Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10)

by Crystal Perkins

  If I call him out, he’ll know I remember, and that I still care. I’ve learned to never show weakness with an enemy, and since Matt is the deadliest of mine, I play along.

  “It was good sex,” I tell him with a shrug. “I wasn’t addicted. I enjoyed it, yeah, but that’s it. Ask the guy I was with last night if he thinks I’m still pining for you.”

  Surprise and then anger flash across his face. “Reina,” he says with a growl.

  “What? Am I not supposed to like a good fuck? News flash—I do. Now were you here for a reason, or just to try and see if I still remembered you?”

  “You wanna play it this way, Princess? We’ll play. Just remember, I always win. Always.”

  “I’m not a princess!”

  “Well, you sure as hell aren’t a queen, so I’m going to stick with ‘Princess.’”

  “Get. Out.”

  “Again, I’m going to remind you that I’m in charge of everything that goes on in this building.”

  “You wanted to play? Well, how about I end the game now. I quit.”

  “Reina, no!” Audrey exclaims.

  Matt looks dumbstruck for a moment, and then shrugs. “Make sure to turn in a formal resignation with HR.”

  “There will be no resignation,” Jane says from behind me.

  I didn’t know she was here, and from the looks of things, neither did Matt. He pales a little, and looks scared. “I didn’t think you were coming in today, Gram.”

  “So you took the opportunity to harass Reina?”

  “I was just having some fun.”

  “I know everything. You both need to remember that. You may not have told me what happened all those years ago, but I know. I expect both of you to behave yourselves in public.”

  “There won’t be any times we’ll see each other in public,” I tell her.

  “Yes, Reina, there will. I have let you beg off of every event that Matt would be attending for the past year. I did not train you to be my successor only to see you cower before a man. Any man, even my grandson.”

  “Been avoiding me, Princess? You missed seeing all the fun I had. Those high society chicks like my dick almost as much as you do.”

  “There is a special place in Hell reserved for you.”

  “That’s old news.”

  “Enough! We’re going to have a meeting in your office, Matthew, since you can’t even make it past the lobby of mine,” Jane tells him, before walking past him to the door.

  “Whatever you want, Gram. Catch you ladies later.”

  He salutes us, and saunters out the door like he doesn’t have a care in the world. I know that’s not true. He didn’t expect to run the whole company, but he has no choice. Maybe Jane is finally going to tell him what we really do, because he’ll need to know eventually, and then we’ll all co-exist peacefully like the adults we are. Yeah, right.

  “Wow, you slept with him, Rei?” Stella asks.

  “When I was seventeen, and stupid.”

  “I’ve gotta admit, before he opened his mouth, I was thinking he was hotter than the pictures I’ve seen of him. Now, I wouldn’t touch him if he was the last man on earth. Especially if he hurt you.”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “Time doesn’t matter in this case. Tell the other women, Stella. No one touches Matt Corrigan or lets him touch them,” Audrey says.

  “No, Aud. If someone wants to go out with him—or just sleep with him—I won’t stop them.”

  “No one will want to after I tell them what just went down. Chicks before dicks all the way.”

  I hug her, and smile. Both for what she said, and also because I just survived a run-in with Matt. I knew it was inevitable, but I was afraid I would fall apart. I may go home and eat a couple pints of ice cream later, but he has no reason to think that. Just like he doesn’t need to know that I didn’t even kiss the guy I went on a date with last night. The one who accused me of being hung up on someone else because I wasn’t into him. I survived, and that’s all that matters. There is only one other man on this planet that would be worse for me to see again. I’m never planning to make that meeting happen.

  * * *

  Reina

  I activated the portable distress signal I brought with me before I walked outside. I still don’t trust that the convent will be spared from the man I’m surrendering myself to, and I need them to have protection. I also left Mother with a comm unit so she can reach my friends if anything else happens. Now I’m just waiting to be taken as I stand in the village square.

  I don’t have to wait long. Four SUVs circle around me as they come to a stop. A young man steps out of one them with a gun trained on me. Like that would stop me if I wanted to take him down. He doesn’t need to know that, so I just raise my hands.

  “The boss was right. You are worth all of this trouble. I can’t wait for my turn with you.”

  I don’t answer, because what am I going to say? His words aren’t a shock to me. I knew what would happen, and I’ve already made my peace with what I’ll be forced to do. None of it will be willingly, but I suppose that’s even more of a turn on for all of them.

  “Not going to talk? That’s okay. We’ll be hearing enough from you when you’re begging for mercy.”

  He grabs me and pulls me to the backseat of the car. I don’t fight him, because there’s really no point. I’m outnumbered, and like I’ve said, I’m resigned to my fate. My friends will save the convent, and possibly make it to me before too much is done, but if not, I can die with an almost clear conscience. I’ll have saved Mother and the girls, if not myself. My only wish is that I had been stronger after Matt blindsided me, so that I could’ve said goodbye to the women who have become so much more than friends to me over the years. I just hope they realize how much I love them.

  When we pull up to the farm, I see him standing outside waiting for us. For me. He looks like the cat who swallowed the canary, and I have to fight not to throw up my meal. Disgust is too soft of a word for what I feel for this bastard. No one but me knows that I’ve been systematically undermining him from the inside for years. There are people on my payroll who are standing with him, but I’ve instructed them not to intervene. Their job is to eventually take down this man so that more girls can be saved, and their payments will last long after I’m dead at his hands.

  “Reina, welcome home. You’re looking even better than you did when we first met all those years ago. Marrying one of the richest men in the world obviously agrees with you.”

  “You know I’m married, and yet you did this? Forced me to come here? My absence will not go unnoticed.”

  “No, but by the time you are found, your husband won’t want what’s left of you.”

  My husband doesn’t want me now, but I’m not going to tell him that. “You’ll leave the convent alone now?”

  “I was never going to harm anyone in the convent. I am a very religious man,” he says, looking affronted.

  “Very religious men do not rape and traffic young women. Or kidnap older women.”

  The slap comes before I’m ready and my head snaps sideways. I can taste blood in my mouth, but I don’t care. I may be forced to have sex with this man and his workers at some point, but I will never willingly submit, or pretend that this is something it’s not. I wipe my hand across my mouth, and stand up straight once again.

  “I’ll enjoy that fire when I have you in bed later, but it has no place in polite conversation. You will now be taken upstairs so that you can properly dress for dinner.”

  “I’ve already eaten dinner.”

  “Well, you will now have a second one. Don’t worry, you’ll be working off all the calories in the coming days.”

  He nods, and the two men are suddenly at my side. The one from before places his hand on my back and pushes me forward. “Time to change. I’m going to enjoy the show.”

  “No touching her,” my captor reminds him.

  “I’ll be waiting for my turn,” he replies out l
oud and then bends to whisper in my ear. “I like it very rough, and I can’t wait to try out all of my toys on you.”

  “If you’re trying to scare me, you’ll have to do better than that,” I tell him as we walk up a set of stairs.

  He starts to raise his hand, but I remind him that he can’t touch me. “Yet. I can’t touch you yet, but I can guarantee that you’ll be paying for that comment. You’ll look so good with my marks all over you.”

  I don’t say another word, and he laughs, thinking I’m afraid of him. I’m not. I’ve been punched, kicked, stabbed, and even shot by men far worse than him. His promises of pain don’t faze me. The rapes—yes, those make me want to fight, and run, but I know I can’t. Too many other lives are at stake. All I can be grateful for at the moment is that I just got a new birth control shot from Audrey last week. I want a child, but only with the one man who will never want one with me.

  When I walk inside the room I’m taken to, I see three things. A giant canopied bed, because yeah, this will be so romantic. Two nervous looking women who are obviously here to make me look presentable. And a blue sequined dress that would put any Vegas showgirl to shame. Seriously? The strapless number looks like one giant sequin, and I’m actually glad to see it. If he was putting me in something I’d choose for myself, it would make things even harder.

  “Time to change,” the asshole tells me with a smirk.

  The women look scared, so I smile at them as I remove my boots, shirt and pants. I’m left in my cotton boy shorts and bra. I unhook the bra, because it’s not going to work with the dress, and I have a feeling that if I don’t look “perfect” these two will be punished.

  “Turn around, and let me see.”

  “Make me.”

  “I’ll shoot one of them if you don’t.”

  I see the woman on my right start to shake, and I know without looking that she’s got a gun pointed at her. Motherfucking bastard. I turn and wave my hands at the girls. “Happy?”

  “For the moment. Pity that they’ll be covered up for dinner.”

  The implied threat is there, and I know it’s real. I have no doubt that all of me will be on display for every person on this farm at some point. I can’t hold out hope that my friends will get here before that happens. I need to focus on surviving, and not hoping for an outcome that can’t be guaranteed.

  One of the women slips the dress over my head as I hold my arms up for her. On the hanger, I didn’t notice the high slit, but I can’t help but see it now. Most of my left leg is uncovered, and for some reason, that bothers me more than when I was standing here almost naked. I don’t know why, but it does.

  Once my hair and makeup have been taken care of, I’m given a pair of sparkly flats to slide on. I guess he realized that spiky heels aren’t a good idea for a prisoner. I hope some other chick stabbed him at least once; although, I doubt he goes to all this trouble for every girl he kidnaps.

  “Ah, Reina, I knew that dress would be perfect for you,” he says when I’m walked into the small dining room.

  This whole place is fairly small, and I know it’s because he wanted to blend in with the village, and not because he likes it. His compound—the one I was taken to as a girl—was grand and ostentatious. While this dining room has a table that can seat six, his other one could seat at least thirty. He could’ve had me taken there, but he didn’t. I know from the people on my payroll that he hasn’t brought any other women here before. Lucky me.

  When I don’t answer, he nods towards the chair at the other end of the table, and I sit. “Did you see our bed? It is romantic, no? I cannot wait to have you writhing in pleasure on it.”

  “I’m not going to enjoy you raping me,” I tell him.

  “Rape is such an angry word, and I assure you that I am as interested in you enjoying yourself as I am in finding my own pleasure from your beautiful body.”

  “You really expect me to believe that?”

  “No. I guess you wouldn’t after the crass things I said to you all those years ago. And honestly, with most women, I would not care. You, Reina, are different. You are the one I have been waiting over a decade for. You’re a special present I want to unwrap over and over again. Unfortunately, I promised my most trusted men that I would share you tonight, so I’ll have to make our one time count.”

  What is there to say after something like that? The man in not only egotistical, he’s insane as well. How he thinks I will ever find pleasure from being forced to have sex is beyond me. I know it’s a kink for some people, but I am definitely not one of them.

  I eat the dinner that’s placed in front of me, and drink the wine. It could be drugged, but I’m thinking that wouldn’t be such a bad thing in this situation. The less I feel—or remember—the better. I also take my time chewing every bite, hoping to prolong the inevitable. I may be resigned to my fate, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for it.

  “I think you have had enough to eat. Let us get on with our entertainment for the night,” he finally tells me once half my food is gone.

  I put down my fork and dab at my mouth. He walks around to my end of the table, and holds out his hand. I shake my head and glare at him. I am not holding his hand. He can romanticize what’s about to happen all he wants, but it will never be romantic for me. After a moment, he drops the hand and just gestures for me to walk ahead of him. I stand and start walking, using the meditation techniques I’ve studied to clear my mind, and allow myself to be present while effectively checking out of the situation. I will not break in front of this man, or anyone else he gives me to. I might be dying inside, but I will never let it show. I can’t.

  Chapter 6

  Reina,

  I can’t believe what you did for me today. And now as I look down at you afterwards, and see what I’ve done to you, I want to throw up. Your face looks so peaceful, but when I pull the sheet back, I can see the bruises on your wrists, your hips, and your ass cheeks. I know if I turn you over, your breasts and ribs will have bruises as well. You let me hurt you, and take from you, and what have I given you in return? A few orgasms that you probably could’ve gotten from someone else who would be kinder to you, and not made you feel like you’re less than perfect. You ARE perfect Reina. There is no one like you, and even though I can only show that to you when I’m vulnerable, I feel it always. When I see you smile at something one of the girls tells you, when you light up the room just by walking into it, when you’re kicking someone’s ass without breaking a sweat, and mostly when you’re kissing me like I’m the only man you’ll ever want. I’ve got to stop taking from you, though. No matter how many times we make love—and know that it is making love to me—I will never give you anything else. I yearn to, but I can’t. Tonight is a perfect example of how twisted I am, and I need to make sure your memories of me fade like the bruises on your body will. I won’t be here when you wake up, and God help me, I hope it hurts you enough to finally push me away and mean it. You save me every day, just by being you, and yet, I know I can never save you, even if I want to.

  I love you,

  Matt

  * * *

  Two years ago…

  Reina

  Matt’s hurting, and even if he won’t admit it, I can see it. He insisted on coming with us to isolate his father. He stayed strong through everything, but now that it’s done, he’s falling apart. Who can blame him? Until I knocked the bastard out, he was belittling Matt, and insulting me. Matt was barely holding onto his rage, but he did because he had to. Having no release isn’t healthy, and I know he’s going to go out and look for what he needs.

  That’s why I’ve sent the girls back home already, while I walk into the bar I know he went to. I see him immediately, with two women hanging on his arms. Oh hell, no. If he needs to use someone’s body tonight, it’s going to be mine. I square my shoulders and try to embrace the sexy vixen I know I need to be. Not to get Matt to notice me, because that won’t work. I need the other men in this dive to want me. He’ll never let
me leave with someone else.

  I don’t usually show off my goods, but tonight I have to. I have on a gold pleated halter dress. The front dips to my waist, showing plenty of cleavage from my full, braless, breasts. The skirt grazes my thighs, and besides a couple of straps, the back is bare. My shoes are of the “fuck me” variety, and my makeup is just bold enough to entice. I know I look good, and it’s time to start the show.

  I sway my hips and flip my hair as I walk in. Conversations stop as I lick my lips. It takes Matt a moment to notice me, but when he does, his eyes widen. I purposely look away to smile at one of the hot guys checking me out. My heart may belong to just one man, but that doesn’t mean I’m blind to the rest. Stella and Tegan would go crazy in this place.

  “Can I buy you a drink, darlin’,” the guy asks, walking up to me.

  “No. You cannot buy her shit.”

  That was faster than I expected. Matt must be even more on edge than I thought. He normally pretends to ignore me for at least a half hour when we’re both at the same bar. I look him up and down, feigning disinterest we both know I don’t feel.

  “Maybe he can.”

  “Princess,” Matt growls as he leans down to whisper in my ear. “If you want him to live, you’re going to decline.”

  “Who’s going to fuck me tonight, then? I really need a good fuck.” I whisper back.

  Over his shoulder, I see his “friends” glaring at me. I throw them a cocky smile. They may have had a chance with him tonight, but I’m in it to win it. To win him. And I can’t let anyone get in my way.

  “You’re just going to let some random guy, touch you, be inside of you?”

  Now I’m mad. “You had two women when I walked in here. If you can do it, why can’t I?”

  “Because I’m already damaged beyond repair. Your soul is still beautiful.”

  I look up into the eyes of the man I’ve loved for ten years. I see how the years—and the war—have hardened him. But he’s still just as beautiful as he was when we met. Even with the lines on his face, and the stubble he’s using to try and hide his angelic features, I can see him. See who he really is. And that’s what scares him the most.