Divided
Page 52
“Of course, your grace.”
With a quick turn, he headed back towards the door of the throne room. Soon, he would wait for Calis to return, and then he would proceed to follow his brother. He would find out the source of this weakness, and he would squeeze it until Calis whimpered for mercy on the floor.
“So, the Hero made his deal, condemning those he would never know to suffering, and never knowing if his choice was right.”
-A Hero’s Peace v.i
Chapter xxxiii
Calis Tsrali
Lee, somehow constantly in positions that he needed to be, was in the courtyard when Calis left the palace. His cheek ached with force, but he was determined to pretend he hadn’t been struck. His father was a monster, and a monster that was bent on destroying the kingdom without any reason. Why Calis had asked about it was beyond him. Perhaps it was Kilik’s constant insistence that the idea was foolery. It was, after all, and Calis shouldn’t wish for death of anyone in Telandus—with the possible exception of his own father.
Then, his lips were burning. As of late, touching anything other than Kilik with them felt vile, poisonous. He hated the idea of another person’s skin against his lips, and though Miss Avyon was no monster, he hated her skin the worst. Kilik had accepted the arrangement so gracefully, though he had tried to end it. End it, though, before he realized that Calis had every intention of staying with him.
Oh, if only Kilik was ready to leave Telandus! They could leave and never have to look at Calis’s vile father again. Unfortunately, Kilik needed to be here, and they both knew that. Calis’s thought was that it involved the war, after all, Kilik seemed so determined that peace was necessary. Surely, his objective in Telandus revolved around a war that should not be occurring. Though, Kilik would have been better served in Cathalar, as they were the ones with all the power. They would win the war.
Then again, Cathalar had stood by for years as Lavus pushed and pushed at their boundaries. Veyron was known for being a patient ruler, though most thought it was the influence of his sons, and patience only extended so far.
“Calis,” Lee’s voice pulled him out of his rather stormy thoughts. Lee’s eyes were immediately curious as he glanced at Calis’s face. “Are you alright?”
The question was a stupid one, and Calis nearly told Lee so. His friend was concerned, though, and that was not something at which Calis should scowl. He sighed. “Fine, Lee,” he said. “Are you coming? You know where I’m going.”
A wary smile came across Lee’s lips, but to Calis’s surprise, he nodded. Lately, Lee had taken it upon himself to stay behind when Calis went to Dark District. Lee claimed it was largely to make sure no one got too curious about where Calis had gone. Calis suspected that Lee’s lack of involvement had more to do with how intimate Calis was with Kilik.
That aside, Lee had recently pointed out that Calis’s constant excursions without an advisor would raise questions as well. Therefore, Lee was apparently going to be an adult about spending time with Calis and his lover. Calis couldn’t bother not to express himself, either. His mind was so close to the breaking point that if he tried to keep away from Kilik—his sanity would be at stake.
Lee and Calis had clothes, most of which Calis had bought on his earlier excursions to Dark District, waiting for them in one of the bushes near the wall that they climbed to get into Dark District.
After changing, Calis made such quick work of the wall between he and Kilik that Lee was scrambling to keep up. “Sir, if you’ll slow down for a moment, now that we’re in Dark District—I wanted to make a request.”
The words from Lee, especially when he’d avoided saying Calis’s name, were more than a little alarming. Calis’s lips twitched, but he turned dutifully towards Lee to listen to the request. “What is it, Lee?” he asked warily.
“We’ve talked about what you saw that sun—after the meadow,” Lee spoke carefully. Lee never spoke without thought, but it was rare that he took such care with his words. Perhaps he thought Calis would be angry with him. No, Lee had never worried about that before. “But, I can’t make any more of it until I see it.”
Calis stiffened. Returning to that place felt wrong, but then, Lee was the smartest person he knew. Lee would know before any of Telandus’s so called scholars did. Not that they would worry themselves with anything outside the city walls, Light forbid they risk getting their robes dirty. If he was going to help Kilik, then perhaps Calis was going to have to take a few risks of his own. Of course, taking Kilik back to that forsaken place was not an option. Calis, though, Calis could go—and Lee, if he insisted.
They stood for a moment, and Lee’s green eyes were patient as they waited for Calis’s response. Eventually, Calis offered an uncertain nod. “If that is what you need—then we can return. Not with Kilik, though. That place was… he shouldn’t be near it.”
This didn’t seem to surprise Lee in the least. “From what you’ve told me, the place is the source of his nightmares, and they seem to be getting worse.” The thought was sobering, but it was true. Kilik had tried to hide it, but the fact was that he was experiencing the nightmares more regularly, and they were becoming less possible to deal with. Despite Kilik’s insistence that he was fine, he was not. “That being said, we need to figure out what to do about it. Lest his nightmares become too much for him to bear.”
“Indeed,” Calis said absently. The idea was terrifying, and if he’d let himself think about it too long—he knew he’d regret it. What could happen to Kilik—Calis had seen that rock fall apart before his eyes—no! He would not think about that. He would make sure whatever possessed that rock stayed as far from Kilik as possible. “Perhaps I’ll take you on the way back to the castle, I haven’t the slightest urge to return.”
A sympathetic flash crossed Lee’s face, and then he nodded. “I don’t care when, my friend.” Calis knew Lee was thinking of asking about the mark on his face, but he wasn’t going to. He knew Calis’s pride far too well to bring it up.
They spent the rest of the walk in their typical companionable silence. Though, as they neared Juliet’s home, Calis felt his heart starting to pound. He wanted to see Kilik—he needed to see Kilik. His body felt sick, and his mind felt torn in so many directions. He hoped that seeing the young man would ease at least some of his pain. His father had proven with this sun that he held no love for his eldest son—and that could not be debated any longer. Calis’s life was forfeit if he didn’t meet expectations.
Lee announced their arrival as they passed through the cloth. Calis always forgot to do so when he came without Lee, and he’d caused Alyx and Juliet quite a few brief shocks. This time, however, the red-haired girl was the one who greeted them. Katt’s smile was pleasant, and Calis noticed that she lingered for a moment on Lee. “I thought you’d quit coming with him, Lee,” she chirped.
“I haven’t,” Lee answered, without emotion. His eyes prickled with it, though, which was abnormal for Calis’s advisor. Oh well, Calis would worry about what had occurred between these two later. She was one of his informants, anyway. As far as Calis knew, Lee had still been gathering information. Not that he’d obtained anything recently, other than the fact that Kilik’s desire to unite Dark District finally seemed to be happening.
Calis let out a breath. “Is Kilik here?” he asked hollowly.
Before Katt could answer, though, Kilik stepped out from behind one of the cloths to regard Calis with those impossibly blue eyes. Calis could feel his mind’s trouble vanishing, as if there had never been a problem. The directions all vanished—the pull destroyed—and he could only feel a tug in one direction, towards Kilik. Peace. That was what Kilik brought him.
“Who is asking?” Kilik asked, with a playful quirk of his eyebrow.
Calis laughed and shook his head. Slowly, surely, his frustration began to fade away, and he could feel the good humor that he always seemed to experience in Kilik’s presence taking hold. “Nobody important,” he said.
A
s Kilik took a few more steps, though, his eyes narrowed. For a moment, he looked suspicious, and his eyes were sparking with irritation. Calis felt a momentary confusion, unsure what might cause this, but then the sting reminded him. And Kilik, unlike Lee, would rather have Calis’s pride hanged than waste a moment not addressing an injury. “What happened?” he said sharply.
“My father happened,” Calis answered flatly. The matter wasn’t one for concern. After all, though it had been a while, Calis had been hit before. He hadn’t been abused, per say, but he had certainly been struck when he didn’t meet expectations. Tareth, though, had been far more abused than he.
Sadness took hold of Kilik’s features, and he took the few more steps between them, placing his hand gingerly to Calis’s injury. “Your father…” The anger returned, and for the first time, Calis realized that he would not want to cross Kilik. He may not have had much self-preservation, but he would be the first to stand up if someone he cared about was hurt. Hence, the Phantom Blade—the vigilante that never seemed to come to Kilik’s defense. “He hit you? Why?” he snapped.
“I thought I would try,” Calis asserted weakly, “to talk to him about the war.” Kilik’s eyes sparked a little at the words, as they always did. What was it about the war that seemed to have such an effect on Kilik? “I told him, pretty forwardly, that it would result in Telandus’s destruction. This was his very well thought-out and clever rebuttal,” Calis said dryly. His father had never been much of an intellectual.
Calis had thought they shared the idea that swords were an easier solution to most things, but it would appear that Lavus thought they were a better solution to everything. “Why would you do that? You said yourself that you knew he would react like this! He could have done worse!” Kilik was quivering, eyes wide with disbelief.
Calis grabbed Kilik’s hand in his own, bringing it down to try and calm his lover. “I know, Kilik,” he said, “but I thought—the way you were always so persistent about the war—I thought I could help, maybe, by stopping the war.”
For a moment, Kilik pulled at Calis, and his eyes got far wider than they had been before. He seemed in awe, as though he thought Calis would burst into fire at any moment. Calis didn’t have any intention of doing so, so he pulled Kilik to him. “I do want to stop the war,” Kilik conceded. “I want to stop it… more than anything.” Then, his head snapped up so that his eyes met Calis’s. “Well, almost anything.”
“Your nightmares, Kilik.” Lee spoke, and they both turned to look at him. This was a large step for Lee, as he usually faded into the background while Calis embraced Kilik. This time, though, he seemed at ease with the visual. “Is it possible that they have anything to do with the war?”
Kilik squirmed a little, but Calis kept his arms wrapped firmly around his young prisoner. “I’m not sure. There is just a recurring theme of failure. There are no specifics. I’m always petrified in the dreams because I don’t know what it is I’ve failed.”
“I think the dreams might be playing on your own guilty nature. You tend to take responsibility for things that are not… well, your responsibility.” His eyes flicked to Katt, as she still didn’t know that Kilik was the Phantom Blade. That had come up a few times in their discussions, and Katt had always remained consistently oblivious.
How—Calis would never know. Perhaps her mind was elsewhere, or perhaps she knew and preferred to pretend that she didn’t. “I don’t know,” Kilik said, and finally relaxed against Calis. Their intimacy had been strange for others at first, but now, everyone seemed comfortable with it. Calis didn’t care, he was comfortable, at any rate.
The help was disarming for Kilik, though probably not as disarming as Calis’s confessing that he loved him. Kilik had looked particularly shocked that sun—and horrified. Though, he certainly hadn’t disliked the confession. Regardless, since then, and it had been nearly two cycles, everyone seemed determined to assist Kilik with his nightmares. Calis being the one who involved himself the most thoroughly. “I keep thinking I should go back there—outside the city walls,” Kilik murmured.
A flash of narrowed eyes, and Lee and Calis were staring at one another. “No,” Calis said definitively. If there was one thing he knew, it was that Kilik need not return to that terrible place. If it had a negative effect on anyone, then it was Kilik. A visceral need to protect arose in his chest, and he could feel his heart hammering to meet the demand. “You will not go back there.”
Kilik pulled away from him, with a look of exasperation. “I have to figure this out. I can’t keep hearing this voice and trying to ignore it. It’s just getting louder.”
“I told Lee I would take him there later this sun,” Calis said unevenly. He had a feeling Kilik might oppose this, but he wasn’t going to let Kilik stop him from going. And truth be told, it might ease the young vigilante’s mind to know that they were considering it a threat.
There was a moment of silence as Kilik’s eyes worked to figure out how they wanted to respond. “I don’t want you to go there,” he whimpered. “Especially not without me.”
“You don’t get a choice, love,” Calis answered categorically. He would give Kilik the opportunity to win some of their arguments, but this was not one of them. Calis knew that there was something terrible in that grove—something that should never have been placed into this world. But it was there, and that horrible entity wanted Kilik for something. Calis would be hanged before he allowed it to have the only person he’d ever loved, though.
The statement maddened Kilik. The simplicity of it was probably what drove him so mad. Calis didn’t debate matters of Kilik’s safety, and no matter how much time passed—they would never be up for negotiation. Kilik had apparently lived enough of his life neglecting his own needs and wants, and Calis had resolved to make sure that ended. “You do not get to tell me what to do, your highness.”
“I can, actually,” Calis said with a bit of a smirk playing on his lips. “I am the prince, after all. That gives me authority over you, Kilik.”
For some reason, this made Katt giggle. Calis had forgotten she was in the room until just then. He always seemed to neglect her presence. Perhaps that was why Lee had chosen her as an informant—and that was another reason Calis thought she may already know who the Phantom Blade was. Kilik, however, was not amused. “Do not try to play that card with me. If you wanted to act the proper role of a prince, then you should have left many suns ago, my friend.”
A laugh escaped Calis, and he shrugged his shoulders. Kilik could see the playfulness, no doubt, on his face. It only served to frustrate him further. “I don’t want you there without me. That place is evil.”
“I’m aware, and I will be safe.”
Kilik had stepped away from him during the conversation, but for whatever reason, in that moment his eyes softened. He let out a long breath and stared at Calis. His eyes made Calis think of the moon in the meadow. His heartbeat reacted to the memories accordingly. Since then, they’d had plenty of intimate moments, though none had measured up to that moon. “Your father ought to be made to answer for his behavior,” Kilik hissed. “What honorable man strikes his own son?”
Ah, Calis should have known that the mild bruise might play to his advantage. Kilik always had been a fool for those that were less fortunate than he was. And, while Calis was certainly not less fortunate, the injury gave the appearance of his being such. “Calis’s father is a madman,” Lee said, and there was hatefulness in his voice as well. “A madman, who left unchecked, will destroy this land.”
“I’m aware,” Calis said. “Though, I don’t intend to participate in the wild assassination attempts of my mother.” Kilik flinched, as he always did when Calis talked too intimately about his family. It was as if Kilik felt as though he didn’t have a right to know, or that he shouldn’t have a right to know. Calis wished he could convey how little he cared about his family secrets. He would have delivered them to Veyron Lassau himself if the journey had been within his power.
“You are starting to sound like Lee, Kilik.”
Lee laughed, and he regarded Kilik with a certain admiration. Lee did not often award admiration, and it was oftentimes interesting to see that look of pure indifference leave his countenance when he was not addressing Calis. “Perhaps Kilik will be good for you, yet, your highness.”
“Perhaps,” Calis offered humorously. His eyes found Kilik, taking in every piece of his body. No matter how close they were, or how many moons they spent together—it was never enough. The feel of another person’s skin against Calis’s lips, the thought of Kilik holding another person, all of it overpowered Calis’s capability to function. “Walk with me for a moment, Kilik?”
“Ah, certainly,” Kilik offered after only a moment of thought. They had come quite a ways from Kilik’s fear of even being in Calis’s presence. Calis found that he felt happy, still though, every time Kilik revealed the tiniest bit of trust towards the prince.
Calis turned to look at his advisor. “Do you mind, Lee?”
“I couldn’t stop you if I did,” Lee teased. The smile on his face said that he didn’t mind, though. That, or he’d gotten much better at hiding his feelings. Despite everything, for all of Lee’s telling Calis that the relationship with Kilik was foolish, he seemed happy that they were together for the time being. That in itself was surprising.
Without another word, Kilik and he slipped through the door. Calis hoped that Katt had enough in her arsenal to keep Lee entertained. He didn’t require much, but Calis would hate for him to be left to stand there awkwardly the entire time. “I should feel worse, I think,” he said as they put enough distance between themselves and the house, “for leaving Lee to fend for himself in there.”