by Tyler Grey
I laughed. “You haven’t!”
“I have.”
I stopped laughing when I realized she was being serious. “Laurie, you’re amazing. You really are, but you don’t have to worry about me. I don’t like the guy, and I’m not planning on forgiving him, either. I’m just doing my job, cooking as best as I can and trying to make a blind man’s life a bit easier.”
She groaned. “You see, there you go being all nice again. You just can’t help yourself, can you?”
I chuckled. “I suppose not.” It was true; I couldn’t help myself. This was still a man in trouble, and I wanted to help him as much as I could. I would have to put my thoughts aside for the time being and keep my emotions at the door. This had nothing to do with what he had done to me. I decided not to share all my thoughts with Laurie, though. I knew she’d only worry about me. She’d always worried about me, and had always been there for me, but I knew she wouldn’t understand this. Jacob, the man I knew now, was different. Perhaps I shouldn’t feel sorry for him, but I did. Every day I came to work and said hello to him. Then he went to his room and waited until I was finished. I gave him lunch, told him what was on the menu for dinner, and ran through a few menu ideas, and then I left. Sometimes he left while I was cooking to go for a walk, but he only went up and down the road, nothing more. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do something for Jacob, just to show him that he still had a life ahead of him. I was going to take him out on Monday, somewhere a little further down the road. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell Laurie any of this.
“So, how’s the dating life going?” Laurie said to me, and snapped me out of my reverie.
I laughed. “What’s that?”
“Oh, come on. You don’t have the ‘I’m studying’ excuse anymore. It’s about time you went on an actual date. When’s the last time you did that?”
“A date? Again, what’s that?” I said. She groaned and I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not in the mood to date right now. I’m going to focus on my career. I’m never going to write that famous book if I don’t get my career going, you know.”
“Forget the book. You have plenty time to write that. You’re young, gorgeous, and you know your way around a kitchen. You’re pretty much the perfect package. It’s a shame to keep yourself so hidden from all the potential men out there. Come on, let me set you up.”
I looked at her. “Really? You want to set me up? What about you? You can’t go on at me when you’re not dating either. That’s not fair.” Two can play at this game, I thought.
“Oh, but that’s where you are very wrong. I happen to have a date later this week.”
“You do? Who? Tell me everything!” I was glad to have the pressure off me for a change even though I knew she’d bring it right back to me eventually.
“His name is Tony and I met him online. He looks so cute. Just the type of guy I like, too. Tattoos all over with dark, messy hair.”
A little bit like Jacob, I thought, and then quickly pushed the image away. “Ooh, sounds yummy. So, you met online? Aren’t you scared he’s not who he says he is?”
“Nah, I’m not really. Anyway, there’s only one way to find out. Come on, why don’t you try online dating too? It’s fun. I promise you. And because it’s online you can afford to be a bit picky for a change.”
“No way. I’m not doing that. I prefer to meet my men the old-fashioned way, thank you very much.”
Laurie snorted. “Oh yeah? And how’s that going for you? Where exactly are you meeting these men, then? At all the clubs and pubs you go to?”
“Hey, you never know, I could meet a guy right here,” I said, and then quickly glanced around to make sure there were no suitable men around in case she made me go up to one.
She shook her head. “You’re hopeless, Alice. Absolutely hopeless. You do realize you’re gorgeous, don’t you?”
I waved my hand in the air. I hated talking about myself. I didn’t feel gorgeous, and I wasn’t sure if I ever would. I felt…I felt like a clown, although I’d never fully admit that to anyone. Those words had never quite left me. “Yeah, yeah, I’m gorgeous,” I lied. “Now, tell me what you’re going to wear on this date!” It wasn’t quite the smoothest transition I could’ve done, but I think she got the picture.
Chapter 13
Jacob
I stood by the closet, feeling the clothes that Hayden had gotten me, and tried to remember how he had described them to me. The jeans felt good in my hand, and the shirt was apparently a sea green color. The color my eyes used to be before they became clouded over. My eyes had always been one of the best things about me. Girls had spoken to me about it before, telling me that they could get lost in my eyes. It was strange to have such a strong physical trait taken away like that.
Being blind put a lot of things into perspective, and things that were once important to me no longer were. In a way, the world would be a better place if nobody could see. There would be no quick judgments, no lack of self-worth. We’d all judge each other based on what we heard and what we felt. No longer could someone get away with something bad simply because they had a charming smile and a good body. Of course, I only told myself these things to make me feel better. I’d give anything to see myself again. Anything to see the world around me. I put the clothes on and pretended to look in the mirror. I knew my house better than I had ever known it before, and because of the slight haziness, I knew there was an object in front of me.
“So, how do I look?” I asked Tank. “Are my clothes going to impress Alice? Will I finally win her over?” I said, and laughed.
I couldn’t help but feel wary about my new clothes, but perhaps they would at least get her talking to me. There was something about Alice that intrigued me, and after the description from Hayden I couldn’t help but have a picture of her in my mind now. Not that it really mattered. If she was a good person, she’d become pretty to me. I heard the front door open, and I went to say hello.
“Oh, hi, Jacob. Wow, you look great.”
I hoped I wasn’t blushing. “Thank you. Hayden took me out to do some shopping. I hope he did me proud. It’s sort of weird putting all your faith in other people. Even something as simple as what I’m wearing. Are you sure I’m not wearing something completely mismatched?”
She laughed. “No, you’re not. You look great. I don’t dress as well as that, and I looked in the mirror before I left. So either Hayden is very good at this or else you just have a natural sense of style that hasn’t left you.”
I was surprised by how much she was talking to me. She didn’t usually say more than a few words. Then again, I never spoke to her much, either. I preferred this. Speaking openly made the whole situation feel a whole lot less awkward.
“How about we go with the latter? I give Hayden enough compliments as it is. So, uh, did you have a good Sunday?”
“I did, thank you. I spent the day with a friend,” she said, and I wondered why she didn’t say her friend’s name. It was strange to refer to someone as just a friend. I decided not to press matters in case I was looking into things. “And,” she continued, “I was thinking that maybe we could do something a bit different today. Unless you have plans, of course.”
I laughed. Plans were a thing of the past for me. The only plans I now had were trips to the hospital or trips with Hayden. I was supposed to start counseling again on a more regular basis, but I still hadn’t done that. I was a free agent. “Plans? What are those? No, I have no plans. What were you thinking?”
“Well, I was thinking that maybe I could take you to the park. We could have a picnic or something. I’ll make a whole bunch of snack food, and you can have the rest for dinner. I mean, if you want to. If you’d prefer to stay home, that is totally fine. It’s just an idea. I thought it might be nice to get out a bit, but I’m also more than happy to stay here. Gosh, I hope I’m not getting ahead of myself here. This seemed like such a great idea to me this morning, but now that I’m saying it to you I real
ize that I might be overstepping. Please tell me if I am. I won’t be offended.”
I was completely taken by surprise. Alice wanted to take me out? That was the last thing that I had expected from her, even though she did seem to be warming up to me a bit. Perhaps she just took a lot longer than other people.
“Yeah, you’re overstepping.”
“Oh. Well, okay then. My apologies. Let’s just stay home.”
I laughed. “Alice, I’m kidding. I’m a pretty laid-back and casual guy, and I’m always keen for something new. That sounds great. Yeah, I’d love that,” I said as I warmed to the idea. “I get a little bit sick of staying at home, if I’m to be honest. But, are you sure you don’t mind? It’s not going to be easy having me around.”
“Nah, it will be fine. Anyway, we have Tank.”
“Then I would love to go to the park. Tank will love it, too.” The poor dog barely got any time out of the house other than the slow walks I did with him up and down the road. He never complained though, but I knew he would be happy.
“Great. Let me make the food, and we can go in about an hour. I’ll call you when I’m ready, if that’s okay?”
“Perfect.”
I made my way to the bedroom and waited for her to finish up. I felt strangely excited about the prospect of going out with Alice today. I wasn’t sure what I was more excited about: being with her or being out the house. I was just grateful to have something different to do, and even more grateful that Alice didn’t seem so nervous to be around me anymore. Hayden had assured me that she would warm up to me, but I hadn’t been certain until now. When Alice called, I made my way back to the kitchen, where she told me that she’d cooked us up a feast. She said she had everything in a backpack and asked if I was ready to go.
“I’m ready. Are we driving? Because I’ll have you know, I’m a great driver,” I teased. I had to laugh about it, because otherwise I would get too upset. Driving was something I missed so much. The thought of never driving again made me sad. There were a lot of things that I wouldn’t be able to do, and I knew that I would just have to get used to it. I used to know a blind guy, and he was very angry at the world. He got upset with everyone around him and would kick up a scene whenever things didn’t go his way. I used to feel sorry for him in the beginning, but eventually, I started getting annoyed with him. He pushed everyone away and completely stopped living. A part of me understood how it could come to that, and a part of me desperately wanted to be like that, but I knew it was pointless. It wouldn’t get me anywhere but more frustrated. I had to take pleasure in the small things in life now, such as going to the park with a lovely lady by my side and the sweetest dog in the world.
“Actually, I thought we could walk. It’s not a far walk at all. If you’re okay with that?” she said.
“I’m more than okay with that.”
“Great. Uh, should I take your arm?” she asked nervously.
I shook my head. “Uh, yeah, okay. That might be a good idea. It’s always a bit nerve-wracking when I don’t know where I’m going.” I almost said no to her, but I didn’t want to slow her down, either. She linked arms with me, and we walked side by side. It was strange having her so close to me, a woman I barely knew. It was wonderful and embarrassing all at the same time, and I hoped the emotions were not showing on my face. I sniffed the air. “Something smells good around here.”
She laughed. “That’s because I thought we could get a takeaway coffee for our walk. We’re at Wagga’s. I’m not sure if you know it?”
I smiled in amazement. Alice amazed me more and more each day. A woman who liked her coffee as much as I did was always a bonus in my books. I once dated a woman who only drank tea and who would crinkle up her nose every time I made coffee. It used to drive me insane. I once joked that if I were to do online dating, I would put two things as my requirements: must love coffee and dogs. “It’s only the best coffee shop in the world. Hayden brings me coffee from there all the time. I could honestly have coffee from there every day and not get sick of it. I don’t know what they do, but it’s just not the same when I make it at home.”
“Oh good! It’s my favorite café, too. Okay, let me get us each a coffee. Wait right here.”
I waited while she got the coffee and listened to the sounds around me. I could hear the people inside, all talking and laughing without a care in the world. I would do anything to be that person again. I missed taking things for granted. If only I could’ve bottled up those emotions for now. Sometimes I wished that I could be granted even just five minutes of sight a day. I would look around me and take in everything, and then hold onto that vision for the rest of the day. I often wondered what I would want to see every day. Right now it would be Alice. I would look at her, and look at Tank, and maybe look at myself in the mirror. Five quick minutes to take it all in before the world misted up again. When Alice came back, she put a cup of coffee in my left hand and then linked arms with my right. I knew the park wasn’t too far from the café and that we’d be there soon enough.
“I wonder if I could learn how to walk to Wagga’s alone?” I said.
She laughed. “Is my company that bad?”
“Not at all. It’s just I’m trying to do more than just go up and down my street. Maybe this can be my new goal. It wasn’t such a far walk.”
“Well, I’d be more than happy to walk here with you until you learn the route.”
“Thank you. Oh, this coffee is so good. I miss that place. I miss that bookshelf,” I said. It had been one of my favorite things about the place.
“Yeah, I love it too. So, are you a big reader?” she asked, and then groaned. “I mean…”
I chuckled. “It’s okay. I was.”
“I forget sometimes that you’re blind. Is that weird?”
“No, that’s a good thing. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. So, I take it you’re a big reader too?” I asked.
“I sure am. Have you considered listening to audiobooks? I have a few at home I can bring.”
I shook my head. “No, I’ve never even thought of that, actually. I thought my reading days were over.”
“Oh, they don’t have to be,” she said. “In fact, I happen to like cooking while listening to books, so if you’d like I can bring some, and we can listen to them together. It’s a whole different experience than reading books, and in my opinion, a lot better. Oh, here’s the park…” she said.
I had no idea what was going on, but Alice seemed like a different person. It was as if she had decided to give me another chance or something. I was glad. I liked this side of her. She took me to the park and placed a blanket down. Then she took out the food and explained it all to me from left to right so that I knew what I was getting. I reached out for a little pot pie and took a bite.
“Oh wow, Alice, this is amazing. I cannot believe you made this.”
“Really? That’s good to hear.”
“Oh yeah. You are definitely in the right profession. So, have you always known you wanted to cook? Do you ever dream of working for a big restaurant or opening up your own?”
“Actually, I don’t want to work in a restaurant. I can be a bit soul-destroying for a chef. You don’t get to be creative at all. Of course, if I one day have to do that, then I will. I’d rather cook in a restaurant than not cook at all. Maybe I’ll own my own one day, but if I do it will be very small and intimate. I actually have a bit of a silly dream…” she said, and then trailed off.
“Oh come on, you can’t keep me hanging like that. Tell me.”
“Uh, well…I sort of want to write a book one day, and I want to incorporate cooking into it somehow. I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but that’s just a dream I have,” she said, and I could hear the happiness in her voice when she spoke. It was nice hearing her so animated like this.
“You should do it, Alice. I can hear that it makes you happy. So, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to cook, and the best thing?” I asked.
/> I lay back and listened to Alice tell me stories about cooking. I had no idea she was going to be this funny, but the more she seemed to warm up to me, the funnier she became. I kept asking her questions to keep the conversation flowing because I liked hearing her talk. There was something very familiar about Alice that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, almost as if I had known her before. I obviously hadn’t, though. She would’ve told me if we had met. Perhaps she just reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t figure out who it was.
After the food, we took a little walk around the park. She made me take off my shoes and promised she had done the same, just so that we could feel the grass between our toes. It was nice. I hadn’t felt this alive since I’d come home. Tank was having the time of his life, too. Not only was he getting the chance to run around a bit, but he’d also had a lot of delicious food to eat. It was clear that Tank was completely smitten with her. Eventually, we made our way back home. It was a great day, but I was exhausted. It was amazing how easily I became tired now, and I was looking forward to climbing into bed for a while. Alice linked arms with me on the walk back, but right at the end I took her hand and squeezed it. Her skin felt so soft against mine. I thought I felt her flinch but I couldn’t be too sure.
“Thank you for such a great day, Alice.”
“I’m so glad you liked it. We should do it more often.”
“I’d like that.”
Chapter 14
Alice
I woke up early the next morning, mostly because I’d had a dream about kissing Jacob. I woke up feeling confused and wondered why I was allowing myself to get so close to him. I wasn’t doing myself any favors by acting this way. I had to keep things professional, but at the same time, it was nice not to feel awkward around him for a change. As much as I hated to admit it, I had a very nice day with him at the park. He was easy to talk to, and he wanted to know a lot about me. Thankfully he didn’t ask me anything about my past. He didn’t say too much about himself either, come to think of it. I still knew so little about him. Although what I did know wasn’t all that good, but I was still battling to think of him as the same Jacob from my past. Still, I would have to keep my guard up just in case. I didn’t want to become just another one of his cronies that had followed him around all through school. I was not that person.