by Ashley Munoz
His lips seared my jaw and neck, marking every place he touched while he began to thrust in and out of me.
“Ryan.” I murmured his name in between gasps.
He was fucking the sense right out of my head. His hips pistoned in punishing strokes as I gripped his shoulders, desperately trying to match his rhythm.
He grunted in response.
“Look at me,” I begged, sweat beginning to crowd my hairline.
I saw it glisten on his face too, but his eyes still wouldn’t meet mine. His thrusts just grew more frantic. Our skin slapped together with an echoing sound, reverberating throughout the room, breaking and shattering my heart.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I gripped his face once again. “Look at me when you fuck me.”
Finally, he slowed, breathing hard as time suspended between us.
“I can’t…” he rasped.
A second later he dropped my thighs and was on his knees before me, his palm flattened against my stomach, pinning me to the wall while his tongue licked through my center.
“Shit.” I gripped his hair as he used his thumb to press against my clit while licking and sucking my folds into his mouth. God, his mouth moved against me like he couldn’t get enough. It was slow and sensual. I moved against him, rotating my hips to get the friction I needed. I was spiraling in an unending ocean of pleasure.
“That’s it, fuck my mouth, baby, nice and slow,” he instructed, finally letting those eyes bounce up to mine. I latched onto the movement and shuddered, nearly on the brink of exploding.
Ryan groaned, but his gaze was gone again.
The asshole was still retreating from me emotionally, and I was so angry I could scream.
I sank against the wall as he added pressure with his tongue, then his tongue was gone, and his body too. His strong arms banded around me as he moved us to the bed.
“Don’t treat me like them…don’t you dare,” I warned as he tossed me on my stomach. He lifted my pelvis and then he was thrusting into me again.
I moaned—angry, aroused, on the cusp of the best orgasm of my life. He pushed into me, and I was so full of him he literally left me speechless.
“This is…you’re so…” He trailed off, breathing hard as he pummeled me with angry thrusts.
“I need—” I gritted my teeth, trying to regain composure when suddenly he was gone again.
“Not yet.”
My body shook as yet another orgasm was ripped away from me.
Before I could yell or kick him in the face, he was talking to me.
“Get on your hands and knees.”
“Fuck you.” My voice shook with need, betraying me.
He chuckled while running a finger along my calf. “You want to come, baby?”
“Fuck you,” I repeated, but my body begged him to finish the job. I was already complying with the asshole.
Once I was on my hands and knees, he returned his mouth to my entrance. Spreading my ass cheeks apart, he devoured me with his tongue.
Oh damn.
I let out an undignified moan of pleasure as his tongue worked me.
“This is mine,” he whispered before sucking my folds into his mouth again.
I pushed back toward him, reminding him that I needed to come.
“Let me ride you,” I asked through shallow breaths.
“No.”
“Fuck you, let me ride you,” I begged as he moved his tongue north, lapping at me in the most sensual way. I tried again. “Let me come on your cock.”
He flipped me over, spread my legs, and pulled me closer.
“Beg me.” A dark smile lit up his face, one I wasn’t familiar with.
“No.”
We went to war; his gaze seared me, told me he knew he’d win—but mine said, Not a chance.
“I can come on my fingers just as easily as I can on your cock.” I smiled sweetly at him.
Was that a wheeze leaving his chest?
He sat back, and I advanced, straddling his lap and sinking down onto his hard length.
“Yes…” I let my head fall back as I adjusted to his size.
“Fucking look at that,” Ryan mused, his chin tucked to his chest, his gaze locked where we connected.
I rode him slow and steady, until his hands came to my hips, rolling them against his length in more even strokes.
“I’m yours, Ryan. My body, my heart, my soul if you want it,” I whispered.
His face was set in hard lines, his expression like a piece of glass: previously shattered, now put back together in the grimmest of colors. I wanted to see brilliance in those muted shadows, not heartache. I wanted to fulfill him, complete him, and make him whole.
I pushed down harder as he pulled just as firmly. We were trying to tear one another apart, and whatever was left in the end would be the remnants we’d use to move forward.
“Mine,” he panted.
A muscle jumped where my hand pressed. Right as I slid my thumb into his mouth, our orgasms detonated, me throwing my head back, moaning his name and a thousand curses, him roaring my name into my skin while he leaned up, clutching me to him as tightly as he could. Our breathing slowed as our chests heaved and Ryan lay back, pulling me into his chest, holding me tighter than he’d ever held me before.
Hours later, we were wrapped around one another. Ryan’s finger traced down my bare arm as I watched shadows dance along the ceiling. The severity of what had happened between us settled in. He’d used me, treated me like one of his seasonal women, and instead of demanding more from him, from myself, I had sunk into it and drowned us both.
“I’m sorry,” Ryan whispered behind me, as if he was responding to my silent reflection.
I didn’t speak, needing him to explain more and help ease the tension gathering in my sternum.
“I can’t exactly explain why…” He trailed off, keeping his voice feather soft against my shoulder. “I felt so insanely rejected when you left me. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I could one day be a good man again, worthy of love…but I refused to even try…ever again.”
As he paused, I tried to swallow the lump of pain forming in my throat.
“It was my fault, entirely my fault. I know that now, knew it shortly after you left, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve carried this insecurity around like a second skin, since that last night I saw you.”
The night I told him I was pregnant with his child and he accused me of trying to trap him. Old defensiveness fluttered to life, the pain and agony still simmering in my veins all these years later. I deserved better than what he’d offered me, which was why I had left…but still, I regretted how I had gone about it.
“Now that I know Logan was there with you, carving out that life…it was all I’ve ever wanted with you…” He paused once more, his voice cracking. “I can’t shake this jealousy I have when it comes to him.”
“You don’t—”
Ryan rushed to quiet my objection. “I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel it. I’m sensitive to it. Whenever he calls or wants to talk to the kids, to you…it’s just hard for me, okay?”
I nodded my understanding as a stray tear fell down my cheek. I didn’t like that he felt it, but I understood it.
“I’m sorry I reacted like that tonight. I thought if I could just flip this switch with you, like you were…” He paused.
“One of them?” I offered, knowing full well what he had done.
“Yeah…if I could just fuck you, treat you like you were just a body then it would hurt less and I could protect myself a little easier, but then…”
“It changed?” I whispered, not confident enough to fully address what had happened between us. It was more.
“It was your hair…with everyone else, their hair was always wrong, so it made it easier, but then I looked and there you were right in front of me. It scared me…suddenly it was like I needed to own you in a way only I could, or mark you, whatever you want to call it.
It was entirely different than anything I’ve ever felt with anyone before, even you, back then.”
“Me too…” I blinked away more tears.
“Can you forgive me, Bex? I won’t ever treat you like that again.” Gentle lips pressed into my skin as Ryan quietly asked for forgiveness. I turned in his arms and answered with my own.
Breaking away, I pressed my head to his chin. “Although…I didn’t hate what happened between us. Don’t ever treat your meaningless flings better than me in bed, understand me? I want that unrestrained, wild side of you. I don’t need you to be gentle with me, or sweet…I just need you, all of you, in whatever form that is.”
He responded with a soft chuckle and a tight squeeze to my ass. “You’re not fragile, huh?” he joked, moving his hand lower, the tantalizing burn of his fevered fingers blazing along my skin.
I ached for him.
“Show me exactly how not fragile you are,” Ryan demanded in my ear as he lowered his mouth to my neck.
I smiled and did exactly as he asked, showing him that I wasn’t fragile and, more than anything, that I wasn’t going anywhere. I staked my claim on him, marking him in ways I’d never marked anyone, kissing him, loving him, and fucking him into the early hours of dawn.
27
I watched as a few stray leaves blew onto our walking path, causing the two kids to stop and drop to pick them up.
“Look! It’s the first sign of fall.” Cole beamed. He’d had his cast removed the previous week, and since then he wanted to do every possible outdoor activity he could think of before the weather got too cold.
“Let’s save dem,” Bella mused, bending to scoop up her own.
I tucked Bexley under my arm as she smiled at her kids, and eventually she bent a knee and investigated the leaves too. She promised something that involved a crayon and tracing once we got back to the condo. My last day of vacation was quickly approaching, and with it would come my return to work.
So far, I wasn’t sure what that meant for my relationship with Bexley. We’d talked minimally about the future; instead our time was spent with the kids or, after they went to bed, in our own. Bexley and I were ravenous, touching, kissing, making love every chance we got.
Yes, making love. I refused to say I was fucking this woman, because after that night, I swore I never would. It would always mean something to me, always be more than just a physical activity or a means to get off. I even had a surprise for her later that night to show her how serious I was.
I couldn’t make any promises to her about my acting or my career, and since she had the kids plugged into school here, there was no way I would ask anything of her that was beyond her ability to give. Still, I wanted to keep going, see where we could go if given enough time together.
I knew she was already jumpy regarding our relationship, especially after articles started popping up about my past flames. Some sites were trying to twist a story out of thin air; there was nothing to them, but it painted Bexley in a light that made it seem like she wasn’t my first pick. I could only imagine how frustrating it was for her to constantly see my name in headlines, to see hers muddied and see stories generated about her life that had no basis in truth.
Someone had caught a photo of her out in her yard, watering the flowers, and somehow the image and post that had been circulated was about how she needed a break from the drama I’d brought into her life. They said she would rather be outside, doing anything else if it meant she could escape me. That article made her laugh, but I could see the lingering anger and hurt at how unfair the lies were, how out of control she felt regarding us.
“Hey, I have something to show you,” I said as we made our way back to the condo. If Bexley worked, everyone stayed over at my place, but if she had the following day off, I’d stay over there. Either way, we spent every night together, and changing that was going to be difficult.
“Yeah?” She tilted her head back, and the hat she wore tipped too as those pink lips slung to the side. The sight of the dipping sun breaking through the strands of her starlight-white hair took my breath away. She was too much for me, too perfect, too sexy, too beautiful…I never wanted to let her go, and a part of me never wanted to tempt fate by allowing my heart to hope.
“Yeah.” I breathed out, taking her hand in mine.
The kids ran past us into the house, and Bexley snuggled into the patio furniture that sat around the outdoor fireplace.
Pulling her knees under her, she smiled in anticipation. Part of me felt stupid for the gift I was about to give her, as it wasn’t really a gift…just a promise.
“Here.” I sat down next to her, gripping her thigh.
“Your phone?” She bunched her brows together as she concentrated on my locked device.
“Punch in 6330.”
Hesitation crossed her face, her fingers paused over the screen. A second later, she punched in the numbers, and the screen came to life. She’d seen my background a thousand times by now; it was her, walking forward but turning back to look at me. I’d snapped it when she wasn’t expecting it, her face totally unassuming, with the most natural and gorgeous smile gracing her face.
“Look in my contacts list.” I caressed her thigh, encouraging her along.
Please don’t think it’s stupid.
Her eyes narrowed as those luscious lips parted on a silent gasp, and with it, my pulse raced.
“You deleted them?” She quickly looked up from the phone, a thousand questions brimming in her eyes.
“I know we haven’t talked about our future in too much detail yet, but I wanted to show you that I’m serious about this, about us. I don’t need any phone numbers because I plan on having you.” I smiled nervously.
“Ryan, this is…” Tears seemed to clog her throat as she set my phone aside and turned toward me. Wrapping her arms around me, she slid into my lap and pressed her lips against mine. “I love you; this means so much to me.”
She didn’t wait for a response as her lips slammed against mine again and a few tears slipped down her face. I gripped her hips and held her in place, but before we even had a chance to finish our conversation, before I could suck it up and tell her how I’d imagined her moving with me while I traveled, how permanent I wanted to make this, Cole was running outside, holding a phone.
“It’s Daddy, says he needs to talk to you.” Cole’s blue eyes flitted back and forth between Bexley and me, pensive and worried.
Bexley moved off my lap with a heavy sigh, taking the phone in her hand. She held it up to her ear and walked back inside.
I remained outside for a few seconds longer, because since that day in Portland, I had tried my best to distance myself from the Logan topic. Bexley knew how I felt about him, but he was the kids’ father, so it left little room for my issues to grow. I needed to swallow my frustrations and get used to him calling all the damn time. He texted nearly every day, which Bex told me was abnormal. She mentioned he’d been fairly absent from the kids’ lives before I showed up, and now he was ever-present.
Finally heading inside, I found Bexley in the kitchen, still talking on the phone, with a bored look on her face.
“Yes, they’ll be ready…no, I’m not talking about that with you, Logan. If you don’t stop bringing it up, I’m going to force a mediator to conduct our phone calls.” She paused, but my hackles were up. What the fuck did he keep bringing up and why did it make her so angry?
Red blotches started popping up along her collarbone and neck as she sighed.
“I know, fine.” She turned, facing me, and shook her head in frustration. “If that’s what you want to do, I won’t stop you. They need school supplies and school clothes. It would be nice if you took them.”
Fuck that. I would take them; I could get them everything they needed and more. I happened to know he’d already left the kids high and dry with no child support for two months, putting the full weight of bills and their needs squarely on her shoulders. He was a coward, but now he was trying to
play hero.
Clenching my jaw, I moved around, grabbing for a glass.
I stilled at Bexley’s next words.
“No, I won’t go with you. Because I don’t need to, Logan. Bella is young enough that she doesn’t need to try on clothes—you just grab her size and it fits.”
I looked down, anger bubbling inside my chest at his persistence to include her and have her with them. I wasn’t an idiot. He wasn’t over Bexley, and now that I was in the picture, he was making it clear that he wasn’t giving up. Sick and twisted considering he had a new kid and a girlfriend at home.
“This conversation is over. You can take them on Wednesday, while I’m at work. Ryan will be watching them—do you think you can be civil enough to pick them up from him without acting like a child?”
One last scoff left her lips before she dropped the phone and hung up.
I hated the anxious look that crossed her face while she pulled her hand up to her hairline and rubbed, heaving a shuddered sigh.
Moving toward her, I pulled her into my arms, kissing her shoulder and neck. I wanted to erase the weariness Logan brought on, eradicate him from her life and memory entirely. It had me itching to drag her upstairs, but we’d agreed I needed to stop dealing with my insecurities in that fashion.
“It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure it stays civil,” I reassured her.
She tightened her grip around my neck and let out a breath of air, then she let out another while she slowly traced a line up my neck.
“What was he trying to bring up?” I hesitantly asked.
She went rigid for a brief second, so fast I almost missed it, and her easy smile and peck against my neck had me thinking I’d imagined it. “Nothing, just the clothes shopping thing.”
I would have let it go, but she followed her explanation by lifting those shoulders in a small shrug.
I narrowed my eyes, silently calling out her lie. When she didn’t confess or say anything else, I tried to let it go, deciding she had her reasons and it wasn’t worth getting into it.
I hated that I had this simmering doubt resulting from letting her go ten years earlier. She may have left, but I’d given her every reason to go, and now I had to bow to the whims of another man having precedence in her life.