Worth Dying For

by Luxie Ryder

  With no other option but to keep working, he completed the task by dawn the second day. He worked nonstop for two nights, unable to trust himself to fight the urge to go to her until his body screamed with exhaustion. Sapling oaks, maples and spruces had been torn from the ground, turned to pulp in his hands then used as mulch around the base of the other trees. By the time Bane fell into his bed, his body ached from the abuse he’d subjected it to. But any hopes that his exertion would chase the thoughts from his mind and numb his hunger for her had been naïve.

  Amber’s scent still permeated the brightly lit interior of the cave. Bane couldn’t bring himself to turn off the artificial lights he didn’t need. Shutting them down would make it seem like she had never been there. He was in no rush to return to the bleak, dark existence he had lived before she came.

  The few items left behind from her time with him had her smell all over them. Bane had tried to throw them away more than once but he couldn’t. A T-shirt—forgotten in the haste to put Amber somewhere safe—was the worst item of all and caused him the most discomfort. One moment, he wanted to sleep with it bunched in his hand and pressed to his face, the next, he’d find himself on the water’s edge, trying to find the strength to let it go and hurl it out to sea.

  So when he was awoken from his sleep by a much stronger reminder of Amber’s essence than he’d been used to recently, he tried to remember where he’d last seen her shirt. Bane sat up in his bed to look for the offending article, turning his head to find the source of his torment. When a wave of a far more intense aroma assaulted his senses, he held his breath, trapping the scent inside him. He tasted the air and found traces of more than just her skin. Bane could smell the warm blood pulsing beneath it.

  He laughed, sure he had just entered the last stages of insanity. Weeks of suffering Katerina’s attentions had left him relatively unscathed. How ironic that the memory of Amber’s perfumed flesh would be the thing to send him mad. Bane slumped to the mattress resolving to find a new home and move into an adjoining cave if he had to. It would give him yet another distraction from the urge to go to her and save him from the olfactory torture.

  His eyes closed and he tried to relax, shutting his mind to thoughts of her, but then the unmistakable soft thud of a racing heartbeat brought him leaping to his feet. Bane paused to locate the direction of the sound and, after throwing on a pair of pants, he tore from the cave.

  Climbing up the nearest tree, he swung from one to another, mentally preparing himself for whatever he might find. How he had missed the noise of their arrival, he would never know. His sense of smell usually gave him warning of an approach long before he could see or hear it. But he’d been distracted by Amber’s scent—one he thought he had conjured up with is imagination, but was now getting stronger the nearer he got to the beach.

  Bane heard a breathless curse, as if someone struggled with a heavy burden and then caught another whiff of his intruder. He recognised both the sound and the smell but could not trust the knowledge his senses were relaying to him until he got close enough to use his eyes. Had he finally gone totally insane?

  There, on the beach, she stood. Just like the first time he had seen her, she wore a sweatshirt and jeans and had her hair in a ponytail, hidden under a baseball cap. Sweat streaked her face and she sucked in ragged breaths as she fought to land the motorised dinghy. Knee deep in sea water, she threw the tow rope down in frustration and reacted in a way he remembered fondly.

  “Fucking thing.” Amber gave the raft a kick for good measure and stalked away from it.

  He allowed himself a smile at her predictable response, but no more than that. The temptation to help her, run to her, kiss and hold her, almost made him forget to be cautious. Amber had no idea he would be here and he couldn’t understand why she would have come. It appeared she had brought no supplies and Bane doubted she intended to stay too long. He decided then to keep out of her way. Nothing had changed, not for him at least and he found it ironic that he’d spent two days trying to keep away from her. Why had he suffered so much and finally succeeded in keeping his distance, only for her to mock his efforts by coming to his home to torture him instead?

  He could see she’d lost some weight and the dark circles under her eyes told him she hadn’t been sleeping well. Bane blamed himself. Amber had a good heart and a kind soul. She would be worried for him despite the fact his rash actions had been the cause of her distress.

  She managed to get the dinghy up onto the beach after much swearing and struggling and, when she’d taken a brief rest to catch her breath, she began to climb the hillside towards his home. Bane didn’t dare even breathe when she passed below the tree he watched her from. Unlike the first time she had been on the island, Amber knew what he was capable of now. It would only take for her to notice a leaf fluttering down from the branches above to know how close he was.

  Watching her slow, painful progress through the dense undergrowth left Bane fighting the desire to reveal himself and help her. She’d fallen for a fifth time, and he had just decided to go to her, when she made a turn through the trees that he didn’t expect. Amber had been looking for the thin gap in the rock—the one he had told her to use as an escape route. Bane thought she’d been heading for the cave and he’d banked on the knowledge that her efforts would be thwarted when she found that the makeshift ladder was no longer there. He should have known Amber could not be stopped so easily.

  The bright sunlight stopped Bane following her out onto the exposed side of the hill, so he waited until he heard the sound of her clothing brushing against the edges of the rock walls of the tunnel. He ran to the mouth of the cave, finding a high spot in an overlooking tree so he could see when she passed underneath the entrance. She took so long to appear that Bane almost went to find her but then there she was beneath the opening, looking upwards. He could almost see the memories playing across her mind as she stared at the cave’s entrance with a wistful expression on her face. She sighed and dropped her head, and continued through towards the living area.

  Bane forced himself to wait a few minutes before he followed her, dropping silently from the branch he rested on into the cave below. He held his breath as the scent of her assaulted him anew, made more intense by her presence in the small space. Moving closer to her, edging as far forwards as he dared, he peered around the corner. Amber walked straight to the sleeping area and began to remove her clothes, stopping when she got down to her underwear.

  The sight of her near naked body did not arouse him. Her actions and the sadness evident in everything she did chased any other thought from his mind. What had she come to do? Bane reassessed her. Amber’s blood smelt normal and he felt sure she hadn’t taken anything, and she didn’t look to have brought anything with her that she could end her life with like pills or a gun. He knew her feelings towards suicide better than anyone but even so, he watched her every movement. If she didn’t intend to harm herself, why then did she look as if she had come prepared for death—and what was in the envelope she had removed from the pocket of her jeans?

  Amber climbed onto the bed and out of his line of sight. Bane edged forwards and had to satisfy himself with hearing rather than seeing her.

  Amber groaned and he heard the mattress shifting as her weight settled on it, and then he heard the sound of paper unfolding. Bane tested the air again, satisfied he could smell nothing to cause him alarm. Had she brought a letter with her? Curiosity began to eat away at him and he desperately needed to take a proper look at her. But when she started to cry, he took a step away from the doorway. Bane didn’t know what to do.

  The tears did not last long before the exhaustion he had seen on her face overwhelmed her and she fell into a fitful sleep. At last, he could go to her, sure nothing he did in her presence would cause her more harm if she never knew he was there.

  Bane approached her from the far side of the room, keeping his eyes averted until he could stare right into her face. The tracks of her tears had left ee
rie lines in the dirt and sweat darkening her skin, giving her the look of a grubby child. His gaze moved away from her to the paper that had fallen from her grip. He edged forwards, reaching out to pick it up. Bane scanned the first few lines and then sunk to his knees to read the rest as the impact of her words hit him.

  Malachi,

  I don’t know if you will ever get to read this letter but I am leaving it here in the hopes you get to return to your home one day. I think my time is running out. Katerina may have deceived you. Somebody has been watching me. I don’t know who, or what, but I can feel them near me at strange times. I do not know why they haven’t struck yet, but I am grateful. For some reason I don’t want to question, they have given me time to say goodbye to my mother and to come here one last time, to be near you again while I deliver this letter. I am not afraid anymore because my life has meant nothing since you left. How cosmically fucked up it is that?

  I want you to know how truly sorry I am that I let you down. I was not worthy, am not worthy still, of your sacrifice. If I had the chance again, this time I would beg you to let me be with you in every way. But I was scared of giving up my soul, only to find now that it wasn’t worth the cost of losing you.

  Please try to be happy. I hate to think of you trapped with that bitch for the rest of your existence. If I could, I would fight her myself and force her to let you go. I love and miss you so much, Malachi, and I ask you for just one last thing. Please don’t turn away from God. He knows what is in your heart and that alone can save your soul and ensure that we will see each other again one day.

  Until we meet again.

  Amber

  Bane read the words many times over in the hours Amber slept, committing them to memory. He put the letter back beside her more than once, retrieving it again and again to devour her thoughts and feelings.

  She called his name in her sleep and his heart swelled at the sound of it on her lips. Elation coursed through him anew each time, only to be chased away by a warning that he dared not hope. Surely things would change once Amber knew her life had been spared and that Katerina no longer had a hold over him.

  Another day had dawned before she stirred. He forced himself to sit still and allow her eyes to open and find him watching her.

  Amber closed her eyes again and smiled, unsurprised to find she had dreamt of Bane. She felt so close to him here, in his bed, that it was only to be expected.

  Her arm started to tingle where she’d laid on it all night and she realised with a groan that she had really woken up. She opened her eyes again, but the image in front of her remained. Bane sat watching her, a cautious look on his face and a small smile working at the corners of his mouth.

  Amber sat up too fast and covered her face with her hands when a wave of nausea hit. “I’ve finally gone totally fucking insane.”

  The apparition spoke. “Did I frighten you?”

  Amber split the fingers covering her eyes. Bane was here, smiling at her and looking very, very real. She crawled to the edge of the bed and began to walk towards him. He stood as she got closer, the smile growing on his face. Amber crossed the space between them and threw herself into his arms. Only when her body hit the solid wall of his chest as he trapped her against him could Amber be truly sure she was not imagining him.

  The questions circling in her mind were forgotten when his lips found hers. His kiss stole the breath from her as he lost some of the restraint he had always shown with her before. Her feet left the floor when he straightened up with her in his arms and he used his hand to tilt her head to the side, giving him greater access to her mouth. Amber bunched his hair in her fists as her legs came up around his waist and she clung to him.

  Bane growled when she squirmed against him, trying to get nearer, as if it were possible. The sound spurred her on, and she moaned as the frustration started to race through her when it seemed like he would pull away. A gentle tug on her hair forced her mouth from his.

  “We have to talk.” Bane only smiled when she cursed at him as he put her down. “There are some things you need to know.”

  “Tell me later,” she groaned, her hands wrapping around his neck as she tried to reach his lips.

  He reached behind his head to grab her wrists and bring them back down to her sides. “Amber, please.”

  The slight tremor in his voice and the tension in his dark eyes showed how hard it was for him to push her away. She felt guilty that her being near always seemed to cause him such discomfort.

  “Okay, let’s talk.” She allowed him to lead her over to the bed and didn’t resist when he pushed her down to sit on it but didn’t join her. When he hesitated and turned away, Amber couldn’t hold her own thoughts in any longer. “I have some things I want to talk to you about as well.” She reached behind her to retrieve the letter from where he had left it on the pillow. “Here, read this.”

  Bane didn’t look at her. “I read it while you were sleeping. It’s the reason I want to talk to you before…before things go too far.”

  He didn’t want her. Amber almost laughed. It was the one thing she hadn’t considered. All those weeks spent mourning his loss and berating herself for throwing her only chance at true happiness away had been a foolish waste of time. The idea that he might not have felt the same way about her had never entered her mind.

  He came back to the bed, dropping to his knees in front of it and forcing her to look at him with a firm hand under her chin. “I can see what you are thinking, Amber, and you couldn’t be more wrong.”

  The tears came then, despite the fact that the last thing she wanted was to make him feel like he owed her anything. “If you read my letter, what is there to talk about?” She gasped as she realised the huge assumption she had made. “Oh! I forgot about Katerina. She’s not here is she?”

  Amber would have leapt to her feet if Bane’s huge and very heavy hand had not held her down. “No, she’s not here. Calm yourself.”

  “She let you go then?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  Bane told her what had happened. Amber heard about Paolo and what he had done, and Ulrich’s reaction to it. Her initial elation at the news that she no longer had a death penalty hanging over her head and that Bane had finally been granted his freedom didn’t last long.

  “When did this happen?”

  “About ten days ago.”

  “It was you!” This time Amber did manage to get to her feet. “You were the one watching me.”

  Bane dropped her gaze. “I just wanted to see you again.”

  “You fucking idiot.” She punched him in the chest as hard as she could. “I thought I was about to die. I could sense someone watching me but I told myself it couldn’t be you. You would have come to me.” Amber ran out of steam as her hand began to throb in pain. She grimaced and looked down at it, alarmed to see one of her knuckles beginning to swell. “Now you made me hurt my hand.”

  Bane tried to reach for her but she pushed him away. “Until your mom caught me that day, I thought I’d stayed well hidden. I had no idea you knew I was there.”

  “Couldn’t you see how terrified I was?”

  “Of course, but I didn’t know I had caused it. Humans are afraid of a lot of things, Amber. For all I knew, you could have been having a bad dream or remembering what you had been through. I never got close enough to be able to smell your fear or to think I could be the reason for it.”

  Amber allowed him to take her hand and lead her back to the bed, this time sitting down with her. “You weren’t always scared. Much of the time you didn’t seem to know I was there.” His teasing smile didn’t calm her down much, but the kiss he placed on her sore knuckle helped a little.

  She couldn’t let him distract her that easily. “Why didn’t you come to me, let me know you were okay? You must have known I would want to see you.”

  “I’d been about to knock on your door when your mother scared me away.”

  Amber laugh
ed. “Yeah, because my five foot two mom scares every vampire she meets.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way. Will you please just listen?”

  “Sorry.” His rare display of temper caught her by surprise but not enough to keep her silent. “Okay, you were telling me why you didn’t bother to let me know I wasn’t about to die.”

  Bane didn’t react to the sarcasm. “I couldn’t decide how best to tell you. When I left you with Solomon, I truly believed it was the last time I would ever see you. The fact that Katerina is no longer a threat doesn’t suddenly mean it’s a good idea for me to be around you.”

  “You’d never hurt me, Malachi.” Amber could see she’d misunderstood when his brow creased in frustration and he looked away. “I don’t get what you mean. Don’t you want to be around me?”

  “More than anything. But what I want doesn’t matter, when what you wanted was to stay human. I understand your reasons and I respect them too much to try to talk you out of it, or put your life at risk due to my own selfish desires.

  “I had no idea if you even felt the same way about me as I did about you. What was the point of coming back only to leave you again? I didn’t know how best to act.”

  Amber wanted to scream. What the fuck was he talking about? “Why would you have to leave again? There is nothing to keep us apart now.”

  “Ulrich never understood how I could choose you over his daughter. He might not take too kindly to finding out we are together. If you were my mate, in every way, his own rules would stop him acting, but he wouldn’t hesitate to destroy a human.” Bane’s face set into a hard mask. “If you were very unlucky, you would be praying for death by the time it came. And I could do nothing to stop him. The only reason you and I are still alive is because Ulrich hasn’t yet decided we are to blame for what happened to Katerina. That day may yet come.”