by Tyler Grey
Shawn smiled. I thought he was going to tease me, but he didn’t. “She will. It’s good that you have each other. Bring her out next time. I’d like to finally meet her.”
I smiled. “I will. So, how have things been with you? Tell me everything.” I wanted to change the conversation. I didn’t want to spend the entire time talking about my own life, so I was glad when Shawn launched into a tale about his work. It was good to take my mind off everything, and I knew I wanted to see him more often. I didn’t stay out too long because I was well aware that Paisley was making dinner.
“This was good, Shawn. I needed this more than you realize.”
He smiled. “It was good to see you, too. Let me know whenever you just feel like getting out. We can talk about what happened, or we can talk about everything but that. Whatever you want. And a round of golf.”
“Deal.”
When I got home, I was surprised by the smell coming from the kitchen. For a second, I choked back the tears because it made me think that Myra was back in the house. It felt like I’d been transported back in time, and I couldn’t help but think of the day that I’d danced with her in the kitchen. She’d been so happy and carefree. One day, I would think back on that memory and smile, but at the moment, it was still too raw. I walked to the kitchen and found Paisley inside, stirring a pot. She looked so much like her mother.
“Wow, it smells incredible in here,” I said and did my best not to show my emotion. It was good to see Paisley doing something, and I didn’t want anything to ruin this moment. I had to be strong for her.
She smiled when she saw me. “Really? That’s good to hear. I thought I’d try a chicken stew, but I wasn’t sure if I got it right. I sort of made a lot of it up. I was hoping you’d be drunk when you got back so that you’d enjoy it more.”
I laughed. “I’m not drunk, and I definitely don’t need to be drunk for this. This smells so good.”
“You haven’t tasted it yet. Take a seat; it’s all done. I’ll dish up for us. I hope you’re hungry. I made enough for like six people. It better be good because we might be eating this for days.”
“I’m starving,” I said and took a seat.
Paisley bought me a bowl of stew and took a seat in front of me with her own bowl. She watched me expectantly as I ate. I was going to pull a face as a joke, but I couldn’t. It tasted too good to even joke around.
“This is incredible.”
“Really?”
“Really. You seem surprised.”
“I… I didn’t know I could cook.”
I laughed. “Well, you can. Thank you for this.”
“Did you have a nice time with Shawn?”
“I did. He wants to meet you.”
She smiled. “I’d like to meet him, too… This is weird, Henry.”
“What is?”
“This. Sitting here eating and smiling. I feel…almost normal. Is that wrong?”
“No. It’s the opposite of wrong. It means we’re getting better.”
“I don’t ever want to forget them, though.”
“We won’t. But we don’t have to be sad, either,” I said.
“That’s true.”
“Paisley, there’s something I need to speak to you about. The lawyer called. He said the house is in our names now. So, we need to decide what to do. What are you thinking? I’m personally not sure I want to stay here. I mean, this was never the place I intended to stay. I had only planned to live here for a few months.”
“Same here. Anyway, it’s too big, and there are too many memories here. I don’t think I will ever be able to move on completely if I stay here.”
“I think so, too.”
“Anyway, you pay me quite a bit, so I will easily be able to find another place now.”
“You do realize that you don’t have to worry about money now, right? You own half the company with me.”
She laughed. “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. So why the hell am I still your assistant?” She shot me a look that made me chuckle. It was the first time we’d had a conversation like this in a long time. I could finally see a bit of her fire coming back. A little bit of the old Paisley was shining through.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Paisley
I was starting to feel more like myself. Henry and I were finishing up the dinner that I had prepared, and the conversation was flowing. It was an odd feeling. He said something that made me burst out laughing, and suddenly I stopped, and my hand flew to my mouth.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m laughing.”
He smiled. “That’s a good thing. It’s progress.”
“You sound like Betty.”
He chuckled. “Well, Betty is very wise.”
“Are you seeing her, too?” I had no idea that he was also going to speak to her.
“I went once, and I plan on going again. I don’t think I’ll go all that often, but I think I’ll try to go, maybe once a month. It helps. Having someone to talk to. I mean, I know we can talk to each other, but it’s different. We’re both going through it together.”
“I agree. She went through a similar thing herself. I’m not sure if she told you?”
He shook his head. “No, we didn’t touch on that. Maybe that’s why I found it so easy to talk to her.”
“Yeah, she understands completely. She’d be happy to know that we were finally talking and laughing again. I’m sorry that I’ve been so quiet, Henry. I sometimes just don’t know what to say. I’m also so afraid of life going back to normal. It feels so wrong, like it feels like we shouldn’t ever have a normal life again. It feels like I’m disrespecting them.
“It’s silly because I obviously know that it’s not the case, but I can’t help but feel that way. I’ve never been this emotional in my life. Sorry, I think I’m also talking too much.”
“You’re not talking too much. This is refreshing Paisley. I’m so happy to see you like this. I know we still have a long way to go, but this is a good start.”
“You’ve been so good to me, Henry,” I said. Sometimes, I couldn’t believe how good he had been to me, especially since I’d been avoiding him ever since I met him. I now felt so comfortable around him. I didn’t really want to be around anyone else. I didn’t tell him that, though. I didn’t want to freak him out. It was a strange situation we found ourselves in.
“I’m only good to you because you’re such a good assistant at work,” he teased.
I laughed. “Uh, don’t you mean part-owner?”
He chuckled. “I prefer assistant.”
“I’m sure you do. Well, how about I do my assistant duties and make you a cup of coffee?”
“I’ll do the dishes, and you do the coffee. Maybe we can watch a movie?”
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
I wasn’t sure what to do about the house, but now that Henry had brought it up, I realized I really didn’t want it anymore. I wasn’t sure how I felt about selling it, but at the same time, I also knew I couldn’t live there. The memories were too much for me.
Perhaps that was the reason why it was taking me so long to get better. Every day, I was reminded of my mother. It wasn’t just her bedroom that reminded me of her, but every part of the house. My bedroom was the only place that was more me than her, but even that was filled with memories. Maybe that was why it seemed a little harder for me than for Henry. His father had only recently moved in. I knew this place so well. Every single part of the house offered me some sort of reminder — and it was killing me.
We drank our coffee in the living room and watched a movie. It was one of those old comedies that you laughed at because they were so badly made, rather than how funny they were. It was nice. We didn’t have to think too much, and it was a good end to our evening. Once the coffee was done, we said our goodnights.
It was a little awkward for the first time. I almost gave him a hug but stopped myself in time. What was I doing? I nodded at him and quickly rushed off
. I brushed my teeth, changed into pajamas, and climbed into bed. It had been a long day, and with my emotions still high, I figured I was going to fall asleep easily. Lately, all I had been doing was sleeping. But that night, I couldn’t do it.
I stared at the darkened ceiling, wishing sleep would overtake me, but it just wouldn’t come. I thought about dinner with Henry, how we had laughed and made jokes, and I was instantly filled with guilt. It was a horrible feeling. How could I find anything funny again? And yet there I was, laughing.
I thought about getting up and going to my mother’s room, but I’d made a promise to myself to stop going there. I knew it wasn’t good for me. I tossed and turned, trying to find comfort in my own bed, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sleep, and I had a feeling it wouldn’t come to me.
Eventually, after trying for another half hour, I got out of bed. Without thinking, I made my way over to Henry’s room. I wanted to see if he was awake. I stuck my head in the door and saw him lying in bed with his bedside lamp still on. He looked surprised to see me.
“Everything okay?”
I suddenly felt nervous. “Uh… I can’t sleep. I’m…”
“Want to talk?”
“Can I climb in bed with you? I just…just for a while. I don’t want to go to my mom’s room again. I promised myself I wouldn’t. I… Oh, actually, never mind. I can’t believe I just asked that of you. Don’t worry…”
“Paisley,” he said as I turned to go. “Don’t be silly, come in. Anyway, this bed is way more comfortable than yours.” He smiled at me, and I could see he was trying to make light of the conversation just to make me feel better.
I smiled timidly and climbed into bed with him. Instead of feeling awkward, I was amazed at how natural it all felt.
“You’re right,” I said. “This bed is better.”
He chuckled. “I told you so.”
We were facing together, and with the bedside lamp, on I could make out the features of his face. I hadn’t ever looked at him that closely before. He was even better looking up close, and for some reason, I started to cry. The tears took me by surprise, and I immediately wiped them away. Henry reached over and touched my face, wiping the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.
“Oh, Paisley, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry. I… I don’t…”
“I hate seeing you sad.”
I nodded. “I hate being sad. I thought I was getting better. I don’t know what’s happened.”
“This is normal, Paisley. You’re going to have your good days and bad. Trust me; you’re not alone in this. I feel the same.”
“You don’t cry,” I said.
“Of course I do. I just… I’m trying to be strong for you. It’s what Myra would’ve wanted me to do.”
That, of course, only made me cry even more. I considered getting up and leaving. I felt bad crying in front of Henry, who was only trying to get some sleep before I arrived. I moved to leave, but he stopped me.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for the way you feel.”
Henry brushed away another tear and pulled me in towards him. Another tear fell, so he kissed my cheek. Then he kissed my other cheek, and soon our lips had found each other’s.
It was a different sort of kiss than the last time. This time it was gentle, sweet, and filled my entire body with an emotion I hadn’t felt in a long time. A surge of happiness ran through me. Kissing Henry felt like being home.
Suddenly, his hands were under my shirt, and he was touching me in places I never thought he’d ever feel. I didn’t once think about pushing him away. It was like being in therapy. Every time he touched me, I felt better. I wasn’t crying anymore. We kissed and touched, slowly removing all of our clothes.
When his hands reached between my legs, I was wet and ready for him. He climbed on top of me, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my mouth, and then slowly lowered himself into me. When he was inside me, I forgot about the world around us. I forgot what had happened, or who he was, or even where I was. For the duration of our lovemaking, I forgot everything. The only thing I could think about was being with Henry — and the release from the outside world was beautiful.
Afterwards, I wondered briefly if what we had done was the right thing, but I was overcome with tiredness. I closed my eyes and felt his hand clasp into mine. Then, for the first time since the accident, I fell asleep with ease. When I woke up the next morning, I realized that I had slept through the night. It was the first time that I hadn’t woken up in the middle of the night in a panic.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Henry
When I woke up the next morning, I thought the night before had been a dream. Then I looked down and saw Paisley lying next to me, and I realized it had really happened.
For a while, I didn’t know what to do. I lay there, just looking at her. Paisley was beautiful. She was sleeping so peacefully beside me. It was the most serene I had ever seen her. The sex the night before had been sweet, almost shy, but absolutely wonderful. It had been filled with emotion, and we’d both fallen asleep almost immediately afterward. I had the best night’s sleep since the accident, and I was feeling more like myself that morning.
But I wasn’t sure what to think about what had happened. Ever since meeting her, I had been determined to make her mine. Thoughts of being with her had consumed me. Now that it had actually happened, I felt confused.
I hadn’t thought that the two of us would ever be together now. When Shawn had asked me how I felt about Paisley, I hadn’t for one minute thought of answering in the crude and sexual way I might have done before. All I had wanted was for Paisley to feel better, for her to be happy again. It had become all about her, and not about me. I had given up on thinking of her in that way and thought it would be wrong to try and sleep with her while she was grieving. Last night had been incredible, but it had also come as a big surprise.
I climbed out of bed and began to make my way downstairs to start some coffee. My head was spinning with memories of the night before, and I worried that things were going to be awkward between us.
Before coffee, I decided, I needed a shower. I needed to clear my head. I got into the shower and let the warm water fall over me. I closed my eyes and tried to block out all thoughts of Paisley. It wasn’t easy. Did sleeping with her once mean that we were going to do it again? Had we strengthened whatever this was between us or had we made things worse? When I got out of the shower, I didn’t feel any less confused. I sighed and headed to the kitchen to make the coffee. I put the coffee on to brew and heard a noise behind me. There was Paisley, looking so sweet and innocent in her pajamas. She was smiling at me, and I felt my stomach do a somersault.
“Morning,” I said to her.
“I came rushing at the sound of the coffee pot,” she said.
“Is that your way of asking for coffee?”
“Yes, please. Today feels like a coffee sort of day.”
“Isn’t that every day?” I asked her.
She grinned. “That’s true. Cereal?”
“Sounds good to me.”
I made the coffee, while she prepared the cereal, and the two of us sat in amicable silence while we ate. She’d brought in the newspaper and was flipping through it, and I kept sneaking glances at her to see if she was okay.
I was not expecting us to have breakfast together like this. I was expecting us to either talk about what had happened, or for her to act strange and awkward with me. This was unusual. It was almost as if nothing had gone on the night before. I thought about bringing it up, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Also, I figured she would talk to me when she was ready.
Once breakfast was done, she went to get showered and changed, and we made our way to work. On the way, we talked about the day ahead, and she went into great detail about one of our clients. It was as if the sex hadn’t happened, at all. A small part of me began to wonder if I had only imagined it. But I knew I hadn’
t. I’d woken up to her in my bed, and the memories of the night before were too vivid for them to have been a dream.
The whole day at the office, I kept thinking that she was going to bring it up, but she didn’t say a thing. I called her into the office a few times, but we only spoke about work. Paisley was a good worker, one of the best I’d ever seen — but part of me wished that we could talk about what had happened.
I got the impression she didn’t want to talk about it at all, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I kept moving between wanting to bring it up and thinking that I probably shouldn’t. Surely if she wanted to talk to me, she would? When Shawn called me to see if I wanted to go for a drink after work, I immediately said yes. I wasn’t sure if I would tell him what had happened, but perhaps getting away for a while would put things into perspective. When it was time to go home, I told Paisley that I was meeting with Shawn.
“Do you want to come with me?” I said to her. I remembered Shawn saying that he would like to meet her, and perhaps she needed to go out. Although, I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to join us. Things were already so strange.
She shook her head. “No, I think I’m going to just go home. Uh, mind dropping me off?” she said nervously. She was still too scared to drive anywhere. She didn’t think I had noticed, but I had.
“Of course. I was going to do that, anyway. I’ll drop you off and then go meet Shawn. I don’t think I’ll be out long. Can I bring anything for dinner?”
She laughed. “We have chicken stew for the next few days still, remember?”
Having dinner with her felt like days ago, but it was only the night before. “Oh yeah, of course. That’s good to know. Well, I’ll be home for dinner.”
“Don’t worry if you’re not. Don’t rush. You can just heat it up when you’re back.”
I wasn’t sure if she was trying to tell me that she didn’t want to have dinner with me, but I decided not to think about it. I thanked her and drove her home.