reason, Andy was convinced that his mother-in-law was suspicious of his past. Every time he saw her, he expected her to wave the newspaper cutting in front of his nose and declare that her daughter was far too good for a kid who had committed such a terrible crime.

  Andy shook his head. Both at himself and this bloody vacuum cleaner which wouldn’t turn itself on. It had been almost a week now since Kieran had threatened him. He had to do something about it. Had to nip it in the bud before Pamela got to know – or the kids.

  ‘Dad! I can’t believe you’ve been so stupid!’

  Andy froze and then turned round slowly to face his younger daughter who had her arms folded and a disapproving look on her fifteen-year-old face. ‘What do you mean?’ he said faintly.

  ‘Put the washing machine on sixty. You’ve ruined the top I was going to wear tonight.’

  Andy breathed a sigh of relief.

  ‘And as for the vacuum, you’re going to break it if you do it that way! Mrs C. will kill you. Let me do it!’

  Nattie yanked the handle away from him. ‘Honestly, Dad. When are you going to go back to work? If you’re going to hang around all day, can’t you go to the golf club or something?’

  ‘I’ve told you,’ he faltered. ‘I like being at home. And besides, it’s good for us, isn’t it?’

  Nattie threw him a you-can’t-fool me look. ‘You just don’t trust us on our own here, do you? Not like Mum does. She lets us get on with it because she remembers what it was like to be a teenager. She says we need to find our own way, instead of being told what to do like her own dad did with her and Uncle Rob.’

  Really? Pamela had never explained that to him.

  ‘She says that we’re bound to make mistakes but that’s how we’re going to learn.’ Nattie’s voice rose over the sound of the vacuum cleaner. He had never heard her sound so passionate about anything before, unless it was about an increase in
her allowance.

  Then she turned it off and put her arms around him just as she used to do when she was little. ‘I’m sorry about the other evening. But didn’t you ever do stuff you regretted when you were my age?’

  Andy nodded, not daring to say anything. ‘What?’ Nattie was looking at him with an amused expression in her eyes. ‘Forget to hand your homework in on time?’

  If only she knew!

  ‘That’s the thing, Dad.’ Nattie was turning back to the vacuum cleaner. ‘That’s why it’s so hard for us all, including Mum. You expect us to be perfect, just like her dad did. But we’re not. And now you’re at home all the time, we can’t hide it like we used to.’

  Andy found his voice. ‘I’m glad. It’s not right to hide things. And I don’t expect you to be perfect.’

  Nattie frowned. ‘I think you do, Dad. Mum feels you do. That’s why she’s gone away; it’s not just to look after Granny, or so that you can see what it’s like. It’s so she can have a break.’

  So his girls were in on this too!

  Does Mum have a boyfriend? That’s what he really wanted to ask. But there were some things that a parent should never ask a child.

  ‘Why didn’t she tell me then?’ Even as he spoke, Andy felt stupid. He shouldn’t have to ask his daughter what his wife was thinking.

  Nattie shrugged. ‘Maybe she thought you wouldn’t listen.’

  Listen! Just what they’d been doing at school! Oh God. School. He’d promised to give Kieran an answer after parenting class tomorrow night. What the fuck was he going to say?

  ‘Tonight, we’re not going to follow the handbook,’ said Andy, sitting on the edge of the desk in front of the horseshoe of chairs. ‘We’re going to do something a bit different.’

  There was a ripple of excitement, which made him feel good about himself. In a funny way, he was glad to be here. It was refreshing to be out of the house. After years of that, he loved being at home. But he could see why women got bored. Could understand why Pamela had had enough.