by Petrova, Em
Now I need to persuade her to let me make love to her forever. She stirs and I’m aware of a slow smile spreading across my face when her grey gaze meets mine. She’s so stunning, even with smudges under her eyes and messy hair, who wouldn’t be beaming like an idiot?
“You look cute, all sleepy,” I say, drawing her into my hold.
She wriggles slightly. “I bet you say that to all the ladies.”
“No, just you.” I try to hold her still. I want to savor her sweet, warm body without getting turned on again. Things have moved so quickly, far more quickly than I’d ever intended, and we need to figure out what to do about these guys who have been coming after her. If it was up to me, I’d just keep her locked in her bedroom—preferably with me—but I know she won’t stand for any of it.
She glances up and I see the hint of vulnerability in her gaze. Christ, she clearly has no idea what she does to me. Rob somehow sapped every ounce of self-confidence from her. I hope I can put it back.
“Don’t lie to me, Nick. I know you too well. And I know I’m a wreck in the morning.”
“Yeah, well, you’re a cute wreck.”
“Gee, thanks.”
I drop a kiss on her nose, release her and climb out of bed before I get any ideas about peeling off that flimsy teddy thing and burying myself to the hilt. I need to get my head straight.
“I’m going to take a shower.” I bite my tongue to prevent from asking her to join me. Sienna… soapy, wet… fuck, I’m going to take a cold shower. “Then we need to decide what to do about all this shit. I think we should go to the cops or call that detective.”
Sienna pushes herself up and chews on a fingernail. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll call him. I don’t want to go down to the station.”
“Okay.” I snatch the bag of stuff I dumped in her bedroom. I should feel remorseful for cluttering her place up and I’m usually better than all these primeval instincts, but I feel kind of like a Neanderthal wanting to mark my territory. Just a little reminder that she won’t be getting me out of her life easily. If I let Sienna, she’d force me away and then we’d both be miserable. As strong as she is, she can also be damned foolish. And denying what’s between us would be the stupidest thing ever. I know it’s worth taking a risk on but it seems she doesn’t yet.
When I straighten, I see her cheeks are flushed. She starts as if she’s been caught doing something and I don’t even battle the knowing grin creeping its way across my face. I’m not the only one fighting my needs and I can’t help enjoy her study of me.
I probably strut into the bathroom. Hell, who wouldn’t when they’ve got a gorgeous woman looking at you like they want to eat you up? I peel off my briefs and dive in the shower. I’m going to make it a quick one. I don’t want to waste much time and I don’t want her sitting there, thinking. The woman does far too much of that. If she only trusted her instincts for once, things would be great. She’s so wary now. Yeah, she said no promises, but I can’t help it. I want her promises.
I scrub my hair and soap myself with the shower gel I packed. I meant it when I said she was like a light to me. My leg twinges as if to remind me why. Sienna was the only woman who never treated me any different after my injury. Liberty leaving didn’t hurt—well, maybe it hurt my ego but not my heart—but she wasn’t the only woman to treat me like a cripple. I saw it a lot afterward. The pity. And then the weird hero worship. It was as if it was a competition to some of them. Who can sleep with the cripple and not be turned off by his major scar? Or they’d put me up on some strange pedestal and be disappointed that I wasn’t some big, bad soldier all the time.
But not Sienna. Even when she was bogged down in that crappy marriage, she treated me with humor and kindness, the same way she treats everyone, even if they don’t deserve it. She looks at me and doesn’t see an injured soldier or a hero. She sees Nick. It’s nice not to be treated differently. With Sienna, I can forget it ever happened and that’s what I need. It might not be the healthiest way of dealing with things but I know myself and I know what I need. My grandpa was the same. He never talked about the war, just shoved it aside and got on with living. My dad was one of eight. I know well my grandpa lived his life well and that’s what I want. To move forward. With Sienna.
I finish up my shower and towel myself off, slinging it around my hips. I debate my reflection in the steamy mirror and decide to skip shaving. I’ve got a week’s leave put in so what’s the point? One of the benefits of rank. Plus I kind of fudged it, saying it was for compassionate reasons. There was no way I was leaving Sienna after everything that’s happened to her. If she ended up hurt because I wasn’t around to protect her, I’d never forgive myself.
I dig out a clean shirt, briefs and jeans and throw them on. A quick squirt of cologne and another towel dry of my hair and I’m good to go. My heart sinks a little when I hear clattering in the kitchen. I know I said no more sex for now but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to have a little playtime in bed with her.
Running a hand across my face, I curse. “Shit.” I really need to gain control of myself. How can I focus on getting her out of this mess if I’m always thinking with my cock?
I stroll into the kitchen and she views me with that wide-eyed look of hers, the one that makes me feel like a predator who’s going to eat her up.
“It’s all yours, babe.” I point to the bathroom like an idiot. She knows where her bathroom is.
“Thanks.” She puts down the glass she was holding and brushes past me.
I snatch an arm and pull her quickly into my hold. She gasps, a sweet, sexy noise that makes my insides curl, as I dip my head to hers.
“I haven’t brushed my teeth,” she protests.
“I don’t care.” I claim her mouth and she tastes of orange juice so I know her objections were for nothing.
Her body softens into me and I take the chance to grab her rear and mold her to me. I’m hard already. It only seems to take a kiss from her. Sometimes it only takes a look. I don’t want to do anything right now but I need her to know I’m not letting her off easily. She’s mine, whether she realizes it or not. Okay, so it’s back to that primitive, marking my territory type thing but I can only play it so softly. If I let her, Sienna would retreat completely from me. I need to push, just a little, until I’m totally ingrained in her mind, like she is with me.
When I release her, she has a glazed look in her eyes and my mouth tilts. “Go get washed and I’ll make some breakfast.”
She coughs, nods and scurries away. I shake my head and chuckle. How she can deny what’s happening between us is beyond me. It’s always been a strong bond but since sleeping together… I love her so damned much. I’ve probably loved her from the moment I saw her. If Rob hadn’t gotten to her first, I would have made her mine. I’ll always regret I let Rob and his dominating personality take over. But he’s not here now and I am.
Yeah, I’ll love her forever. Now I just need to figure out how to get her to feel the same.
***
Sienna
As we approach the base, my stomach twists. I haven’t stepped foot here since I moved out. It feels weird, looks weird. I’m like a stranger to this place. I guess it never seemed like home to me. The houses are all the same, kind of like the military. Uniform, neat, dull. Nothing stands out and it’s quiet—too quiet. I used to hate how people kept to themselves but once I lost my confidence, I appreciated it. I wonder how I would deal with it now. I don’t feel the same anymore. Would I have the ability to put myself out there again?
I glance at Nick as he drives us up the long road toward the bulk of the houses. Why am I even worrying about this? He wants more than I can give but who says there’s even a future for us? I still wonder if this will just burn out eventually. My heart actually hurts at the thought even as I realize that would be the better option.
“I don’t know what you expect we’ll find,” I mutter as I gaze out the window.
“Probably nothing.” He offers m
e a shrug of one shoulder. “But I’d rather know for sure there’s no drugs in your old house. At least we know we won’t be going on a wild goose chase.”
“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” I shake my head.
We went down to the station in the end and reported the assault because they called me and told me my car was ready to be released, but I could tell he held no hope of finding the guy. The detective warned me that if I did find any drugs to hand them straight over to the police. Which is all very well for him but it’s not his neck on the line. What happens if I hand them over and this Johnson person decides to take revenge on me?
Honestly, it’s just insane, this whole thing. After Rob died, I pictured being this strong, independent woman with my own house. I was going to knuckle down at work and concentrate on getting my life straight. Now I’m sleeping with my best friend and trying to outsmart some drug dealers.
Nick suggested we do a search of the house and try to see if we can figure out what Rob did with the drugs. I can’t help thinking I would have found them when I packed up, but I guess he could have hidden them somewhere. It seems unlikely. Rob tried so hard to keep me out of his real life. Why would he have risked me discovering some drugs and finding about his dealing? Besides Skinhead said they already searched the place.
We pull up to the house and nothing’s changed. I straighten. Except the front door is boarded up. The lawn is neat as if it’s been mowed recently but clearly no one’s moved in yet. Somehow Nick wrangled a key from someone so we’re free to have a poke around.
Nick pulls into the drive and I climb out before he can come around and open the door. I know he loves to play the gentleman but I need to start asserting myself in this relationship—or whatever this is—again. I already feel like he gives too much. I need to gain some ground.
I suck in a breath and am surprisingly okay as I gaze around at the place where I really felt my life fall apart. This was where I truly lost myself. Maybe I didn’t realize how much I’d already moved on. Maybe I didn’t comprehend how much Nick has helped with that. I offer him a small smile over the roof of the car as we approach the house. It still scares the hell out of me and I dread what’s coming next, but he’s made me see myself as sexy again. Nick has a way of holding me that makes me feel like the only person around, like I’m actually valuable again. He doesn’t want alcohol or other women or a flash life outside of me. He just wants me. For once, I’m enough for someone.
If only he wasn’t a soldier. It’s the only flaw he has.
As we approach the boarded-up door, I hear a squeal and when I turn, I realize it’s Jess. She grins as she approaches, one of the kids on her hip. “Sienna! How are you, honey?”
I embrace her and give her an embarrassed grimace. “I’m sorry I haven’t texted. Life’s been crazy.”
She waves away my apology. “Don’t be silly. You’ve had to deal with a lot. What are you doing here?”
I peek at Nick, who raises his brows. “Um… I may have left something behind. I just wanted to check if it was still here.”
“Well I hope not. We had some vandals break in a few weeks ago. I don’t know what they were after. Mark reckoned it was just trouble makers as it’s clear the house is empty.”
I share a look with Nick again and I know he’s thinking the same. It was Big Johnson’s guys.
Jess’s little one, Archie, starts wriggling in her hold and she offers me an apologetic smile. “I’ve got to put him down for a nap. Be sure to text me soon, okay? He’ll be going into daycare in the mornings soon and I’ll be a free agent again. We need to meet up for coffee.”
“I will,” I promise and mean it. A lot of my problems stemmed from me giving up, I think. I just stopped putting in any effort to make friends. I’m not going to let that happen again. Jess is kind enough to give me a second chance and I’m going to take it.
I’m getting a second chance at something else too, I recognize, as she gives me a quick wave before disappearing into her house. I don’t know if I can take the chance there. Loving Nick is a much bigger risk.
Loving?
I peek at Nick over my shoulder and he pins me down with one of those looks. One that says he knows exactly what I’m thinking. And maybe… maybe he feels the same. My throat tightens and I quickly look away. He steps forward to unlock the door and the smell of stale air greets us. He enters first, holding out an arm to keep me behind him as if he’s expecting someone to jump out on us.
The rooms are dark, the blinds are drawn, but it’s clear the place has been thoroughly trashed. Glass crunches under my sneakers as we enter the hallway. I leave the door ajar to let in some light.
“Careful,” Nick warns. “There’s broken glass all over.”
“God, they’ve really torn this place apart. If they haven’t found anything, there’s no way we will.”
“You’re probably right, but we should still check.”
Coldness seeps into my bones as we go into the large kitchen. The cupboards have been thrown open, even the flooring has been pulled up. I stumble over a loose edge and swear as Nick snatches my arm to right me. It’s weird to think this was once my house. I suspect even if it wasn’t trashed, it would feel like a stranger’s home to me. That part of my life feels so long ago already. I’m not there yet, but you know, I suspect I’m healing.
How much of that is to do with Nick’s uninhibited loving?
We do a quick search of the kitchen and living room but I can tell Nick thinks it’s as pointless as I do. Maybe it’s that military thoroughness that has us climbing the stairs and searching the two bedrooms.
“Stay here,” he orders as we come to the main bedroom door. “The floorboards are loose. Guess they were hoping the drugs might be under there.”
“They did a thorough job, that’s for sure.” I peer around the corner and see the doors hanging unsteadily from the inbuilt closets, having been almost torn from their hinges. “Be careful,” I plead when I note the state of the floor.
They must have brought in crow bars as there’s barely any floor left. Just jousts and discarded planks. Wherever these drugs are, they must be worth a lot to go to this much effort and to risk breaking into military property. I guess Rob was in pretty deep.
Nick throws aside one of the closet doors and my insides curl a little. I don’t know if it’s the empty house, the unpleasant memories or the state of the place that’s doing it, but I’m almost trembling now. “Nick, come on. This is a waste of time.”
“We’ve only got one more room to check. Let’s do that and we’ll get out of here.”
As he turns, there’s a slight crack and one of the floorboards splits where it’s been pried up. I call out a warning and he grabs the closet door but it can’t hold his weight and he goes down, the door breaking away and landing heavily on top of him. A cloud of dust kicks up, I hear him grunt and then nothing.
“Nick!”
I leap forward and nearly twist my ankle in a hole in the floor. I steady myself and make my way carefully across the buckled and warped boards, lit only by strips of light from between the blinds. Nick’s not moved. Bile rises in my throat as I bend over and heft the closet door off him. It’s solid wood and surprisingly heavy, but I manage to shift it so I can kneel at Nick’s side.
I exhale when I see the rise and fall of his chest but his eyes are firmly shut. When I press a hand under his head, I realize he must have fallen hard as my palm comes away sticky with blood. Fingers on his neck, I feel his pulse. It’s steady but the gash on his head is bleeding badly. Head wounds have a tendency to bleed like mad, even small ones, and I can’t tell how bad it is in the gloom.
“Nick,” I call softly and shuffle closer.
I have nothing to stem the bleeding with so I undo my cotton shirt. I try to tear a strip from it but it doesn’t give. Dammit, it always looks so easy on TV. Giving up, I shrug out of it and ease up his head so I can support him on my lap, shirt underneath. I shudder but I don’t think it�
��s from a chill. Blood seeps into my pale blue shirt.
“Nick, wake up,” I beg, my voice trembling slightly.
As I cradle his head, I stare around. I left my cell in the car but Nick probably has his. I lean over and dig into his pocket. Thank God. But when I pull it out, I realize he’s got no signal. I’m going to have to leave him to get help and I really don’t want to. In fact, the thought of leaving him makes me sick to my stomach.
It’s at that moment all my thoughts of loving him don’t seem so far-fetched. I study his strong profile for an instant. He’s been such a big part of my life, even my marriage, I can’t imagine being without him. Who am I kidding? This attraction isn’t burning out. It’s growing. But does he feel the same? Would it be worth all the heartache that comes from being with a soldier to be with Nick?
I can’t help thinking it would. I’m older and stronger. I could probably cope with it better now and being with Nick is nothing like it was with Rob. I know he’d put me first whenever he could.
God, I need to tell him all this.
I wriggle slightly and start to shift him gently off my lap. I’m still in my bra but I don’t want to take my shirt away from the cut. I guess I’ll have to make a run to Jess’s house and hope no one sees me.
Before I can lay him on the floor, he moans, and I hold my breath and listen. His eyes flutter and I give one hand a squeeze as I settle him back in my lap.