The Boyfriend Experiment

by Sean Ashcroft

  “Let me know if you change your mind,” the waitress finished scribbling on her pad. “Wait should be about twenty minutes, I’ll get your drinks.”

  “She seems nice,” Gabriel said as he watched her go.

  “Everyone’s nice, here,” Reid said.

  “That burger sounds amazing, too,” Gabriel said. “Weird, but amazing.”

  “You’re gonna be blown away,” Reid promised, grinning. “And you’re okay with beer, right?”

  Gabriel nodded. “I understand beer better than I do wine. I don’t drink a lot, though. I’m surprised you do.”

  “Because of the whole… health and fitness thing?” Reid asked.

  Gabriel nodded again.

  Reid sat back, finally letting himself relax. “I keep as fit as I need to so I can enjoy things like this without suffering for it,” Reid explained. “That’s it. And I advise my patients to do the same. Not everyone needs to be able to bench press a car. No one needs to be able to bench press a car. If that’s what you want? Fine, go for it, live out your wildest dreams, but there’s a limit to how fit it’s useful to be.”

  Gabriel smiled at that. “I knew there was a reason I always liked you,” he said. “Aside from the stunning good looks.”

  “Stunning good looks?” Reid asked, happy to fish for a compliment if he had to.

  “Yeah.” Gabriel looked down at the table, blushing again. “You’re incredibly attractive. I think you know that.”

  “I like to hear it, though,” Reid said. “And I’ve told you half a dozen times that you’re cute, so I hope you’re starting to get that.”

  “I can’t see why you’d pick me over basically anyone else. There’s no way you have trouble getting a date,” Gabriel said, playing with his paper napkin, tearing tiny strips off the edge.

  Reid reached out to touch Gabriel’s hand, making him look up again. “I have trouble finding someone I want to date. Someone smart and funny and surprisingly sweet when he wants to be. Know anyone like that?”

  Gabriel smiled a tiny, wry smile in response, which Reid took to mean he was getting through to him.

  “Doesn’t hurt that you’re willing to ask for what you want in bed,” Reid added.

  … exactly as the waitress came back with their beer.

  Despite the embarrassment of getting caught talking about that, he smiled broadly at her as though it was no big deal, trying to deflect attention from Gabriel, who looked as though he would have liked to crawl under the table right now.

  “Thank you,” Reid enthused, still grinning.

  The waitress winked at him and walked away.

  He definitely needed to leave her a generous tip.

  “Sorry about that,” Reid turned back to Gabriel. “But the point stands.”

  Instead of responding, Gabriel grabbed the beer in front of him and took a sip, sighing happily. Reid got that.

  He hadn’t promised there’d be zero awkwardness, but things seemed to be going okay.

  “I like being with you,” Gabriel said. “I mean, in the sense of just sitting here across from you and talking about nothing in particular. This is nice. There aren’t a lot of people in the world who I want to relax with. I’m kind of a loner.”

  “Me too,” Reid admitted. “But it’s nice to be around you, too.”

  Gabriel smiled at him, another genuine smile like the one he’d worn when he’d been talking about the people he’d gone to space with, and Reid’s heart soared.

  Somehow, some way, he’d worked himself into Gabriel’s life, and he wanted to stay there. Gabriel was magical.

  The look on his face when their burgers came was also magical, and Reid didn’t hate the soft, happy sounds he made as he ate, alternating between bites of his hamburger and mopping up the sauce and juices that had fallen out with fries.

  Reid loved that he barely paused once to wipe his mouth or care how he looked while he was eating. He got the feeling that Gabriel hadn’t gone out of his way to enjoy life before now, but he also got the feeling that Gabriel was on the verge of wanting to enjoy everything.

  The idea of showing him all the fun he could have was exciting. Reid wanted a partner, someone he could depend on to be around, to stave off the worst of the loneliness, to make him feel like there was some reason to keep going in the world.

  He also wanted someone he could play with. Someone who could enjoy things with him.

  Gabriel seemed like the perfect person for that.

  “Wow.” Gabriel sighed as he sat back, one hand resting on his stomach and his plate practically sparkling. “That was so much more food than I’d normally eat.”

  Reid chuckled, licking his fingers clean before wiping them on his napkin. “But you enjoyed it.”

  “Oh yeah,” Gabriel said. “I just never need to eat again.”

  “You’ll have room for dessert,” he said. “It’s a hike.”

  “I don’t think I’m physically capable of standing right now,” Gabriel said.

  Reid wasn’t sure he was ready to stand up yet, either. That was the point of a decent meal, though. The comforting fullness, the feeling of perfect contentment, those were things he cherished in life.

  “Take your time,” he said. “We’ve got all night.”

  “I’d like a little privacy for part of the night,” Gabriel said.

  This time, Reid blushed as the waitress brought him the bill. Gabriel reached for it, but Reid held it away from him.

  “I invited you out, this is on me,” he said. “You picked up the tab last time.”

  “Okay. That means it’s my turn next time,” Gabriel said.

  Reid smiled at that as he gave up on working out the tip in his head and dropped an extra ten dollar bill on the tray instead. Their waitress had more than earned it.

  Gabriel wanted to do this again. He’d just more or less said so.

  That was awesome.

  “So you didn’t hate this?” Reid asked, wanting to make sure that he was reading the situation right.

  “Not at all.” Gabriel finished the last of his beer, throwing his head back to swallow the last mouthful. Reid watched his throat work, wetting his lips as he did.

  He wasn’t sure he’d entirely gotten it into Gabriel’s head how gorgeous he was and how much he wanted him, but he had time to work on that. Obviously, that was something Gabriel wanted to work on.

  After another few moments, they both forced themselves to stand up, Gabriel stretching his arms high above his head.

  He’d shown up in a coat and a Spiderman t-shirt, which was the icing on the cake for Reid. Nothing was enough to make Gabriel be anyone other than himself.

  He’d seen the real Gabriel on day one, and he was just filling in the blanks now. That was why things seemed so easy between them.

  The cool air outside hit Reid hard, waking him up after he’d been warm and full for so long. Gabriel stood beside him, just outside the door, looking up at him like…

  Like he was one of the most fascinating things he’d ever seen. Like he mattered, like he was important.

  Reid smiled, his heart swelling, and ducked his head to catch Gabriel’s lips, just the briefest, softest contact, just enough to let him know that he felt the same way. That Gabriel was important, that Reid was fascinated by him, that he wanted more of this.

  Behind them, someone wolf-whistled.

  Reid turned his head to see three teenage boys walking past, laughing among themselves.

  “That your boyfriend?” one of them asked, the other two still laughing.

  “Yeah,” Reid said. “Those your boyfriends?”

  It wasn’t the best comeback he’d ever come up with, but they’d caught him off guard. He didn’t really care for himself—he was used to this, and he wasn’t afraid of a few teenagers—but he cared for Gabriel’s sake.

  Thankfully, weak as it was, it got them to shut up and keep walking.

  When he looked back at Gabriel, his heart sank. Gabriel had gone pale as a ghost, hi
s eyes wide and darting, watching the three boys as they walked away, but not staring after them.

  Too afraid to. Reid could practically feel the tension rolling off him, the way he was holding himself tight, like a deer in headlights.

  “They’re just idiot kids,” Reid said, not sure how else to assure Gabriel that it was okay, that nothing bad was going to happen.

  It wasn’t. That kind of thing happened all the time, but Reid had come out of it with nothing more than a few traded insults. Insults that, these days, rolled right off him.

  Hell, is that your boyfriend? didn’t even qualify as an insult. It was a question. The tone had been sarcastic, but as harassment went, Reid couldn’t give it more than a three out of ten.

  Gabriel was obviously shaken, though.

  “I need to go,” he said, swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in this throat.

  That had been so sexy a moment ago, and now it just made Reid’s heart hurt. “We can get out of here.”

  “No, I need to go,” Gabriel repeated, making it clear this time that he meant by himself.

  That was the last thing Reid wanted, but he also didn’t want to pressure Gabriel into staying. Not if it was making him uncomfortable. Not if he really didn’t want to be there anymore.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. He shouldn’t have kissed Gabriel in public. He hadn’t asked if that was okay. This was, at least partially, on him. “Text me when you get home safe?”

  “I will,” Gabriel said, already backing away from him, heading in the opposite direction that the boys had disappeared in. They probably hadn’t really seen him, but Reid got it.

  When he’d first come out, that kind of thing had been terrifying. Gabriel wasn’t used to it, and he wasn’t great with people to start with.

  Reid got it, but he still hated it. He hated that someone else had decided to ruin their night. He hated that for all his talk of being yourself and doing what you want, that wasn’t always the best or safest way to live.

  Hopefully, Gabriel wouldn’t hate him for this.

  Or decide he was too much effort to be with.

  The thought of that made Reid’s stomach go cold as he turned and headed for home, disappointment settling on his shoulders.

  Why was it so hard for people not to be assholes?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I’m so sorry about last night, Gabriel texted once he’d had his first sip of coffee, finally working up the courage to face Reid.

  He’d been worried all night that Reid would hate him forever, but he hadn’t been able to make himself do anything about it until now.

  He’d panicked, and he felt so guilty about what had happened. Besides anything else, he shouldn’t have left Reid alone after something like that. Reid was definitely the kind of man who could take care of himself, but leaving had still put him at greater risk than if Gabriel had stayed.

  Reid had no reason to forgive him for that, but Gabriel was hoping he would.

  His stomach had been in knots all morning over it, after a night of formless anxiety that he couldn’t push away.

  He’d been planning to wake up next to Reid this morning, and now he regretted missing out on that, too.

  Maybe he wasn’t cut out for this. Maybe that was exactly what Reid was going to say in response.

  Gabriel’s phone vibrated in his hand before he’d even put it back in his pocket.

  It’s okay, Reid’s text read.

  It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t remotely okay, and Gabriel was pretty sure he had a lot of making up to do, but at least they were still talking. At least it’s okay was the starting point.

  It’s not. I shouldn’t have left you, Gabriel responded, glancing around the coffee shop for a table. If he had to do this in front of people—and it looked like he was going to—the anonymity of a coffee shop seemed more comfortable than having to face Alice, who he was starting to think of as a friend.

  He didn’t need sympathy right now. He couldn’t have handled it.

  I would have preferred you didn’t, but I understand why you did. And I get it. It shakes you the first time. Hell, it shakes you the hundredth time.

  Gabriel stared at that.

  Hundredth time.

  It was going to keep happening. Reid was so sure it was going to keep happening that he just stated it as fact.

  Gabriel sat down at a free table, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that he was having one of the most nerve-wracking conversations of his life.

  Space had been easy compared to feelings. He understood space. Getting attached to another person the way he was getting attached to Reid was new to him.

  Was that your hundredth time? Gabriel asked, not entirely sure he really wanted to hear the answer.

  Dunno, lost count.

  Gabriel’s heart sank.

  You didn’t deserve that, he replied.

  Neither did you. Besides, compared to some things I’ve heard, that was almost funny.

  It hadn’t seemed funny to Gabriel at the time, but looking back, he hated that he’d run away from something that barely qualified as an insult.

  That made his reaction worse, if anything. He’d never been under any real threat.

  It just felt like it. He’d known that there’d be consequences for being out, for finally accepting who he really was. He’d been waiting for them, trying to tell himself that it was all worth it.

  And then he’d run away at the first sign of trouble.

  Don’t worry about me, Reid added. I’m worried about you. Are you okay?

  Gabriel chewed on his lip as he thought about that, his leg bouncing under the table he’d found in the corner.

  He was pretty much the opposite of okay, but he didn’t want Reid worrying about him. He’d put him through enough in the past twenty-four hours already. Adding to it wasn’t what either of them needed.

  I’m okay, Gabriel lied.

  The lie made him itch immediately. He’d never been good at subterfuge.

  Or I will be okay. I was just scared. I’ll get over it, he added.

  There was a slightly longer pause than normal, and Gabriel wasn’t sure what that meant. He spent the whole time staring at the screen of his phone, tapping it when it tried to turn itself off.

  I’m bringing dinner to your place tonight, Reid said.

  Gabriel let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, his head spinning with relief. Reid still wanted to see him. So much so that he wasn’t even asking, he was telling.

  Gabriel was still sure he could have said no, but he was glad he didn’t have to say yes, or ask in the first place. He was glad Reid wasn’t making him feel as though he was taking up his time.

  Reid probably knew that. He’d understood Gabriel from the moment they’d met.

  It was easy to forget that they weren’t that different. Reid had already been through this moment, the scary, first part of coming out, and the part where he realized that maybe his career wasn’t the most important thing in his life, maybe putting everything else on hold was a mistake.

  Gabriel had a lot to learn from him, if he could just get Reid to stick around long enough.

  Okay, Gabriel responded. I’ll make sure I’m home.

  Good. Take care of yourself, okay? I care about you.

  Gabriel swallowed. He knew, vaguely, that Reid cared about him, but it was a different thing entirely to see it written down like that.

  Reid followed it up with a kissing emoji, which was enough to leave Gabriel grinning broadly at his phone. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe the world wasn’t over.

  Heart pounding in his chest, he opened the emoji keyboard and searched for the same one so he could send it back. He never used them, but this seemed like an occasion that called for it.

  He was so glad he hadn’t lost Reid over this. The thought of not seeing him again made Gabriel nauseous, his chest tight, his head pound.

  He wanted Reid in his life. He’d never wanted someone in his life like this befor
e, but he wanted Reid. He wanted more dates, and to spend more time curled up on couches with him.

  Gabriel wanted Reid to be his boyfriend.

  He just wasn’t sure he could handle having a boyfriend at all.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  While he hadn’t been sure what to expect from Gabriel’s apartment, Reid couldn’t pretend for a second that he was surprised to find it a mess, with stacks of books and papers everywhere. There was barely a clear surface in the entire place, and it looked as though there hadn’t been in a long time.

  It seemed very much like Gabriel.

  “Well, I’m glad you didn’t bother cleaning up for me,” he said, handing pizza boxes over to Gabriel.

  “I did, actually. There’s a space on the coffee table and there’s nothing on the couch anymore,” Gabriel said. “You should have seen what it was like before.”

  “I’m probably happier not knowing,” Reid said, though he really didn’t mind the mess. His own apartment felt a little on the sterile side, sometimes. Gabriel’s felt more like a home, if a disorganized one.

  That was Gabriel, though. He was warm and kind and funny when he wanted to be, but he was also messy and scatterbrained.

  Reid wouldn’t have wanted him any other way. He liked all of that. It made Gabriel fun. He didn’t need to date someone who was exactly like him.

  He’d been there and done that, and it had been the most boring, soulless relationship he could imagine. Gabriel was like him in the ways that mattered, in the ways that let them understand each other, so it was cool that he apparently never threw anything away.

  If they ever got to the point where they were living together… they could figure that out then.

  It was weird to look forward like that. Not only to look forward, but to look forward and not be horrified by the idea.

  He could live with Gabriel.

  In the future, he could imagine having a life with him.

  And it wasn’t scary to think that at all.

  “I wasn’t sure what you liked on pizza, so there’s one with everything, and one with just cheese,” Reid explained. “I figure that way one of them will work for you, and I’ll eat the other.”

  “I’m not picky,” Gabriel said. “But I’m not getting through a whole pizza. Do you always eat like this?”