Second Time Around

by Darrin Lowery

  “Then why the conflict?”

  “The old Vaughn would have closed for a hundred and ten million. The old Vaughn would never have settled for just a hundred million. The old me would have closed that deal and went on to the next one. Instead, I closed the deal and took my woman out to dinner to celebrate.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  “I closed one deal this week, one. The old me would have closed three. Being in love is costing the company millions and some rather influential people aren’t happy about it.”

  “But you’re happy.”

  “You know what?” he said. looking up, “I am.”

  Darren took his shot and missed. He had a look of frustration on his face, but then had a drink of beer.

  “Then again, Vaughn, why are we out here?”

  “I don’t know if I have the right to be happy, for one. And also, I’m feeling guilty.”

  “Because of the shareholders?”

  “And because of my wife. I mean, I know she died. Since she died, I have had this hole in my heart. This void. And . . .”

  “And the new woman is beginning to fill that void, and for that, you feel like you are betraying your wife’s memory.”

  “Yes. Exactly.”

  “Okay. I can see that.”

  “So what do I do?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I’m thinking about stepping down from my position.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Wouldn’t that affect the company even more adversely?”

  “That depends.”

  “On what?”

  “On whether or not my protégé is ready to take over.”

  “Is he?”

  “He’s close. But if I had to guess, I would say not yet. I think he will be ready in the next three to five years, but not yet.”

  “Then why do it? I mean, is it fair to put all that pressure on him?”

  “He’s under some pressure now.”

  “How so?”

  “I’m sure the board has been pressuring him about every decision that I have made thus far.”

  “How does he feel about your being in love?”

  “He has the same fears that everyone else has. He even suggested that I go back to seeing escorts.” Vaughn laughed as he watched Darren make two more attempts to sink his ball.

  “Hmm. And what did you think about that idea?”

  “For a while, I thought it was a good idea. I mean, I do miss it . . . a little, I mean. And it would be the perfect solution to our problem.”

  “How so?”

  “I would get my edge back in business. Brandon wouldn’t have to take over until he is ready. I wouldn’t disgrace my wife’s memory, and everything would be back to normal.”

  “So is that what you want to do?”

  “What do you think I should do?”

  “You tell me.”

  “I can’t do it.”

  “Because you are in love.”

  “Because I’m in love.”

  “Good for you.”

  “So, I still have a problem, though.”

  “Which is?”

  “The millions that the company is losing.”

  “The company isn’t losing money. From what you’re telling me, they’re just not squeezing blood from a rock like they normally do. And like you said, how much money is enough? Next issue.”

  “My second in command isn’t ready yet.”

  “But in a few years he will be. And from what I hear from you, you aren’t ready to step down anyway. That’s not a problem. Next.”

  “The shareholders.”

  “Fuck ’em. Next.”

  “My wife. I feel as if I am betraying the memory of my wife.”

  Darren stopped trying to hit the golf ball, and stopped to address Vaughn’s most pressing issue.

  “Two questions: Do you believe in God, and do you think she wouldn’t want you to move on?” Darren rested on his golf club as if it were a cane.

  “I do believe in God. For a long time I didn’t. Especially after my wife’s death. But I do. And with regard to moving on, my wife would want me to move on. It’s just . . . it’s just that I feel so guilty.”

  Vaughn hit Darren’s ball for him and it went right in.

  “And why do you feel so guilty? What’s the source of your conviction?”

  “I love my girlfriend. I love her. I love her a lot.”

  “Then continue to love her.”

  Darren replaced his club and reached for a new one.

  “And my wife?”

  Vaughn stood over the ball and hit it a hundred yards and onto the green of the next hole. Even Darren was amazed at how easy this game came to Vaughn.

  “Well, you said that you believe in God. That stands to reason that you also believe in heaven. It sounds to me like you and your wife were blessed to find one another. It sounds to be like you both had a chance to experience a strong bond and true love. And now, your wife is in heaven. If you believe in God, and if you believe in heaven, I would think that you also have to believe that heaven is paradise. I think the love, the bond, and the friendship that you share with your wife is a bond that can never be broken. In the same token, I think your wife is smiling down on you from heaven because you found love again. And I think she is okay in heaven because God has something for her that is greater than love; something where she doesn’t have to worry about you and you don’t have to worry about her. How do you know that God didn’t send this new woman in your life in lieu of your wife? How do you know that your relationship for your wife wasn’t just preparation for you to fall in love with this woman now? How do you know, Vaughn, that everything going on with you right now doesn’t have some greater purpose?”

  Darren’s words sunk in. They hit home. Vaughn had his doubts about his relationship with Korie. But those doubts were put to rest that day on the golf course. He decided that nothing would stop the progress of his relationship. He decided that nothing would get in the way of his happiness. That day on the golf course, he decided not only he did want to be in love, he decided that he deserved to be in love. He handed Darren a check and the two men finished their game of golf.

  “You know, I’m going to enjoy having you on retainer for a long time. You always know what to say.”

  Vaughn smiled at Darren.

  “Well, that’s my job. But here’s a secret about therapy . . .”

  “I’m listening.”

  “The client has all the answers.”

  “Kind of like, the customer is always right?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Then why am I paying you all this money?” Vaughn began to laugh.

  “Because you’re a generous man, Vaughn.”

  “Very generous, apparently. Open up that envelope and look at that check.”

  Darren opened the envelope and even he was surprised at the amount.

  “Very generous,” Darren said, smiling.

  “Welcome to the big leagues, Darren. That check is a monthly check. You will get that amount each month, whether I see you or not. The thing is, when I need you, I need you. I’m not asking you to not see other clients. But when I call, I’d like to be able to know that you’re on your way.”

  “Well, if you call, I’ll be there. But I don’t think you need to see a therapist any longer. I think you just need some reassurance from time to time, some validation.”

  “Well, will that amount get me my reassurance?”

  “Yes it will.”

  “Then we have a deal.”

  The two men continued their golf game.

  The following week, Darren and Karen went to the Bulls game. The Bulls were playing the Lakers and Darren bought tickets for seats three rows away from the floor. Darren had on his custom Lakers jersey and Karen had on a custom Bulls jersey as well. They both had on team hats. Darren loved everything about Chicago and cheered for the Bears, Sox, Cubs, Hawks, and Bulls in almost e
very game. In basketball, however, he loved the Lakers. He had been a Lakers fan since Magic Johnson’s showtime Lakers of the eighties.

  Darren and Karen cheered, laughed, and occasionally kissed as they watched the Bulls and Lakers battle it out on the hardwood. It had been a long time since Darren had this much fun at a Bulls game. Going was something that he used to do all the time with her. Every year, Darren and Korie went to the Bulls–Lakers game. Darren never stopped going to the annual game. He never took anyone else, however, before now.

  At halftime, Darren went to get more beer and snacks. He walked up to the concession stand. While there, he figured he needed to go to the bathroom first rather than make two trips after getting the snacks. He moved ever so slowly through the thick crowd of hundreds of people trying to do the same thing as him, which was to pee and get snacks before halftime was over.

  While maneuvering through the crowd, he saw her.

  Is that? Is that—it can’t be.

  He saw her. Korie’s back was to him and her hair was in a ponytail. He hadn’t seen her in years, but he knew it was her. It had to be. He moved closer and closer, working his way through the crowd and bumping people in an effort to get to her. She was in line to go to the ladies’ room. He got right behind her, much to the dismay of the other women in line. He knew it was her. He just knew it. He tapped the woman on the shoulder and she turned around. She looked amazing.

  “Hey,” he said.

  She turned around and didn’t look pleased to see him. She wasn’t mad, but she wasn’t happy either. Her affect was flat.

  “Hey.” She tried to force herself to smile.

  The hallway was noisy. It was incredibly loud, but the silence between them was louder than the hundreds of people around them.

  “You look great.”

  “Great” was an understatement. She looked stunning. She looked fit, she looked beautiful, and more than anything else, she looked happy. The three things no man wants to see from a woman after a breakup, after she has moved on.

  “You look good yourself.”

  She too was blown away. The years had been kind to Darren. He was more fit than she remembered, taller than she remembered, and his smile, even after all this time, still made her weak; surprisingly weak. He looked good. He looked as if he had been taking care of himself. More than that, he looked as if his five-year plan had been all that he wanted and then some. He looked successful. Even in his sports gear, he looked confident. More than that, she was afraid of what she saw in his eyes. In his eyes she saw regret. She saw love. More than that, she saw that same love, that same regret mirroring her own face within his eyes.

  “I’ve been trying to call you.”

  “Yeah, yeah . . . I know.”

  “I’d like to see you.”

  He was abrupt. Everything else in his world stopped. In this one moment he forgot he was here with someone. In this one moment, all that seemed to matter was her.

  “I can’t. I’m here with someone.”

  “It doesn’t have to be today. I mean, I can call you later and—”

  “I’m seeing someone.”

  She blurted it out. She had to. She felt herself being drawn to him. She wanted him. She wanted to talk with him. She wanted to know how he was doing, how he had been, and she wanted to know had he thought about her. So many thoughts ran through her mind. There were so many memories, so many emotions. She wanted to sit down with him and talk; at least her heart did. Her head, however, had different plans. Her head informed him that there was another rooster in the henhouse. Perhaps even that love didn’t live there anymore. Her head put up a defensive wall, to protect her. She had never loved anyone like she loved Darren. In the same token, no man had hurt her as Darren had.

  “You’re seeing someone. Oh.”

  Her words hit him like two heavy, closed fists. They hit him in his chest and they hit him hard. He didn’t know what else to expect. He didn’t know why he hadn’t expected her to be seeing someone; she looked incredible. There is no way she could have waited all this time for him. There is no way a woman this beautiful would be single. There was no way that another man hadn’t staked a claim to her and couldn’t be calling her his own. He scanned her hand for a wedding ring. There wasn’t one. That gave him hope.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “Is it serious?” he asked quickly, almost out of desperation.

  He tried to compose himself. He tried to act as if he didn’t care. He asked again almost matter-of-factly.

  “This person you’re seeing, is it serious?”

  “I don’t know yet. I mean, we’ve been together for a while.”

  She faked a smile. She wondered what was going on in his head. She wanted to run away, but she seemed glued to where she was. They both moved in line and waited as the line to the women’s restroom became shorter.

  “Is there any way that we can talk? I mean, the next time I call, will you pick up?”

  “I can’t.”

  She didn’t want to hurt Vaughn. She was, in fact, falling in love with him. Out of respect for Vaughn, she declined. Her heart wanted him to call, but right now her heart wasn’t in control. Her head was.

  “You can’t answer, or you won’t answer?”

  He was confused. Hurt. He knew. Seeing her, he knew leaving her was a mistake.

  “I won’t answer. I’m sorry, Darren. You will always have a special place in my heart, but that time is gone. Besides, my new man doesn’t put me off for his business plans.”

  There it was. She said it. She was clearly still upset about the five-year-plan; even all these years later. That upset Darren. But clinically, it still meant that she cared. He wanted her back. He wanted her in his life, in his bed, and in his heart. But he also wanted her to know that the plan had its merit. His plan was the reason he was the success he was today.

  “He may not put you off for his plans, but I bet he’s nowhere as busy as I am, either.”

  Darren sounded confident, arrogant. He was still the man who she remembered. His arrogance was one of the things that she loved about him. It was also one of the things that she hated about him as well.

  “Oh Darren, I bet he is.”

  She tried her best to hide a frown. She tried her best not to show her contempt for his arrogance.

  “I’m a therapist now. I work for a thriving practice. I see some of Chicago’s most elite citizens.”

  He spoke with that same tempered arrogance he had five years ago. He said it in hopes that she would understand how hard he worked. How much he sacrificed. Although it was clear he sacrificed way too much. He said it, but she didn’t seem impressed.

  “Good for you, Darren. Good for you.”

  “Korie, look, I—”

  “I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “Can I wait here for you?”

  “I would rather you didn’t.”

  “But—”

  “Good-bye, Darren.”

  She went in the bathroom and stayed there for what seemed like an eternity. Darren tried to wait. He didn’t know that she went to the bathroom to relieve herself and then to cry. He waited for her. He waited and pretty soon, Mother Nature called on him as well. He went to the bathroom and when he came out, she was nowhere to be found. He looked everywhere for her and didn’t see her.

  Then he remembered Karen.

  He wasn’t here alone.

  He went to the concession stand and got snacks and beer. He made his way back to his seat where the game had well been underway. The entire time he looked for a glimpse of Korie throughout the stadium. He looked for her but couldn’t find her anywhere. He handed the snacks and beer to Karen, who had a puzzled look on her face.

  “Wow, it took you a long time.”

  “Oh. Yeah, well, the line was ridiculous.”

  “It must have been. The Lakers are winning so far, sixty to fifty-eight.”

  “Huh? Oh.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m
fine.”

  Darren looked above and into the crowd. He tried to scan the entire stadium for Korie. He had to see her again. He looked at the cheap seats. He scanned all the bargain seats and all the places that he and she used to sit when they were together; when they were poor. He looked, but he couldn’t find her.

  He looked for her in the cheap seats.

  He never thought to look for her in the floor seats, next to the players.

  He didn’t think to look in front of him.

  She was, in fact, on the floor, right in front of him.

  He was behind her.

  Compared to where she and Vaughn were sitting, he was in the cheap seats.

  He never saw her. She saw him. She saw him look for her.

  At the end of the game, Darren took Karen’s hand and left.

  Vaughn took Korie’s hand and left as well.

  Vaughn had no idea that his therapist was his girlfriend’s ex.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Bitch.

  This is what Darren thought to himself as he headed home. Karen went on about how great the game was and Darren’s thoughts trailed off to her. How could she not want to see him? He was even more fit now than he was when they were together. He was doing better now than he had ever been financially in his life. His five-year-plan paid off. Perhaps Korie needed to see that.

  Perhaps she needed to see the hundred-thousand dollar car that he was driving. Perhaps she needed to see the new condo that he lived in. Perhaps she needed to see that he was fast becoming one of the city’s elite, with invitations to the mayor’s ball, Bears games, and glamorous city functions. Whomever she was seeing couldn’t be half the man that he was. Whomever she was seeing couldn’t offer Korie the things that he could. The only thing that he could think about was how good she looked. She was looking good, damned good.

  As Karen talked, all Darren could think about was Korie’s full, kissable lips, her incredible figure and how good she smelled. He took Karen home and bedded her. She thought he was being extra-passionate, where he was really trying to take his frustration out on her in bed.

  As they made love, he thought about Korie. He imagined himself with her. Having seen her gave him a clear mental picture. She still wore the same perfume, she still looked incredible, and she was still the one thing in this life that he had a weakness for.