Danu

by T L Harty

  “Would you please cut the cryptic crap,” I fumed, “and tell me what will make me ready?”

  “You need to heal,” Bridget said. “Your relationships with your mother and your husband need to be resolved before you can take anything more.” She looked at me with such pity that I suddenly felt sorry for myself. “You are a cracked pot…broken,” she explained. “It would make no sense to pour into you when you don’t have the strength or capacity to retain.”

  “How dare you judge my ability for anything,” I sneered. Whether she was trying to get under my skin or not, that was her current location.

  Bridget raised her hand up to stop me from speaking any further. She huffed, while shaking her head from one side to another. It appeared that she was trying to stay calm.

  “People do not get close to each other anymore,” she started, slowly; “it’s uncomfortable or considered impolite. What a useless gift healing would be if knowledge of the malady was unavailable. I’ve been close to you. Your mother still enrages your soul, and your husband has wounded your heart. Acknowledge these things or, like a sickness, they will grow, rendering you useless.”

  She stood up, put her napkin on the table and left the dining hall. As hard as it was to admit, Bridget was correct in her assessment. I had stuffed my anger for my mother deep in my person, while still moving ahead with life. It could very well have had an effect…trust issues were definitely a by-product of that relationship.

  The situation with Rick was so fresh. However, there had always been distance between the two of us. Blaming Rick was not fair because it was just as much my fault. I could have had more children. He should not have slept with Lorrah, but my musings of Bruce were just as adulterous, if not more so.

  It would be easier to get over Rick, but I had held onto the anger for my mother for years. How does one just let that go? Talking to Bridget more would be a good start, but that would require swallowing a mountain of pride. I set off looking for her.

  She was flitting around in the greenhouse. When she saw me, she gave me the warmest smile. We both walked to the end of the greenhouse, to the patio chairs, as if we had planned the meeting all along. Her smile never faded as we talked.

  “I will work on my issues,” I said. Bridget’s smile was infectious, which made me giggle. “I may need your help,” I added.

  Her eyes got wide with surprise. “You have already taken a big step,” she praised. “You will not need me for much of anything.”

  “I don’t understand how my mother, meaning the woman that gave birth to me,” I corrected, “was barely in my life, and could still produce such anger in me.”

  She handed me a small stone. “Over time, we collect disappointments, betrayals or pain,” she said. “Some of them evolve into anger or bitterness. If you carry a lot of either, forward progress is no longer possible. They weigh you down just like carrying too many stones.” She pointed to the stone in my hand.

  “It’s so hard to let go,” I confessed.

  “You would think,” she added, “but the true difficulty is holding on.”

  “Something to think about,” I mused.

  “Is someone going to tell me why Bruce is not staying in the castle?” Bridget asked, slightly annoyed. “They know my hair stops up the drains, so why would they send him away?”

  The change of subject was both welcomed and uncomfortable. “Um,” I started, “I think he went away because of me.” I grimaced, unsure of the reaction that was coming.

  “I see,” she said. “The romance has begun, then?”

  “There can be no romance,” I sighed, “not until everything is over with Rick. Bruce is always on my mind, though. I confess that I’m falling in love. I’ve known him a minute. It’s insanity.”

  “That’s as it should be,” Bridget said. “He is important to your progress and training. Once you are with someone that can fully support your purpose and loves you as he will- you can accomplish anything.”

  “I doubt very much that he loves me,” I scoffed. “He barely knows me. The word you’re looking for is lust.”

  Bridget looked confused. “Didn’t Aine tell you about how you two are destined to be together?” Bridget asked.

  “Yes, but it’s still hard to believe,” I replied.

  “Did she share anything else with you about Bruce?” Bridget pressed.

  I looked up, trying to search our conversations, but nothing was coming to mind.

  “Aine has always been a little flighty,” Bridget said, shaking her head. “Bruce has known you since you were sixteen…or at least, a lot about you.”

  “How?” I asked.

  “He was sent letters,” Bridget informed me. “The letters described food that you liked, books that you read, your capabilities as a Toec, and so much more. Five young men were given these same letters. As you grew older, they slowly gave up on you, all except Bruce. Even after he learned you were married, he waited. When he received news about your pregnancy, he made sure your child would have appropriate suitors.”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “Where did the information come from?”

  “Your grandmother,” Bridget answered. “She gave it to the record-keeper when she traveled.”

  I stood up and paced back and forth, unable to sit. The man at the B & B with the notes in shorthand- that had to be the record-keeper. “It feels like such a betrayal,” I decided.

  “Your grandmother was amazing,” Bridget admired. “There were dozens of people trying to get their hands on you, but you could never be found. Your grandmother changed her name and traveled just enough to make things difficult. If she betrayed anyone, it was us- she remained loyal to you to the end.”

  “Speaking of loyalty,” I interjected, “why would Bruce keep waiting for me? That makes no sense.”

  “That’s true,” Bridget huffed. “Love is a lot of things, but rarely does it make sense.”

  “Did he know what I looked like?” I wondered.

  “No,” she answered. “He was only told that you were a great beauty.”

  “Beauty is not the end all, be all,” I argued. “I’ve met very good-looking men and haven’t been the least bit attracted to them. I’ve been introduced to men that were average, and wanted to jump into bed with them!”

  It would have been nice to keep that last comment to myself, but it had escaped my big mouth before I had a chance to edit my thoughts. Bridget seemed surprised, but needed to get used to my unfiltered comments if we were spending more than a week together.

  “Hmm,” Bridget contemplated. “Why are you irritated that Bruce is devoted to you?”

  “Maybe I feel guilty that he has waited all this time and he shouldn’t have,” I admitted. “Or what if I am a disappointment to him or, in the end, not interested?”

  “You’re interested,” Bridget concluded, standing up. “You don’t think you deserve Bruce’s commitment and you don’t. So, you either get over it or you ruin things with all your backwards thinking and fighting against the tide.”

  “It is now understandable why Aine did not finish her training,” Bridget said. “You were not ready for her either.” Bridget shook her head in a disapproving manner. “Well, we need to get Bruce back here,” she announced. “I will make a call.”

  Bridget started to walk up the aisle of the green house, grabbing bunches of her hair. “I cannot be expected to deal with your foolishness and dirty hair,” she said aloud. “And I won’t take a shower while standing in water. He must be here to unclog my drain!”

  She mumbled all the way out of the greenhouse. Bridget infuriated me. I got the feeling she didn’t really care if I stayed or not…she could take me or leave me. And that’s when it dawned on me. I had become very accustomed to being “left.”

  Chapter 14- Jed

  The first thing that came to my mind this morning was Jed. Waking up at my grandparents’ house made the entire trip to England and Ireland seem like a dream. Jed, however, was fresh on my mind, his flanne
l scent still lingering in my hair.

  I immediately stopped myself from envisioning the lifetime of concocted memories: the courtship, his proclamation of undying love, our wedding, children, etc. Instead, I would think of the Monopoly term, which always returned me to more realistic thoughts: go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go…do not collect 200 dollars. What foolishness to think of him romantically- I rolled my eyes over such a notion.

  The aroma from the kitchen made it seem that breakfast was still available. I wasn’t sure how that was possible, given it was almost nine, but I would find out. After opening the door into the living room, I heard a few voices in the kitchen. Looking out the window, I could see Uncle Jed’s camper still parked outside. If little Jed hadn’t left yet, his last impression of me wouldn’t be with dried drool on my face or dragon’s breath. I went to the bathroom to wash up and change.

  Walking into the kitchen, I received instructions from Grammy to sit down for breakfast. Great-uncle Jed, Gramps and Little Jed were also at the table, but only little Jed was eating. He must have gotten up late, too.

  “How was your trip?” Gramps asked me.

  “It was overwhelming, truth be told,” I answered, smiling. “It’s good to be back. Where is your dad?” I wondered, directing my question to little Jed.

  “He had way too much to drink last night,” little Jed answered. “Until he starts feeling a little better, we can’t go home. He won’t allow anyone else to drive the camper.”

  “He’s a stubborn old cuss,” Great-uncle Jed informed. “We’d be home already if he let me drive.”

  Gramps could not contain a hearty guffaw. “If you’re talkin’ about home to glory, brother,” Gramps chided, “you may be right! Your eyes aren’t fit to drive a nail, much less a vehicle.”

  Grammy set breakfast in front of me, kissing my cheek. The background noise of Gramps and his brother arguing was a welcome change to the elevator music at the hotels.

  Little Jed tapped my foot under the table, getting me to look in his direction. He winked, reminding me that we were all grown up. Had this scene taken place five years ago, he would have been throwing food across the table. I smiled quickly, hoping no one was looking at us. He nodded his head toward outside, but breakfast was much too delicious to abandon. I was also very hungry, continuing to gain strength after my drinking escapade. Grammy gave me two helpings of breakfast and I ate every morsel.

  The thought of talking to Jed made me sad. There wasn’t much use for a conversation because he would be leaving in a few hours anyway. What would be accomplished? This was the part of summer when everything felt as though it was in limbo. In a couple of days, my father would be picking me up.

  It was important to start packing, but then I would live out of my suitcase. It wasn’t wise to start anything like a book or a puzzle because it wouldn’t be finished in time. The prospect of being home to prepare for the start of the school year was exciting, but I couldn’t do anything about that either…limbo.

  “Muriel,” Grammy suggested, “why don’t you and little Jed take the dogs for a walk?”

  Little Jed would get his talk after all. Grammy phrased that sentence like a question, but it was a command. Everyone in the room knew it. I grabbed the leashes off their hooks before getting my shoes. This premature move, riled the dogs up into a frenzy, so I grabbed my shoes to put them on outside. Jed followed me, leashed up the dogs, and then helped me to my feet after I was done lacing up the shoes.

  “Which dog do you want?” Jed asked.

  “I can take Rocket,” I answered, grabbing the dog’s leash.

  We walked toward the crossing which was about a mile away. The dogs would expect to be let loose to run around, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. Grammy had a special yell that would bring them back and, as much as I tried, I could never get it quite right.

  “We’ve been walking for a while,” I observed. “I thought you wanted to talk.”

  He smiled slyly. “Who said anything about talking?” he asked.

  “Listen, whatever you’re thinking,” I announced, impatiently, “I’m not having sex with you right now, if that’s what you’re after.”

  His laughter continued until we reached the crossing. It irritated me to no end. I let the dog off the leash and went to dip my feet in the stream. He let his dog loose, joining me by the water.

  “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “You’re mad.”

  “Nothing gets past you,” I remarked.

  He reached out to touch my shoulder, but I leaned the other way.

  “Calm down, I don’t want to have sex with you at this very moment,” he explained. “I really want to get to know you better. I’m infatuated. What would you say to us spending more time together?”

  “I’d say that dwelling on fairy-tale scenarios is not my thing,” I answered.

  “You really are impossible,” he stated. “You must know that.” I splashed my feet in the water, wondering if what he said was true. “Listen,” he started again, “Wouldn’t it be nice to see if this could go anywhere? I adore you. Is it the age difference that bothers you?”

  “The age difference is no big deal,” I answered. “It’s the distance that concerns me. It just wouldn’t work. We would see each other over the summer for two weeks, tops. How is that a good plan? There is also the matter of your father who wants to kill you when we spend time together.”

  “What if there was a way for me to make all those problems go away?” he asked.

  “Ooo, another one of my favorites…the what-if game,” I sighed.

  Jed scooted right beside me. “I’m only going to ask you one more time,” he said, seriously. “Would you date me if we could spend time together? If the answer is no, we can walk back to the house, and never see each other again- if that’s what you want.” He grabbed both leashes and stood up. “I’m going to go look for the dogs,” he announced. “Give you a little time to think.”

  The sarcastic thought that crossed my mind was: what a guy, gifting me with a little time. That’s when it dawned on me…that I could actually be impossible. If I answered no, that was it. Was an abrupt end the best route? It was annoying that he showed up at the airport. None of this would be an issue had he just stayed put.

  My feet were getting pruned. I removed them from the water to shake them off, but the socks absorbed the remaining water before putting on my shoes. Standing up, I dusted off my bottom, as I watched Jed disappear over the path in pursuit of the dogs.

  He was a sweet man, and there was no doubt that we could make a good couple. We already knew so much about one another, and I’m not sure either of us forgot the summer we spent together two years ago. The bottom line was that my curiosity was peaked. I wanted to know if he really had a plan or purpose for asking me that question.

  After a while, he trotted over the hill with both the dogs in tow, a smile of accomplishment on his face. The sun was beating down pretty hot at this point. Jed pointed at the fireball in the sky, commenting that it must be getting close to eleven. Apparently the gift of reading the sun ran in his family. Jed let the dogs lap the cool water before we made the walk back.

  “So, have you come to a conclusion?” he asked. “Is there any hope for me?”

  “Yes and yes,” I answered.

  He let go of the leashes and hoisted me off the ground. “I hoped you would say that,” he shouted.

  After he spun me around, we kissed. We didn’t share the same excitement. It was obvious by his expression that this idea held more importance to him. Maybe it would mean as much to me some day. It was worth a try. He bent down to pick up the dog leashes as we starting walking back.

  “So, are you going to tell me your plan?” I asked.

  He gave me one of the dog leashes, and grabbed my other hand to hold as we walked. “Well,” he started, almost giddy, “I will be going to college right by your house. We can see each other all the time.”

  “But, there is only one colle
ge close to me,” I said. “It’s so hard to get accepted.”

  “It was really difficult,” he huffed.

  This was unbelievable. “You’ll be a student at Jesper!” I squawked. “It’s, like, two miles away!”

  He shook his head up and down, while flashing that honest smile. It was crazy that he would do something like this to be close to me. His sweet gesture erased any misgivings that floated around in my being.

  “So, you have a boyfriend now- just to be clear,” Jed said, kissing my hand as we walked.

  “I suppose I do,” I chuckled.

  Before he left, we exchanged phone numbers. He was moving into the dorms at Jesper in a couple of weeks. I would be home when he got there. I warned him that he would have to meet my father before being allowed to take me out. He said something off the cuff like that would be no big deal. There was no reason to scare him, so Jed’s erroneous thinking went uncorrected. He would encounter my father soon enough.

  The next couple of days before my father picked me up were filled with equal parts giddiness and dread. The thought of having a boyfriend, especially one who adored me, was the giddy part. The dread came about when thinking of my father meeting my first boyfriend. Jed would need to be properly briefed in order for the meeting to be successful.

  I’d also have to introduce the idea of a boyfriend to my dad on the car ride home. This can’t be something that blindsides him. He would need some time to digest the change. As it was, there would only be a couple of days.

  The night before I left, Gramps wanted to take his two “ladies” out for dinner. He took Grammy and I to the Bon Ton Café up the road a piece at 4 p.m. If we were dining anywhere else, it would be too early to serve dinner, but the restaurant was packed. Everything was delicious. It was as good or better than most of the restaurants we ate at during our trip. A Columbian couple bought the Bon Ton a few years ago. It was slow going at first. When word got out about how amazing the food tasted, it was nearly impossible to get a table…even at this hour.