Savior of Regrets: A Mafia Romance Standalone (Verona Legacy Book 4)

by L A Cotton

  “So where did you sleep last night, Matt?”

  “Bella.” I shook my head.

  Caitlin didn’t look at me, just kept flipping the batter and adding the pancakes to the growing stack.

  “What?” My sister grinned. “It’s a simple question.”

  “Stop,” I mouthed, right as Cait met my eyes.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey.”

  “Okay then, I’ll just be… over there, making myself scarce.” Bella slipped out of the kitchen and down the hall.

  “You were gone.”

  “I didn’t want to wake you.” My brow lifted and she added, “Fine, I didn’t want things to be awkward.”

  “Why did you think things would be awkward? I don’t have a single regret about last night. Do you?”

  “Matt, I—”

  “Morning.” Luis came in through the front door, shaking off his jacket. “It’s kicking up a storm out there. Hmm, something smells good.”

  “I made pancakes,” Caitlin smiled at him, and a bolt of jealousy went through me. It was irrational, but I wanted her to look at me the way she looked at him. So comfortable and at ease.

  Maybe you should have stayed out here with her.

  “Help yourself.” She shoved the stack of pancakes into the middle of the counter and started on the bacon. Soon, the smell lured Nicco, Arianne, and Alessia from their bedrooms and we all crammed around the counter.

  “So good,” Arianne complimented her. “Thank you, you didn’t need to cook for us.”

  “It’s no big deal.” Caitlin shrugged, remaining over by the cooktop.

  “Join us,” Arabella added. “You can’t cook for us and then not eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  I stared at her, willing her to look at me. But she dug in her heels, looking everywhere except in my direction.

  Last night had been close to perfect, the way our bodies had moved as one, her soft whimpers and the heat burning between us. The sex was incredible, but it had been so much more than that.

  Now, she was acting like it was nothing. Refusing to acknowledge this thing between us. And it pissed me off. I didn’t want to force her hand. I wanted her to come to me willingly.

  Deep down, I wanted her to want this.

  To want me.

  “Did Matteo upset you?” Arabella chuckled. “Because I know he isn’t the easiest person to—”

  “Bella!” I snapped, growing tired of her bullshit.

  “Jeez, what crawled up your ass and died?” she murmured. “I was only joking.”

  I swallowed the mouthful of pancake and helped myself to a glass of juice to wash it down. This wasn’t quite how I imagined the morning after the night before going. Caitlin deserved more. She deserved hearts and flowers and all that stuff women dreamed of.

  The silence stretched out before us as everyone glanced between me and Caitlin. It was awkward as fuck, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Arianne suggested they take their second mugs of coffee into the living area.

  “Remind me never to bring Arabella out here again,” I muttered to Nicco.

  “Did you talk to her?”

  “Bella?” I frowned.

  His brow quirked and my stomach sank. “No. I tried but she’s shutting me out.”

  “So, you still don’t know what she plans to do?”

  “She’s scared,” I whispered.

  “Maybe so, but she has to make a choice.”

  “Is it really a choice?” I stared at him, my best friend. Surely, he had to know what he was asking of me. Of her.

  “If she wants to leave, Nic…” I couldn’t lose her, not when I’d only just found her again.

  “That’s her choice, Matt. But if she wants to leave, you need to make it clear what that means.”

  “I know. Fuck, I know, okay? I just… I need more time.”

  “We’re running out of time. E is heading to Providence soon and then he and Lucino will head straight to see DiMarco.”

  “One more day. I need one more day.”

  “Fine. But you need to talk to her, or I will.”

  “Can you take Bella back with you?”

  “Of course.” A strained expression washed over him.

  “Shit, Nic, I’m sorry,” I said. “I know how hard this must be for you.”

  “He’s still alive, there’s still hope.”

  But the emptiness in his eyes told me he’d already given up. He believed Uncle Toni was gone, and it was just a case of his body catching up to what his soul already knew.

  “They deserve more.” He stared over at the girls, his sharp gaze lingering on Alessia and Arabella.

  “Yeah.” I swallowed. Nicco knew how I felt about Arabella growing up in this life. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in cotton wool and protect her at all costs. But it was easier said than done. In this life, people were used as pawns. Collateral. Leverage. If someone—our enemies—wanted to come at us, they would do it through hurting one of our loved ones. Nicco and Enzo had not experienced that firsthand.

  It was why my old man was so pissed about Caitlin. We’d brought her here, to one of our safe houses. We’d pulled her into this world, which not only made her a target…

  It made her a liability.

  Chapter 19

  Caitlin

  I watched everyone file out of the cabin. It had been strange, having them all here. I couldn’t deny that a part of me had liked it. I liked Arabella’s easy way and Alessia’s quiet demeanor. I liked Arianne and how kind and compassionate she was. Even Nicco had warmed to our small gathering. And Matteo… I didn’t know where to start with him.

  Last night had been more than I could’ve ever dreamed. He wasn’t gentle. He didn’t handle me like fragile glass. He’d taken what he’d wanted and given me everything I never knew I needed. It had been amazing, being worshipped like that. Every kiss and touch, every roll of his hips, the feel of him moving inside me, was imprinted on my mind—and my soul—and I couldn’t imagine forgetting it anytime soon. But the harsh light of day always brought with it a reality neither of us could escape. He was Matteo Bellatoni, a Marchetti by blood. And I was… well, he could never know the truth.

  “I’ll see you soon, okay?” Bella hurried to my side, hugging me tightly. “You’re good for him,” she whispered. “And anyone can see that he cares about you a lot.”

  Emotion balled in my throat.

  “See you,” I said, the words almost getting stuck.

  Arabella regarded me for a second, giving me a warm smile before Matteo called for her. His eyes connected with mine, a bolt of something going through me.

  Wasn’t he even going to say goodbye?

  Disappointment sat heavy in my chest. We hadn’t had time to talk—not that I knew what to say. I knew what he wanted; he’d made that more than clear. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give him more than right here, right now.

  The door banged shut, a gunshot to my heart. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed company until they’d all showed up last night. Luis was nice, and he made me feel comfortable, but it wasn’t the same. Back in Providence, I had friends. I had Gisele and Mari and Shaun.

  God, Shaun.

  I clutched my throat. I’d shut those memories out, but now all I felt was the bitter sting of regret. He’d died because of me, and no one had even mentioned it. As if death was just business as usual. I guess for them, in their line of work, maybe it was.

  Everything was such a mess.

  Letting out a weary sigh, I hugged myself tight and made my way back to my room. I couldn’t stay here for much longer. Every day that I did, Matteo, his family, burrowed their way a little deeper. The door clicked open, and I heard footsteps on the wooden floor. It was probably Luis.

  But then his voice washed over me.

  “Caitlin?”

  I turned slowly, my eyes colliding with Matteo. “What are you—”

  “You thought I was leaving?” His brows knitted as
he stopped short of me.

  “I… I assumed you were going back with your family, yes.”

  “We need to talk.” He ran a hand down his face.

  “I know.”

  I did, and I hated it. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want him to ask me questions I didn’t have the answers to.

  “Where’s Luis?” I glanced over his shoulder.

  “He’s accompanying them back to Verona. We’re alone, for now.” His conflicted gaze dropped to my lips, and my tongue darted out, wetting them.

  When he looked at me like that, I wanted things. Things I could never have. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

  “Please,” I whispered. “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what?” Matteo took a step closer. “How am I looking at you?”

  “Like you want things.” I craned my neck to look him in the eye, the air thick and heavy around us. “Things I can’t give you.”

  “You are so beautiful, Tink.” He tucked my curls behind my ear, cupping my neck as his thumb stroked my jaw, lingering on my bottom lip. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish we’d met under different circumstances. But we didn’t…”

  “No.” My voice cracked, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

  “Come, sit.” He took my hand, leading me over to the couch. I sat down, barely able to think over my racing pulse. “In a different life, I’d court you, Tink. I’d spend my time getting to know you, getting you to trust me. We’d date and take our time learning about each other. But we don’t have that luxury. Not with DiMarco out there looking for you.”

  A shiver ran down my spine as I sucked in a harsh breath.

  Matteo squeezed my hand gently. “I will never let him hurt you, Cait. But by bringing you here, we dragged you into this thing. My elders, they will only protect you if you’re—”

  “If I’m what?” My lip quivered as I took in his gutted expression.

  “If you’re my woman.”

  “W-what are you saying?” I blanched.

  “You’re either with me, Cait, or you’re not.”

  “I’ll go.” I shot up. “I’ll leave and you won’t have to—”

  “You think I can just let you walk out of here, out of my life?” Pain etched into his expression. “It doesn’t work like that, Tink. I’m not—”

  “You’re not what, Matteo?” I snapped, feeling indignation burn through me. “Am I a prisoner here? Is that what this is?”

  His gaze dropped and I had my answer. He wasn’t going to let me go. Either I accepted his proposition of being his woman or I would be kept here until God only knew when.

  “It’s just until this thing with DiMarco is over.” His eyes implored me to understand. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t make sense of… of this. “If we let you leave and he… finds you… you know things about us, Caitlin. You know where Nicco and Arianne live, you know about my sister and this place.

  “For as much as I hate it,” Matteo inhaled a ragged breath, “my family are right. It makes you a liability.”

  “You think I’d tell him anything? I hate him, Matt. I’d rather die than ever tell him a single thing.” I shrieked, hot tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “And that’s exactly what will happen if he finds you.” Matteo roared, glowering at me, and I jerked back as if he’d slapped me. “Shit, Cait, that’s not… I didn’t.” He jammed his fingers into his hair, tugging the ends. “I don’t want to argue with you. I want us to figure this out. Together. You know how I feel about you, Caitlin. I guess I’d hoped—”

  “That I’d what? Jump into bed with you straightaway and play happy family? You just said it yourself, I’m a liability. You should never have brought me here.” I sneered.

  “WE DIDN’T HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE,” he bellowed. “You think we could just leave you alone in that hospital, knowing what you’d been through? What he’d done?”

  “This is my life, Matteo. My. Fucking. Life. I know how to protect myself. I’ve been doing it long enough.” My chest heaved with the weight of my words.

  “Cait, what are you hiding?” He reached for me, but I shook him off. “Just talk to me, please. You think I don’t see the shadows in your eyes? You’re hiding something. Tell me. Let me help.”

  “I think you’ve done enough.” I averted my gaze, unable to look at him as I wrapped my arms around my waist, holding myself together.

  “This isn’t how I wanted it to be. But things are going down that are out of my control. If you leave and DiMarco finds you… the Family won’t risk that. They can’t.”

  “I got it,” I hissed. “You don’t trust me.” My eyes locked on his. “Well, you really should have thought about that before bringing me here. I didn’t ask to meet your family, Matt. I didn’t ask you to bring Arabella here. I didn’t ask for anything other than time to figure out what I was going to do next.”

  “I’m sorry.” His eyes bored into mine, stripping me bare. “I just wanted to… fuck,” he breathed, “I don’t even know what I’m doing.”

  I wasn’t being entirely fair, I knew that. But I’d wanted so much to believe Matteo and his family were different. That I could trust them.

  Yet here we were. With an ultimatum hanging between us.

  If I didn’t fall into line, if I didn’t agree to be with Matteo, then I would be a prisoner here until DiMarco was no longer a threat.

  However long that would be.

  A week.

  A month.

  Two.

  I couldn’t stay here for that long. I’d go out of my mind. Especially now that I knew the truth.

  Matteo didn’t want me, not really.

  He just wanted to make this easier on me. He wanted to ease me into the idea of us. Even if it was all for show.

  “I need some space.” I started backing away.

  “Cait, please. We need to talk about this.”

  “No, we really don’t.” I sniffled, willing myself not to break in front of him more than I already had. “I think I understand everything perfectly.”

  “Cait…” he called after me, but I turned on my heel, and didn’t look back.

  I should have run when I had the chance. Stupidly, I hadn’t considered when they first brought me here that Luis was here not for my protection—he was here to make sure I didn’t try to escape.

  Now, all I could see was him as the guy standing between me and freedom.

  I wasn’t even sure I wanted to leave. I had nowhere to go. I had no contacts, no friends across the country where I could pitch up and sleep on their couch for a few nights. All I had was the instinct to survive and do whatever it took to stay under the radar.

  DiMarco’s had been the perfect place to blend in. Until it wasn’t. If only I hadn’t caught Zander’s eyes, I wouldn’t be here now. I’d still be working the floor, laughing and joking with Shaun while we watched Gisele and Mari work the crowds of hungry men into a frenzy. It wasn’t the dream, but it was something.

  It was better than the life I’d spent years running from.

  Matteo had left earlier. I’d heard him and Luis talking in hushed voices, only catching the odd word.

  Don’t let her out of your sight.

  Back to Verona.

  Call me if she wants to talk.

  Watch her.

  I hated it. Hated that I’d become such a burden to them. I didn’t ask for this—I didn’t ask for any of it.

  I blamed Enzo. If he had never showed up at my apartment all those weeks ago and given me his number, I never would have ended up here.

  No, you probably would have been dead by now.

  I inhaled a sharp breath. Like it or not, Enzo and Matteo had saved me that day. They had offered me a lifeline that I couldn’t refuse.

  So why had I gotten so angry earlier when Matteo had laid out the truth for me?

  He wasn’t a normal guy. His family were one of the most talked about crime families in New England. Of course they weren’t just going to take me in
for a couple of weeks, let me find my feet, and then send me on my way with a smile.

  They were the mafia for Pete’s sake. You didn’t graciously accept their help free of charge. You earned it. You became indebted for it.

  You paid for it.

  But I wasn’t for sale, and I most certainly wasn’t about to pretend to be involved with Matteo to get in their good graces.

  “Caitlin?” Luis's gruff voice drifted down the hall. “I made risotto.”

  “Not hungry,” I yelled back.

  “You can’t stay in there forever.” I could almost hear the humor in his voice.

  This wasn’t funny.

  Nothing about this situation warranted laughter. Not a single thing.

  “Watch me,” I mumbled, throwing myself down on the bed. My cell phone vibrated, and I picked it up.

  I’m sorry. M xo

  Ugh. It would have hurt less if he was a typical asshole jerk who had broken my heart. But Matteo wasn’t a bad guy.

  He was just the wrong guy.

  Another text came through and I narrowed my eyes.

  Is the idea of being with me really that unappealing to you?

  Fueled by rage, I texted back.

  That’s not the point and you know it…

  No, I don’t. Because you refused to talk to me. You think I like this? I don’t… but my hands are tied.

  Another one came straight through.

  Regardless of what my family wants, this is about you and me. I know you felt it last night, Cait. You can’t deny that we’re good together… I was sure of it eight months ago, I’m even more sure of it now. What are you so scared of?

  I squeezed my eyes shut.

  Everything.

  I was scared of everything.

  I thought what we had was real. I thought I could trust you.

  I hit send, immediately regretting it. But I was hurt and on the defense. Matteo wasn’t a bad guy, I knew that. Everything was such a mess though. Just when I was about to truly let him in, to give myself to him, he landed me with the ultimatum, reminding me this wasn’t a fairy tale… and he wasn’t my white knight.