Worth Dying For

by Luxie Ryder

  “Didn’t you read the letter? I want to be with you. I am ready to join you now. This just gives me another reason.”

  Bane pulled her onto his lap, holding her face gently between his hands as he stared into her eyes. “I didn’t know that you had changed your mind, and I am still not sure I should believe you. What if fear and loneliness are the reasons behind your decision?”

  “You know my reason for saying no to you before, but I have a confession. When you left me with Solomon, I couldn’t admit it for fear of damning myself but I was screaming inside for you to just do it—to change me there and then. But you didn’t know I wanted it desperately and I couldn’t tell you, because then I felt I would have still caused my own death.”

  “Amber.” Bane rested his head against hers. “If you only knew how tempted I was. But I didn’t want to try to keep you with me only to lose you through my actions. I have never forgiven Katerina for what she did to me. I didn’t want you to hate me as much as I hated her. But why are you ready now? Suddenly, you don’t you care for your soul anymore?”

  It hurt Amber to hear the cynicism in his voice. She’d put them both through a lot of heartache only to change her mind. Or at least that was how it would seem to him. “My soul matters very much, as does yours.”

  “My soul is lost.”

  “No it isn’t. Don’t ever say that.”

  Amber explained what she had learnt, both from her mother and from the young priest in Kittery. “You can only be truly lost to God if you turn away from him.”

  Bane smiled, indulging her. “I am sure there are many vampires in heaven.”

  “There might be. There are good and bad in all walks of life. Anyone who has fought against their nature and tried not to kill people, even though they need blood to survive, is surely worth a chance at forgiveness.”

  “You make it sound so simple. I wish I had your faith.”

  “You will. I’ll have eternity to show you how.”

  He kissed her then, chasing all thoughts from her mind as he pulled her down with him onto the bed. Her underwear disappeared in a flurry of hands and she found herself naked beneath him. Bane held his weight above her and tore his own clothing away, parting it at the seams.

  Amber braced her hands against his chest, stopping his mouth finding hers until her brain had been given a chance to clear. “I need you to believe me. I truly do—”

  “Hush now, we’ll talk more later. I can’t wait for you any longer.”

  His lips touched hers and she gasped when the images began to flitter through her mind. How quickly she’d forgotten what Bane could do to her. Unsure if the hand she could feel at her breast was real or imagined, she groaned anyway when her nipple hardened against the sensation. The next moment, she felt Bane settle between her thighs and then the cool touch of his fingers against her clitoris.

  Amber had no idea how long he’d been touching her there when he began to push his erection inside her, but she came immediately. His body stilled as she rode out the orgasm his fingers had started. When her muscles began to pulse around his hard cock, Bane’s cries joined hers.

  As she gasped for air, he thrust again, burying himself inside her body. She opened her eyes, desperate for evidence that he felt the same way she did. Bane gazed back, no longer trying to hide what he was from her. His shoulders shook with the effort of holding his weight above her and she longed for the day when he could make love to her without restraint. Her gaze dropped to his sharp teeth and the thought of them penetrating her skin sent a new wave of heat through her.

  Amber came again as the erotically charged image of him claiming her forever slammed into her brain. She cried out at the sensations racing through her, telling him over and over that she loved him and would never leave him again. The low growl that had been building in Bane’s chest erupted savagely as his orgasm followed hers. His body dropped, hovering inches from hers as his mouth went to her shoulder.

  She tensed, a little afraid despite the fact that he was about to do what she desperately wanted him to. But he did not bite her and, as his body stilled, she turned to find he had damaged his own skin again.

  Her breathing slowed and her brief moment of fear morphed into one of elation. She could wait until he was ready. As long as they were together, nothing else mattered. Amber realised that they hadn’t actually agreed on anything yet but she couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease him.

  “It’s a wonder you didn’t starve to death. You must be the world’s only self-mutilating vampire.” He raised his head to look at her and she giggled at his affronted expression. She laughed even harder at his grunt of disapproval—leaving him no choice but to catch her humour and laugh too.

  Chapter Seventeen

  When Bane went to hunt the following night, he used the time alone to think over what Amber had said. Any chance of having a rational conversation seemed impossible once they had given in to their desire for each other.

  Amber was sincere in her desire to join him in an eternity of endless night. As crazy as that sounded, Bane desperately wanted to believe her. Despite her teasing, he knew the thought of the pain terrified her. Every time he went near her throat in the hours since she had arrived, he could feel her tension and hear her heart start to race.

  He hunted quickly, eager to get back to her, if only to watch her sleep. The chance to be with her, as an equal rather than as her captor or saviour, made him happy. To have a sense of entitlement to her and know that she wanted to be with him rather than anywhere else in the world gave him a measure of pride he hadn’t felt since he’d taken Mary for his wife.

  Mary. He sat quietly as her memory came to him for what might be the last time. He would never stop loving her but he knew in his heart she would want him to be happy again. He cast a silent prayer upwards—the first one in many, many years—and hoped he could find his faith again. Believing that Mary, and the child he had never known, had gone to a better place would give him some peace of mind. He hoped Amber was right about God, more for her sake than his own, but he would do his best to find his way back to Him. The fact an angel like Amber had even been sent to him despite all the heinous things he had done over the centuries gave him pause. It had to be put down to more than just blind luck.

  Thoughts of her called him back to her side. He shed his clothing and lay on the bed beside her, content to watch her dream. The hours crawled by and he had begun to count the freckles on her body to pass the time when she awoke. Amber opened her eyes and gave him a smile of such unbridled love that, had he been able, he would have wept.

  “Good morning, my beauty.” Bane kissed her eyelids, the tip of her nose, the corner of her jaw and then finally her lips. She did not respond as he had hoped and he pulled away to ask her why.

  “I need a moment to…you know.”

  He’d forgotten she was human. Bane smiled and picked her up, despite her complaints that she was naked. She wriggled in his arms, in a quite delightful fashion, and he decided it might be best to let her go to the stream alone. Amber scrambled from the bed to put her T-shirt and panties on, giggling as she turned and saw his state of arousal.

  Bane laughed and fell back onto the mattress, enjoying the way her eyes drank in his every movement. He flexed his arms above his head and watched her gaze roam over his skin as a slight blush spread across her face. “You’ve got two minutes, and then I’m coming for you,” he warned, snapping her out of her reverie.

  She stumbled away, still sleepy, and he realised he couldn’t make too many demands on her yet. Bane donned his jeans and a shirt and went to the living area to retrieve the supplies he had got for her while he was on the mainland. The food and toiletries he had chosen were enough to last only a few days but that was long enough to give her time to think over her decision.

  Bane went to find her in the stream, taking a towel and some supplies with him. Amber yawned widely and thanked him for his thoughtfulness. “This was sweet of you, but I don’t think I’ll n
eed it after today, will I?”

  He simply smiled, aware that they had much still to talk about. Amber’s calm acceptance made him happy but he owed it to both of them to ensure she knew what she was really asking for. When she had freshened up and eaten some of the fruit he had brought for her, he gestured for her to sit beside him on the sofa and started with the worst question he could think of.

  “So you are happy never to see your mother again?”

  Amber coughed, surprised by his bluntness. “Why wouldn’t I see her again? You interact with humans all the time.”

  “Humans who have no recollection of what I looked like before I became a vampire.”

  “My mother will understand.”

  “You would put her at risk? What makes you think Ulrich would tolerate that?”

  “He wouldn’t if he found out. But why would he?”

  “She might tell someone.”

  Amber shook her head. “She has no one to tell. I’m all she has.”

  Bane didn’t share her confidence. “If you were wrong, it would mean her life. Are you willing to take that risk?”

  “I would never risk her life by telling her unless I was sure.” Amber smiled and draped her leg over his thigh. “Do you trust me?”

  “Implicitly.”

  “What, even though I am only a weak, pathetic human?” Amber didn’t wait for his reply. “That’s how much I trust my mother.”

  “Maybe she would not thank you for burdening her with such a secret?” Bane could see he had lost but he had to be sure she understood. “Maybe she would prefer not to know?”

  “That would mean never seeing me again. I know my mother, Bane. Why don’t you let me worry about her?”

  “Then what about children? Won’t you come to regret giving up the chance to have your own?”

  Amber laughed, making her answer clear before she spoke. “I’ve had thirty-five years to have kids. I’m pretty sure by now that I don’t want any. Besides, if I can’t have them with you, I don’t want anyone else’s.”

  “And how would you feel if you saw an infant after you changed, and all you could think of was draining its blood? If you found a baby, crying for comfort but the only emotion you felt was joy that you could cure your thirst so easily?”

  She stared at him in horror and Bane winced at the tears in her eyes. “That’s an awful thing to ask me, Malachi.”

  The tortured anguish in her voice made him want to take back the words but he couldn’t now. “Yes, it is.”

  “But if you can resist those urges, then so can I.”

  He stroked her cheek, humbled anew by her strength of character and her absolute conviction in what she believed. “How can one so young be so sure of everything?”

  “I am sure of the most important thing. I have never met anyone like you, human or otherwise.” She smiled and wiped away the last of her tears. “You’ve been fighting fate, don’t you see? Every time my life should have ended, the reason it didn’t is because you stopped it. We’re meant to be together. Can’t you see yet that we’ve been fighting God’s will?”

  He could find no further protest in the face of her powerful words, nor did he want to. Amber seemed encouraged by his silence and climbed onto his lap to look him in the eye.

  “And my life means nothing without you in it. Now are there any more stupid questions you want to ask me before you will believe me when I say that I know what I am asking for?”

  Bane nodded, ignoring her exasperation. Now the decision had been made, he had one more thing to ask. He eyed her cautiously, trying to assess how she would react before he spoke.

  “You are afraid of the pain. I can tell you are, so there is no point trying to be brave.” Her silence encouraged him but also gave him the confirmation he needed that she was not stumbling forwards blindly without considering the consequences. “If I could take the pain for you I would, but there is nothing I can do to help. All I can do is ask how and when you want me to do it.”

  “Now?” Her voice squeaked, made weak by the fear she had tried to suppress. Bane fought the urge to smile, charmed by her brave impatience.

  “No, not now. I can make sure you don’t know what is about to happen. I could sneak up on you or I could hypnotise you. Would you prefer that?”

  She shook her head. “No, I want to know what is happening, although I’d prefer not to see it coming.” Amber bit the skin at the side of her thumb, mumbling as it got in the way of her words. “Could you just kind of surprise me?”

  “Of course.”

  Bane got lost in his own thoughts for a while, concerned he would not be able to do what basically came down to killing her now that he loved her. In fact, he could only imagine two ways he could take her that way—either on the hunt, when his blood lust had stirred to the point he could no longer control it, or while fucking her. The harsh word he rarely used seemed the only way to describe the kind of sex they would have to have that could end with her death.

  Amber had often hinted at his restraint with her but she had no way of knowing how much he had held back. He would have to be very careful. Her fear would be like a drug to him and the line between changing someone and killing them was already too thin. He could not afford to frighten her.

  Bane turned to look at the woman he would have to brutalise in order to keep her with him and saw the trepidation already in her eyes. That just would not do. Amber’s last few hours as a human would be filled with love and happiness, not terror.

  “Relax, my angel. We will wait a few days. I know you are impatient for this to be over but I am enjoying your very human company too much.”

  The shaky breath she released as he spoke told him he’d done the right thing. From that moment on, the day passed in a calm and relaxed mixture of love-making and planning. Or at least, Amber was calm. Bane’s nervousness escalated as the hours crawled by. When he left her to hunt again at nightfall, he needed to ensure that he fed well enough to enable him to stay by her side for the next few days at least.

  He slept most of the following day, knowing he wouldn’t get much rest afterwards, giving Amber the chance to finalise her affairs. He would have to deliver the letters to her employer, her landlord and her mother when he was able to leave her but beyond that, she didn’t need to do much else. Her finances could still be handled remotely, not that they had much need for money in his world.

  And so the evening dawned when Bane would have to end Amber’s life. He rose from his slumber and went to her, dragging her away from the book she’d been reading to hold her in his arms. Bane fought against the sadness permeating his soul. What he had to do terrified and appalled him and it made him sick to know he would cause her more pain than anybody else ever had or ever could.

  Amber seemed to sense his mood and she pulled away to look up into his face. “Malachi,” she whispered. “I want this. Please don’t feel badly for giving me what I have asked you for.”

  He tried to smile but failed, and chose instead to distract her. “We don’t need to think of it now. We still have time.”

  They took a walk on the beach after the sun had gone down leaving nothing but a pink and orange sky behind to prove it had existed at all. Bane caught some fish, making Amber laugh as he lumbered about in the waves—the desire to keep her smiling making him ham it up a little more than was necessary.

  He made love to her on the beach when a small part of his possessive nature had reared its ugly head. Bane remembered David’s failed attempt at seducing her there. The beach belonged to him—and now, so did she. He erased the memory of another man touching her forever by claiming her heart and mind, as well as her body, in a way David could not.

  They cooked the fish on a bonfire Bane made on the beach, and then he carried her back to the cave when she got sleepy, unsure when or how to start what needed to be done. Amber bathed in the stream and crawled into bed, surprising Bane by calling for him moments later.

  She turned back the sheet and held her hand out to
him, an invitation in her smile. Marvelling at her stamina, he joined her without hesitation, throwing his clothing around the room in his haste to go to her.

  “Uh, I hope you don’t think I’m picking that up,” she said, laughing at him. “I’m not spending eternity clearing up behind you.”

  “What do you mean? My bachelor days are over.” Bane ducked as she took a swing at him, hiding his smile at her reaction to his teasing. “You know, I come from a time when women did as they were told.”

  Amber’s green eyes flared with indignation and she sat up, folding her arms over her naked breasts. “Yeah, well I come from a time where a man can kiss my ass if he thinks I’m waiting on him hand, foot and finger.”

  Bane could fight the temptation no more. He threw his head back and roared with laughter at her show of temper. “I’d love to kiss your ass,” he said as he reached out to grab her legs, pulling her back down beside him. She tried to ignore him, turning her face away when he leant in to kiss her but Bane saw the corners of her mouth quivering with a suppressed smile. He trailed his fingers across her ribs and she wriggled and squirmed while she held her breath until she gave in and laughed with him.

  When Amber turned towards him, he waited until the humour in her eyes had been replaced with the love he needed to see. He had so much he wanted to say to her but he knew she would guess that the time had come. So he hid his emotions by kissing her until she seemed almost breathless. By the time his mouth made its way to her neck, Amber had no fear. Bane smiled against her skin, satisfied he had done his job by protecting her from knowing what was to come.

  He moved away, aligning his body over hers and watching the reaction on Amber’s face as he entered her. She threw her head back, exposing her neck to Bane. The venom surged into his mouth. Amber’s hand reached up to stroke his face and he turned into it, trailing his tongue over her palm. She gasped and reached for him, tangling her small fingers into his hair, subconsciously embracing death as she dragged his lips down to hers.