Falling from Disgrace

by Maretta, L

  No. Such. Luck.

  The remainder of day one wasn’t so bad but on day two, Adrianna woke feeling like she was in hell. She needed to dash to the bathroom where she emptied her stomach of what little she had in it and then Jack rubbed her back while she dry heaved for the rest of the morning. With each violent wrack of her body, her back spasmed and she cried out in pain at every one of them. All Jack could do was hold her until her body calmed.

  Without the strength to move herself, Jack carried Adrianna to his couch where he made her sip Gatorade and tried to distract her from the pain with movies. Only ten minutes into Casablanca, she ran back to the bathroom to vomit and dry heave all over again.

  Awful didn’t even begin to describe how Adrianna felt. Every muscle in her body ached, much worse than the time she had the flu when she was in college. Her skin, which had insects crawling beneath the surface, she was sure, burned and though she wore only a tank top and pajama shorts, she was sweating profusely. Her back felt as if the screws holding her spine together were twisting deeper into her bones and head pounded with every shaky breath she took.

  Jack was in agony just watching her. He felt completely helpless as he rocked her in his lap on his bathroom floor. He wished for a moment that he knew one of those movie techniques where the hero renders a bad guy unconscious with a pinch to his neck. He wanted to put Adrianna out of her misery and since knocking her out was not an option he sang to her. Reaching back into his memory for a calming song he liked, he did the best he could with his deep voice.

  “Still my heart and hold my tongue. I feel my time, my time has come. Let me in, unlock the door. I’ve never felt this way before.”

  Though Adrianna had never been a big fan of Coldplay, she let Jack’s voice wheedle its way through the cloud surrounding her brain that was telling her to end the suffering and take a fucking pill. She quieted her whimpering and listened, trying to focus on each word of the song.

  “For you, I’d wait, ‘til kingdom come. Until my day, my day is done. Just say you’ll come, and set me free. Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.”

  When Jack finished ‘Til Kingdom Come, he moved on to sing other songs. Lyrics from The Rolling Stones, Journey, Otis Redding, Everclear, Train, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers were pulled out of the catalogue in his head and when he didn’t know the words he hummed. He’d stay on the floor singing and humming to Adrianna all night if he needed to.

  Adrianna was carried back to Jack’s bed once her stomach wasn’t lurching every ten minutes. Her body still weak and sore, she curled up on her side and tried to think about anything but the misery. God, she wanted a pill. Just one wouldn’t hurt, right? Just one to take the worst of the pain away and she would be fine. Those white, miraculous tablets; oh, how she took them for granted.

  Jack returned to the room and told Adrianna to open her mouth. For a glorifying second she thought he was giving her Vicodin but then she felt the sour, liquid melatonin on her tongue. Fuck melatonin, she thought. Fuck everyone and everything.

  “Try to sleep,” Jack whispered as he crawled into bed to spoon Adrianna. He resumed his soft humming and comforted her as best he could with the caress of his hands. He’d let her try to rest as long as possible and then he’d get her into a hot bath.

  Adrianna wanted to beg him for medicine. She wanted to plead, demand, threaten, or bribe but she was too ashamed to look so weak after only thirty hours. Jack was being so wonderful and so brave for her and she couldn’t let him down. She accepted his comfort and suffered in silence.

  A shrill noise disrupted them just as Adrianna was drifting to sleep and Jack cursed as he dug his cell phone from the back pocket of his jeans and saw that it was the bar calling. He kissed the back of Adrianna’s head and slid away from her.

  “What?” he barked when he was in the hall just outside of his bedroom.

  “Hey man, it’s Joe. One of the liquor distributors is here and he needs either you or the assistant manager. Kenny isn’t here and I can’t get a hold of him.”

  “God damn it,” Jack swore. He ran his hand through his hair while looking in at Adrianna. She looked so pitiful and he didn’t want to leave her now but he couldn’t neglect his livelihood. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

  After throwing on a clean shirt and finding his shoes he leaned over his bed and placed a gentle hand on Adrianna’s shoulder.

  “I have to go downstairs for a minute. Will you be okay?”

  Adrianna didn’t have the strength to speak or open her eyes and so she just nodded slightly, wincing when the small movement still sent jolts of pain through her head.

  “I’ll be right back, I promise,” he told her, placing another kiss on her head.

  Adrianna wasn’t much of a churchgoer but she started to pray, hoping God could hear her. She begged for mercy, asking him to take the pain away or give her strength to deal with it. Then she started to apologize for every sin she could think of.

  I’m sorry for taking drugs, please help me.

  I’m sorry for lying to my parents and to Jack, please take the pain away.

  I’m sorry for killing Rachel, please, please, please, help me to feel better.

  She started to cry and the sob that came from her made her head split in two. A wave of nausea struck her again. Not wanting to vomit on Jack’s bed or floor, she used every ounce of energy she could muster and dragged herself back to his bathroom. She stumbled over her own feet, neglected to turn the light on and heaved over the toilet. Bending over helped the sick feeling pass but it also sent pain shooting through her head again. It felt as though steel blades were slicing right through her skull and into her brain while some evil entity pounded behind her eyes with a jackhammer.

  Jack returned only ten minutes later and panicked when he didn’t find Adrianna where he left her.

  “Ade?” he called out, receiving only a whimper from his bathroom in return.

  He found her on the cold, tiled floor, curled up in the fetal position, her arms wound tightly around her head. When he flicked the light on she cried out in protest.

  “Okay, I’m sorry,” he whispered, distinguishing the lights and dropping to her side. “What hurts, sweetheart?”

  “My head,” Adrianna squeaked, still clutching it like it would explode if she removed her hands.

  He reached into his shower and turned the water on before stripping himself of his clothing. Then, as gently as he could, he undressed Adrianna and pulled her from the floor. She cried out again when Jack stepped the two of them under the icy water.

  “I know it’s cold but it will help with the headache,” he promised her.

  He held her in his arms while her body shivered until it acclimated itself with the temperature of the water.

  “I need to put you down. Can you stand?”

  When Adrianna nodded, he placed her on her feet and switched the shower head to pulse. Jack guided her to stand beneath the spray so that it hit just at the base of her neck and let her lean her forehead against his chest. His fingers rubbed her scalp while the cold water worked to ease her pain.

  Adrianna soon felt a glimmer of relief from her head but the ache still lingered. She was freezing but welcomed it as it continued to work on alleviating the pressure from her skull. When Jack started lathering shampoo into her hair the spots behind her eyes finally disappeared. Not afraid the slightest movement would cripple her any longer, she brought her hands around Jack’s waist.

  “I should just give up now,” she cried weakly into his wet chest.

  “Don’t you dare,” he threatened. He tilted her head back to rinse the soap and she opened her eyes. Blue, steely orbs stared back at her. “You’re stronger than this, Ade, you’ve got to keep telling yourself that. You’re stronger than the pain and you’re stronger than those fucking pills, you understand me?”

  “I’m not, I’m weak,” she insisted, knowing just how pathetic she sounded but not caring.

  “Listen to me,” Jack said,
now massaging conditioner into her hair. “Do you think I’d waste my time doing this with you if I thought you were weak? You can handle this, I know you can and when all of this shit is over, you’re going to see that I’m right.”

  Hoping that what he was saying was true, Adrianna pressed her face back to Jack’s chest and kissed him in thanks. Again, she wondered why he loved her; why he had so much faith in her when she had none of either for herself.

  When Jack finished with Adrianna’s hair he cleaned the rest of her carefully and lovingly and then sat down with her in the tub. His shower was small and narrow but he made it work by having her face him in his lap and wrapping her legs around his waist. Thank goodness the water was cold or he’d be sporting a massive hard-on.

  After allowing the water to beat down on her neck and shoulders a while longer, Jack asked Adrianna, “How’s your head?”

  Adrianna pulled her face from the crook of his neck to look at him. “It’s better.”

  She ran her hands through his hair that was plastered to his head and then cupped his face in her hands. “I don’t know how to thank you, Jack,” she said and then kissed him softly on his lips.

  “Do you love me?” Jack asked her.

  Without hesitation, Adrianna answered, “Yes.”

  “That’s all the thanks I need.”

  Day three wasn’t as hard as day two and four went by much easier. Adrianna slept as much as she could with the help of the melatonin and valium and when she couldn’t sleep, Jack was there to take care of her every need. He made sure she took her vitamins and replenished her system with Gatorade and water. If she was able to eat he made her chicken broth or toast. When she was aching he ran her a bath or massaged her. When she was nauseated he made her tea or sat with her on the bathroom floor. When she was in pain he helped her by distracting her with stories from his past, movies, or by singing to her. He danced her around his apartment when she felt jittery and anxious. Adrianna was convinced Jack was an angel sent to her by some unknown miracle.

  When Adrianna opened her eyes on day five it was like she had awoken to a new life. She sat up in bed, in awe that it was already morning. For the first time in she couldn’t remember how long she had slept for a good eight hours. The fact that she wasn’t queasy hit her immediately and when she stretched her muscles she almost cried with happiness. They didn’t scream at her in agony. Her back was sore but it was bearable.

  Jack was still asleep next to her and Adrianna’s heart swelled at the sight of the man who had literally saved her. He lay peacefully, one of his hands resting on his bare stomach, the other reaching out, palm up, like he had fallen asleep holding hers. His hair was rumpled but his face was smooth. Adrianna figured he had cleaned himself up after she fell asleep the night before. The saint that he was, Jack had neglected everything in his life, including shaving, for the last four days while he cared for her. Adrianna had grown to like the faint mustache and beard but he was so much more handsome without them. Thanking God for sending Jack her way, Adrianna climbed out of bed as quietly as possible. Jack had earned every extra second of rest she could give him.

  The mirror in the bathroom reflected back the same person Adrianna always saw. She was surprised her looks hadn’t changed, for she felt so different. Still, the same skinny, wan girl looked back at her, only a little more bedraggled than usual. She grimaced when she took in the wrinkled shirt and shorts she had on and the rat's nest on top of her head. Water and soap ran over her face, she used her toothbrush, and then pulled a comb through her hair. After making herself more presentable she gave herself another once over in the mirror.

  Things had changed, that was for certain, but the changes couldn’t stop just with the pills. She didn’t want to become as dependent on Jack as she had on the Vicodin, so there was a lot more to come. What did she do? She needed to let Jack get back to his own life and she needed to move forward with hers. By doing what, she had no idea, and that scared her but she would figure it out.

  She returned to the bedroom where Jack was still sleeping and changed into a clean pair of panties and a t-shirt. Turning her phone back on she saw she had two missed calls, one from her mother and one from Jason again. How pathetic? Two calls in four days. She neglected to listen to the voicemail her mother left and then crawled back into bed with Jack.

  As the mattress shifted, Jack stirred and then his eyes flew open. Taking in the morning light coming in from the window his head swung to his side where Adrianna stared back him, her cheek resting on a pillow. She smiled and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead.

  “How long have you been awake?” he yawned and then scrubbed at his face with his hands.

  “About fifteen minutes.”

  “Did you sleep the whole night?”

  “I did,” Adrianna answered, nodding her head.

  Jack pulled her close and kissed her cheek. “That’s wonderful. How do you feel?”

  “Better. Not great, but so much better,” she sighed.

  Jack hummed, relieved at what she said. Not that he wouldn’t take care of her forever if needed, but he was exhausted and couldn’t bear to see her in agony anymore. He never said it out loud to her, but several times over the last four days he was ready to go out and get her pills just to end her suffering.

  He pulled Adrianna on top of him and she wrapped her arms around his neck. While Jack breathed in the lavender scent of her hair he ran his hands up and down her naked thighs. He loved waking up so normally with her in his bed and looked forward to doing it again and again. With the pills out of her system it was time for them to enjoy the perks of a traditional relationship.

  “Thank you, Jack,” Adrianna breathed into his neck while squeezing him a little tighter. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, sweetheart,” he told her. “And you’re welcome.”

  Adrianna pulled her face from his neck and brought her lips to his, pouring all of her overwhelming gratitude into the kiss. Her hair fell around them like a curtain and Jack felt like he was in a cocoon that contained the two of them and no one else. They were the only people in the world at that moment. He turned them so they were both on their side and grabbed Adrianna’s knee to hitch her leg over his hip. His straining cock pressed between her legs and she moaned in want.

  “Are you okay to do this?” he murmured against her lips while his hand caressed the back of her thigh up to the curve of her bottom.

  Adrianna pulled her mouth free to answer and Jack licked the skin at her throat. “Yes,” she sighed.

  Jack peeled her shirt off and then turned her so that she lay on her stomach. Divesting himself of his shorts and her of her panties, he kneeled down at her feet and sucked on the skin at the back of her ankle. His lips feathered up to her knees where he caressed one with his fingers and kissed behind the other. He ran his tongue up her thighs, bit one of her perfectly round cheeks and then licked up the entire length of her scar.

  Adrianna gasped at the sensation that felt wrong and yet so achingly good. Jack had just managed to take what she saw as a hideous mar on her body and made it erotic, letting her know that he loved every inch of her; even her flawed back. When Jack stretched himself along the side of her, she turned her head and let him claim her lips once again.

  He used his hand to nudge her legs apart and when he felt the wetness between them he groaned. He loved feeling the evidence of her arousal. He fingered her clit while he swallowed her moans and then ran his hand up to spread the silkiness to her ass, applying the slightest pressure there.

  Adrianna jerked, her whole body going taut at the foreign sensation, and then cried out.

  “Shh,” Jack breathed into her ear as she buried her face into the pillow. Using his thumb to stimulate her, he hooked one of his legs around hers to spread her wider for him. Adrianna’s hands curled around the bed sheets as Jack continued to touch her in the most indecent of ways.

  Keeping his thumb in place between her cheeks, he pressed two fingers into her,
fucking her with his hand slowly and steadily. His other hand slithered between her body and the mattress to tease her clit and when he pushed just the tip of his thumb into her puckered entrance, Adrianna’s head shot up from the pillow.

  “Fuck!” she screamed as she rode out the most intense orgasm of her life.

  Jack didn’t stop his movements, continuing to bring wave upon wave of pleasure to Adrianna’s body. After four days of hell, the ecstasy was more than welcome and she relished every tremor, every sliver of electricity, Jack brought upon her until she brought her knees up, ready for him to take her.

  Jack guided his cock into her from behind and moved slowly in and out, inch by inch. He wanted to take her more roughly but didn’t in fear of hurting her.

  Adrianna tried to goad him on by pushing herself back to meet his thrusts but he refused, continuing at a gentle pace.

  “Jack, I’m okay,” she insisted, looking up at him over her shoulder. He leaned down to cover his body with his own, his face twisted with restraint.