The Fledgling

by Jeanie P Johnson

  I used the cloth I had been using before, and finished mopping up the floor. I used the petticoat from my old dress that had been tossed in a chair when I had dried my hair the night before, to wipe my body as clean as I could manage.

  Then I curled up in the bed. I would rather go back to the city and face the risk of sickness than remain here for another day, I told myself. I didn’t care if Sheldon wanted to marry me. He would have to come get me, when the time came.

  I jerked to the sound of the key being turned in the lock. I must have dozed off, and I looked anxiously at the door, expecting Aldridge to enter the room, but Sheldon came in instead.

  “He’s drunk,” Sheldon whispered. “I managed to get the key. What did he do to you?”

  I started to describe what Aldridge had done, and the more I told him, the darker his face got. “He did that, because he hates your mother for leaving him and marrying another. He married my mother because she had a little bit of money, but he never loved her. He mistreated her, the same way he is trying to mistreat you, and then he gambled all the money away.”

  “I can’t understand how my mother could ever have loved him,” I shuddered.

  “He wasn’t this way, until after your mother left him, according to the older servants we used to have. There was a point when he was actually a loving person, though I have never witnessed it. I learned early on, to just stay out of his way, when his moods turned bad. He was starting to mellow out, until you showed up.”

  “Then I should leave,” I said.

  “No. Don’t leave! He will calm down, eventually. I think he has humiliated you as much as he’ll dare. He hasn’t stopped drinking, since he came down, which means what he did to you must have upset him. I’ll go get some more water, so you can wash your hair and body.”

  He always drank, I thought, so what Sheldon said, didn’t seem to make sense. What upset him was the fact that I reminded him of my mother.

  Sheldon brought the water, and a clean dress. He watched me as I bathed. Only as I washed myself, I wondered if it was worth it to remain there. If I was to be a servant, I could apply for a position anywhere else. Only I couldn’t return to the city because of the sickness, and I didn’t know anyone outside the city. I was destined to remain, whether I wished to or not. The only hopeful thought, was that Sheldon wished to marry me, and he would try and protect me from his father.

  Sheldon came up to me, and kissed my neck, where my hair was dripping. He had brought a towel, and started to dry my hair, as I sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Now you are all clean,” he whispered. “Are you sure my father didn’t touch you? Is there something you are not telling me? Why would he just stand there watching you? He wasn’t just looking at you when I pulled him off of you earlier. He didn’t give you any tests, did he?” I shook my head. “I had better check to make sure,” he said. Maybe he thought I was too afraid to tell him that his father had done something to me. “Lean over the bed, so I can make sure.”

  I did as Sheldon instructed. I couldn’t understand why Sheldon didn’t believe me.

  “I have to check you more,” he informed me. “It is the only way to make sure.”

  “But I told you he didn’t…”

  “Hush. You know I have to do this.”

  He seemed so insistent, and since he had looked at me, and touched me before, I just shrugged, and did as he asked.

  Sheldon started checking me, and I tried to think about something else.

  “I told you there is nothing to worry about,” I insisted.

  “Stop complaining,” he almost grumbled.

  “It hurts when you do that,” I informed him.

  “You know it has to be done, to make sure that when it is time for the baby making test, you will be able to handle it,” he insisted.

  “But that won’t be until we get married,” I pointed out.

  “I need to prepare you before we ever get married,” he explained, as he leaned over my back and kissed my neck.

  I had thought he was just checking me, but now, suddenly I was discovering this test was a little different.

  I could feel him pushing himself against my resisting body, acting as though he was impatient with either me or himself, as he grunted a little at the effort it seemed to take to do the test.

  “I think you are not relaxing enough,” he told me,

  “I am trying, but you are pushing too hard.” I mumbled.

  “That’s what I mean. I saw my father doing this test with someone and it didn’t seem this hard to accomplish.”

  “Maybe you don’t know how to do it,” I accused.

  “That’s why I have to practice, so don’t keep interrupting me,” he murmured as he went back to what he was trying to do.

  I was trying to cooperate, but something was holding him back from whatever he was attempting, and he kept swearing under his breath in frustration, as I whimpered a little in fright at his continued insistence on finishing the test.

  “If your father has not broken me, you are certainly trying to,” I accused, as he continued in his efforts.

  “I am being gentle. It is something my father doesn’t know how to be,” he told me, “so just let me do the tests and stop thinking you know more about it than me.”

  “I don’t think you know anything about it. You said yourself you needed practice.”

  “Which is what I am trying to do,” he reasoned. “If I do it wrong, I will have to keep improving with practice.

  “I just don’t know why this is all necessary. Can’t it wait until we are married?”

  “I am the one giving the tests here. I can’t marry you until I am sure I know how to do all the tests. This one is just harder than the first ones, and I think it is because my father tried to do one of the tests himself, and he isn’t even married to you. Now it’s my job to make sure he was not the first to do the test, so just hold still.”

  My back was hurting from mopping the floor and now having Sheldon leaning over me the way he was. Sheldon was pushing all the harder, and I could feel the pain building.

  “Stop it, I said, turning my head to face him. “I don’t like this test. My back hurts and you are making it worse!”

  “Alright,” he said begrudgingly, pulling me around and sitting me on the bed. “In that case, you might as well give me another test since I have already gotten myself ready. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like you don’t know how. I told you I needed them often. Since you won’t let me finish this test, you can’t refuse to do it or we can’t get married.” Sheldon informed me. He was already exposed, and I began to realize what he had been doing as he pushed against me. He gave me an insistent glare, and laid my hand against him. I had done it before, and so I knew what to expect, but now I wondered how often he would insist I continue giving him that sort of test? I decided it was better than allowing him to finish his test. When it was over, he pushed me against the bed.

  “Lay back and we’ll rest for a while. Someday I will have to give you the fit test again, since this one seemed to fail. I’ll let you know when.”

  “What is the fit test?” I ask, wondering how many kinds of tests I needed to take, and upset that he had not told me he had tried to give me a new test.

  “Don’t ask questions now. It won’t be for a while anyway, until you learn to relax. I’m tired.”

  Sheldon fell asleep, and when he woke up, it was time to go down to dinner, and I was glad we didn’t have to do any more tests.

  He kissed me lightly, a worried look on his face. “I hope you will pass the fit test, eventually, when the time comes again,” he murmured. Only he still wouldn’t explain to me what the fit test was really all about.

  After dinner, all I wanted to do was go to sleep. It had been a long day, and I was still tired from my walk to Heather Ridge House, and then staying up all night with tests, and more tests expected from me all the time.

  I had just started to doze off, when I could hear tapping on t
he door, and Sheldon was insisting I let him in. “I’m too tired for tests,” I insisted.

  “I told you, the tests were necessary. You do want to be able to have babies once we get married, don’t you? If we don’t do all the tests, it may keep us from having babies. You need to take the responsibility, or it will break the promise between us. You have to follow the rule, Floriana , or it messes everything up.”

  I took the effort to pull myself out of bed and open the door. “I’m too tired for tests, so you will have to wait until morning,” I explained.

  He locked the door again, and pulled away my night gown, which I had found in one of the dresser drawers.

  “In that case, I will be forced to try and do the fit test with you again. I was going to wait, but since you are too tired to do any tests on me, it is the only other way.”

  “You never explained it to me,” I murmured sleepily.

  “It is a way I can give myself and you a test at the same time. I have to make sure that when we get married, that we fit right, so the baby making test will work, when the time comes. When I tried it earlier, I may have done it wrong. But unless the fit test works, there is no way we can get married or have babies. I hadn’t planned to try the fit again until you were able to relax more. However, since you are so sleepy, you are probably more relaxed now, so I guess it won’t hurt. Anyway it is the only way to find out if we work right together, before doing the baby making test.”

  “Then you need to explain more about it,” I insisted.

  “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to do anything. Since you are tired, that should make you happy. I will do it all. If you want to blow out the candle, I can probably do it by feel, in the dark. Since it didn’t work with you lying over the edge of the bed, I will try it a different way. Just get on your knees and lay your head on the pillow, and relax this time. Then I will be able to learn if we will fit right together, once we get married.”

  I obeyed, and he occupied himself, examining me, with his fingers first, I suppose to see if he really could fit. Each time he did something, he would ask me how this felt, or that felt. He kept asking me if what he was doing felt like it was bringing on a sigh. I was feeling uncomfortable, and nothing he was doing did anything but make me want him to stop.

  “Never mind, then,” he said, when I started to complain. I felt him pushing against me like he had before, hoping this time it wouldn’t hurt like it had when he had tried it earlier.

  “I don’t think this is working,” I said, starting to pull away.

  He grabbed against my hips to keep me in place. “How does it fell?” he demanded.

  “Tight,” I said, with a small shudder.

  “It is good that it’s tight. It’s supposed to be tight,” he informed me. “But does it make you want to sigh?” he asked.

  “Not really,” I admitted.

  “I hope I didn’t break you, when I examined you before. I don’t know why this isn’t working right,” he told me. Then I heard him cussing. “It won’t work if you keep squirming away,” he muttered.

  “Why do you keep pushing so hard? Maybe that will end up breaking me,” I told him.

  “If we don’t fit, and you and I can never have babies.”

  This frightened me. “You need to stop before you break me more,” I insisted.

  “If you want me to marry you, I can’t stop, until I see if I can fit better. I hadn’t thought about maybe not fitting right together, and I just won’t be able to marry you, unless I make sure we fit right first, and that you aren’t partly broken. If I can’t marry you, you will have to go and work on the streets, since a man has looked at you already and given you this test.”

  This shocked me. I certainly did not want to be put out on the streets to work, but this frightened me more. “I won’t let you do it!” I shrieked, as I pulled away altogether, wishing I had never started the tests with him in the first place. “I don’t want to do the fit test with you!”

  “I will be gentle,” he promised, but I didn’t believe him. It had already started to hurt.

  “I don’t think you can be gentle enough,” I whimpered, “and I don’t want you to even try.”

  “Are you trying to break the promise?” he asked angrily. “If we don’t fit together right, I might not be able to sigh, and then we could never have babies.”

  “I don’t care,” I cried. “You will have to wait until we are married first.”

  “You don’t have to worry. This is not the missionary position, anyway, so you can’t get a baby, even if I do sigh when we do it.”

  “What?” I screamed. “You didn’t tell me this was the baby making test.”

  “It isn’t the baby making test. I told you only the missionary position can bring on a baby.”

  “I don’t want to do any more tests!” I bellowed, scooting away from him.

  “Then you must not want to get married. You really don’t love me,” he accused, roughly.

  “What you were doing hurt. So I won’t do it that way. I don’t even know if I want to do it even after we get married,” I insisted.

  Sheldon looked at me. He seemed disappointed, but then he gave a half smile. “It’s all right,” he said, at last, pulling me to him. I won’t make you do the fit test again, maybe just before we are ready to get married we will have to try it. But you have to keep doing the other tests with me. Don’t say you won’t keep doing them.”

  “I do want to marry you,” I murmured. “But this is all new to me, and I am frightened.”

  “Don’t be frightened,” he said quietly, “If you are tired, I will do another kind of test where you won’t have to do anything, and I promise you it won’t hurt.”

  “What kind of test?” I asked hesitantly.

  “It’s called the French kiss,” he told me. Then he had me lay down. “Just close your eyes and relax,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about any pain.”

  I lay back, and Sheldon started to kiss me. Not on my mouth, though, and my whole body began to shiver and rise to his kiss. I had never felt anything like it before.

  “How do you like this test?” Sheldon asked as my senses were going out of control.

  “Don’t stop,” I told him, and he gave a low chuckle.

  “I was saving this for last. I knew you would like it,” he said, and went back to what he was doing.

  Sheldon had returned the key, to the dresser, and left the room. I lay there thinking about how Sheldon had been so insistent about the fit test, and how frightened it had made me feel, and then the wonderful feeling he treated me with in the end. I was torn. Some of the things Sheldon had shown me, I longed to experience, but thinking about the fit test and the baby making test was making me rethink whether I wanted to get married or not? But I knew I would always let Sheldon into my room. I had already agreed to the promise, and besides I felt I had no choice but to marry him.

  I was sure I had gone beyond the point of no return, and tried to steel myself for when I would have to let Sheldon do the fit test, and then eventually the baby making test. I just hoped that by then, we would be married, and he would be gentle, like he promised he would be.

  I sat quietly at breakfast, as Chandra chattered on about the robin’s nest she had found, and Aldridge gave me dark looks. He kept glancing at Sheldon. “I take it you are taking good care of our new servant,” he said to his son.

  “Why shouldn’t I?” Sheldon said.

  “As long as you remember, you are betrothed to Tamara Bronson,” Aldridge grunted.

  “You never cease to remind me,” Sheldon replied.

  “I just don’t want you to forget it,” his father told him.

  Sheldon gave me a look, and shook his head, indicating he would never marry Tamara Bronson.

  After breakfast, I went up to my room, because Sheldon had told me he needed to talk to me there. A short time later, Sheldon tapped on the door. “I could barely wait,” he smiled, as he came to me, pushing me back on the bed and
lifting my dress. He knew I didn’t wear anything underneath, because I hadn’t had a chance to wash my other clothes yet.

  Sheldon was placing his mouth upon me. I lay back waiting for the test to bring on that coveted sigh. As soon as he knew I had felt it, he laughed. “Now you can’t complain, about giving me tests,” he chuckled.

  Sheldon laid back and exposed himself to me. I thought he wanted me to give him his test, but instead, he told me it was my turn to give him the French kiss test.

  I just stared at him. “It’s only fair,” he insisted. “You can’t refuse.”

  I realized, if I did refuse, Sheldon would get angry. I had already refused the fit test, and he would think I really didn’t want to marry him, if I refused this test too. I closed my eyes, and he told me what to do. When it was over, he seemed pleased, and told me I would get used to it, the more I did it. I didn’t think I ever would.

  Once Sheldon, had found his finish, we lay quietly together. Finally Sheldon gave a low laugh. “I am so glad you came to us,” he chuckled. “You did good, so don’t act so upset about it,” he tried to comfort.

  I was feeling tired, used, and a little upset. “I don’t know if I can keep doing all these tests,” I admitted.

  “We already started, so now they have to be done,” he told me. “And you are going to keep doing them with me.”

  The way he said it made me feel intimidated. I decided not to argue, because we could hear Sheldon’s father calling us, and I knew it was time for me to start doing my chores. In a way, I was glad I would be saved from doing more tests, but I knew Sheldon would not give up on it. It was just going to be postponed, is all.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  My fears were starting to mount, because all Sheldon wanted to do was keep taking tests, as often as possible. He seemed obsessed with trying to expand his experience. Every free moment, it seemed had to be filled with kissing and touching, and making each other sigh. Sometimes I looked forward to it, but other times, I felt Sheldon wanted it too much. He was always too anxious to do another test, and if I complained, he would start to get angry, and threaten me with finishing the fit test. That frightened me so I always complied.