Only Once: A Single Parent- Hollywood Romance

by Ashley Munoz

  “No idea, but Leslie said there’s going to be a big pizza party to explain what’s going to happen.”

  I pulled into the driveway and considered what my son had said. If they already had a date set for the party, that meant they at least had an idea of who could step in and take over. Cole exited the car while I hung back and took inventory of my yard.

  When I had left to run errands that morning, gold and orange leaves were scattered everywhere with no end in sight. Cole and I had both delayed grabbing a rake to start the cleanup because we knew it was going to take a few hours. With sports, school, and Bella’s dance classes, there just wasn’t much time to attack it, but now a patchy green floor was showing with only a few leaves scattered here and there.

  Someone had raked my yard while I was out. I spun in a circle with my stare narrowed on the lush grass beneath. It wasn’t cut or anything else that would indicate that a landscaping company had accidently gotten my house mixed up with someone else’s, just neatly raked, the leaves eradicated from my property.

  Stomping toward the house, I left the yard and its confusion behind. I had enough to deal with. If someone wanted to secret-Santa me a clean yard, they could have at it. Once I was inside, I texted Shay to ask if she’d been the one to clean it. I did the same with Gloria, asking if Gary had been by.

  Both of them texted back saying they hadn’t.

  I let it go; there were other things to consume my mind.

  “Cole, we need to get Bell in an hour, so do your homework.” I toed off my shoes and headed toward the kitchen to start dinner. I got lost in food prep, thinking over this new coach situation and how on earth we were going to adjust to whoever it was who’d be taking over. My poor son was going through so much change lately; I just wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap and protect him forever.

  “Hey Cole, do you think you’d want to go to a sleepover at Gary and Gloria’s this weekend? They invited us to stargaze with them.”

  Cole popped his head into the kitchen, his smile a mile wide.

  “Yeah, that would be awesome! Maybe Ryan will call while we’re there.”

  Or maybe I’d grow up and finally tell my children what was really going on. Maybe Gloria and Gary had some tips on how I could break the news to the kids without them feeling too abandoned. I hated that Ryan hadn’t considered how horrible this separation was going to be for the kids. I understood that he didn’t have kids and didn’t understand entirely how they worked, but any decent human would realize how painful this whole thing must be, right?

  “Maybe.” I smiled, finishing the dinner prep and heading toward the door. “Let’s go get Bell.”

  “Look straight up,” Gary said, tilting the telescope.

  “I still don’t see it.” Cole was attempting to spot a specific constellation.

  Gary had done everything to help him, but my son just wasn’t seeing the constellation Cetus. Throw blankets were tossed around like confetti along with large pillows, and even a few of the outdoor patio chairs had been brought over. Gloria was snuggled under a few blankets with Belle while the boys took turns watching the sky. I was content to lie on my back, my ankles crossed, watching the diamond-white specks blink against the velvet dome.

  I felt safe whenever I was with Gloria and Gary, as if I’d been the one to grow up under their roof, having them check my homework and sit down at dinner with me each night. I knew it was stupid, but sometimes I’d even imagine what it would have been like to have a father walk me down the staircase when my prom date showed up. Those thoughts always volleyed back to Ryan somehow; I’d wonder if he’d had a prom date and what she had looked like. I’d think over what his parents had been like to his previous girlfriends, and my stomach would sour.

  “I think it might be time to head inside. It’s getting too chilly for Baby Belle.” Gloria rubbed the lump of blankets next to her. “We all need a round of hot cocoa.” She didn’t have to tell me twice. I craved a nice fire to warm my freezing digits, but the light would have messed with being able to see the stars.

  I bent down, grabbing bundles of cuddly softness while my kids prattled on about stars and marshmallows. I couldn’t see much as I ambled toward the French doors leading into the living room, so when I ran into something solid, I tripped back a few steps.

  “Whoa.” A set of hands were gripping my elbows to steady me, but that voice had already sent me over a metaphorical cliff. “Need some help?” Ryan gently asked, laughter lining his voice. I knew without seeing his face he’d be smiling that heart-stopping grin that always made my stomach flip.

  “No, I’m okay,” I said, letting the cushions muffle my voice. I didn’t want him to remove an inch of our blockade, so I sidestepped him and continued toward the living room. I could hear Gloria asking questions and Cole squealing for joy in the background. My heart hammered in my chest, wishing I could teleport my children out of here so they wouldn’t be dealt any more heartache, but we were stuck.

  Arranging and folding the blankets only delayed the arrival of everyone spilling into the living room by a few minutes. I kept my face stoic, totally frozen while I ignored the man I felt was barging in somewhere he wasn’t welcome. Sure, it was his parents’ home, and yes, he had technically bought it for them, but Gary and Gloria were ours too.

  “What on earth are you doing here?” I heard Gloria gasp from her spot near the door. I refused to turn around and see that Ryan had scooped Bella up in his arms, or that Cole was near him, beaming brightly. I couldn’t do it.

  “Sorry to just intrude…I drove down and wanted to see you,” Ryan explained easily.

  “What about your new movie in Brazil?” Cole asked, and I found myself needing to see Ryan’s response to his question.

  Ryan’s face paled. I was right about him having Bella in his arms, and Cole was smiling eagerly near his hip while Gary frowned off to the side. I flicked my irritable gaze toward Gloria and found her eyes downcast, her lips thinned. It made me feel marginally better that they hadn’t know about Ryan showing up here. If they had and hadn’t given us any warning, it would have been difficult on our relationship.

  “Well…”

  “Isn’t that where you’ve been? How come you and Mom haven’t hugged yet?” Cole turned toward me with a raised eyebrow, his left eye going low.

  Oh shit.

  “Mom…how come you aren’t saying anything…or walking over…” He trailed off, slumping his shoulders in defeat as he seemingly connected the dots.

  “I’m just overwhelmed, buddy.” I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and darted across the room, cutting the space in half. “Of course I’m excited to see Ryan.”

  I would lie and lie and lie if it meant my little boy didn’t have to live through another one of my breakups.

  “You are?” Cole looked up; his little cheeks had already started to flush, and his blue eyes were already beginning to blur. My heart punched through me at a sickening pace.

  “I am.” I stood a foot away from Ryan, trying to calm my rapid pulse.

  Ryan finally seemed to understand what I was doing and that I hadn’t actually told my kids we were broken up; he stepped closer, wrapping his arm around me.

  “We talk so often, sometimes it feels like I’ve been here the whole time,” Ryan joked, squeezing me to his side.

  That was the wrong thing to say to Cole, and now this entire thing would blow up in our faces.

  “But you said he hadn’t called. I asked you almost every day if he called and you always told me he couldn’t talk.” Cole stepped away from us, his lower lip trembling as his eyes filled with tears.

  Lurching forward, I bent low to stop him from running away, but I was too slow.

  “Cole, wait…I can explain,” I yelled as my son darted up the stairs and slammed the guest room door.

  My face burned, my heart ached, and my tongue felt too big for my mouth. I didn’t want to talk about how horrible of a mother I obviously was. Instead, I moved away from Ryan, who’d fin
ally let Belle down, and pulled her up into my arms.

  “Do you think he can stay here tonight? Something tells me he’ll want to be here.”

  “Of course, honey.” Gloria stroked my hair, a common habit of hers, and then rubbed my shoulder in encouragement. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay too? I can get us all set up in my room for the night, have a girls night.”

  Gloria had an amazing room, full of all the most amazing comforts you could ever find. Her bed was a massive California king, and she had more throw pillows than royalty, I was sure. She had the most comfortable couch and deep armchairs, along with the cutest hanging lights strung all along her ceiling in different directions. With a movie playing and all those twinkle lights on, it always felt magical whenever we curled up in there together.

  “You know I’d normally love to…” I dipped my head, trying to gain strength. “But I think Belle and I need to head home tonight.” I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my artificial safety net, my pretend family belonged to the man who’d broken my heart. All I wanted to do was cry in the arms of this woman who’d help heal me in so many ways, but she belonged to someone else. I hated admitting that he might need her more.

  Belle was already half asleep on my shoulder as I tiptoed up the stairs. I heard Gloria and Ryan murmuring as I left them behind. I didn’t know what Ryan’s face was doing or what he was thinking because I refused to look at him.

  I rapped the door with my knuckles in soft succession, hoping my son would forgive me.

  “Cole?”

  Nothing. I waited, wanting to let him come to me; I already knew he likely wouldn’t. This was the second time I had ruined his chance at having a father figure in his life; it wasn’t my fault, but I knew I could have told Ryan about Logan and the kiss much earlier in our relationship, knowing he was insecure about it.

  I spoke through the closed door. “Do you want to stay the night? I’m headed home with Belle…but if you want to stay, you can.”

  There was one thing my son valued when he was upset. He hated anyone seeing him cry. He hated it so much he’d shut down on principle. I knew in this house with so many ears, he didn’t want to have a scene with me, or to yell or scream because he’d cry.

  “Yes please” came through the wood as my son responded.

  My heart clenched tight as I resisted the urge to push the door open and hold him, ask him to forgive me for lying to him, tell him how sorry I was. I hated this distance, this gap. I was so good at ruining the relationships around me; I supposed I had never considered that I could ruin what I had with my own son.

  “Okay, I love you,” I whispered. I waited a breath then turned around to leave.

  I kept my tears at bay as I quickly walked from the stairs to the front of the house. I didn’t dare go back and say goodbye to Gloria or Gary…I’d see them tomorrow, hopefully once their son was gone. Once I was near the front, I bent down to grab Bell’s shoes and mine then shuffled outside into the freezing cold night.

  I was working fast, hoping to avoid any contact with Ryan, but I wasn’t fast enough. Two strong hands took Belle from me as I swung the back passenger door open.

  “Ryan, just…don’t,” I scolded, keeping my view anywhere but on him.

  “Move, Bex. Let me put her in—she’s dead weight and you’re barefoot.” He moved closer, pushing me aside as he situated my daughter into her seat.

  I stared at his back as anger bubbled inside me like a poison.

  “Why are you here?”

  Ryan’s back stiffened at my question, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  “It’s been weeks since I saw you, weeks since…” I lost steam, fearing tears would start gathering if I continued.

  Once Bella was buckled, he cleared the car and gently shut the door. His silhouette in the dark against the sky full of diamonds made him look like a fallen angel. I wanted to drown in him, see if the shadows could swallow us and deliver us somewhere new.

  Tucking his hands into his jeans, he dipped his head but made no move to answer me.

  The minutes stretched, and with every beat, a new searing pain glided along my sternum.

  “Bex, there’s so much we need to talk about…so much I have to say.”

  “Then say it,” I bit out, crossing my arms to ward off the chill.

  It was cold and I hadn’t put my shoes on, and there was no way I’d do it in front of him; I was too prideful to let him see that I could be bothered by something as trivial as frostbite.

  “I didn’t know you guys were going to be here tonight…it seems like you’ve been coming around here a lot.” It wasn’t a question as much as it was a statement, like he was just now realizing we’d built a relationship with his parents without him.

  “That bother you?”

  “The opposite, actually…” He took a tentative step closer, his arms crossed, head dipped down.

  Internally I screamed for him to come even closer, unlock his arms, and sweep me up in them. I wanted him to bury his nose in my neck and tell me to go back inside with him.

  “They asked if they could be a part of our lives…regardless of whether you were or not.” The words flew from my mouth, serving as a reminder for my feet to finally move. “Well, it was nice to see you, Ryan. Take care of yourself.” I walked toward the driver side door of my car.

  “Bex, come on…” He stepped with me, right on my heels.

  I kept my back straight as an arrow, inhaling short but tense breaths of relief.

  “Ryan, we’ve done this dance before, and now my feet are bleeding and bruised. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  “There are some things I need to say. We need to talk…I wasn’t planning on seeing you tonight, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m happy you’re here or that we need to talk.”

  “I can’t,” I whispered, hating my voice.

  I hated my weakness, but my walls were crumbling, and I knew too well he’d claim all the broken territory he’d left me with if I stuck around to talk.

  I got in the car and slammed the door shut.

  36

  “Son, what exactly did you think was going to happen when you showed up tonight?” My dad’s white eyebrows dipped. It was the tone he used that unsettled me. Suddenly there was an entire team of sharpshooters out and ready to protect Bexley. I wanted her to have people in her corner; it was just awkward when I was trying to get in that corner too and they had their sights set on me.

  “I was thinking I’d come and see my family,” I replied easily, wiping off the oil from the engine in the truck my dad had picked up at a local auction. He loved flipping cars, but only to get them running and cleaned up; then he’d donate them to a nonprofit that helped teen moms. My dad was a hero, and when I had the chance to help touch some of the magic he created, it always made me feel like somehow I could be a better person because of it.

  “Which one?” He moved around me, grabbing a clean rag.

  I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. I’d been in regular communication with my parents as I sorted out what was going on with my departure from Brazil and my breakup with Bexley. They had never once mentioned anything about Bexley and the kids hanging around. Which reminded me…

  “You good here for a bit? I want to go check on Cole.” I pulled out the funnel from the quart of oil I had added to the truck.

  “Ryan, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your mother is going to be watching him like a hawk…he’s clearly upset.” Again with the sharpshooters. Fuck my life. These people had once been on my team.

  I let out a loud sigh. “I have no idea what happened with Bexley not telling them, but I should talk to him.”

  “Did you call him?” my dad snapped, his eyes, which matched mine, blazing with anger. “Even one time while you two were broken up…did you reach out to him or to Bella to ask how they were doing?”

  Shame simmered in my gut, making me want to slump over in pain. I hadn’t called. I hadn’t done anyth
ing but hurt and drink and cry.

  Fuck.

  “I need to apologize to him.” Especially before…

  “I think you need to wait for Bexley to tell you what role you’re allowed in his life. You left…that boy has had a lot of leaving, very little staying. He doesn’t need you to confuse him.” My dad’s icy tone might as well have been an ice pick for how painfully his words landed.

  The memory of Bella’s excited face when I’d stepped outside earlier flashed through my mind. Her arms had wrapped around me without question, leaving no room for anyone to refute it, to challenge it…she’d claimed me in front of everyone. Not even Bexley had moved to pry her from me when I’d arrived in the living room. There was still hope for me.

  “I have to start somewhere, Dad.” I leaned against the frame of the truck and gritted my teeth together in frustration.

  “And you will.” He walked past me toward the door and flipped the light, knowing I’d follow. “Back at square one, with his mom.”

  Little did he know what I had planned for Cole’s mom. The only question was if she’d let me show her. In the end I knew I was going to ignore my dad’s advice regarding Cole. I had to; there was too much in motion not to give him a heads-up. I owed him that and so much more.

  37

  The autumn sun was bright as the cold air brushed against my skin. I’d gotten a phone call from Logan telling me he was going to be late to Cole’s game today. That meant he wouldn’t end up showing up at all. I couldn’t find it in my heart to care anymore. He’d been so far removed from attempting to be the kid’s dad ever since I pulled away from him; I just couldn’t keep trying to force it.

  Cole hurried past me in his game gear, more excited than normal. He’d encouraged me to wear my favorite shirt, and to brush my hair…whatever that meant. I didn’t know, but my kid was happy. After Gloria dropped him off that following morning, I wasn’t sure what our relationship was going to be like. He’d surprised me by acting like nothing had happened. He was happy, funny, did his chores and homework…I couldn’t understand it. My only guess was that Gloria and Gary had worked their powers on him. Either way, I wasn’t complaining…although, I was still building up the nerve to sit him down and truly explain the whole entire thing to him.