The Christmas Cradle

by Linda Warren

  He removed her hand from his arm and his touch sent pinpoints of warmth along her skin.

  “Let’s be clear on one thing. As I said before, Ellie stays here with me. This is her home.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying Ellie’s not to go anywhere without my permission.”

  “Oh,” she whispered, seeing fear in his eyes and recognizing it for what it was. He was afraid she’d try to leave with Ellie and never come back.

  “Let me be clear on one thing,” she said, her anger subsiding. “I will never hurt Ellie or take her away from you. If you want me to ask permission to go places with her, then I will—to set your mind at ease.”

  He seemed dumbstruck. Finally he said, “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. All I’m asking is that you not judge me as the weak young girl I used to be. Judge me for the woman I am today and trust me a little.”

  “I’ll try,” he muttered, but she could see that she’d have to earn that trust. And she would.

  She stalked toward the door. “Now I’m going to my daughter.”

  Ellie was sprawled across the bed, and Marisa stood there for a moment, watching her. Then she pulled back the covers and crawled in. Sooner whined in protest and moved to the foot of the bed. She gathered Ellie in her arms.

  She didn’t know how she and Colter had arrived at such an angry standoff, but she knew their difficult situation would invoke many disagreements, possibly even arguments. She just hoped they could continue to talk them out.

  She drifted into a beautiful dream, and she held the dream in her arms.

  COLTER WALKED into his closet, pushing back clothes to reveal a safe. He turned the knob to the correct numbers and opened it. He took out three objects—a small box, a certificate and a piece of paper—and carried them into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed again, he opened the box. A diamond ring sparkled up at him, as bright as all the lights in Vegas. He’d bought it for Marisa and he still had it. Why? He wasn’t sure. He just hadn’t been able to get rid of it.

  Picking up Ellie’s birth certificate, he stared at the name: Marisa Ellen Kincaid. He and Tulley were the only ones who knew he’d put Marisa’s name on it. At the time, he wasn’t sure why he’d done that, either. He just wanted Ellie to have something of her mother’s.

  Later he’d regretted that impulse. He didn’t want Ellie to have anything of Marisa’s, so he told everyone her name was just Ellen. No one ever questioned him, not even when he registered her for school.

  He reached for the single sheet of paper and forced himself to read the words on it: Colter, I’ve changed my mind. I can’t marry a rodeo rider. Our worlds are too different. I’m sorry. Marisa.

  He’d told Marisa their love was like ashes after a fire. Then why did these three objects have such power over him?

  Quickly, he left the house and headed for the corrals. Within minutes, he’d saddled up and headed out into the cold December night. He spurred the horse on, feeling as if demons were chasing him, knowing that the only way to escape them was to ride hard and long until exhaustion overtook him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Colter woke up the next morning and quickly dressed. He wasn’t sure what this day was going to bring, but as long as Ellie was happy, that was all that mattered to him. He stopped at her doorway, glancing in. Ellie was cradled in Marisa’s arms and both their faces looked content. You have your mother, baby girl. And Daddy’s feeling a lot of conflicting emotions.

  He’d been hard on Marisa last night, but she’d asked what he was thinking and feeling. A lot of his inner turmoil had spilled out, and he’d said things he hadn’t meant to.

  The sight of the two of them was mesmerizing. They’d kicked the covers away, and Marisa’s T-shirt had ridden up to reveal her long, slim legs. An unwelcome jolt of awareness centered in his lower abdomen. She was a restless sleeper. He remembered that about her—and so many other things that continued to haunt him.

  Tearing his eyes away, he went to the kitchen. Tulley was sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper.

  “Morning,” he said, pouring himself a cup.

  “Morning, boy.” Tulley put down the paper. “Marisa’s car is still here. Is she in Becky’s room?”

  “No.” He sat across from Tulley. “She slept with Ellie.”

  “Should’ve guessed that.” Tulley peered at him. “Why are you so down in the mouth?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not sure. I’m glad we finally know the truth. Ellie has her mother and Marisa has her daughter, but I keep wondering where we go from here.”

  “To the future…together,” Tulley answered without hesitation.

  “I wish it was that simple.”

  “Why isn’t it?”

  “Because it isn’t,” he snapped. “Marisa’s life has been torn apart and she’s not sure what she wants.”

  “Her daughter,” Tulley replied. “She wants her daughter.”

  “Yeah.” He shifted uncomfortably.

  “What are you worried about?”

  He gripped the cup. “This is Ellie’s home, I want her to stay here, but as she gets to know her mother she might feel differently.”

  “You mean she might prefer to live with her mother.”

  “Yeah and…and that would kill me.” He took a big swallow of coffee.

  Tulley clicked his tongue.

  “What?” he asked when Tulley didn’t say anything.

  “Colt, boy, you have to trust Marisa to do the right thing.”

  “I don’t think I can ever trust her completely again.”

  “That’s the problem,” Tulley said. “You’re hiding behind the past and all the pain—pain you don’t want to feel a second time. But you’re going to have to step forward now and see Marisa for the woman she is today. The woman I see would never hurt Ellie—or you. So give her a chance. For Ellie, give her a chance.”

  Marisa had said almost the same words last night. He gazed out the window, knowing Tulley was right, but that trust would not come easy. “I invited her to stay here during the holidays.”

  “That’s good. I’m proud of you.”

  His eyes slid to Tulley. “How long do you think she’ll hang around the ranch? It’s not what she’s used to.”

  “I don’t think she cares where she is as long as she’s with Ellie—and you.”

  “No. I’m not even in the picture.”

  Tulley clicked his tongue again, and it irritated him.

  “Will you stop that?”

  “Now we’re getting to the crux of what’s really bothering you. It has nothing to do with how long she’ll stay here or if she’ll take Ellie away. It’s how she feels about you.”

  “That’s nonsense. What we had is over—has been for a very long time.”

  “Has it?” Tulley raised an eyebrow.

  Colter glared at him and opened his mouth to speak, but then they heard voices and he knew Marisa and Ellie were awake. His concentration was now on them.

  Tulley got to his feet. “I’ll start feeding the horses.”

  “I’m going to Dallas to tell Becky and Jen about Marisa, so I’ll be gone most of the day.”

  “Leaving the wicked mother alone with your child, huh?”

  Colter stood. “That’s not funny.”

  “Lighten up, boy, or you’re gonna explode with all those emotions inside you.”

  He took a deep breath. “Just keep an eye on them while I’m out.”

  “Okay. Tell everyone hi.” He reached for his hat and ambled out the door.

  “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” Ellie called, racing into the room with Marisa and Sooner behind her. She flew into Colter’s arms and he held her tight. “Daddy.” Ellie smothered his face with kisses. “When I woke up, Mommy was in my bed.”

  “Really?” He met Marisa’s eyes.

  “Yeah. That’s cool, huh?”

  “Very cool.”

  He sat with Ellie on his lap and watched Marisa pou
r a cup of coffee. He should’ve asked if she wanted some, but when he was around her his brain didn’t function too well.

  “Listen up, angelface.” He pushed back Ellie’s hair. “Daddy’s going to Aunt Jen’s, so you and your mother are on your own today.”

  “Okay. I’ll show her my horses and how good I can ride.”

  He tweaked her nose. “No showing off.”

  Ellie made a face.

  He stroked her hair, needing to hold her for a moment longer. “We have to get a Christmas tree. We’ve never left it this late.”

  “When can we, Daddy? When?”

  He rose and stood her on her feet. “Maybe tomorrow. You be good for your mother, okay?”

  “I will,” Ellie chirped.

  His eyes met Marisa’s again. “She usually has cereal and fruit for breakfast.”

  “I’ll fix whatever she wants.”

  He grimaced. “Please don’t say that. She’ll have you jumping through hoops.”

  “What’s that mean, Daddy?” Ellie asked.

  “It means, don’t take advantage of your mother.”

  “Okay.” She pulled a chair up to the cabinet. “I’ll fix toast. Sooner likes toast.”

  “Ellie…”

  “Don’t worry,” Marisa said. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t give Sooner a loaf of bread.”

  “You’re beginning to know her.” They stared at each other for endless seconds, then Colter turned away and grabbed his hat. “I’ll see you both later.”

  Outside he drew a couple of deep breaths. He hadn’t planned to leave this early, but he had to get away to sort through what he was feeling.

  THE DAY WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST of Marisa’s life. She was grateful to Colter for giving her this time with Ellie, although she wished he hadn’t felt he had to leave. After last night she wasn’t sure where she stood with him. He didn’t trust her—that was very clear. In the days and weeks ahead she resolved to regain his trust. And his love. Those words hovered in her mind and she pushed them away. She couldn’t be in love with Colter after all these years. But sometimes, in her weaker moments, she wondered if she’d ever fallen out of love with him. Colter was right, though; their love was like ashes after a fire, never to be rekindled again. Today she chose to believe that.

  After breakfast, Ellie took a bath and they got dressed, then Ellie showed her every nook and cranny of the house. Marisa hadn’t really looked at Colter’s home before. It was quite large, with three bedrooms upstairs and three downstairs. Tulley’s room was off the kitchen. She loved the country charm, the baby grand piano and especially the attention lavished on Ellie’s room.

  The room that really caught her eye, though, was Colter’s study. It suggested masculinity, from the dark mahogany walls to the oversize desk. Large windows gave a breathtaking view of the ranch, but that scene wasn’t what really held her. It was the trophies, belt buckles, hats, pictures and memorabilia from his rodeo days. There were so many things, even a silver saddle, that she could hardly take them in.

  Later they went to the barn. Ellie wanted to show her how well she could ride. Marisa sat on the fence, her heart in her throat, as Ellie raced around the barrels, but the little girl handled her horse magnificently. Just like her father…

  “Did I do good?” Ellie asked Tulley, who was timing her.

  He nodded. “Gettin’ better.”

  “You were marvelous.” Marisa clapped from the fence.

  Ellie rode up, dismounted and gave the horse some sugar cubes. “Wanna pet her?”

  Marisa’s pulse quickened, but she slid to the ground, trying to hide her fear.

  “She won’t hurt you, see?” Ellie patted the horse’s head, sensing Marisa’s nervousness. “Touch her,” she said, as if instructing a child, and Marisa reached out and stroked the reddish brown face. If Ellie had asked her to walk on hot coals, she probably would’ve done that, too.

  “Her name is Dandelion, but I call her Dandy.”

  “Hi, Dandy.” Marisa smiled and the horse nuzzled her. Her whole body froze.

  “She just wants sugar,” Ellie said, handing her a couple of cubes. “Usually I give her carrots ’cause Daddy says it’s better, but Dandy loves sugar.” Marisa relaxed and held the cubes out to the horse. She gobbled them up.

  Surprising herself, Marisa stroked Dandy’s neck. It was so easy. The horse was gentle and affectionate, and she responded to that.

  “Time to feed Dandy,” Tulley said.

  “Okay,” Ellie answered, and Marisa followed them into the barn.

  Ellie unsaddled the horse with the ease of someone much older and then led Dandy to a pasture, where she removed the bridle. She hurried back for a bucket of feed and dumped it in a trough.

  Marisa noticed a red stallion, the horse that had thrown Colter, in another corral, pawing the ground in anger.

  “That’s Red Devil,” Ellie told her. “He’s a mean old horse, but when Daddy gets through training him he won’t be so mean. Daddy knows all about horses.”

  There was pride in every word, and it reinforced what Marisa already knew—how much Ellie loved her father. Marisa had no intention of changing that.

  They sat on a wooden swing on the patio, and Ellie talked about her friends, her school and the ranch. Marisa listened avidly. She soaked up every nuance of her daughter’s life and personality, and for the first time in years she felt at peace.

  When Colter returned, they had a quiet supper. He seemed distant, and she wondered what his sisters had said about her. He announced that everyone was fine and looking forward to Christmas, with no further comment or details.

  Later Marisa explained to Ellie that she’d be gone in the morning, assuring the child she’d be back as soon as she could.

  “You will come back?” Ellie asked with a tremor in her voice.

  Marisa cupped her face. “Now that I know about you, I’ll always come back. No matter what, you can count on that.”

  “Okay.” Ellie shuffled her feet, and Marisa wanted to call Madame Hélèna and quit on the spot.

  She couldn’t do that, though. She had to be a responsible adult and she had to set an example for Ellie.

  “When I get back, maybe we can talk your dad into getting that Christmas tree.”

  “Oh boy.” Ellie brightened. “A big one?”

  “Yes,” Marisa said with a grin. “A really big one.”

  “Time for bath and bed,” Colter interrupted.

  “Aw, Daddy.”

  “Ellie.” There was a note of warning in his voice.

  Ellie stomped off to her room. “When I get big, I’m never going to bed.”

  As Ellie left the room, Marisa glanced at Colter and noticed something in his eyes she couldn’t describe. Was it sadness? No, it couldn’t be. He had no reason to feel sad unless…unless he was regretting his decision to invite her for the holidays.

  Marisa and Colter tucked Ellie into bed, and Marisa assured her again that she’d be back. They made their way to the den. Tulley had already gone to bed. Marisa sat staring into a roaring fire, watching the flames dueling with each other, just as her emotions were. She was intensely happy, yet deeply saddened by all that had happened. The child she’d thought dead had been returned to her. What more could she ask? Why was there still a void deep inside? She had to admit there was a place in her that Ellie couldn’t reach.

  She looked over at Colter, recognizing that he was the reason for the void. Until he forgave her and trusted her, she would never have complete peace.

  “I can’t believe she accepted me so easily,” she said, studying him closely. “I expected it would take weeks, months even.”

  He smiled. “She’s been wanting her mother for a long time.”

  That smile leaped out at her, touched her…. No, she couldn’t…. It would only complicate things. She forced her thoughts down a less dangerous path.

  “It must’ve been hard for you with a small baby,” she said, thinking that Ellie had probably changed his life dra
stically.

  “It wasn’t easy,” he said, easing into his recliner. “The first week of her life, I sat by her bassinet just to make sure she was still breathing. I was paranoid about her—Shannon pointed that out to me numerous times. I tried to continue riding the circuit, but found that she required all my attention, especially when Shannon left. Luckily, I was at a point in my career where I could retire and concentrate on the business end. Becky and Jen were already here, handling the construction of the house. Ellie, Tulley and I lived in a trailer until the house was finished. Becky had all these business ideas and we worked on them. I designed a boot like the one I’d specially made for myself, and the girls and Bart, Jen’s husband, did all the rest. Kincaid Boots is a corporation of five people—Tulley, Becky, Jen, Bart and me.”

  “I’m glad it all worked out for you,” she said. “You’ve done very well, and you have a beautiful home.”

  “Thank you. I had a lot of help with the business end, but Ellie was solely my responsibility. That was a big problem between Shannon and me. I diapered her, fed her, took her everywhere with me. Shannon was very fond of Ellie, and I should’ve let her step into the role of mother, but—well, I handled it badly.”

  She closed her eyes, listening, having no difficulty envisioning a younger Colter being fiercely protective of his child. He was that type of person. She couldn’t even bring herself to imagine Shannon as Ellie’s mother. That would hurt too much.

  Opening her eyes, she dispelled the image. “You’ve done a great job. She’s energetic, spirited and caring, and not in the least spoiled. She’s very special.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “And you might be slightly prejudiced.”

  When he looked at her like that, it did crazy things to her and she remembered how he’d held and kissed her yesterday. So many emotions struggled for dominance. Emotions she wasn’t ready to face.

  “I’d better get some sleep.” She got unsteadily to her feet. “I plan to leave before dawn.” Taking a step, she turned back. “You haven’t mentioned what your sisters said.” It was none of her business, but she couldn’t leave it alone.

  “Like everyone else, they were shocked,” he said. “Being women, they’re trying to see this from your point of view, but it might take them a while.”