Falling from Disgrace

by Maretta, L

  When she came back to him and yawned again, he led her through the hall into his bedroom and settled them comfortably on his bed. He cradled her in his arms and said, “Rest for a while. We can talk more later.”

  When Jack heard Adrianna’s breathing become steady, he quietly exited the room. After researching online, he had a plan and a shopping list. A quick note to Adrianna was left on his pillow in case she woke while he was still gone, and then he was on his way with several places to stop.

  Throughout his excursion around town, Jack contemplated where his life was headed now with Adrianna in it. He loved her. Fuck if it was stupid to do so, for he saw what it was like for his mother being in love with an addict, but he did love her. And he would not compare this to his parents. One, Adrianna was not nearly as far gone as his father and two, he believed she really wanted his help, even if she didn’t ask for it yet. He had seen the look on her face when he told her about his father and she seemed troubled at the thought of turning out like him. Jack had a plan to ensure she wouldn’t, and after hitting three different stores, he returned to her at his apartment.

  Adrianna was waiting for Jack curled up on his couch, flipping through television channels. When he saw her upon entering, he smiled to himself, knowing he was making the right decision. She looked beautiful and vulnerable and the urge to protect her from everything, including herself, coursed through him.

  Juggling the bags in his arms, he went to her, kissed her hello and asked, “How long did you sleep?”

  “Only about forty minutes,” she replied. “What did you buy?”

  “I’ll show you later,” he called over his shoulder as he made his way into the kitchen. “You must be hungry; I’m going to fix us something to eat.”

  With two plates of spaghetti, Jack returned to the couch a while later. Adrianna sat up and helped him drag the large, wooden coffee table closer to them.

  “What are you watching?” Jack asked her, plopping down on the couch after retrieving two glasses of red wine, ready to eat.

  Adrianna, pretty famished herself, dug into her food. “Haven’t found anything yet,” she muffled around the pasta in her mouth. “I thought you said wine was boring.”

  “Those rules only apply if you’re out drinking. What you drink in the privacy of your own home doesn’t mean a thing,” Jack told her with a wink as he began to twirl his food with his fork. “I think Duck Dynasty is on.”

  Adrianna finished chewing and then swallowed, a sour look upon her face. “I hate reality TV.”

  “I usually do too,” Jack admitted. “What else do you hate?”

  Adrianna smiled and rolled her eyes. Jack never missed an opportunity to learn more about her.

  “Socks with holes in them,” she offered. “Tell me something you hate.”

  “Acrylic fingernails. Give me another.”

  Adrianna smiled at her own natural nails and then told him, “The slimy part of a tomato. Your turn.”

  Jack took a sip of his wine and gave her, “Bad tippers. Now tell me something you love.”

  Adrianna chewed and thought for a moment. “Cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster.”

  “Oh, good one,” Jack agreed. “What else?”

  “It’s your turn.”

  “Okay,” Jack said, reaching out to wipe a spot of sauce from Adrianna’s mouth. “I love your lips.”

  Adrianna licked them causing Jack to groan inwardly. “Don’t do that,” he told her. “We’ll never finish eating.” Putting another forkful of spaghetti in his mouth he told her it was her turn again.

  “Anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter.”

  Jack laughed. “You know, for someone so skinny your loves are an awful lot about food.”

  Scraping her plate of the last bit of pasta Adrianna told him, “I’m not going to stay skinny long if you keep feeding me like this. That was delicious, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he replied and accepted a kiss from her. “When was the last time someone cooked for you?”

  Adrianna thought back. She couldn’t remember. “My mother, last Christmas, maybe?”

  Jack reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, looking at her with sadness. Adrianna didn’t like that look and so she distracted him with asking for another thing he loved.

  “Playing with your hair.”

  His eyes switched from sadness to adoration and Adrianna softened. “I love when you play with my hair, too.”

  He gave her a small kiss and then left to clear their dishes. A moment later he returned with a pack of cigarettes and asked her to join him on the fire escape.

  Jack helped Adrianna through the window and let her sit in the metal, folding chair while he sat on the floor across from her, leaning his back against the railing. After lighting both of their cigarettes, he pulled one of Adrianna’s bare feet into his lap and ran his fingers down from her ankle to her toes and back up again.

  “Do you want to stop taking the Vicodin, Adrianna?” Jack bluntly asked after a minute of listening to the music and voices carrying up from the bar below them.

  Adrianna drew on her cigarette and leaned back in her chair. Exhaling, she sat quietly and thought about her answer while she watched the long stream of smoke vanish into the night air. Yes, she wanted to stop taking the pills. She was terrified of becoming like Jack’s father, or worse, abusing her body until it shut down on her. But she was also terrified of what giving up her pills meant.

  “I do but I’m scared,” she admitted.

  “Tell me what you’re scared of,” Jack probed.

  “I’m scared of how I will feel without them. The longest I’ve gone without a pill is six hours and I wake up feeling horrible. I can’t imagine what I’ll feel like going more than that.” Adrianna played with the frayed edges of her cut-off shorts while nerves danced through her.

  “What else are you afraid of?”

  “The depression. The pills also helped with that.”

  “There are other ways of dealing with depression, you know?” Jack told her. “There’s therapy and medications that are much less dangerous, Ade. We will figure something out to help with that. Is there anything else?”

  “The pain, I guess,” Adrianna sighed. “I remember waking up from surgery in the hospital one time and the pain was so bad, I just wanted to die, Jack. I’m scared that without the pills I’ll be in that kind of pain again.”

  Jack finished his cigarette and mashed it out on the floor next to him before tossing the butt over the rail with a flick of his finger.

  “I did a little research before I went shopping,” he said. “First of all, I was wrong when I said you’re addicted to the pills. I think you’re dependent on them and there is a difference. Second, Adrianna, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be in very little, if any, pain once you’re off the pills. It’s common for dependents to think the pain is worse than it really is. And if you are in pain, there are ways to manage without the use of drugs.”

  He held his hand out to her and pulled her into his lap from her chair. Adrianna sat with her back pressed against his chest and let Jack soothe her by kneading her shoulders.

  His fingers deftly massaged, rubbing away some of her tension.

  “It’s not going to be easy,” Jack continued. “While the drugs are leaving your system you are going to feel awful, for a few days or maybe even up to a few weeks. But if you’re serious about wanting to stop I can help you get through it.”

  “I don’t want to go to rehab, Jack,” Adrianna stated, her shoulders tensing up again with worry.

  Jack swept her hair out of the way and kissed her where her neck and shoulder met. “You won’t have to. We can do this here,” he assured her.

  “You really want to do this for me?” Adrianna asked. She took a hold of his hands and guided them to wrap around her middle so that she could lean back and rest her head against his shoulder. She breathed in the warm air deeply.

  “I love you, Adrianna,” Jack r
eassured. “Of course I want to help you.”

  Adrianna didn’t know why in the hell Jack loved her, but she didn’t ask, afraid that he would wonder that himself if she did. And though she was scared, more scared than she had ever been in her entire life she proclaimed, “I want to stop. Tell me what I have to do.”

  Back in Jack’s kitchen, Adrianna watched in amazement as he unloaded the grocery bags, placing each item on the counter, and explained what each one was for.

  “These,” he said, pulling out three bottles, “are supplements. B6, Tyrosine, and a combination of minerals. You need to start taking them tonight. The bananas are for extra potassium which you are probably low on from the narcotics. The melatonin is to help you sleep.

  “The Gatorade is to keep you hydrated because you probably aren’t going to feel like eating and in case you throw up. The Imodium is to help with that or any other symptoms of an upset stomach.”

  Adrianna cringed with mortification, thinking about vomiting or having diarrhea in Jack’s presence. He went on like he didn’t even notice though, sounding very businesslike and professional.

  “The Icy Hot is for muscle aches, which I will gladly massage into your naked body as often as you’d like,” he continued with a wink, “and this,” he gestured to a large box, “is the best contraption Bed, Bath, and Beyond sells that will turn my boring old bathtub into a Jacuzzi. It just blows air into the water but it’ll help with the aches, too.”

  Adrianna stared at the at home detox kit Jack had amassed, speechless and touched. “I can’t believe you did all this,” she whispered. “I’ll pay you back for all of it Jack.”

  With a roll of his eyes he told her, “I’ll add it to your tab.”

  Her eyes misting over she looked at him lovingly and asked, “You really want to do this for me?”

  “I already told you I did. Now, I’d like to do this here for two reasons. One, I’ll be able to get Kenny and Joe to run the bar for a few days but I need to be close in case of anything. Two, don’t get upset with me, but I have no idea how many pills you have hidden in your apartment and I don’t want you to be tempted to take one. Are you okay staying at my place while you get through this?”

  Adrianna, a little hurt by what he said, only nodded.

  “When do you want to do this?” Jack asked her.

  “The sooner the better, I guess,” Adrianna said and then started to tremble again. She was terrified of what she was going to face. Tears started falling from her worried, brown eyes.

  Jack’s heart literally ached for her. He knew she was scared and she had every right to be. But she was also strong, he’d help her see that, and he would help her get through this.

  Jack pulled her into his arms and told her not to worry. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, I promise, Jenny.” He may have said the name with a hint of an accent.

  Adrianna choked out a laugh. “I know you won’t, Forrest. Thank you.”

  Chapter 8

  Bloop. Bloop. Bloop.

  Pill after pill dropped into the toilet and Adrianna’s stomach clenched with each resonating sound.

  Bloop. Bloop. Bloop.

  Clench. Clench. Clench.

  When the bottle was empty, she tossed it into the pail in her bathroom and it hit the bottom with a loud thunk. Every sound seemed to be overly sensitive to Adrianna’s ears and the whoosh when she flushed the toilet actually made her head ache. Maybe she already had a headache, she didn’t know. Every thought that came across her mind was fleeting, immediately replaced with how scared she was.

  Jack watched her from the doorway, feeling just as anxious, though he wouldn’t let Adrianna see it. He needed to stay calm for her and he told himself the same thing he told Adrianna for the last three days.

  “Everything is going to be okay.”

  Fuck if he knew if that was the truth, but he needed to believe it. He had a basic idea of what to expect over the next several days, but everyone was different and reacted differently to detoxification. At least that’s what the doctor had said yesterday when they went to see him, at Adrianna’s insistence.

  Jack had been proud when she told him she wanted to go to her doctor, admit to him that she had become dependent on the Vicodin, and ask for his help. However, he didn’t trust the man who had been so irresponsible to allow his patient to abuse narcotics, so he suggested she go to his own general physician. Dr. DeLuca gave Adrianna a complete physical with blood work, a rundown on what to expect during detox, and a prescription for a week’s worth of Valium.

  “It’s a low dosage,” the doctor had said, “but it should help with anxiety and rest.”

  He went on to explain the different options when it came to narcotic withdrawal and that he didn’t think she was in a situation that called for Methadone or Suboxone. When Jack told him about the items he had purchased to help Adrianna, the doctor had smiled and told Adrianna she had a good man. Adrianna already knew that though.

  Jack watched as Adrianna flushed the last of her pills and then put his hands on her shoulders. “Good job,” he praised. “Are you sure there aren’t any others?”

  Adrianna blinked up at him and frowned. “You know, for someone who told me I’m not an addict, you sure are treating me like one.”

  An apology crossed over Jack’s features and he said, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  It was late and they were in Adrianna’s apartment, there to collect some of her things, and rid herself of her pills that she did not, thank you very much, have hidden around in little caches. She lived alone, what reason would she have to hide them? She reminded herself that Jack was being more than generous, offering to help her through this, and so she forgave him and told him it was okay.

  After packing a few bags, grabbing her pillow, and slipping a note under Heather’s door to let her know she’d be away for a few days, Adrianna left her apartment with Jack, hoping to return to it a completely different girl.

  The first day without her pills wasn’t as horrible as Adrianna had imagined. She woke up around seven a.m. after having slept for five hours, aided by the melatonin Jack had purchased for her. She woke up with aches, feeling very nauseated, but that passed by noon after sipping several cups of ginger tea that Jack prepared for her. When she complained of her back hurting, he ran her a hot bath and then gave her a full body massage.

  “Where did you learn to do this?” Adrianna sighed, lying on Jack’s bed with her head in his lap as he passed over the contours of her face with the lightest of touches. His fingers, soft from the lotion he had used on her body, feathered over her closed eyes, down her nose, and across her lips before running the circuit again.

  “My mother is a massage therapist,” he told her quietly. He ran his hands through her hair, massaged her scalp with firm pressure, and then went back to stroking her face. He smiled when Adrianna let out a soft moan that told him his efforts to relax her were working.

  “Tell me more about your family,” Adrianna said.

  “My mom never remarried after she left my dad but she lives with a guy. His name is Denny and he’s a construction worker. He has two kids who live in New Jersey but I’ve met his son a few times. He looks like a young Dan Aykroyd, like from Ghostbusters, and get this, his name is Ray.”

  Adrianna let out a soft laugh and tried to ignore the pain in her body, focusing with all her might on Jack’s hands and words.

  “What about your sister?” she asked.

  “Gillian lives in Wisconsin, like I told you. She’s married, and stays home taking care of my two nieces, Sophie and Allison. They’re only eleven months apart.”

  Adrianna was about to comment about the slight age difference in his nieces but then she realized Jack had just told her his sister’s name and her eyes popped open in amusement. “Gillian? Your sister’s name is Gillian?”

  “I know, don’t say it.”

  “Jill? Jack and Jill, you’ve gotta be kidding me!”

  “It wasn’t intentional
, okay?” Jack laughed. “I told you I was named after my father and my mother named my sister after my grandmother. I went all through school being teased about it, don’t you start, too, now. And Gillian doesn’t let anyone call her Jill anyway.”

  Adrianna promised she wouldn’t tease anymore and went quiet again, just enjoying the treatment she was getting.

  Jack continued to talk about his family for a good thirty minutes until he realized Adrianna had fallen asleep. Not wanting to disturb her, he kept her head in his lap and leaned back against the headboard, and rested himself. They were six hours into Adrianna’s detox and he hoped the rest of the time went as easily.