Her

by Heywood, Carey

  My lips crush hers. Something about kissing Sarah feels like coming home, even though I never left. Her lips are the salvation I’ve been seeking for the last seven years. I thrill in tasting her again. From this point on, this girl is mine. She’s right there with me. When we break our kiss, we each take a step back.

  “You can’t just kiss me.”

  Yes I can, and I will whenever the fuck I feel like it. “You didn’t leave because you didn’t love me?”

  When she shakes her head, it hits me. I sink into a chair and drop my head into my hands. I don’t know if she’ll ever understand what her leaving did to me. She quietly sits down next to me. I’m trying to hold myself together, but I’ve missed her for so long.

  She gasps and moves to wipe the threatening tears from my eyes. “I’ve loved you and only you, Sarah, for the last seven years. When you left, I never got over it.”

  “I didn’t know. I thought I was doing the right thing. That you didn’t love me as much as I loved you.”

  I take both of her hands in mine “Don’t ever say that. Don’t ever think that.”

  When her eyes start watering, I pull her into my lap. Our lips find each other. I care, but I don’t care that we lost all of this together. None of that matters anymore. She is in my arms now. I can forgive the eighteen year old girl who was scared and ran away, as long as the woman in my arms today doesn’t pull any stupid shit like that again.

  We both turn our heads towards the sound of someone clearing their throat.

  “Anything you two want to tell me?” Brian asks as he leans up against a post.

  I pull her closer. “I’m in love with your little sister.”

  “Really?” Sarah asks.

  I kiss the spot right below her ear. “Always.”

  “About fucking time,” Brian laughs before heading back inside.

  “But, you don’t even know me anymore, and I don’t know you. We can’t just jump into something like this. I live in Denver. Seriously, what are we going to do?” she asks.

  She wants me to prove it to her, fine. “I disagree, Sarah. I know you. I know your favorite sandwich. I know your favorite book. I know what you look like when you are sad and you don’t want anyone to know. I know how much you loved your Grandma Bess, and I bet you still have her picture by your bed. I know where you’re ticklish and that you love waffle cones. I know you hold your breath when you think your heart is racing and that you’ve done that every time I’ve been near you this week. Don’t think that we’re rushing or doing anything too fast, and about the other stuff, we’ll figure it out. I want you to know that I will do anything to be with you.”

  She pulls back, putting her hands on my chest. “Will, you make it sound so easy, but I still have to leave. Do you want a long distance relationship?”

  I don’t think I can handle her leaving again. “Don’t go.”

  She laughs. God, I love that sound. “Oh, it’s that easy. What about my job?”

  “I’m sure they’ll get by without you for a while.”

  Her beautiful mouth drops. “Will, it’s my company.”

  Shit, I hadn’t expected that. “Like you own it?”

  She nods, looking pretty damn proud of herself. She should be.

  “You own a company?”

  She shrugs “It’s not a big company, but yes. It’s mine, and this is the longest I’ve ever been away. I really do have to go back.”

  I pick up her hands and put them back around my neck. “I could come back with you. It is summer break.”

  “You would do that? Really?”

  I’d follow her to the ends of the earth. I lean forward to kiss her. “I’m not letting you get away from me again.”

  “What about your mom?”

  That right there. My mom is the fucking reason she left, the reason we’ve been apart for the last seven years, and she’s worried about her. That is one of the reasons she is the only girl for me. “I’ve done all I can for her. I’m not even sure she’d notice if I left.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true. I hate to say it, but she hasn’t been right since Bethany’s death. I don’t know why she said what she said to you, but I believe you. I’m so sorry she did that, that Jessica did that. Please know that you have always been all I’ve ever wanted.”

  When my lips find her neck, she asks. “Should we head back inside?”

  “Nope, don’t want to.” I’m not sure I’ll ever let her go.

  “William.”

  I know she thinks I hate it when she calls me that. I look up and smirk before releasing her waist. I pine the loss of her body the moment she stands up. I watch her for a moment, fixing her dress. I’ve always heard girls complain about bridesmaid dresses, but Sarah looks gorgeous. I stand and swing my jacket over one shoulder and reach for her hand.

  I can’t help it. As we walk off the patio, I glance down at her. “Just think if you would have talked to me the first day you got back.”

  I grunt when she elbows me. I deserve it, even though it’s true.

  Once we’re back in the ballroom, I drop my jacket off at our table and pull her out to the edge of the dance floor. “I think you owe me a dance, Miller Lite.”

  As we make our way onto the dance floor, Sarah stops and puts her hand on her chest when the next song starts. I look at her, confused, until I hear the lyrics. Kind of meant to be that we’d dance to a song about being in love with your best friend. The dance floor is all ours. Most of our friends and family here know our history. I’m still not expecting them to clap at the end of the song. I hope the attention isn’t embarrassing her, so I kiss her forehead as Brian and Christine come over to hug us.

  Sarah blushes. “Guys, this is your day. Please don’t make a big deal about this.”

  “Me make a big deal?” Brian hams as he walks over to the DJ and borrows his mic. “Hey, everyone. Let’s give a hand to one of my best friends, Will, and my baby sister, Sarah. Will has only been in love with her forever, and it only took like a decade for him to seal the deal. To Sarah and Will.”

  “To Sarah and Will,” everyone exclaims, raising their glasses.

  She buries her head in my chest. I lift her chin and softly kiss her as everyone around us cheers. The rest of the evening, we are almost as popular as Brian and Christine. First, her mom and dad came over to gush about how they always knew we would end up together and now this means she’ll be moving back home. I’m trying not to laugh at her as she bites her lips and sweetly nods at every crazy thing that comes out of her mother’s mouth. When she brings up children, her father pulls her away after Sarah shoots him a pointed look.

  Sarah raises her glass. “Well, that wasn’t awkward, was it?”

  I don’t get why she’s nervous. I’m a sure thing. I know now nothing has felt right for the last seven years. Like trying to walk with a rock in your shoe. You can do it, and sometimes the rock moves out of the way up against the edge of your shoe so you don’t really notice it until it shifts again. But you don’t truly feel relief until it’s gone. That’s how I feel, like a weight has been lifted and I can just enjoy life again. I know there’s shit we’ll have to figure out, and it will probably suck at some point now or in the future.

  I can’t stop touching her, even when we aren’t dancing my hand is searching for her skin to warm it. We follow everyone out to wave off Brian and Christine. They’ve booked a swanky hotel room for tonight and will leave for their honeymoon tomorrow.

  Once they pull out of sight, I look at her. “Want to get out of here? We can get a room.”

  “Um, I…” she stammers.

  Shit. I don’t want to scare her off. I tug her into my arms and murmur. “We don’t have to do anything.” I mean it. I’m just not ready for tonight to end. I want to talk to her and hold her and fall asleep next to her.

  “What if we lay down some ground rules?” she suggests.

  I hate rules. “What kind of rules?”

  “No sex
.”

  Ever? Or just tonight? Might as well be honest. “Not sure I can agree to that one.”

  “Will, I just don’t think we should rush.”

  Last thing I want is for her to feel rushed. Ever. I can be Wesley to her Buttercup forever as long as she doesn’t leave me again. “As you wish.”

  She smiles, but I can tell she’s not buying it. “Could we go somewhere and talk?”

  Go somewhere? Done. I take her hand and lead her over to her parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Miller, I’m kidnapping your daughter.”

  They don’t seem surprised. Now I need to figure out where to go. I’m pretty sure a hotel room will freak her out, and there’s no way I’m bringing her back to my house. Her house is out too since her parents and Uncle Chip are going to be there. As we drive to her house, I reach out and put my hand on her leg. I wait to see if she’s going to say something or push it off. When she doesn’t, I relax and think of the perfect place, Brian’s house. At a red light, I text him to see if it’s cool. His reply? Do NOT have sex with my little sister in my house. I don’t reply.

  This is one hundred percent Sarah’s show. If all she wants to do is talk, that’s all we’re doing. I have a spare key to Brian’s place. We swing by her parents’ place first for Sarah to change and grab some stuff. I follow her upstairs. I don’t want to be away from her. There’s a part of me that doesn’t accept that this is actually happening. She tosses some things into a small bag and walks into the bathroom; I can’t help it. I follow her. She starts taking these little metal sticks out of her hair. There seem to be hundreds of them.

  I move over to help her. Her hair smells like pears, and I inhale, stopping myself from burying my face in her hair. Her eyes open and find mine. When she left, I had been the only guy she had ever been with. I don’t want to know, but I can’t stop myself. “Sarah, has there been anyone since me, you know, for you.”

  “In what way?”

  I gnaw on my lip. “Sexually.”

  “Have I had sex since you?”

  Why did I even ask? I drop my head and nod.

  “Yes, I’ve had relationships over the last seven years, Will.” I’m assaulted with images in my head of other guys touching her. She pauses. “Have you?”

  I look up. I’m not proud about it, but I nod.

  “So neither of us has anything to be worried about, right? Just…” She gets a weird look on her face, like she’s in pain. “Did you get back together with Jessica after I left?”

  What? “No way.”

  I grab one of her hands and kiss it. With each pin I take out, her hair loosens and tumbles into my hands. I drag my fingers across her scalp, watching her eyes flutter closed. She leans back against me, at first stiffly, but after a moment, I feel her soften and relax into me. It’s like every moment with her is more right than the moment before it. When her eyes open, I see want in them; I keep my eyes on her, and I push her hair out of the way and kiss her neck. She sags into me for just a moment before she leans forward, gripping the counter.

  “You stay here or go downstairs. I’m going to change out of my dress.”

  I can’t help it. “You sure you don’t need help with that?”

  She points downstairs, and I go, giving her my best pout before I piss her off.

  She doesn’t take long and is talking to someone as she walks down the stairs. I freeze when I hear her say I love you before she hangs up.

  I suck at nonchalance. “Who do you love?”

  She tucks her phone into the back pocket of some extremely tight jeans. “Spy much?”

  I shrug.

  She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “It was Sawyer, my new best friend.”

  Fuck. I don’t even know him, and I think I hate him.

  She looks up at me. “What’s wrong?”

  Be nice. “What’s he like?”

  She laughs at me. “Will, Sawyer is a girl. All better now?”

  I’m a dumbass.

  She calls me on it. “You were jealous.”

  Hell yeah, I was jealous. I see her looking up at me, her smile an invitation my lips can’t resist. I claim her mouth, my tongue the flag marking her mine. I kiss her until my message is given loud and clear. When I lift my head, she looks good and dazed. “Yes, I was jealous. I just happen to know your last best friend fell in love with you so I got nervous.”

  I’m alone with Sarah. Alone, alone. We’ve been alone, like just now at her parents’ house, but we both knew they were coming home and could walk in at any moment. This is different, she has an overnight bag. I don’t care if she even lets me kiss her again tonight. I’m waking up tomorrow in the same place she is.

  She needs to know that’s how I hope to spend every morning from here on out, waking up where she is. After I park, I look over at her. She opens her mouth, and I just know she’s going to say we’re rushing things or it’ll never work or the distance will be an issue. I don’t care. I already know it will be hard. I don’t need her psyching herself out.

  I lean over and kiss her, lifting my lips to tell her to shut up between each kiss.

  I’m trying to be cute, playful. She bites my bottom lip, and I have to stop myself from hauling her into my lap and showing her just how bad I want her.

  She knows she’s starting something. She watches me as she let’s go of my lip.

  I don’t want to scare her off. I take a deep breath. “I’ve been dreaming about having you in my arms again for seven years, Sarah.”

  She gulps, blinking away the wetness from her eyes that make them shine from the light of the streetlamp before mouthing ‘me too.’ I get out and grab her bag before walking around and opening her door.

  I feel the silence. “Did you know I used to live here?” I ask, taking her hand in mine.

  “Christine told me. She pointed out your old place from their balcony. Said something about you and Brian trying to play catch between both places.”

  I laugh. God, that feels like a long time ago. “It was fun living here. I miss that place.”

  My thumb rests on the inside of her wrist, and I can feel her pulse racing against it. I look at her reflection in the mirrored doors of the elevator, Sarah holding her breath. I lean over and kiss her neck, right below her ear just to feel her pulse flutter against my lips.

  “Remember that thing I said about you holding your breath when you think your heart is pounding?” Her eyes lock on mine. “You’re doing it right now,” I breathe into her ear.

  We both look up at the sound of the elevator’s arrival. As soon as we’re inside, I close the space between us, I need her lips on mine. I need her arms under my neck as mine coil around her waist pulling her closer to me. I don’t stop until we get to Brian’s floor.

  She pushes off of me. “Remember, we’re just talking tonight.”

  I chew on the corner of my lip. She might act innocent, but she wasn’t stopping that kiss in the elevator.

  Once we’re inside, I ask, “Want a drink, Miller Lite?”

  She laughs. “No one has called me that in…”

  I lift my hand to cup her beautiful face. “Seven years?”

  She nods as I lower my lips to hers once again. This kiss is different from the intensity of the one in the elevator. This one has a trace of sadness to it, the pain of time we lost together of all those years.

  She breaks our kiss. “Will, we need to talk.”

  I’m not done with her yet. I nip and kiss across her jaw. “This is more fun.”

  “Will, I leave the day after tomorrow.” My mood sinks just thinking about it.

  I tug her earlobe between my teeth and lick the edge of it before stepping back. “Drink?”

  “Just water.”

  I go in the kitchen, pour her some water and grab a beer for myself. When I walk back into the living room, I make a face when I see where she’s sitting. She picked the armchair over the sofa. I’m tempted to scoop her up and make her sit in my lap, but I’m not sure how pissed tha
t will make her. I hand her the glass of water, purposefully brushing my fingers across hers. I have seven years worth of touching her to get out of my system.

  I set my beer on the coffee table and tug off my bow tie. I had planned on just unbuttoning the top button of my shirt but decide to take it off when I catch Sarah watching me. By the time I have my dress shirt off and hanging over the side of the armchair, she’s blushing. I’m still wearing an undershirt. I sit on the sofa and take a drink of my beer.

  I wait until she’s had a chance to recover. “Alright, Sarah. Let’s talk.”

  “I’m scared, Will. This whole thing scares me. I have no idea what we’re doing, and it’s all happening so fast, and then there’s the fact that I live in Colorado and you live here and you have your hands full with your mom. You have to know I’m a planner. This not knowing what is going to happen is not something I’m good at.”

  I chew on the side of my lip while she talks. She’s scared, and it kills me. I need to hold her. I need to convince her that none of that other stuff matters as long as we’re together. I do what I’ve wanted to do since the second I saw her sitting in that armchair. I scoop her up into my arms, holding her tight as she tries to wiggle away and sit back down with her in my lap.

  “I’m scared too, Sarah, but I know that this is going to work out. You and I are going to happen. There isn’t anyone else for me. I’m not going to let you run again. I’m not. Things might suck for a bit while we figure all the details out, but we can’t let that stop us from being together. Did you ever think we would have a normal relationship? Does that even exist? Our feelings are as real as it gets. When I kiss you it’s real, and I know you feel it too. I feel like I’ve been sleep walking for the last seven years and then I saw you on the plane, and it was like I was awake again.”

  She melts into me, and I relax further against the back of the sofa, her body following mine.

  I ask her about her company, about moving back here. If it isn’t possible, I want her to know I’ll move. I’ll leave everything here to be with her. I wait, gently dragging my fingertips up and down her back as she thinks about it. I’m just happy she hasn’t made a move to get off of my lap. She starts talking leases and head counts and if they all go remote maybe it could work this way or another way. I barely hear the details. I’m too focused on the fact that it sounds like we can do this, that, maybe not this month, but soon, she could move back here.