Savior of Regrets: A Mafia Romance Standalone (Verona Legacy Book 4)

by L A Cotton

  I began to tremble involuntarily, overwhelmed at his touch, at the emotions coursing through me.

  “Caitlin?” Matteo pulled away to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

  “I… I don’t deserve this,” I whispered, barely able to look at him.

  Anger flashed in his eyes, and I jerked back.

  “Shit, Cait, I… I’m not angry at you.” He pulled me into his arms, holding me. I relaxed against his chest, breathing in his delicious male scent. Matteo smelled of pinewood and spice and all those things a guy should smell of.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured.

  I’d ruined it—the moment.

  But I couldn’t get out of my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen when he found out the truth.

  When Matteo discovered I wasn’t who he thought I was.

  Chapter 14

  Matteo

  Caitlin slept in my arms for hours. I didn’t have the heart to wake her. Besides, laying there with her was everything. Knowing she trusted me enough to be so close to her. It was all I wanted.

  When Luis had gotten a call from Arianne to return to the city, I’d wondered if Caitlin would feel comfortable being alone with me. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected this.

  But now I had it, I wasn’t sure I could ever let it—let her—go.

  “No,” she murmured, twisting in my arms. “No.”

  “Shh, Tink, you’re dreaming.” I stroked a hand down her arm.

  “No, no. Please… no!” Fear laced her words as she began thrashing, her hands fighting some invisible monster.

  “Cait,” I said, shaking her gently. “Wake up. You’re dreaming. It’s just a—”

  “No… NO!” She bolted upright and my heart leaped into my throat.

  “Cait?” I whispered, reaching for her shoulders. Her body tensed as she let out a pained whimper.

  “M-Matteo.” She stared up at me with wild, confused eyes.

  “Hey, I’m here.” I sat up, wrapping my arms around her. “I’m right here.”

  “I… oh God… I’m sorry. I’m so, so—”

  “Hey,” I touched the side of her face, coaxing her to look at me. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I’m a mess. I didn’t…” She sucked in a ragged breath. “I fell asleep?”

  I nodded, fighting the urge to ask her what she was dreaming about. Or who.

  Red-hot anger zipped through me, but I forced it down. This wasn’t about me—it was about her. About what she needed.

  “Do you want me to get you a drink, some water?”

  “N-no, I—” Her eyes darted to my mouth, and she wet her lips. “I…”

  My anger was tamped down by the shift in the air between us.

  Caitlin curled into my side as I held her, her body trembling, fear radiating from every pore.

  “Tell me what happened, please.” My voice cracked.

  It was driving me out of my mind not knowing the truth. All I wanted to do was help her, to be by her side when things got too tough.

  “Tink,” I whispered, hating that she still couldn’t tell me.

  Caitlin shifted in my arms to look up at me. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes and she laid her hand against my chest. “I…”

  Time stopped, my heart beating violently in my chest.

  “Please, just talk to me.” I pushed the hair off her face to look at her. To really look at her.

  “Matteo, I…” She pressed her lips together, her gaze dropping.

  My heart went with it.

  She wasn’t going to let me in. Even now, after everything, Caitlin wasn’t going to let me in.

  I went to roll away, needing some space. But she grabbed my arm. “No, please… just…”

  “Just what, Cait?” Our eyes locked, the air between us charged with anticipation. She could feel it too, I knew that. But she was too damaged, too scared to act on it.

  “Maybe I should go,” I sighed with defeat.

  “N-no… I don’t want you to leave,” she rushed out, panic lacing her words. “I just…”

  “You just what, Cait?” Dipping my head, I met her eye-to-eye. “What do you want?”

  Her bottom lip wobbled, but then she inhaled a deep breath and whispered, “Make me forget, Matteo. All I want is to forget.”

  She leaned back, until our noses brushed. I inhaled deeply, my heart galloping in my chest. She was offering me everything I wanted, but part of me knew it was a moment of weakness. A moment that, in the harsh light of day, she might regret.

  “Please…” She kissed the corner of my mouth, a featherlight touch I felt all the way down to my soul.

  “Shit, Tink, you don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

  What was I doing? This was what I wanted… all I wanted. And yet, I didn’t want to hurt her.

  I didn’t want to be something she might regret.

  Fuck.

  “I need this, Matteo.” Her eyes shuttered as she drew in a ragged breath. “I need you.”

  Those three little words snapped the final shred of my resolve and in one smooth move, I rolled her underneath me.

  “Hi,” I whispered, brushing my nose over hers.

  “Hi.” She ran her hands up my chest and over my shoulders. Her eyes glittered so much emotion it was like a punch to the chest. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said.

  Fuck. Why did that mean so much to me?

  “You really want this?” You really want me? I swallowed the words.

  Caitlin nodded, showing me with actions, not words that she was all in. Her lips met mine in a teasing kiss, her hand sliding into the hair at the back of my neck. It felt good, too fucking good, and my hips rocked against her. But there were too many layers between us. My jeans. Her leggings.

  I climbed off the bed and shuck out of my jeans, feeling like a fucking God as her eyes drank in every inch of my body. Then I moved to the side of the bed, leaning over Caitlin and slowly pulling down her leggings.

  “This okay?” I asked. She nodded.

  Thank fuck, she nodded. Because now she’d given me the green light, I couldn’t think about anything except feeling her skin pressed up against mine again. Our bodies fused together, moving as one.

  When I crawled back over her, she hitched her legs around my hips, pressing her hot center right against my rock-hard dick.

  “Fuck, Tink.” I gently collared her throat, dragging my tongue up the side of her neck and nipping her ear. “The things I want to do to you.”

  A violent shudder went through her, and I immediately eased back to look at her.

  “Caitlin?”

  “It’s okay. I’m okay… don’t stop.” Her pleas were at odds with the fear swimming in her eyes.

  Fuck.

  Fuck!

  I ran a hand down my face, releasing a heavy sigh. “Maybe we should stop.”

  “No… no!” She locked her hands around the back of my neck and yanked me down. “I want this, I do… it’s just…”

  DiMarco’s attack.

  The things DiMarco had done to her had left her mentally scarred.

  The thought had my stomach knotting, and I inhaled a sharp breath to try and rein in the anger coursing through my veins.

  “I’m not glass, Matteo. I won’t shatter if you touch me.”

  But all I could think about now was his hands on her, taking and hurting. Punishing her. We still hadn’t talked about what really happened between them. I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready for that conversation, not without doing something reckless. And as my family loved to keep reminding me, I was powerless here.

  Caitlin’s hand drifted down my abs, her touch burning me inside out as her fingers toyed with the waistband of my boxer briefs.

  “Tink,” I choked out.

  “I trust you, Matteo,” she said with renewed confidence. “I trust you.”

  Lifting her hips slightly, she ground against me, a whimper catching in her throat.

  Jesus, she was
going to be the death of me.

  I was trying to do the right thing…

  I was.

  But this felt too good—too right. It finally felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  How was that even possible? That a woman I’d met once, could have such an effect on me.

  I’d never really considered what spending eight months pining over her meant. I assumed she was just the one who got away. But being here with her, like this, only cemented what I suspected all those months ago.

  Caitlin was special.

  And she was mine.

  “Please.” She rubbed on me some more, eliciting a moan from deep inside me.

  “No sex,” I blurted out, wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. Caitlin frowned, dejection flashing in her green eyes. “We don’t have to rush. I want to savor this,” I said, trailing my hand up her stomach and gently squeezing her breast, dragging my thumb over her nipple.

  “God,” she breathed, arching into my touch. “It feels good.”

  “Just because I’m not going to slide into your warm, wet pussy tonight, doesn’t mean I’m not going to make you come so hard you see stars, Tink.”

  Caitlin shuddered, pressing her lips together and suppressing a moan.

  She liked the dirty talk. I’d be storing that little nugget of info for another time. For now, I wanted to give her exactly what she needed.

  A distraction.

  Dipping my hand between us, I rubbed her over her damp panties. “Already wet for me, Tink?”

  “Matteo, God…”

  “Not God, baby. Just a guy who really, really wants to hear you scream his name.” I kissed her, plunging my tongue deep into her mouth as I slid my fingers into her underwear.

  “Good?” I checked.

  “Yes, don’t stop…”

  Thank fuck.

  I spread her open and found her clit, rolling my thumb in circles until she was panting and writhing beneath me.

  “Tell me what you want, Cait.”

  This had to be on her terms.

  She clasped my wrist, pushing my hand south. My fingers grazed her entrance and she moaned.

  “Yeah?” I swallowed. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” My brow lifted.

  “Please.”

  Gently, I eased a finger inside her, testing the waters as I curled it deep. Caitlin froze, breathing heavily as I slowly stretched her, letting her adjust to the feel.

  “More,” she demanded.

  I added a second finger, working her in synchrony with my thumb as it strummed her clit. “Fuck, Cait, you’re so tight.” Twisting my hand a little, I curled my fingers deeper, rubbing her walls.

  Caitlin rode my hand, burying her face in my shoulder, drowning out her breathy moans.

  “Look at me,” I ordered, nudging her gently. Our eyes clashed and I captured her mouth in a bruising kiss. Our tongues tangled together in slow, lazy licks that had my dick straining against my boxers.

  I wanted her, more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

  The connection between us was like an invisible thread, pulling tauter and tauter. Binding us in ways I didn’t understand.

  “God, Matteo… it’s… God.” Caitlin began to tremble as she clung to me, breathless.

  “Come for me, Tink, come for me now.”

  She shattered, clenching around my fingers as pleasure washed over her. I kissed her harder, swallowing her moans of more and yes and oh God.

  Bringing my fingers to my mouth, I sucked them clean, smirking at the flash of surprise in Caitlin’s eyes.

  “I need to taste the real thing,” I declared, dropping a kiss to her lips before I moved down her body.

  Her skin was smooth and pale, pinking under my touch. Teeth and tongue and lips. I swirled my tongue around the peak of her breast, sucking gently. Marking her.

  Claiming her.

  “Ah, that feels…” Her fingers twisted into the sheets as she arched into my mouth.

  My fingers slid back and forth through her wetness.

  “It’s too much.” Caitlin slid her fingers into my hair, yanking slightly.

  Our eyes clashed over the line of her body, and I smirked. “You don’t want my mouth on you?” I blew a stream of air over her clit, and she moaned.

  “I… ah, Matteo…”

  “Say the word, Tink, and I’ll stop.”

  She pressed her lips together, shaking her head a little. It was all the permission I needed. I dived at her like a man starved, lapping at her pussy with carnal hunger.

  She tasted so fucking good as I dipped my tongue inside her.

  “God…” She panted. “Matteo, yes…”

  I hooked my hand under her thighs and spread her wider, needing more.

  I needed everything she was willing to give me.

  Caitlin had stolen a piece of my heart all those months ago, but I was pretty sure that right here, in this moment, she stole the rest.

  I pulled Caitlin closer, dropping a kiss to her head.

  “What?” She peeked up at me.

  “Just you… being here with you like this. A guy could get used to it.”

  “Matteo…”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not asking you for anything you can’t give me.”

  She relaxed against me. “Thank you, for distracting me.”

  Hurt crushed my chest.

  Is that all this was to her? A distraction?

  “It was my pleasure,” I laughed off the sting of dejection.

  Caitlin pushed up slightly to look me in the eye. “I’m not…”

  “It’s okay. We don’t have to do this.”

  “Do you regret staying with me?”

  “Never,” I admitted.

  I didn’t, but part of me wished things were different. That we’d met under different circumstances.

  “You gave me two of the best nights of my life.” She whispered the words so quietly I barely heard them.

  “I-I did?”

  Caitlin nodded. “That night last summer and… right now. I want you to know that, Matteo.”

  I wanted her to know that I could give her so much more—that I would give her forever if she would let me.

  But what kind of person would that make me if I promised her forever when she’d promised me nothing in return.

  Chapter 15

  Caitlin

  I woke up against a warm, hard body.

  Matteo.

  My lips curved at the memories of the night before. After he’d made me come apart, touch by touch, kiss by kiss, we’d spent hours talking. He’d shared stories from his childhood. I’d talked about the club. Mostly, I’d listened to him talk about his sister and cousins, about the mischief they used to get into.

  Matteo had grown up in a big family, and I could tell from the way he talked about them, that family was everything to him.

  Especially his younger sister Arabella.

  It couldn’t have been further from the truth for me.

  Maybe under different circumstances, I would have gotten to meet them all one day—to spend time with them, getting to know them.

  “Hey,” Matteo murmured, his voice thick with sleep. His hand slid over my hip, dragging me closer into his body. “What time is it?”

  “A little after eight,” I said, relishing the way it felt to be so close to him, even if it was only temporary.

  “I could get used to this,” he said, kissing my shoulder. A shiver ran through me at the raw honesty in his words. “How are you feeling?”

  “Good,” I replied. “I’m good.”

  I was more relaxed than I had been in weeks. He’d done that.

  Matteo had done that with his dirty words, tender touches, and hot kisses. But it was his level of respect for me, and my body, that really got to me. The second I’d recoiled at his touch or flinched when he pressed too far or too hard, he had stopped and checked in with me. It was a revelation to have a guy care like that.

  “I wa
s worried you might feel differently this morning.” He brushed the hair off my neck and kissed me there.

  I rolled over and peeked up at him. “I don’t… at all. Last night was… it was perfect. Thank you.” I smiled.

  “Fuck, Tink, you are so damn beautiful.” He leaned in, dusting his mouth over mine.

  “I need to brush my teeth,” I said, pressing my hands to his chest.

  He chuckled. “You think I care about morning breath?”

  “You might not, but I do.” I kissed his cheek before darting from the bed. “I’ll go turn on the coffee machine.”

  “Stay. We don’t have to get up yet.” He silently pleaded with me, his eyes hooded with lust and things I didn’t want to acknowledge.

  But the spell was already broken. I needed some space to think, to clear my head and remember all the reasons why I couldn’t allow myself to get swept away in this.

  In him.

  “I need a girl’s minute.” I didn’t look back as I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

  At least I hadn’t slept with him again. Fooling around was one thing, but sex with Matteo… that would be my undoing. No, I needed to stay strong. I needed to keep some semblance of distance between us. Because if he started asking me for things I couldn’t give him, he would start asking me questions I didn’t have the answer for.

  After taking care of business, I washed my hands and then tamed my curls into a loose ponytail over my shoulder. I felt torn. Part of me was so relieved Matteo was still here, that he had spent the night with me. But the other part knew it would only make things worse when the time came for me to leave.

  Shaun was gone.

  Zander had killed him… because of me. And I knew it was only the beginning of his rampage to find me. No one was safe around me. Not even Matteo and his family. Because men like Zander didn’t play by the rules, they smashed straight through them.

  “Tink?” Matteo called, and I smiled to myself. He made everything so simple that it would have been easy to hand over my heart to him right now. But it would only complicate things.

  “Cait—”

  “Coming,” I yelled, unable to keep the frustration out of my voice.

  When I slipped back into the bedroom, he was sitting propped up against the headboard, one knee bent.