Only Once: A Single Parent- Hollywood Romance

by Ashley Munoz

  My breathing increased as Ryan applied more pressure to my aching clit. I could feel a moan crawling up my throat, begging to be released as he moved against me. I moved my hips in cadence with his fingers as he spread me open and rubbed.

  “I don’t think you’re ready to hear how badly I wanted to do this to you that night in my bed…after I saw you wearing my shirt,” he said breathily, moving his lips to my neck and back to my ear. “Do you have any idea what that did to me? How badly I tried to see your nipples through that shirt, how I wanted to drag those boxers down your legs with my teeth…”

  A sound came from my chest as his fingers tightened against my lips.

  “Do you like when I talk dirty to you, Bex?”

  I could feel his smile against my skin. If he remembered correctly, I had always been an avid worshiper of his filthy tongue. I couldn’t answer, but I bucked my hips and pushed back against the hardness between us. I wanted him to enter me, to erase all the lines of resistance between us and make us whole.

  “Do you remember how you used to beg me for things? Filthy things…dirty things…things that would make most people blush.”

  I remembered. I was insatiable for Ryan…our intimacy was fire doused in kerosene every single time we were together. It was never enough.

  Suddenly, I went lax against him as the tips of my toes curled and caught fire and a moan split my chest open.

  “Come for me, Bex,” Ryan rasped, pressing his lips into my neck, firm and forceful.

  We sagged against each other, and Ryan removed his hand, running it down my back and gently caressing my backside through my cotton shorts.

  I turned until I was facing him, wanting to take care of him the way he’d catered to me. I wanted to kiss him, maybe slip under the blankets and take his length into my mouth, but just when I was about to press my lips against his and acknowledge that hungry look in his eyes, we heard the rustling of blankets on the other side of the divider.

  We froze as the sound increased, Ryan pulled his hands from under my shirt, and I pulled my fingers away from his boxers, turning away and putting space between us. A few seconds later, the divider was pushed back, and Bella was standing there.

  “Mommy! I have to pee.”

  Ryan smiled from his spot, which was on the edge of his side of the bed. I turned, thankful we hadn’t stripped our clothes off, and met the sleepy face of my little girl.

  “Let’s go sweetie.” I grabbed her hand and walked her out of the tent.

  By the time we’d returned to the campsite, Ryan had breakfast going with a crackling and popping fire. The smell of coffee permeated the air, along with the heady scent of pine. It was heaven.

  “Hey, my girls are back.” Ryan looked up from piling strips of bacon into a pan, his eyes focusing on me with a sly grin.

  My heart leapt at his term of endearment. I tried so hard to shut it down, to not give it credence, but I’d have been lying if I said I didn’t want to soak in the fluttery feeling it created. If I allowed myself, I could get lost in that gaze and the way it felt like home.

  If I wasn’t careful, I’d forget that Ryan wasn’t permanent, that we were just something he was testing out for the summer and we had an expiration date. Before long, he’d be back in his element, dating movie stars and forgetting we’d ever even existed.

  21

  Bexley wore her bikini while we played in the lake. It was modest compared to what many women I’d been with had worn, yet there was something so classically sexy about her; she outshone each and every one of them by far. Everything about Bexley was different: her laugh, her smile, the way she moved around and loved on her kids…it was like I was falling in love all over again and there was nothing to be done to protect my heart from the fallout.

  She’d never let me in, not fully. She had already openly condemned my way of living for the past ten years; getting her to trust me would be impossible, and all it would do was break my heart all over again.

  “Hey, Ryan?” Cole asked from his place under a tree. We’d set him up well enough, but every so often he’d ask to take a ride in the raft or be carried into the water while I held him and his mother lifted his leg.

  “Yeah bud?” I asked, walking closer so I could hear him. I turned my head toward the lake, watching as Bexley and Bella splashed and swam around, the setting sun creating a glittering shine along the calm surface.

  “What’s going to happen when your vacation is over?” His eyes held a curious yet heavy judgment.

  “I have to go back to work,” I replied easily, not giving in to whatever hypothetical mess was tangling together in his mind.

  “But…will we ever see you again?”

  Fuck, it hurt that he worried he wouldn’t.

  “Of course you will… in fact, I planned to ask your mom if you’d want to stay at my house for a weekend, maybe go to the zoo.” I ruffled his hair, hating how elated the idea of having them in my home made me. I could picture it so easily: my fireplace lit up, a movie playing while Bexley curled into my side, the two kids snuggled against her. We’d be like a family.

  “Just us kids…or Mom too?” Cole’s question bit into my thoughts, bringing me back to the present.

  “Would it bother you if your mom came?” I moved around a few of the folded towels near his leg, trying to ignore the hiccup in my chest.

  “I think it would be fun…” He paused, squinting at the sun that had invaded his little perch. “But…um…do you like my mom?”

  Red flitted along his little jaw as he threw his gaze down at his lap, likely embarrassed by his bold question. How to answer this one…

  I hadn’t talked to Bexley about what we were telling the kids. We hadn’t even discussed anything past kissing, touching, and coming. We were just existing and accepting the attraction we both felt toward each other…but did that mean she would want more? Mothers didn’t just let men around their kids if they weren’t mildly serious about them, right?

  “Can you keep a secret?” I leaned closer, whispering conspiratorially.

  Cornflower blue eyes widened and assessed me. “Yep. I won’t tell anyone.”

  Our heads tilted closer as I tipped my chin and said, “I have a crush on her.”

  “I knew it!” he yelled excitedly, his eyes bright.

  “Has it been that obvious?” I flinched, glancing out to the lake once more, feeling my heart gallop in my chest at how otherworldly Bexley looked. She was walking toward the embankment, her tan skin glowing in the evening sun, along with her golden white hair. It almost looked like she had a halo gleaming around her.

  “Not too bad, but the way you watch her sometimes reminds me of the way my daddy looks at her.” Cole’s mouth slung to the side while he considered me.

  I tried not to linger on the fact that he used ‘looks’ instead of ‘looked’…I had a feeling their dad still had feelings for Bex, especially after learning how many times he’d tried to marry her. I would have been lying if I said it didn’t make me feel a million feet tall that Bex had never committed to him. Sure, they had kids together; I could understand that, but that meant it was just sex that had kept them together.

  I hated that, but I could understand it, especially given my past, but the fact that she hadn’t agreed to marry him said something. It said she hadn’t been ready to settle, and if she hadn’t been ready to settle with the man who’d given her children, maybe she was waiting for someone else.

  Maybe she was waiting for me?

  “Do you want to toss a football around a bit with me?” I asked, trying to get my thoughts away from the direction they were headed.

  “I’m not very good at it.” Cole’s shoulders slumped.

  “That’s okay…you don’t need to be.” I tried to reassure him, but that sad look on his face only worsened.

  “What about baseball, you want to try that?”

  Cole tipped his dark head back. “You know how to play that too?”

  I leaned closer. “I actual
ly couldn’t play football when I was your age either…not very well anyway. I started with baseball.”

  “Really?” Cole lit up, his whole demeanor changing. I smiled.

  “Yeah, really. Let’s practice later tonight, before it gets too dark.”

  “Okay!” Cole agreed eagerly, and something in my chest shifted. That fucking simple. Having this kid get excited over playing catch with me…it was like a memory I’d forgotten, just on the edges of my mind, slowly coming back one piece at a time. They fit with me.

  “Is it dinner time yet?” Bella whined, slowly walking over to us.

  I stood, pulling her up into my arms and swinging her around.

  “Found my dinner right here.” I pretended to eat her shoulder, forcing a squeal of laughter to burst out of her.

  Bexley smiled at me, practically beaming while she bent down, grabbing her shorts. I resisted the urge to lower Bella so I could maul Bexley back into the water, kissing her slowly while I felt her silky skin under the warm lake.

  “Let’s get packed up and head back.” I started helping Cole get up and situated for the short trek. We moved easily, all helping each other get ready, and once we were back to the campsite, Bexley worked to get the kids cleaned up and ready for bed while I started dinner.

  This felt too easy. It was like I’d been walking in a dark tunnel searching for the exit, only to finally see the sun, showing me the way out. There wasn’t anything difficult with the kids, or with Bex. I was falling so far for each of them, and I knew it wasn’t good because it could be ripped away in an instant. Bex had hurt me before; she could easily do it again, but I couldn’t seem to step away.

  After dinner and the kids went to bed, Bexley came and sat in my lap. She wore loose sweats and an oversized hoodie, her hair braided back from the makeshift shower she’d taken. Her face was sun-kissed with a tiny constellation of freckles that popped up, making me think back to the summers we were together in college. I didn’t remember freckles or her hair getting this blonde, set off against her tan skin; it was just too fucking much.

  I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, slowly tasting sunshine and rosebud. She let out the smallest sound of approval and wrapped her hands around my neck to deepen our connection.

  Her touch was hurried and harsh, like she wanted me to take things further than where we’d gone the night before and that morning…and I thought maybe I should. Just be done with it, get inside her and force my brain to see this for what it was—just a chemical reaction. It has to be.

  Yet, I slowed us until we stopped, her swollen lips glossy and perfect, her eyes wild and confused. I pulled her until she was tucked under my chin. Explaining this wouldn’t be easy, especially with the avalanche of worry ripping through me, warning me that she’d never accept a playboy like me.

  “I don’t want to rush anything with you,” I finally explained as the fire crackled in front of us.

  Bexley’s laugh rumbled into my chest as she peeked up at me.

  “Did something change between last night and this morning? Because you seemed to…”

  “I know. I’m not saying I don’t want to touch you or taste you, but as far going past that, I just…” I trailed off, unfamiliar with this sensation thrumming under my skin. “I don’t want this thing between us to just be physical.”

  I was putting so much of myself out there, like I’d just chucked my heart out in front of her, the holes and lacerations in it still evident from the last time she walked away. If she did it again or laughed…I didn’t know if I could handle it.

  “I thought…” she started, clearing her throat. “I thought you only did physical…I guess I assumed that’s all you would want with me.”

  She sounded so small, like she was revealing a bit of her heart to me too and it wasn’t in the best condition either.

  “This is new for me. I mean the last girl I felt this way about was you…so I have no idea how to quantify that, but I know I can’t just fuck you and not feel something for you. I think I’m too far gone for that,” I confessed, feeling a fire begin to surge in my middle. I was showing too much, things I’d locked down for years, and suddenly I was handing it all over to the very person who was responsible for the damage.

  “I don’t want that either,” she replied softly, her hand curling around the nape of my neck.

  “So then…” I tried, feeling a lump build in my throat.

  “Are we…?” She narrowed her gaze, her face flushing red while she assessed me.

  “Dating?” I quirked an eyebrow.

  “If that’s what you…” she started, but I’d already started laughing. My god, why was this so awkward?

  “Bexley Black, will you go out with me? When we get back, I’d like to take you on an official date with official flowers and end the night with an official kiss.” I smiled at her while her eyes narrowed in a mocking way. “And maybe a make-out session on your couch, during which I feel you up.”

  She tossed her head back and laughed. “Yes, I will go out with you.”

  I pulled her closer, kissing the underside of her jaw and moving down her neck. Not taking it any further was going to be difficult, but I forced my lips away from her skin to ensure she knew I was serious about her.

  We sat in silence for a few seconds before she turned toward me and asked, “Does this mean the internet will know?” Her wide eyes betrayed how freaked out that made her.

  Shit. I didn’t like that the prospect of the press finding out scared her so much. I didn’t blame her, and if I had my way about it, of course no one would know. Her kids wouldn’t be spread across the internet or on gossip sites, no one would dig into our past and find out exactly who Bexley was to me—but that wasn’t the reality of my life or the likelihood of what would happen.

  “I’m not sure…but we can be discreet.” I pushed some of her golden hair off her face, committing to memory the way the firelight illuminated her features.

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  Pulling my hand to her mouth, she pressed a gentle kiss to each knuckle. I tilted her chin until her lips were back on mine.

  The gravity of what had just happened between us was slowly making its way up my core. I was dating Bexley Black again, risking my heart…and this time with the kids involved. If it didn’t go well, it would ruin me.

  22

  “So, you two are dating then?” Shay lifted an eyebrow.

  I resisted the urge to huff or make any indication that I was already irritated with her. It wasn’t even her fault; I just didn’t like the way she looked at me, as if she knew all my secrets and how bad of an idea this was. Mostly because all those things were true.

  “We’re discreetly dating, testing things out.” I shrugged, moving toward the sink. I wanted to gloss over all the things my best friend would say to me. I already knew. I had stayed up all night the last two nights telling myself over and over that this was going to end badly and I’d get my heart shattered again.

  “Right…” Shay turned and headed toward my fridge.

  I held my breath, wondering if she’d possibly drop it.

  “Have you two had sex?” She turned on her heel suddenly, her hair whipping around, her eyes searching my face for the answer.

  Thank God my kids weren’t home at the moment.

  “No,” I answered, probably too quickly.

  “You’ve done something though.” She rounded the kitchen island and pulled my shoulder until I was looking at her.

  “Shay, just…” I kept my eyes on the floor.

  “Oh my god! You totally have done something with the sexy movie star. Are you crazy?” She gripped both my shoulders, staring me down.

  “Look…you know how I feel about him, but he wants more than just something physical.”

  “And what does Logan think of this development?” Her eyebrows knit together as she interrogated me.

  “He doesn’t know.” I pushed out of her grip and went back to the dishes. Ryan was at the sto
re with the kids, and I really didn’t want him to walk in while I was explaining this.

  Shay took a step back, her black medical scrubs shifting just the smallest bit while she watched me. She was acting as though I had cheated on Logan, and I hated that she was looking at me like that. I didn’t deserve it.

  “I don’t owe him anything.” My frosty defense did nothing to change the wall of stone my best friend had turned into.

  I wouldn’t budge on this matter; he had cheated, not me. Regardless of our dynamic, it was never okay to cheat while in a committed relationship.

  “Honey, I know you don’t…but he’s the father of your kids. You at least owe him a heads-up for what he might see on TV, in line at the supermarket…or on social media.”

  I fought against the lump rising in my throat. Why couldn’t I just keep this tiny piece of happiness to myself? Why did I have to share it with the entire world? Logan hadn’t told me, the mother of his children, that he’d been fucking someone else. Why did I need to tell him I was seeing Ryan?

  “Stop justifying your silence.” Shay tapped my forehead gently.

  She knew me too well.

  The front door opened, and Cole and Bella came in, laughing while holding large ice cream cones. Ryan’s aqua gaze danced between Shay and me, a curious concern tightening his eyes just the smallest bit.

  “Hey guys!” I said, hoping to wipe that look off his face.

  “Everything okay?” Ryan asked, walking toward me. His hand rested on my hip protectively, but in a way the kids wouldn’t be able to see. My stomach flipped at the warmth and protectiveness I felt from it. I didn’t remember him ever touching me in such an intimate way back when we dated in college.

  “Yeah, all good. Shay and I were just catching up—she had a busy weekend.” I offered a quick smile before moving toward the sink once more.

  “Not nearly as busy as yours.” She raised her left eyebrow and put her hand on her hip, glaring at Ryan.

  I nearly choked on my tongue. Was she really doing this right now?