Happy Families

by Janey Fraser

  Bobbie gasped. ‘You still do it?’

  Sarah gave a wicked smile. ‘Course I do. When I wanted to find out more about her, I simply masqueraded as a medical researcher. You’ll never believe what I found out.’

  Bobbie nudged her old friend in the ribs as a shortish man with a rather nice boyish face approached, holding a little girl’s hand. ‘Shhh. I know him. He’s a widower in our parenting class.’

  ‘Nice,’ muttered Sarah approvingly.

  Really? Bobbie wouldn’t have thought Matthew was Sarah’s type.

  ‘Hi, Bobbie. Lottie thought she recognised you. Didn’t you, princess? Whoops! She’s off!’

  The little figure in pink was belting towards the other three children who were feeding the ducks by the side of the canal.

  ‘Kids always spot each other before the parents do,’ laughed Sarah in a tinkly tone that Bobbie hadn’t heard before.

  ‘That’s right!’ Matthew laughed; the sort of laugh that men make when they are attracted to women. Good heavens! Did he fancy her too?

  ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us, Bobbie?’

  Sarah was making it so obvious but, incredibly, Matthew didn’t seem to mind.

  ‘Sorry. Matthew, this is Sarah. She’s an old friend from London.’

  ‘We knew each other when I was married,’ intercepted Sarah quickly. ‘But I’m on my own now.’

  Matthew’s face softened. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. He was a bastard.’

  Sarah had blown it now! Matthew didn’t approve of swearing: he always frowned when Not Really Pregnant Mum let rip. But surprisingly he was actually looking rather sympathetic. ‘They say that anger is a great healer.’

  Sarah shrugged. ‘In that case, I need a whacking big tube of Savlon inside me.’

  Heavens! Matthew actually seemed to think that was funny.

  ‘MUM! MUM!’

  Bobbie shot round. The cry for ‘Mum’ always made her do that – a constant reminder of being on duty. But it wasn’t one of hers this time. It was another child, a few feet away. ‘Look, Mum! That little boy is stuck in a tree.’

  Jack. It just had to be.

  ‘I’ll go,’ said Matthew.

  ‘That’s so kind of you!’ Sarah’s voice was sugar sweet. ‘Bobbie shouldn’t be rushing around in her condition.’

  Matthew was already running but not before he’d glanced down at her stomach as if he could see the two undone buttons beneath her jumper. How could her friend be so indiscreet? Now the whole world was going to know before her husband!

  *

  In the event, Jack was already shinning down again – with a gash on his knee – just as Matthew got there. ‘Please don’t tell anyone I’m pregnant,’ Bobbie managed to whisper after thanking him. ‘It’s meant to be a secret.’

  Jack, of course, was totally unrepentant. ‘Why do you always have to test my limits?’ she demanded as they walked back home after saying goodbye to Matthew and Lottie.

  He sniffed. ‘I just wanted to see how high I could go.’

  Sarah shook her head. ‘You know, Bobbie, in our parenting class, we learn how to empathise with children when they step out of line.’

  Bobbie groaned. ‘OK, Jack. I know just how you feel. I want to climb a tree myself.’

  Her son’s eyes widened. ‘Really?’

  ‘No, not really. If fact, if you do that again, I’ll confiscate your DS.’

  Daisy tutted. ‘And then we’ll just find where you’ve hidden it, like we always do. Look! There’s Sunshine over there. She’s with a dog! Can we get one too?’

  ‘Absolutely not.’ Bobbie waved in the distance to Vanessa, who was helping her granddaughter to throw a ball along with an older man. Was he the ‘gentleman friend’ she’d been talking about? They seemed really happy! A proper family, unlike them. What kind of husband had to work on Saturdays? The kind of husband who was having an affair, that’s who.

  ‘You know a lot of people here already, don’t you?’ commented Sarah. She sounded rather envious. ‘It’s really lovely, isn’t it? All these green parks and fresh air and ducks and widowers.’

  ‘Sarah!’

  Her friend shrugged. ‘Nice single men go fast. Didn’t you read that survey in Charisma magazine? They have an average shelf life of ten days.’ She gave Bobbie a sly look. ‘Is Matthew with anyone yet?’

  ‘I did hear that he’d just broken up with someone.’

  ‘Fantastic! What can you invite me to? There must be a party or a PTA barn dance or something. That’s what people do in the country, isn’t it? Apart from snogging cows, of course.’

  ‘We’ve got our school fête soon!’ piped up Daisy. ‘I’ve been practising my face painting. We could introduce you to Lottie’s dad then. She plays in our orchestra.’

  Bobbie shot Sarah a look to say ‘See! That’s what comes of talking in front of the children.’

  ‘Great!’ Sarah beamed. ‘Make sure you invite me.’ Then she lowered her voice as Daisy ran ahead to join the others. ‘Don’t go all prudish on me, Bobbie. I’ve seen how you flush when you talk about your brother-in-law.’

  ‘Andy’s not my brother-in-law! He’s my sister-in-law’s husband. And I don’t flush.’

  ‘You can’t hide it from me!’ Sarah gave her a big wink. ‘I know you too well. And good luck when you make that phone call. We’d better head back to the station now. But let me know what happens, won’t you?’

  Of course it was ridiculous: Sarah’s plan was far too audacious to risk! But when Rob had come home at midnight again, muttering something about having to stay on to finish ‘the campaign’, Bobbie decided that enough was enough. She’d do it! But not until the afternoon as she’d promised to do the morning stint in the shop.

  By lunchtime however, her resolve was weakening. What if she got caught? Then a pretty woman in her mid-thirties came in, clutching several designer carrier bags with a desperate air about her. ‘I don’t want to get rid of them,’ she confided, ‘but I need the money. My husband and I have just split up.’

  Another abandoned-wife tale? Bobbie made a sympathetic noise as she sifted through some rather lovely outfits. Vanessa had warned her that she’d hear all kinds of stories in the shop and she wasn’t wrong. The most common – and the hardest to hear right now – were those of the nouveau pauvre ex-wives of Corrywood. Bobbie listened with mounting dismay as the pretty woman (whose daughter, it turned out, was in the same class as Daisy) poured out her heart.

  Slightly against her better judgement, Bobbie took all the clothes on offer, in the hope of making a few pounds for her. ‘Thanks so much! Anything will help. Anything. He promised to pay my mortgage, you see, but now he’s changed his mind. My solicitor says it often happens.’

  Bobbie bit her lip. ‘Does he have someone else?’

  The pretty woman laughed bitterly. ‘He said he didn’t but now he’s suddenly “met” someone. I was a fool to believe him. Looking back, I can see all the signs. In fact, I’m almost certain he started when I was pregnant with my third!’

  That was it! If Bobbie had had her doubts, this was enough to make her throw them to one side. As Sarah said, her marketing-research job gave her the perfect cover. And she had at least half an hour before the kids got back from school. Surely it wouldn’t matter if she shut shop just a little bit early? She couldn’t risk being interrupted.

  Racing back to the house, Bobbie dialled her husband’s direct number, taking care to put 141 first so she couldn’t be traced. He was going to be in a meeting, he had told her that morning. An all-day meeting. So, with any luck, this Araminta would pick up. No. Engaged. She dialled again. Yes!

  ‘Good morning. Sorry, I mean afternoon!’ trilled Bobbie in the high-pitched voice she’d been practising on the way home. ‘I’m from Research Trivia and I just wondered if you had time to answer a couple of easy questions …’

  ‘Yes, I am a market researcher and I appreciate that you are very busy but we’re offering a free spa ho
liday weekend for every one hundredth person who answers our questions and – I shouldn’t tell you this – but you are the lucky one!’

  Bobbie said all this very quickly, terrified in case Araminta with her plummy accent put down the phone. OK, so she’d told a big whopper about the spa holiday but she’d had to do something to pin her down otherwise she’d have lost her.

  ‘You will! That’s wonderful. Thank you so much. We’re doing a survey on employers. Yes, I promise it’s confidential. Right. Do you like your boss? You do? That’s good.’ Bobbie gave a nervous laugh. ‘It would be awful to work for someone you don’t like, wouldn’t it? Exactly!’

  Build a relationship up with the interviewee! That’s what she’d been trained to do. Pretend you’re on their wavelength.

  ‘So, does your boss take you out? Yes, to meetings and, er, anywhere else. Nice! Lucky you! Conferences can be a lot of fun, can’t they?’

  Bobbie felt her nails digging into the palms of her hands. ‘Do you find your boss attractive? Actually, yes, this is an important question. You do? I see. No, of course we’re not mentioning names in the survey.’

  She took a deep breath. ‘So would you consider having a relationship with a married man? I’m sorry – I didn’t quite catch that …’

  ‘MUMMY, MUMMY!’

  Shit. The children were back early! They must have taken the spare key from its hiding place and let themselves in.

  ‘Vanessa’s taking us swimming with Sunshine!’ Daisy’s little voice was feverish with excitement. ‘Where did you put our costumes?’

  Bobbie hadn’t felt this hot since the day they’d gone to the Eden Project when Jack had shimmied across the rope bridge and then performed a handstand halfway along. ‘Would you mind holding for a moment?’

  ‘Why are you talking in that funny voice, Mummy?’

  ‘I’m not! I’m …’

  Too late! Snooty Araminta with her plummy voice had put the phone down but she’d got enough already. ‘Would you consider having a relationship with your boss?’ she had asked. And Bobbie was pretty sure she had started to say the ‘Yes’ word before putting the phone down.

  Oh God. Her body began to shake. So all her suspicions were correct! Rob was having an affair. How could he? And what on earth was she going to do now?

  EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH DR KNOW!

  ‘Parents might love to hate me! but they know I talk sense.’

  Read about Dr Know’s controversial campaign for introducing parent licences (like the old-style dog licences)

  Downloaded illegally from the Daily Wail.

  Chapter 26

  VANESSA

  VANESSA WAS READING an article about Dr Know in the doctor’s waiting room, while Sunshine wriggled in her seat impatiently. ‘Can’t we go home now?’

  A mother sitting opposite rolled her eyes sympathetically. The irony was that until a few weeks ago, Sunshine would have sat as good as gold without making any fuss. But now, thanks to school – or, more importantly, Jack and Daisy’s influence – she was becoming much more difficult.

  No, Vanessa corrected herself, as she tried to get Sunshine to read her book quietly. More like an ordinary six-year-old. ‘It won’t be long now,’ she said, hoping that she was right. The waiting room was packed.

  ‘Why are we here anyway?’ demanded Sunshine. ‘Is it because of my worms again?’

  There was the muffled sound of laughter from the mother opposite, which encouraged her granddaughter even more. ‘You said that tablet would get rid of them.’

  ‘It did!’ hissed Vanessa, embarrassed. When Sunshine had begun to complain of an itchy bottom, she had suddenly remembered how Brigid had done the same at her age. It had been a big thing then, she’d remembered, but now, or so the chemist had assured her, it was ‘quite normal’, along with head lice.

  ‘Then why are we here?’ Sunshine was aware now that the other patients were beginning to look. And no wonder! She was such a cute little thing with that mop of black hair, flashing green eyes and a very clear way of speaking: quite different from some of the kids she’d met at school. ‘Is it because of my nits?’

  The middle-aged man on the left of her shuffled away.

  ‘You don’t have nits!’ declared Vanessa, horrified.

  ‘I might! Everyone else in the class has them. We got a letter about it.’

  A letter? ‘I haven’t seen it.’

  Sunshine shrugged. ‘It’s in my satchel.’ Then she took Vanessa’s hand, twisting it gently and giving her a wheedling look. ‘May I have a Mollie the Pig bag for school, Van Van? Like everyone else?’

  Really? But the satchel had been Brigid’s at that age. Vanessa had been so excited when she’d found it in the attic, marvelling at how the strong brown leather had lasted over the years. Initially, Sunshine had expressed a touching delight, marching up and down the hall, trying it out for size. But not now. Her granddaughter had become so aware of the latest trends.

  ‘Mrs Thomas?’ called out the receptionist.

  Vanessa stood up quickly, her heart beating. To be honest, she’d been glad of her granddaughter’s constant questions and demands. It had taken her mind off why she was really there.

  ‘You stay here, poppet,’ she said quickly. ‘I won’t be long.’

  Vanessa trusted Dr Macdonald. She was the one who had picked up the lump the first time and said, yes, it really ought to be investigated ‘just to be on the safe side’. She was also the one who had been monitoring Vanessa’s check-ups at the hospital and who had celebrated, with a brief hug in the surgery, when Vanessa had had the five-year all clear.

  Now as Vanessa lay on the couch with one arm behind her head, as instructed, she sensed a hesitation on the part of the middle-aged woman with the gold crucifix round her neck examining her. ‘I think we’d better organise a mammogram. Just to make sure.’

  Vanessa’s heart began to pound so hard that she could feel it beating against her ribs. ‘Do you think it is … you know?’ She still couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘cancer’ even though there had been people on her ward who said that the only way to beat this thing was to face it square on.

  ‘I don’t know, Vanessa.’ Dr Macdonald’s voice was steady but sympathetic. ‘I’m sorry. Wish I could be more certain.’ She glanced at her notes. ‘But even without your history, it’s only sensible to check it out.’

  ‘It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s Sunshine.’

  ‘I can understand that.’

  The doctor glanced at the wooden-framed photograph on her desk, showing two boys grinning; one quite a lot older than the other. ‘It’s every mother’s fear that something will happen to her family,’ she said softly.

  Vanessa shook her head. ‘You’re wrong, actually.’

  Dr Macdonald raised her eyebrows.

  ‘It’s every grandmother’s fear too.’ Vanessa felt her hands tighten. ‘If something happens to me, I don’t know who will look after Sunshine. You see there’s literally no one else, unless …’

  Unless the DNA test proved Jason was the father, she almost added. But that alternative was too horrific to contemplate.

  ‘Don’t think about that yet, Vanessa. Remember what we agreed before, five years ago? One step at a time. Meanwhile, I’ll make sure you get put through on the fast track.’ She smiled encouragingly. ‘Then at least we’ll know where we are, won’t we?’

  Vanessa’s head reeled as she went back into the waiting room. Then again, what had she expected? As soon as she’d felt that lump, she knew the doctor couldn’t tell her it was all right without any investigation. But somehow she’d hoped Dr Macdonald might just wave a magic wand and …

  Sunshine! Vanessa did a quick sweep of the waiting room. Where was she?

  ‘It’s all right,’ called out the girl at the desk. ‘She’s gone to the loo with her friend.’

  Her friend? Only then did Vanessa see Bobbie sitting there, engrossed in a magazine. Thank heavens for that. She must be with Daisy.
>
  ‘Hi,’ she said, sitting next to her.

  ‘Oh. Hi.’

  Bobbie didn’t look very thrilled to see her.

  ‘How are you?’

  Bobbie shrugged. ‘Fine, thanks.’

  ‘Are the kids poorly?’

  They certainly didn’t seem ill. Not from the way that Jack was ripping out pages from a magazine that had a Please Don’t Remove sticker on the front. And there was Daisy now, coming back with Sunshine, both with their arms round each other and giggling. She didn’t look poorly either – and if she was, Bobbie shouldn’t have allowed her to be so close to Sunshine. Vanessa couldn’t help feeling like a worried new mother when it came to ‘catching things’.

  Something didn’t seem right. Not unless Bobbie was doing the usual thing that everyone did at the doctor’s: saying you were fine because you didn’t want to admit what you were in for.

  ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Me?’ Vanessa nodded as enthusiastically as her friend had done just now. ‘Great, thanks. Absolutely great. Come on, poppet, we’ve got to go now. If we don’t open the shop, I might miss some business.’

  Bobbie shifted uneasily. ‘No news on the missing suede jacket.’

  ‘No, but I didn’t expect there to be.’ Vanessa shook her head. ‘It’s just one of those things, I’m afraid.’

  She’d tried to sound reassuring but Bobbie’s eyes were filling with tears. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Vanessa patted her on the arm. ‘Just forget it,’ she said. ‘Honestly. It’s in the past now.’

  That wasn’t quite true! As she’d said to Brian on the phone the other night, she was still a bit annoyed. She’d had to pay the understandably aggrieved owner a handsome sum in compensation, as well as give her that Zandra Rhodes. It had wiped out her profit for the week.

  ‘Thanks.’ Bobbie really seemed really on edge. ‘Actually, there was something I was going to tell you but …’

  ‘CAN YOU STOP YOUR SON DESTROYING THESE MAGAZINES?’ thundered a very upright matronly woman sitting opposite. ‘You’ve just been sitting there, nattering away, without even telling him off.’