Her

by Heywood, Carey

  If she’s willing to figure all of that out, I need to do the same with my mom. “It’d mean a lot to me if you would come over tomorrow and talk to my mom with me.” I feel her tense in my arms. “Please, Sarah.”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Will.”

  I’m pissed at what my mom did all those years ago. I can never take back what she said to Sarah. I also know that after my dad’s death, she caved more into herself. She isn’t that person anymore. I hate what she did, but she will always be my mom.

  “If you want me to, I’ll go,” she finally says.

  God, I love her. I tighten my arms around her. “If I want you to? Does that hold for everything?” My lips are against her ear.

  She laughs. “You are impossible.”

  I’m sick of talking. “Haven’t we talked enough?” I mumble against the skin of her neck.

  “Will.”

  I ignore her. “Will!”

  I still ignore her. “WILL!”

  Man, she’s loud. “Yes, dear.”

  “We’re not going to do stuff on my brother’s couch.”

  If location is the issue, I can fix that. She gasps as I stand with her still in my arms. “S’cool. They have a spare bedroom.”

  I ignore her grumbles as I carry her there, using my foot to kick the door closed behind us and my elbow to flip on the light. I set her on the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of her. I plan on worshiping her if she’ll let me. I kiss her, gently nibbling on her lip. I’m almost lost in the taste of her when she starts giggling. What’s so funny? I pull back and look at her, arching a brow.

  She shrugs, still giggling “Sorry, you’re just always biting your lip. Now mine too?”

  She’s cute when she makes fun of me. “Kind of kills my trying to seduce you when you laugh at me.”

  “Oh, that’s what’s happening here?”

  All right, she just asked for it. I grab her by the waist and pull her onto the floor. She’s on her back, eyes wide as she stares up at me. Before, I wanted to worship her. Now I want to dominate her. She might own her own company and be the boss, but if I have my way, she’ll be screaming my name in a little while. Her giggles are now moans as she bucks against me, her hands reaching down to pull me closer to her. When they move up to grip my shoulders, I lean back and grab them, pinning them over her head.

  Sarah looks up at me panting. I take it she likes that. I drop my lips back to hers as I hold her hands above her head in one hand as I crawl my other hand up the inside of her shirt to cup and squeeze her breast. She gasps against my mouth, and I pull back to make sure it was a good one. When she arches her back, pushing herself against my hand, I lick my lips thinking about what I’m going to do to her.

  She pulls her hands from my grasp and tugs at my shirt. I sit back, tugging it forward over my head. I’m about to lie back down on her when she scrambles up, mouth open to look at my tattoo, her tattoo.

  “When?” she asks, her fingers brushing over it.

  “‘Bout seven years ago,” I admit.

  I freeze as I watch her lean down and kiss it, the warmth of her lips on my chest. I always wondered how she would react if she ever saw it. This has to be better than anything I could have imagined. I need her, all of her, so bad. I drag her face up to mine and crush my lips to hers. She stops me as I lower her back down to the ground. I pull back. Are we going to fast? I don’t want to stop, but I don’t want her to freak out either. I exhale as I watch her pull off her shirt. She lies down, and I’m at a loss at where to start. I kiss her stomach and smile as her muscles flex beneath my lips. I kiss my way up her side and chuckle against her skin when I hit a spot where she’s ticklish and she starts wiggling.

  Her breasts are calling out to me, though, and I can’t ignore them. I bury my face in her cleavage and kiss and lick every inch of them not covered by her bra. She arches her back and reaches behind herself to unhook her bra. Using both hands, I drag the straps down her arms. With one hand I cup one breast, rolling my thumb over the hardened tip. My lips are on her other breast, sucking her into my mouth, circling her with my tongue. Her hands are in my hair, her nails on my scalp as she pulls me closer. I know what she wants, but I’m just waiting for her to ask. I keep my hand on her breast and kiss my way to her neck.

  “Will, kiss me,” she pleads.

  I take her mouth, my tongue working her over, and pick her up, leaning her against the back of the bed. I love her lips, but I can’t ignore her beautiful breasts. Her head falls back onto the bed as I touch, kiss, and nip at them. I want her so bad. I lower my hand to the button of her jeans, and she stills.

  “Is this okay?”

  She says something that sounds like yes, but I ask again just to be sure. She pushes my hand away and unbuttons them herself. I lift her up, setting her on the edge of the bed. She falls back, and I pull off her shoes.

  “You’re going to wanna hold on,” I say, lowering the fly of her jeans and sliding them down her legs. I rest my hands on the edge of her panties. It’s a question. If she wants me to go any further, she knows how to answer. She does, lifting her hips. I ease them down her legs and drop them. She tries to hide herself from me. Not happening. I grab her behind her knees and pull them apart and drag her closer to the edge of the bed.

  I kiss my way up her thighs. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this again.”

  With her hands in my hair, I consume her. I lick, suck, nip, and kiss her until she falls apart. I’ve fantasized about having her in my arms again for the last seven years. The fantasy is nothing in comparison to the real thing, but it kept me going all these years. I lift my head to give her a cocky you’re welcome when I see the tears running down her face. I move to her, pulling her into my arms and wipe the tears from her eyes. She sobs against my chest as I stroke her hair. Her breathing evens out, and I see she’s asleep. I shift the blanket and sheet from under us to cover her. I walk back into the living room and finish my beer in one gulp.

  I know she’s hurting, but I’m going to do everything I can to help her. I walk back in the spare room and take off my pants before sliding into bed with her. I reach for her, wrapping her in my arms.

  I wake to Sarah trying to pull away from me. I tighten my arms around her “You’re not getting away this time, Sarah”

  “Aww, that’s sweet and all, but unless you’re into golden showers, you’re going to wanna let me go to the bathroom.”

  I’m a dick. I squeeze her tighter.

  “Will, if you make me pee in my big brother’s bed, I will never forgive you.”

  “Where’s the romance?” I release her.

  “That kind of romance is only in movies, where people never use the bathroom or have morning breath,” she shouts as I watch her naked ass dash out of the room.

  I get up and use the bathroom in Brian and Christine’s room. I think about what she said about morning breath and grab my toothbrush and toothpaste on my way into the kitchen. She laughs when she sees me brushing my teeth. I shrug, and she comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. She’s got a towel wrapped around her. I rinse my mouth and turn to kiss her, pleasantly surprised she already brushed her teeth too. I pull off her towel and set her on their island.

  “This can’t be sanitary,” she laughs.

  I stand between her legs and pause when her hands move to my boxers. I’m trying to respect the whole no sex rule, minus oral, but she doesn’t seem to mind that.

  “I want you inside me.”

  There is nowhere I would rather be. Shit. “I don’t have any condoms.”

  “I have an implant.”

  That’s a new one. “Do what?” I pull back and look at her.

  “It’s birth control implanted in my arm,” She points to a slight raised line on her arm. I peer at it.

  “Why?”

  “Don’t laugh?”

  This should be good. I lift a brow.

  “Okay, so Sawyer, my best friend, is very much a free sp
irit. She could never remember to take the pill and had a couple of pregnancy scares. She needed a more long term solution but was too scared to do it by herself, so being a good friend and not wanting to ever have to read another pregnancy exam to her ever, I agreed to get one so she wouldn’t be alone.”

  That means we can…right now. “So what you’re saying,” I move my hand between her thighs, “is we can be very spontaneous?”

  She nods and that’s all the answer I need. My mouth finds her, and I carry her back into the spare room, her legs wrapped around my waist. I lay her down, covering her, grinding against her, before I stand to lose my boxers.

  Her eyes blink open.

  “Are you sure?” I ask.

  She nods, reaching out for me.

  Nope, not good enough. “I want to hear you say it.”

  She groans, lifting my chin until our eyes are level. “Yes, I’m sure.”

  My lips cut her off as I sink into her. She’s wet and tight and feels like heaven on earth. I stop kissing her only to watch her, to see her face as she moves beneath me, against me, and with me. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. I’ve never really realized until this moment just how much I missed her. There is nothing sexier than the sound of my name on her lips. I feel her build up, and I know I’m close. I lean down to kiss her and groan as I go. I can’t stop kissing her. I scatter them all over the side of her face.

  She giggles. “Will, we just did it.”

  I can’t help it. “God, I love you.”

  I watch her face fall before she tries to hide it against my chest.

  I gently lift her chin. “Sarah, what’s wrong?”

  Helplessly, I watch her shake her head even though I see the tears in her tears. “Please tell me.”

  She closes her eyes and sniffles as she speaks. “I’m so sorry I left. I’m so sorry I did that to you. Please believe me.”

  I put my hands on both sides of her face and kiss her. “Don’t cry. I love you.” I give her another kiss. “Please don’t cry. I would do anything for you.” I give her another kiss. “Please look at me.”

  I blink away tears of my own and give her another kiss. “We were so young.” Another kiss. Her eyes open. “You didn’t know.” Another kiss. “We can’t change the past.” Another kiss. “We’re together now.” Another kiss. “I just want to make you happy.”

  I’m scared I’ve said the wrong thing when she starts to cry even more until she pulls my lips to hers. “I love you so much.” Another kiss. “You make me happier than I have ever been.” Another kiss. “Why are you crying?”

  “I don’t know. I feel like an emotional wreck. Are you sure you want all of this?”

  I’d marry her tomorrow. “There is nothing I have ever wanted more.”

  We pull up in front of my house. I can tell she’s nervous. She’s been spinning her ring the whole drive over here. I lean over to kiss her, hoping this isn’t a bad idea. Part of me wants to be back at Brian and Christine’s getting reacquainted. Her hand is in mine when we walk in. I’m relieved when I see my mom in the living room, looking fairly normal.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  She turns to look at us but doesn’t say anything. I notice her eyes move to our linked hands before looking back up at Sarah. Sarah and I walk further into the room and sit on the sofa.

  “Mom.” She looks over at me. “Do you remember my friend, Sarah Miller?”

  She looks at Sarah again and then at our still joined hands. She nods.

  I take a breath. “Sarah lives in Colorado now, and since I’m on summer break, I’d like to go out and visit her. Do you think that would be alright?”

  She doesn’t do anything immediately, but after a moment, her face crumbles and she lifts her hands to cover her face. Shit. That did not go well. I let go of Sarah’s hand and go over to her.

  “It’s okay, Mom. Shhh. There’s no reason to be upset.” I try and calm her down, rubbing her back. She leans into me, gripping my shoulders as she cries. I glance over at Sarah, who looks uncomfortable as hell. Once I finally get my mom calm, I go upstairs with Sarah so I can change. No way I’m leaving the two of them alone. Sarah is tense. I tug her into my arms once we’re in my room.

  “Have you left her by herself before?”

  I gnaw on my lip. “Nothing longer than a night here and there since my dad died.”

  “She just doesn’t leave the house?”

  “Not since she came back from the hospital that day.”

  Her brows crease. “But she takes care of herself otherwise?”

  “She doesn’t cook anymore but will eat things that are already prepared. I keep the kitchen stocked with ready made stuff.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  What can I do? “Ideally, maybe hire someone to stay with her while I’m gone.” I should have done that a long time ago.

  She frowns. “Do you know anyone?”

  I shake my head. I’ve seen those caregiver commercials on TV. I guess I’d need to call them and get some referrals, maybe interview some people. What if they couldn’t start right away? I look at Sarah and wonder if she’s reading my mind. It might be harder than I thought it would be for me to follow her out to Colorado.

  I change, grinning to myself when I catch Sarah checking me out. “I’m going to go check on her again. I’ll be right back” I lean down to give her another kiss before I go.

  I head to the kitchen first to see if there are any plates in the sink. That’s the only way I can tell if she’s eaten anything or not. There’s a bowl with some oatmeal left in it, I rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. I know she probably isn’t too hungry since she’s upset, so I make her a light lunch of some cheese and crackers with fruit on the side. I have no idea if she’ll eat it, but I feel better doing it. She’s still sitting in the same chair in the living room. I kiss the top of her head and set the plate down on the table next to her and head back upstairs.

  Sarah’s on her phone when I walk in.

  “Hang on a sec, Sawyer.” She rests her phone on her shoulder. “Will, Sawyer offered to come stay with your mom.”

  What? I reach out my hand. “Can I talk to her?”

  After she tells Sawyer, she passes me the phone. “Hi, Sawyer.”

  “Hey, stud. Want me to come mamasit?”

  I glance over at Sarah. If it means getting to be with her. “Maybe, have you ever done anything like this before?”

  “Mamasit? Nope, this would be a first, but I’m good with people and Sarah said she showers and dresses herself. Right? She does shower and dress herself?”

  “Yes, she does shower and dress herself.” I look down. “But she has days where she doesn’t from time to time. It’s been a really long time since there have been two days like that in a row.”

  “But it could happen?”

  “Yes, and I’m not sure if her behavior might be erratic if I leave just because of change.”

  There’s a pause. “Has she ever been violent?”

  I shake my head. “No, just cries a lot and refuses to leave the house.”

  “I can handle that, and if it ever gets to the point where I can’t, I can call you.”

  “Are you sure about this?” I glance over at Sarah and hope her answer is yes.

  “Will, I met Sarah the day she left Georgia, the day. I have known her for seven years and love her more than anyone else I can think of off the top of my head. She has never sounded happier, talking about you. I would love to mamasit for you.”

  We talk for another couple of minutes as Sawyer checks flight schedules. She already knows Sarah’s flight information because she was planning on picking her up from the airport. Now she’s looking for the next flight to Atlanta and trying to get me a seat on Sarah’s flight to Denver. I ask if she wants to talk to Sarah. She says no, letting me know she just booked a flight and expects our asses to come pick her up around midnight.

  I hang up and jump on her to give her the good news, which we find leads to s
ome very fun, half clothed celebration sex. I’m loving her implant thing. I somehow manage to pack, even though I find her utterly distracting. She waits in my car while I go talk to my mom again and let her know Sawyer will be coming to stay with her a while. I’m not even sure she hears me. If her eyes weren’t open and blinking, she could have been asleep. This gives me no idea of how the introduction will go.

  We spend the rest of the day at her house, with her parents and uncle Chip. Mr. and Mrs. M are thrilled, Chip less so. He doesn’t know me the way they do. I know he’s just looking out for Sarah. He’s the one who picked up the pieces the last time around. I glance at her, watch her tuck a strand of chestnut hair behind her ear. Sometime over the week, my feelings for her had evolved. When it started, she was this fantasy, the answer to what had plagued me the last seven years. She was also a giant pain in my ass, and I loved her for that, for still being the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. Now she also has this poise, this confidence in the way she talks to her parents or about her business.

  I’m looking forward to seeing more of that side of her, the career woman. The things she organizes for small businesses and their employees’ sounds really confusing. I’m so impressed by her and so conscious of how alive she makes me feel. Her parents have already gotten an email from the newlyweds. They made it to Turks and Cacaos and wanted to thank everyone again for making their day so special. Mrs. M has nothing but future grandbabies on the mind. Chip tells her to shut up after she mentions Sarah and I will probably make beautiful babies.

  I silently thank the maker of the implant thing in Sarah’s arm. I don’t know if she even wants kids someday, but for now, I really don’t want to share her with anyone. After dinner, we watch movies until it’s time to go pick up Sawyer from the airport.

  In the car, I ask her to tell me more about her. It’s weird to think I’m going to let someone I’ve never met keep an eye on my mom. I go back and forth between feeling like a shitty son to not knowing what else I can do for her. Because I’m her son, because I know her history, do I enable her to dwell in this never-ending cycle of grief?