Redemption: Darkness Falls

by Ivory Quinn

  “I’ve had better weeks.” She couldn’t believe he was there. Of all the visitors she thought she might have had, the mysterious Dom was not someone she would have put on the list.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?” He phrased it like a question, but there was a steely undertone to it and she shivered.

  “I don’t know.” She admitted. “They say I went and got drunk and tried to kill myself, but I don’t remember.”

  “And before that? What was the cause of the meltdown in the morning?”

  She closed her eyes and thought back. “Fear, mostly.” She said eventually. “And tiredness. I had this row with Jax and I could see the future just looming before me. It wasn’t a very pretty picture.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “It was just looking like more of the same.” She shrugged. “I couldn’t face the rest of my life knowing I was a spineless, fucked up doormat, but changing it seemed to be a Herculean task. I told myself that I’d been a worthless fuck up to date, so my chances of turning the ship around were slim to none.”

  “And now?”

  “I underestimated a lot of things. The band were seriously torn up about it. I had no idea they felt like that about me. I came so close to dying...only to find I really want to live. However hard it is, nothing is worth putting them through that.” She grimaced. “How’s Blue taken it?”

  “Not too well, as you can imagine, but he’ll deal with it. He’s outside. I’ll send him in when we’re done.”

  “Okay.” She wasn’t looking forward to facing him, but she knew she had to. “I’m really sorry, Cal. It was a really fucking stupid thing to do.”

  “It was, but you survived it and learned a valuable lesson from it.” He nodded sagely. “If you can keep all your food down and walk around a bit tomorrow, the hospital have agreed to release you into my care.”

  “They have?” She stared at him. “No offence, but why would they do that?”

  “Believe it or not, I wasn’t always the Master of the Underground.” A small smirk played about his lips. “I’m a qualified, registered doctor.”

  “Really?” She blinked. She’d never have guessed that in a million years. “Well...thanks I guess.”

  “You’re welcome. Get well soon, Miss Winters. You have a lot of training to do.”

  “I’ll try.” She watched him walk out the door feeling a little dazed. Cal Henway was a doctor? It made sense...and at the same time it was so messed up it wasn’t even funny. At least he could patch up the people he tore strips out of. She surprised herself into a quiet chuckle. Maybe it wasn’t so messed up after all.

  “Hey.” Blue appeared in the doorway, looking almost as gaunt as Jax had.

  “Hey.” She gestured him in. “Before you even start, I’m sorry. I know it was a really fucking stupid thing to do. I know you’re angry and upset. I won’t ever do it again. It is not, in any way, your fault, and I’ll be really pissed off with you if you try and take the blame.”

  “Okay.” He drew the word out, eyeing her suspiciously, like she was going to implode at any moment. “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired. My wrists are sore.” She tried to scratch underneath the bandages, but she couldn’t work it loose enough to get to the itch. “But mostly I feel like an idiot.”

  “You can survive that.” He slumped into a seat, his massive frame seeming to dwarf the room. “What happened, Red? You didn’t seem that bad when I dropped you off.”

  She wished people would just stop asking her that. “I have no idea. The last thing I remember was writing song lyrics at the counter in Jax’s kitchen. They said I went up to Gabriel’s house, got blazing and cut my wrists in the bath tub, but I don’t remember any of it.”

  “No offence, but you look like shit.” He smiled at her and she smiled back.

  “Right back at you, sasquatch.”

  “I’d still do you.” He winked and she laughed, feeling all of the tension flowing out of her.

  “I’m not sure I’d do you. If you passed out from exhaustion halfway through, you’d smother me.”

  “I’ll let you be on top.” He shrugged easily. “What’s the deal? When are they letting you out?”

  “Day after tomorrow, if I can keep everything down and walk around a bit.” She grimaced. “Apparently they’re releasing me into Cal’s care and I’m pretty sure Jax doesn’t want to see me right now, so I guess we’re going to be roomies for a while.”

  “On a scaled of cool to utterly fucking livid, how is Jax?” He propped an elbow on the armrest and rested his chin on his palm. “I’ve seen him around the hospital, but we haven’t had much of a chance to speak.”

  “He gave me an ultimatum.” She reached into the cabinet beside her bed and pulled out the box, mutely holding it up for Blue’s inspection.

  “Oh.” He sat back in his chair, realising immediately what the ring represented. “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” She looked again at the diamond, sparkling under the harsh hospital lights. “I really don’t know.”

  Blue was just leaving when Pastor James arrived and they nodded to each other in the hallway.

  “How are you feeling?” The father sat down in the chair Blue had just vacated and gave her an anxious look.

  “I’m okay.” She smiled, hoping it was reassuring, but he looked like he’d aged ten years in the last week.

  “Next time you pray, I’ll expect you to ask forgiveness for that lie.” The hint of a smile brushed his face. “Now tell me honestly, how are you feeling?”

  “Tired mostly.” She’d already opened her can of emotional worms enough times in one day without pouring it all out again. “A bit confused. The last thing I remember was sitting in Jax’s kitchen and then I woke up here.” She forced a smile. “Hell of a way to get over a hangover, huh?”

  “Have you been drinking a lot since Gabriel died?” He asked curiously and she shook her head.

  “The odd glass of wine with dinner at the weekends, but other than that I haven’t really drunk at all. This was the first time.”

  “Well that’s something at least.” He looked as though it hurt to hold his head up. “I’m sorry for not realising how bad it was.”

  “Not you as well?” She stared at him. “Why does everyone keep trying to take responsibility for my actions? I screwed up. It’s on me. You have nothing to feel guilty for.”

  “I know.” He smiled at her. “I just wanted you to back yourself into a corner so you can stop beating yourself up over Gabriel.”

  “I...” Her mouth snapped shut and she glared at him. “For a man of the cloth, you’re devious in the worst kind of way.”

  “I just want what’s best for you.” He didn’t look sheepish in the slightest. “It’s about time you stopped trying to claim responsibility for something that was all on him.”

  “Fine, you win.” Despite her snappy response, his words had shaken her to the core. She was seeing the events of the last six months in a whole new light. Now that she was on the flip side of the coin, her whole perspective had changed.

  “When are they letting you out?” He changed the subject, seeing that he was losing her to her thoughts.

  “Hopefully the day after tomorrow.” She murmured, still caught up in unburdening herself from guilt.

  “Would you consider coming to stay at the Rectory for a while? I know Mrs Breckeridge and I would feel a lot happier if you were recovering somewhere quiet and restful.”

  “I think part of the conditions of my release is that I go and stay with Dr Henway at the Manor.” She said sadly. “I’d far rather come and stay with you.” Fewer demons to face at the Rectory.

  “Maybe when he signs you off, you could come and stay.” He offered. “It won’t be long before you’re back on your feet.”

  “Are you sure it’s a good idea?” She frowned, really wanting to accept his offer but knowing that she was persona non grata. “Most of your congregation think I’m sin in
carnate. Won’t it damage your reputation to have me under your roof?”

  “I’m answerable to God, not to the petty rumours of those who should know better.” Pastor James smiled. “He knows my heart.”

  “Then I’d be honoured.” She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn and he got to his feet.

  “Excellent. Well now that I’ve satisfied myself that you’re okay, I’ll leave you to sleep.”

  “Thank you so much for coming to visit.” She reached up and he bent down to give her a hug.

  “You’re welcome. I’ll stop in tomorrow as well. Get some rest.”

  “I will.” She could feel grace and strength seeping into her from his warm embrace. “Thanks.” He blushed and nodded, releasing her.

  “See you tomorrow.”

  “I come bearing gifts!” Raze appeared in the doorway and then looked embarrassed. “Sorry Pastor James. I didn’t realise you were here.”

  “It’s okay, Ben. I’m just leaving.” The pastor squeezed his shoulder on the way out and left them to it.

  “Ben?” She quirked an eyebrow and the drummer blushed.

  “You didn’t think my mum actually christened me Raze, did you?” He held up a bag. “The nurse said you could try eating, so I brought you food.”

  “I think I love you.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Is that from Wagamamas?”

  “Yup. Grilled fish ramen, fruit smoothie and ginger and apple gyoza. I know how much you love them.”

  “Oh thank you!” She breathed.

  “You’re welcome.” He manoeuvred the table over the bed and rummaged through the bag, setting out the food and cutlery, along with napkins. He’d brought enough for himself too and perched on the edge of the bed to eat. “Hey, why are you crying again?”

  “I just...” She swiped her face, furious with herself. “This is so nice of you. And you even remembered my favourite food from that one time the band went out together.”

  “Luke had to remind me on the smoothie.” He shrugged it off. “It’s no big deal. Speaking of the band...” He reached into the satchel he’d dumped on a chair on the way in. “Keys sent you these.” He pulled out an expensive looking notepad and a couple of pencils and handed them over. “He wants you to write more lyrics, while you’re in the hospital and bored.”

  “Bored?” She chuckled. “I wish. I had a couple of hours this afternoon with no visitors, which I promptly slept through.”

  “We care about you, Baby Girl.” He gave her a heart-stopping smile.

  “Well that’s good because I care about you too.” She swallowed another lump in her throat. “And you can tell Keys that I’ll only write lyrics if he’s the one that sings them.”

  “Ooh, hardball. I like it.” He bumped her knuckles gently over the table. “We all decided something today.”

  “Oh yeah?” She took a mouthful of noodles and practically melted into a puddle of delight.

  “Yeah.” He swiped her face with a napkin where some of the soup had dripped off her lip. “We let Gabe’s death hit us a little too hard, you know? I know it’s not our fault what happened to you, but we should have been around often enough to know you weren’t sleeping. We shouldn’t have left that all on Jax. Worse, we should have known what Gabe was doing to you while he was still alive. You didn’t deserve that. So we’re going to make more of an effort to spend time together. From next week we’re going to meet up every Monday night for dinner.” He winked. “You’re cooking.”

  “I’d be happy to.” She ignored the jibe and focused on the happiness instead. Then her face fell. “What happens if things go south with Jax?”

  He sighed. “Noelle, do you have any idea how rare it is to just hang around with a girl who isn’t interested in our money or our prestige? Do you have any idea how rare it is just to be loved because you’re a nice guy and not because you’re a badass tatted rock star? You treat us, all of us, with the kind of warmth and respect that reminds us of home and of the times before shit got crazy and we were all over the charts and the news. Yeah, I’ve fucked my fair share of groupies, but it’s all just so fucking...hollow. You’re like the little sister that none of us get to have any more. Even our families have changed, but not you.” He took a deep breath. “So yeah, we all want you and Jax to make a go of it, but if you don’t, you’re still in the band. You’re still family. You’re the one good thing to come to us out of Gabriel’s death and I’ll be damned if I let you walk away.”

  She struggled with her emotions for several minutes, trying to choke down the relief and gratitude and love that were roiling in her chest.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.” He smiled up at her over his carton of noodles.

  “Can I have a Team Darkness Falls T-shirt?” She managed, wiping away a stray tear that sneaked out.

  “You can have one in every colour of the rainbow.” He grinned. “Just promise me you won’t try and bail on us again.”

  She nodded, more sure of that than she had been of anything in the last six months. “I promise. You have my word.”

  Chapter sixteen

  Raze stayed overnight, napping in the chair, and the next day was a repeat of the first. Jax didn’t make any mention of the ring, arriving with the others instead and talking about the band and what was going on with the outside world. They talked about the tour and what was happening with the albums Gabriel had recorded before he died. John, the band’s manager, even popped in for a short while.

  Blue and Pastor James stopped by and she was feeling much more cheerful by the time evening rolled around and Raze arrived back with dinner. This time they had Italian and the doctor came in just as they were finishing up. Raze cleared away while the doc checked over her stitches and went through her chart.

  “Looks like you’ve managed to keep everything down, Miss Winters.” He smiled at her. “Have you been up and about at all today?”

  “I’ve been to the bathroom a few times, but I haven’t been for an actual walk.” She admitted.

  “How about taking a shower?” He gestured to the nurse, who went off in search of a towel. “If you can make it through that, I’ll sign your discharge papers in the morning.”

  “I can have a shower?” The thought filled her with glee. She was starting to feel pretty skanky after four days confined to bed. God only knew what her hair must look like. And with all these gorgeous guys parading around her bed...definitely not cool.

  “Yes you can have a shower. We’ll redress your wounds afterwards.”

  “How badly will they scar, doc?” Raze spoke up from the corner of the room and the doctor turned to him.

  “It’s hard to say at this stage. Due to the level of inebriation, they weren’t straight cuts. There was some tearing of the skin. There will be scarring, but how bad it is won’t be known until the stitches are out.”

  That was a terrifying thought. One stupid mistake was going to mark her for life. Noelle sat and stared at her wrists while the doctor made notations and the nurse returned to check her obs.

  “Hey, don’t freak out.” Raze came to the end of the bed. “I know a really good guy...he does amazing ink on scar tissue. He’ll cover it up for you once they’re healed.”

  “I don’t have any tattoos.” She said in a small voice, her confidence of the day having taken a big hit.

  “I know, but you’ll look fucking sexy with it.” He grinned and the nurse snorted, putting her equipment back in the cart.

  “Do you want me to stay while you shower, or is Papa Bear here going to help you?” She asked Noelle.

  “I’ll do it.” He didn’t even let Noelle get a word out. “I know how busy you lovely ladies are.” He winked at her and she blushed.

  “Fine. If you have any problems, just hit the button.”

  “Will do.” Raze grinned broadly as she left the room and Noelle narrowed her eyes at him.

  “You are not watching me in the shower.”

  “Of course not!” He seemed affron
ted at the very idea. “But you are going to leave the door open so that I can hear if you crash out. There’s a curtain across the cubicle.”

  “This is so freaking embarrassing.” She glowered, pulling herself out of the bed and making her way into the bathroom.

  “Yeah well, you just remember that next time you get wrecked and feel like checking out...” Ouch. Well, she guessed she deserved that. As Raze settled in the chair with a book, she quickly undressed and got into the narrow shower cubicle. She couldn’t wait to get out of this place and go home.

  ***

  The next morning the doctor signed her papers after morning rounds and she gratefully accepted the clothes Jax had brought her from the house. Cal had turned up with Blue while she was changing in the bathroom and she looked around at the crowded room a little confused. The band were all there, along with John.

  “Why are you all here?” She asked suspiciously, getting the sinking feeling that something wasn’t right. “You knew I was getting out today.”

  “The press found out.” Cal wasn’t pulling any punches. “They’ve been camped outside the hospital since yesterday morning.”

  Noelle swore loudly. “They’re like vultures.” She grumbled, chucking her few belongings into a bag. “Seriously...a girl tries to kill herself and they think it’s a great idea to get all up in her face? Don’t they have any sense of decency or moral responsibility?”

  “You should remember this moment next time you feel like landing yourself in hospital.” Jax gave her a level look, but she’d already heard it from Raze and didn’t need telling twice.

  “Being famous is crap.” She grumbled. “If I was still just a school teacher, no-one would give a toss that I was in hospital. I hate it. Don’t they have any respect for personal issues? Why does being associated with someone I once loved make me public property?”

  “They’re sharks, Noe.” Luke shrugged. “You know that.”