A Portion of Dragon and Chips

by Simon Haynes

  Relieved, Tiera nodded her thanks. Topping the queen with a curfew and vigilant guards would have been impossible.

  "So, finish it tomorrow," said Spadell, "and then we'll be square."

  "Tomorrow!"

  "And then you will flee the city, and you'd better take this suspiciously healthy farm boy with you." Spadell eyed Thonn with disfavour. "Your kind is not welcome in the city."

  "My kind?" protested Thonn. "What do you have against farm boys?"

  "Usually they turn out to be anything but." Spadell lowered his voice. "Like mages, for example."

  "Sir, I assure you—"

  "Save it, kid," muttered Tiera. "He saw your injuries, remember?"

  "When you left the cells you were a dead man walking," said Spadell. "Sur Loyne beat your insides to a bloody pulp, and I let you go that you might die in more pleasant surroundings. And yet now you are made whole, and I'd wager it wasn't due to prayer and bandages."

  Thonn was silent.

  "If you can use your … powers … to aid Tiera in her task," continued Spadell, "then so much the better. But afterwards, the pair of you vanish. Understood?"

  They both nodded, and after glancing around the room, Spadell left.

  "What's this task he keeps talking about?" asked Thonn.

  Tiera raised her hand for silence, and held it up until the loud voices and heavy boots of the guards had departed the tavern. She heard them moving down the street, and only then did she reply. "Thonn, what are your views on the queen?"

  "I have never met her."

  "Yes, but how do you see her? Fair minded, perhaps? A benevolent monarch beloved by her subjects?"

  "I have never really considered her. She is but a name." Thonn sat on the bed. "Are we going to kill her?"

  "Shhhh!" Tiera looked around, horrified. The guards had left, but even so. "Thonn, such matters are discussed in whispers! And why would you think me capable of such a heinous crime?"

  "Well, it sounds to me like you've already skewered the High Priest and this Regis guy, and now you're lining up the queen for a little shish kebab party. I may be a farm boy, but I'm not simple, if you get my drift."

  "Were you awake when I was getting dressed just now?"

  "Of course." Thonn reddened. "I have not yet lain with a woman. I was curious."

  Tiera hid a smile. The lad was cunning and smart, and although she preferred to work alone, his skills might be put to good use. Especially if she could get hold of the butcher's necklace, which seemed to lend Thonn additional magical strength. Then she cursed. The necklace! It was gone eleven, she was sure, and the healer would never show with the guards turning the city over in their hunt for a killer.

  "So, how are we going to do this?" asked Thonn.

  And with that, Tiera put the necklace out of her thoughts and sat down with the farm boy to plot the assassination.

  — ♦ —

  Hurm opened his eyes. The stable was in darkness, and something was moving towards him through the straw. He'd already despatched two large rats, and he reached for his dagger to get rid of a third. With practiced ease his free hand darted out to pin the creature by the neck … only to encounter a much larger, softer target than he expected.

  "Oof!" said a female voice. "Let go of me!"

  Hurm frowned, his dagger still poised to strike. This was either a very large rat with the gift of speech, or he'd captured a woman. Either way, it was too valuable to kill. "Who is there?"

  "It's me. Your queen!" Therstie pulled a handful of straw out of her clothes. "Did you hear?" she said breathlessly. "Someone murdered the Lord Chancellor! I didn't feel safe in my bed, so I thought you could protect me for a while."

  Hurm had no idea what a chancellor was, but he was used to sudden death so the queen's news didn't really bother him. He was far more interested in sharing his bed, because that was something he wasn't used to. Especially with a queen.

  The queen snuggled up beside him, her head against his shoulder. "I can't stay long, or they'll realise I'm missing."

  Five minutes or five hours, Hurm was pleased with the company.

  "I have another quest for you," said Therstie.

  "Two quests?" Hurm hoped nobody else approached him, because after two quests came 'many quests', and he wasn't sure he could handle them all.

  "You must promise not to tell anyone."

  Hurm looked around. Apart from the horse and the rats, who else would he talk to? His long-time companions had left him and he didn't know anyone else. "I will not talk."

  Therstie realised Hurm was a man of few words and even fewer friends, so she decided to trust him. "My half-brother, Tyniwon, has disappeared. My spies tell me the Barks have him. If it's not too much trouble, and after you've travelled to the impassable rocky wastes of the West and found me a dragon, could you swing a little detour through Bark territory and find out what happened to Tyniwon?" The queen ran her finger lightly over Hurm's barrel chest. "I'd be ever so grateful, and I'll pay you a lot of cash."

  "I find brother," said Hurm.

  "You're too kind." The queen lowered her voice. "You know, I've never done it in a stable before."

  "Done what?" asked Hurm.

  The queen smiled and loosened her robe.

  "Oh," said Hurm. "Oh!"

  — ♦ —

  Sur Loyne stood at the door to the queen's chambers, his hand raised to knock. After the day's fighting, his desires were so heightened he was certain he could finally put a brat in the queen's belly. He wasn't a stupid man, and he knew the chance of an heir was the only reason the queen kept him around. But the weeks and months were racing by, there was still no hint of offspring, and Sur Loyne knew his life of ease and luxury would come to an end any day now. Instead of fine wines and soft beds, he'd be sent off to some deadly corner of the kingdom to scratch a name for himself on the tree stump of history.

  He knocked twice and pushed the door open. "Your Majesty, I thought you might enjoy my company."

  There was no reply, and Sur Loyne glanced towards the bed. The covers were drawn back, a shaft of moonlight gleaming on the empty sheets. Startled, he hurried forward, laying his hand on the soft mattress. It was cold, and he realised with a shock that the queen must have left some time ago. Then his eyes narrowed as he guessed where the queen might be, and he felt a rising anger. She was enjoying company all right, but is wasn't his. Teeth gritted, he was on the point of grabbing a torch and heading to the stables to burn them to the ground when he heard footsteps.

  "I thought I'd find you here," said Lord Chylde. He noticed the empty bed. "Where is the queen?"

  "She lies with Hurm," spat Sur Loyne.

  "I can see it pains you, my son." Chylde put an arm around his shoulders. "Let's face facts, Hurm is never coming back from this quest, you can be sure of it."

  "But it's too late! He's already—" Loyne made a crude gesture.

  "As long as you bed the queen in the next week or two, if there's an issue from their … dalliance … you can claim the child as your own."

  Sur Loyne felt a ray of hope. "Do you think … would anyone believe it?"

  "Of course!"

  "But Hurm! He will displace me as the queen's champion!"

  "Don't worry about that brainless beefcake," said Chylde. "I've given him an impossible quest which is certain to claim his life."

  Overcome, Sur Loyne clasped Lord Chylde's shoulder. "You are good to me, old man."

  Chylde gave the queen's champion a fond smile. Then he turned and left the queen's chamber, and as he strode away his smile slipped and his eyes glittered dangerously. The fool of a champion, the queen, Hurm … they must all die, for he, Lord Chylde, was the rightful ruler of this land, and until his rear end was planted firmly on the throne, the Mollister kingdom would continue to flop around like a dying fish.

  Chapter 17

  It was the middle of the night when Tiera's eyes blinked open. She was awake instantly, at precisely the time she'd planned, and she threw off he
r blanket and stood up, already dressed in dark, tight-fitting clothes. She was determined to finish Spadell's little task that very night, even though the city was on high alert.

  It was risky, but she couldn't afford to stay in the city for another day, not with two murders to her name. She could sense the net closing on her, and knew it was only a matter of time before Spadell was questioned. If Lord Varnish, the spy master, used his fearsome torture methods, Spadell would crack. And then they'd come for her.

  She checked her stiletto, drew her belt tight and turned to leave.

  "Where are you going?" Thonn asked her sleepily.

  "I just need some fresh air," murmured Tiera. "Sleep now, we'll speak in the morning."

  Thonn muttered something and turned over.

  Relieved, Tiera slipped into the hall and down the stairs to the street. The heavy front door creaked open to her touch, and she left the tavern under cover of darkness. She spotted a guard in a doorway and took a detour down a back alley, keeping her head down and moving in the shadows. Once or twice she looked round, thinking she was being followed, but she saw nothing.

  She reached the keep without incident. Pausing in a doorway, she donned a skirt and a linen shirt, then made her way to the servant's quarters. It took her but a moment to find a serving tray, a glass and a flagon, and then she walked openly to the stairs leading to the upper floors.

  "Where are you going?" a guard asked her.

  "Her majesty fancied a nightcap, begging your pardon." She was outwardly calm, but her heart was thudding in her chest. Normally, she'd spend months ingratiating herself into her target's household, learning everyone's names, becoming a familiar figure. Then she'd do the deed and disappear. This time, however, she was forced to improvise, and she didn't like it.

  "That lush," muttered the guard. "She hasn't stopped since she got here. I'm surprised she hasn't drained His Lordship's cellars."

  Teria nodded, and said nothing.

  "When you're done with the queen, come and see me," said the guard.

  "Why?"

  "You're new here, aren't you?"

  Tiera tried to slip past him, but he grabbed her arm. "Just come and see me and there'll be no trouble."

  "As you wish," said Tiera, in a low voice. The guard released her and she continued up the steps, her hand shaking as it held the tray. She'd come close to dropping the tray, drawing her knife and ending him where he stood, but she had bigger fish to fry.

  She reached the first floor, where the guest quarters were, and strode along the hall. She'd visited the keep before, during her preparation for the High Priest's demise, when she was choosing the best place to take care of that particular business. There was only one room fit for a queen, and as she approached the door her pace slowed. She slipped the knife from her sleeve and held it under the tray, keeping her right hand free. Then, she opened the door stealthily and entered.

  The queen was in her own bed, for a change, with the covers drawn up to her ears. Tiera could see the woman's blonde locks on the pillow, could hear her breathing gently. She approached slowly, feeling the floorboards with her toes, trying to avoid creaks. As she got closer she looked down at her victim, and brought the dagger out for the killing blow.

  The queen looked like a child in the moonlight, innocent and pure. Tiera stood there, tray in one hand, the other holding the dagger ready. She must have stood there for thirty seconds, and then, without warning, the queen opened her eyes.

  "Brought you some water, Your Majesty," murmured Tiera softly. She transferred the dagger to the hand holding tray, then went to put the drinking glass on the bedside table.

  "Here, let me help," said the queen, sitting up and taking the jug.

  The tray tilted, Tiera lost her grip on the knife, and it fell from her grasp. The wicked blade glinted in the moonlight as it spun end over end, until it buried its point in the floorboards and stuck there, quivering.

  Tiera and the queen faced each other for a split second, and then …

  "Guards! Murder! Help! Guards!"

  Tiera turned for the door, but there was a thunder of boots in the corridor and, in the blink of an eye, she was surrounded. There were three of them, and as they levelled their swords Tiera realised it was all over. Two of them grabbed her, pinning her arms behind her back, while the other advanced, his face set, his weapon ready to strike. Without fuss or drama, they were going to cut her down where she stood.

  At the last second the queen's voice cut through the silence. "Wait!"

  The guards hesitated.

  "I said wait!" snapped the queen. "I wish to question this woman."

  "Lord Varnish will get the answers you need."

  "Oh, hang Lord Varnish!" The queen glanced at the guards. "Not literally."

  "Aye, Your Majesty."

  "No, I mean it. It was just a figure of speech."

  "Of course, Your Majesty."

  "If you do hang Varnish, I'll be very, very angry. Is that clear?"

  "Perfectly, Your Majesty."

  Having clarified that particular misunderstanding, and thus avoided yet another unpleasant incident where a casual word from a ruler led to some innocent's death, the queen got out of bed, wrapped a night gown around herself and tied the cord. "What is your name?"

  "Tiera, ma'am."

  "By whose order are you here?"

  "This was my own idea, Your Majesty."

  "Your Majesty," said one of the guards. "Lord Varnish will get the truth out of her, I promise you."

  "Yes, and then Lord Varnish will only tell me what he wants me to hear. Instead, I want the truth from her mouth."

  "I will give you the truth," said Tiera. "Majesty, I am not here to kill you. I am here to offer my sword. I wish to pledge myself to your service."

  The guards snorted, while the queen raised one eyebrow. "Is that the best you can come up with?"

  "I thought, by entering your chamber, I could prove my skills. And had I intended to kill you, you would not be drawing breath this moment."

  The queen raised her other eyebrow. "You have a point. But why the weapon, if that was your intention?"

  "I thought that if I could get a weapon past your guards, it would prove my worth."

  "Hmm."

  To Tiera's surprise, the queen seemed to be swallowing her story. To be fair, when Tiera had been standing over the sleeping monarch, her knife ready to end her life, she had decided not to kill her. Perhaps that small grain of truth lent more credence to the rest of her story. "I swear I meant you no harm, Your Majesty."

  "No poison in the water jug?"

  "I will drink it down this instant, if that will stay your hand." Tiera hesitated. "There is another point in my favour. You are a fair queen, and popular with your subjects. Who would honestly want you dead?"

  "Do you want a list?" demanded Therstie. "King Elsmer, for one. Also, the Kingdom of Darant amasses troops, as you well know, and the Barks have my brother, I am sure of it. If they could eliminate me, my kingdom would be theirs."

  "I would sooner cut off my arm than deal with those tree-loving savages," said Tiera quietly.

  The queen nodded. "Very well. Leave me now, and I will make my decision in the morning. I grow weary and must sleep."

  Tiera couldn't hope for more, and she realised the whole mess might still resolve in her favour. Or at least, it would have, if another couple of guards hadn't marched Thonn into the queen's bedroom at that very moment. Sur Loyne brought up the rear, wearing striped pyjamas and a very sleepy expression.

  "Sorry we weren't here sooner, Your Majesty," said one of the men, with a salute. "Only we—"

  "I caught another one slinking around in the building," said Sur Loyne. "They must be working together."

  Tiera spoke up. "This lad … he's just a simple farm boy. I saved his life, and now I can't get rid of him. He follows me everywhere like a puppy dog."

  "I know how that is," said the queen, eying Sur Loyne.

  The guard holding Tiera
's dagger twirled it one-handed, then approached Thonn. "Soon fix that problem for you, miss."

  "Hold!" snapped the queen. "Do you think to murder people in my presence?" She glared at them. "In fact, I will have all of you executed for failing in your duties. Sur Loyne, they're all under arrest."

  Sur Loyne had been about to fall to his knees and beg for mercy, but now that he realised he wasn't included, he rounded on the guards. "Lower your weapons this instant. You will be jailed this night and executed at first light."

  The guards lowered their weapons … about an inch … and Tiera realised something which was about to dawn on everyone else. There were six heavily-armed guards facing one unarmed assassin, a sleepy knight, Thonn, and a queen in a dressing gown. To avoid execution, the guards only had to cut them all down and run for it. Sure, they'd be hunted down and killed eventually, but that wasn't going to stop a massacre.

  "Your Majesty, might I speak?" said Thonn suddenly.

  "Oh, why not," said the queen. "Everyone else has."

  "Thank you, majesty." Thonn cleared his throat. "If a wolf were to pass through a flock of sheep to take a precious lamb, would you slaughter the flock for their failure to protect it?"

  The guards realised they were being compared to sheep, and didn't look happy about it. On the other hand, nobody else was speaking up for them, and they'd have gone down on all fours and baaad for hours on end to avoid the noose.

  "Are you saying Tiera is a dangerous wolf? Have a care, young man, or I'll have her executed too."

  Tiera thought the 'young man' was rich, given the queen was about the same age. However, she was more worried Thonn had just landed her in prison. "Your Majesty—"

  The queen raised a hand. "Thonn makes a good point. Your skills are superior to that of my guards, and therefore I order six lashes each, and a refresher course in the art of protecting their queen. That is the end of the matter."

  The guards bowed, and thanked her profusely. "You are wise and kind, majesty."

  "Long may you reign," said another.

  "I will reign for decades, provided you lot do your job." With that, the queen turned to Tiera. "I know not why, but I trust you. Therefore, I accept your blade."