I Will Remember You

by L. Jaye Morgan

  He smiled and nodded.

  “I don’t smoke.”

  “You always wanted to try it though.”

  “How did you know that?”

  Tremaine seemed surprised by the question. “Uh, Justin told me.”

  That sounded about right. Justin was a straight arrow. How he managed to get through four years of college and life in a fraternity without getting lit, she had no idea. And he was so self-righteous about it, too, balking at the idea that Gianna wanted to try marijuana. To each his own bucket list, she’d thought, but she had never gone through with it. Her school did random drug testing.

  “Well?” Tremaine asked.

  What the hell. Move forward. “Let’s do it.” She kicked off her shoes and scooted backward until her back rested against the pillows. Tremaine loosened his tie and sat next to her. He laid out the baggy, a blunt, and the room service menu and she watched as he scraped the inside of the blunt into the small trash can next to the bed. He turned back to her. “Do me a favor and lick across here,” he said, holding the blunt to her lips. She licked as he as instructed, holding his gaze the entire time. “Yeah,” he said, his voice low and raspy. “You look good as hell right now, you know that?” She smiled. She did know.

  He sprinkled the weed into the blunt and rolled it, stopping once to moisten the inside. She found the whole thing quite fascinating but she was more interested in getting down to business. He ran a lighter across the blunt and at long last, he lit it. He inhaled once and handed it to her.

  She accepted it and hesitated. “Okay, I’m about to sound real brand new right now but...what do I do?”

  Tremaine laughed. “Put it in your mouth and inhale. No faster than you normally breathe. You ain’t even gotta hold it, just breathe in and let it out.”

  She giggled and did as he said. “I don’t feel anything.”

  “Gianna,” he said sternly, before laughing again. “Just relax.”

  “Okay.” She hit it again and passed it back to him. She was starting to feel something but she wasn’t sure what it was. He passed it back and she inhaled even slower, all the way in until she couldn’t breathe anymore. She exhaled slowly and sat very still. Tremaine seemed to disappear and everything suddenly looked brighter, as if the sun had come up in room 722. Her muscles melted like butter and she felt the sensation that she was falling. She looked down and her legs were getting longer. No, that wasn’t it. She was sliding languidly down the pillows and her dress was riding up.

  She suddenly remembered she wasn’t alone. Tremaine was there too, and he, too, was staring at her legs. He took the blunt from her and took a hit before leaning over and kissing her neck. She took it back, inhaled again, and giggled because he was tickling her. Maybe it was his goatee.

  She turned her head toward him and he kissed her lips while his left hand inched up her dress. He began to slide down, out of her field of vision, and she wondered where he was going. But then he pulled her up by her arms into a sitting position and rotated her around until her legs were hanging from the side of the bed. There was a mirror on the wall directly in front of her and she stared into it and saw herself clearly. It may have been the first time she ever had.

  Tremaine reappeared, and he was the only thing between her and her reflection. She watched them like a movie and enjoyed it immensely. Yes, she thought. Whoever penned this scene deserves an award. The picture was so clear, all five senses engaged, everything palpable. 4D. HD. It was amazing.

  She saw his head going lower and lower. Then she heard her purrs, whines, and moans in surround sound. She felt the heightened sensation of his tongue as it moved up and down, back and forth, in circles and figure eights. She grabbed his curls and they seemed to animate, wrapping themselves around her fingers, silky and strong. She tried not to pull them too hard because he had just slapped her thigh a few seconds earlier. She didn’t want to be punished again, at least not like that.

  She inhaled again and tasted the smoke and smelled the earth and her head swam in disbelief because of all the billions of people in this world, she had the good fortune to be right there doing what she was doing and there wasn’t a single soul on earth who could convince her that there was anything better than this.

  She was right on the edge of something. Maybe a cliff. Maybe her sanity. It was hard to tell. But something was happening, a beautiful crescendo, louder, longer, harder, deeper it kept building and the woman in the mirror was about to cry because it was so beautiful and it felt so good. She told him to stop, that she didn’t want to fall yet. She wasn’t ready. But he didn’t hear and she had to dig into his back to get him to stop. He finally lifted his head and stared at her through half-closed eyes. Everything on her body throbbed painlessly and he was both the cause and the cure.

  He stood and kissed her again and this time she tasted earth. It was familiar. It was her. He pulled at her dress and she tugged at his belt and they laughed at their own clumsiness. He undressed and then peeled her clothes off. She straddled him and stared into his eyes and was proud of her courage. There was danger behind those eyes but it was okay because she had come there tonight looking for trouble.

  Her muscles were still loose so she started slow. His eyes rolled back and she knew she was doing something right. Note to self: slow is good.

  He gripped her and guided her and she braced herself on his chest and let her hips roll. She leaned down and kissed his neck, then his ear, and then his lips. He sat up to kiss her breasts and she almost fell off the edge. He whispered softly in her ear. “Come for me.”

  She was happy to oblige and he watched her closely as she found her angle. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back as she worked her way back to the edge. She knew the way and didn’t need a guide but she was glad he was there in case she needed him.

  He made a sound and she thought he might have beaten her there but no, he hadn’t left her behind. He was just enjoying the ride. “There you go,” he said under his breath. “I feel that, you’re close.” She smiled. He was so nice and encouraging. And he was right, she was almost there. How did he know that?

  She turned her head toward the mirror so she could see the end of the movie. She was right at the edge again and but instead of falling, she went higher and higher and higher until finally, she took flight. She had never in her entire life felt anything so intense. So erotic. So good. He pushed himself deeper to help her go higher but that might have been a mistake because he messed around and followed her right off the edge. She begged him not to but it was too late. They both sang the same pleasure song in different notes before floating back to earth, panting and sweaty, limbs entwined, grateful to have taken that trip together.

  She stroked his chest and he stroked her hair. It was right. Everything was right. She needed to get back home but the sweetness of contentment was overpowering her. She craned her neck to see the clock. 10:31.

  “I need to get on the road,” she said. “I wish I could stay here with you but I can’t be out all night.”

  “You okay to drive?”

  “I think so.”

  “At least let me tail you home.”

  Gianna frowned. “Why would you do that? You’re closer to your house right now than mine.”

  He kissed her forehead. “I just wanna make sure you get home safe.”

  “You’re so sweet,” she said, craning her neck so she could kiss his lips. “You don’t have to.”

  “Stop telling me what I don’t have to do. I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

  “Sorry, damn.”

  He squeezed her. “My bad. I wish you would let me take care of you without all the resistance.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry.”

  The dimples came back. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you home.”

  THE RAIN BEGAN TO FALL when they were about ten minutes from the house. The sounds of the raindrops hitting the car, the swishing of the windshield wipers, and the darkness around her made Gianna feel a familiar sen
se of foreboding.

  It was the first real rain since that night. It was disconcerting. By the time she pulled into the garage, Gianna had changed her mind. She needed Tremaine to stay. And of course, he agreed. He would do anything for her.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  THE FOUR OF THEM, KAYA, Emmy, Tremaine, and Gianna, ate breakfast in silence. She didn’t know what was wrong with the rest of them but for her, morning had not brought any clarity. She just couldn’t shake the foreboding she had felt the night before and she was pissed that it marred what was a beautiful and special evening.

  Kaya finished first and went to her room. Emmy ate slowly, picking at her food and pushing most of it around on her plate. “What’s wrong?” Gianna asked. Emmy just shook her head.

  Tremaine cleaned his plate, as usual, but he, too, was in a shitty mood. Gianna had already asked him if he was okay and he’d just thrown her a “yep.” All of them were working her nerves.

  Emmy finally left the table. Gianna cleared her place and ran water for dishes. Tremaine watched her from the kitchen table.

  “G, I need to talk to you about something.”

  She didn’t turn around. “I’m listening.”

  “Can you come here for a second?”

  She turned and faced him, worry on her face, before walking back to the table and sitting opposite him. More bad news. That was the last thing she needed. “What’s wrong?”

  Tremaine took a deep breath. “Well, first of all, last night was right.” He emphasized the “t” in right and she giggled. “I’m serious. You do something to me.”

  She felt shy all of a sudden. “I feel the same way.”

  He nodded. “But before this goes any further, I need to—and I want this to go further. But—”

  “Gianna!” Emmy called from the guest room.

  “Sorry. Give me one second,” she said as she left Tremaine in the kitchen. She jogged down the hall and felt soreness in her thighs.

  “Yes?” she asked.

  Emmy was lying in the bed. “I don’t feel good. Can you bring me some Tylenol or some Aspirin?”

  “Of course. But what’s wrong?”

  “Just tired and achy.”

  “Do you need to go to the doctor?”

  “It’s Saturday.”

  “I know but there’s urgent care.”

  “No, it’s not urgent. I just need a nap.” Emmy turned over onto her side, her back to Gianna who wasn’t sure she believed this non-urgent talk. Emmy didn’t really do doctors so she had no real frame of reference for what was urgent and what wasn’t. Gianna walked around the bed and put her hand to Emmy’s forehead. It felt normal.

  “I’ll be right back with the medicine and water.”

  Tremaine was exactly where Gianna left him. He watched as she rifled through drawers. “What are you looking for?”

  “Emmy needs Aspirin. She doesn’t feel good and I think I’m out. Shoot.”

  “I’ll run and get some.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. We can talk later.”

  GIANNA SPENT THE REST of the day nursing Emmy. Beverly came by after she got off work and as was always the case, the mood in the room changed the second she entered it. Gianna left Beverly in the guest room with Emmy so she could go make lunch and found Tremaine on the couch watching football.

  “What did you need to tell me?” she asked. He muted the TV.

  “I wanted to take you out tonight. On a real date.”

  “That’s not what you were gonna tell me.”

  “Okay, you saw right through that.” He laughed. “Let me take you out and we’ll talk then. Be ready at 8.”

  She smiled at the thought of a real date. “Okay.” He looked around before leaning over and kissing her. It was short but significant.

  TREMAINE CALLED AT 8:04 pm to let her know he was outside. They had both agreed to keep it low key, so she told Kaya and Emmy that she was meeting Arilyn for dinner and Tremaine promised to pick a place where they weren’t likely to see anyone they knew.

  She was practically giddy when she fell into the front seat. He looked as good as he always did in a gray suit, and she wore her tan pinstriped dress that hugged every curve except the one at her midsection. God bless the inventor of belted clothing.

  Heads turned when they walked into the Palm Bar, maybe because they looked good together, likely because there wasn’t another black person within fifteen miles of the place. Metro Atlanta was still pretty segregated and the locals, on both sides, seemed to like it that way. But tonight, everyone would just have to deal with the fine-ass black couple who were hiding from the rest of the world.

  Tremaine ordered wine for her and scotch for himself. Gianna waited until the server left before starting right in on him. “Alright, the suspense is killing me. What did you need to tell me?”

  Tremaine took a deep breath. “I know it’s soon but when I want something, I don’t waste time. And I know there are mitigating circumstances we have to consider but...you’re the one, Gianna. Me and you. That’s what I want.”

  Something told her that wasn’t what he was originally going to say to her but she was too happy to care. She kept her poker face on. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”

  The server interrupted with their drinks. “Give us a minute,” Tremaine told the server before turning his attention back to Gianna. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know my intentions.”

  There was a lot Gianna wanted to say. She wanted to tell him the sex was insane. She wanted to tell him she heard “The Closer I Get to You” and “Nothing Even Matters” and other beautiful black duets in her head every time she looked at his handsome face. She wanted to let him know that she would marry him tomorrow if it wasn’t so messy. And everything in her wanted to convince him that he was important to her and that if anything ever happened to him she would mourn, truly mourn, as if she had lost a part of her own body. And finally, she wanted him to know that for the first time in her entire life, she finally knew what it felt like to fall in love.

  But she couldn’t. Because she had been taught to keep her cards hidden. It had been easy to do that with other guys because she didn’t truly love them. But this man in front of her? She wanted to fold and spread out all of her cards right then and there, and she didn’t give a fuck if she lost. Emmy wouldn’t recognize this Gianna. She barely recognized herself.

  “Tremaine,” she said, choosing her words carefully, “we have to be careful. Things are a mess right now. It won’t look right for us to—”

  “You don’t have to say it. I know.” He finished his Scotch. “But fuck it. Gianna, I want you to be my wife. I wanna get you pregnant and leave you every morning to go to work and then come home to that face.” She smiled. “See, that face right there. Beautiful.” He shook his head and leaned closer to her. “If I have to wait, I’ll wait. But you say the word and it’s a wrap.”

  She teared up. He grabbed her hand and kissed it before reaching over to touch her face. He pulled her closer and kissed her lips. She reciprocated, tears inching down her face, and she didn’t care if people were looking. She was in love. In LOVE. Nobody else mattered in the world but the two of them. Of course she would marry him. Hell, they could go to the courthouse tomorrow and not tell a soul.

  She pulled away and blotted her face with her napkin. Tremaine sat back in his seat and watched her. “I’ll try not to keep you waiting too long,” she said, dabbing her eyes. A debate raged inside of her. Do I tell him I love him? She was leaning heavily toward no, and that inner voice sounded just like Emmy’s. But she wanted to, and what would be the harm?

  She stared into his eyes and felt her resolve crumbling to dust. Those damn eyes always drew her in and held her captive and tonight was no exception. She felt herself giving in. He could have her. She was tired of fighting. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but—”

  Her phone rang. “Sorry, this is Kaya. I need to answer. Hello?”


  “Something’s wrong with Emmy.”

  “What?”

  “Grandma called the ambulance and now we’re going to the hospital.”

  “Oh my God. Which hospital?” Tremaine frowned and leaned closer.

  “Grandma said Glendale.”

  “Okay, I’m on the way.”

  Tremaine spread his hands as if to ask what happened.

  She could barely get the words out. “Something’s wrong with my grandmother.”

  “Let’s go,” he said, throwing a $20 and a $10 on the table. The room spun as she stumbled through the restaurant, heart pounding in her ears. Not Emmy, she thought. Please, God, not Emmy.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  IT WOULD HAVE KILLED Emmy to see herself in that hospital bed. She was wan and disheveled, and Gianna covered her mouth in shock when she saw her. That was not her Emmy. That was not the Emmy she left at home. How did she go downhill so fast?

  Beverly managed to pull Gianna out into the hallway. “The doctor said she had a stroke. They’re running tests so we should know more soon.”

  Gianna shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t understand this. She was fine when I left, just tired.”

  Beverly sighed. “It happened so fast. One minute we were talking and the next, she was slurring her words and it seemed like she fainted.”

  The tears started to flow and Beverly put her arms around her daughter. For once, Gianna gave in and allowed herself to be embraced by her mother, choosing forgiveness over her grudge, even if only for a moment, because this was bigger than any of that.

  Tremaine walked around the corner with Kaya, the two having gone to the cafeteria to grab coffee and snacks. They sat in the small waiting area. Beverly led Gianna over and sat her down next to Tremaine.

  Gianna looked at her family and felt a twinge of guilt. She wasn’t the only one hurting. Emmy was Beverly’s mother, and Gianna sometimes forgot what that felt like. She reached across the narrow aisle and grabbed Beverly’s hand. “How are you doing?”