Kiss It Better

by Jenny Schwartz

  She didn’t care if she climaxed. That wasn’t the point. It was about having him in her, being part of him, catching at that intangible, impossible sense of belonging and rejoicing in it.

  So when Theo adjusted their angles a fraction, her orgasm surprised her. It overwhelmed her, ripping her from her body so that the only security was his gaze.

  He looked into her eyes the whole time, seeing what she felt, being part of it, before his movements intensified and he powered into his own climax —she was there with him.

  ‘Tomorrow won’t be easy,’ he said later.

  Life was such an odd mix. High drama, emotions, incredible sex, and now Theo moving old computer equipment out of half of his wardrobe so that she could move her clothes in. Not that she had many clothes with her, but the welcome, the statement that she belonged was real and she valued it.

  ‘All the family will be calling in, checking that I’m okay.’

  ‘Probably.’ Her family was the same. From meeting the Morrigans, she guessed they’d want to see for themselves that Theo was fine. Then they’d stay and talk. She stowed her empty bag at the bottom of the wardrobe and closed the door. ‘They love you.’

  He dropped backwards onto the bed. Since he only wore his black boxers, the pose of despair looked sexy. ‘My great-aunts will pinch my cheeks and I’ll sneeze at all the talcum powder they wear.’

  ‘I could pinch your cheeks.’ She tried for a leer.

  It must have worked. Kind of.

  He laughed. ‘Come here, darlin’, and we’ll see who pinches who, and where.’

  ***

  In the morning, Cassie leaned against the doorframe, cradling a mug of coffee, and waved him goodbye and good luck. The street was quiet yet. A couple of people walked small dogs and joggers ran past.

  Theo was going in early in the hope of getting some work done before the family descended.

  Her own plans were less organised. A desire to procrastinate battled with knowing that she should be thinking about her employment situation. She had savings and over half of the substantial sum from the sale of JayBay that her dad had insisted in depositing in her bank account, but she hated being idle. She was healthy, now. For her self-respect, she needed to be up and doing. But nursing?

  She woke from her reverie to realise that Theo had vanished down the street and she’d finished her coffee. She pushed away from the doorframe and wandered inside.

  Going clothes shopping wouldn’t really be putting things off. If she caught the tram into the city centre she could stock up on ordinary clothes: new jeans, summer trousers and shorts, a couple of skirts, t shirts, shirts, shoes, sandals, underwear…she started making a list. A plain suit that she could wear to an interview would be good. Nothing too expensive. Whatever she decided to do, she’d need her prospective employer to believe she needed the job, that she was committed.

  Cassie frowned. Commitment wasn’t her problem. She’d committed to her studies, gained her nursing experience, committed to Africa, but she hadn’t been able to follow through her commitment.

  Burning out had dented her confidence more than she wanted to admit.

  Haircut, cosmetics and a pretty party dress got added to the list.

  She’d stop in at the boutique she’d found here in St Kilda. Luke’s micro store had held more than the liquorice all-sorts dress she’d bought. She’d buy something floaty and feminine. Then she’d take Theo out for dinner tonight to celebrate him surviving the family avalanche of love and concern.

  Her phone rang as she locked the front door behind her. She fished it out of her bag. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Morning, Cassie. I didn’t wake you, did I? It is early.’

  She recognised Louise’s voice. ‘No, I’m up. Theo’s gone into the office.’ One advantage of wearing old jeans was that she could sit on doorsteps without worrying. She’d rather find out why Louise was calling before she set out to catch the tram.

  ‘I’ve already spoken to him. He’s…I’m glad he’s okay.’ Her voice brightened determinedly, putting aside the emotions of last night. ‘I was phoning you early to check…I’m planning a family lunch on Sunday and I wanted to check with you that you’d be okay to attend. We do this every now and then. Everyone comes to our house.’

  Thinking of the large house and yard in Toorak, Cassie understood the choice of venue.

  ‘People start arriving around twelve o’clock, and leave about ten or eleven.’

  Cassie blinked. Her Aunt Gabby organised similar open house parties, using Mick’s house as a base but putting most activities on the beach below the headland. But even she didn’t run them for nearly twelve hours. ‘Do you need any help?’

  ‘Oh, I wasn’t calling to ask you…’ Louise paused. ‘Actually, I’d love some company while I shopped at the supermarket. We could take two trolleys. Everyone brings a plate, but I like to be prepared.’

  Catering for the family hordes for two meals and counting, Cassie would want to be prepared, too. Today was Monday, but lots of party supplies were long-life or things like paper plates. ‘When would you like to shop?’

  ‘Today?’

  ‘Suits me.’ She’d get to clothes shopping another day.

  ‘I’m just thinking of logistics.’

  Cassie stared at the phone.

  ‘Theo drove Gordon’s car home. If you’re comfortable driving it, it is a manual and Melbourne traffic can be daunting, you could drive over here, then I’ll drive us to the supermarket before driving you home.’

  Cassie remembered Theo saying that his mum was the force behind a number of charity groups. Now she understood. ‘I can drive a manual and I’ve driven in Melbourne before. If Gordon doesn’t mind me driving his car?’

  ‘He’ll be fine with it.’

  ‘Then I can drive over whenever you like.’

  ‘I’ll be home all morning, so any time.’

  Cassie decided she mightn’t make it into the city today, but if she grocery shopped this morning, she’d have time this afternoon to buy a dress at Luke’s micro store. ‘I’m ready to roll, so I’ll see you soon.’

  ‘I’ll have coffee waiting.’

  A very Melbourne response.

  ***

  Grocery shopping with Louise proved fun. She drove them to a large supermarket and started piling things into her cart and the one Cassie pushed.

  ‘Lots of nibbles,’ she said as the potato chips, roasted chickpeas, crackers, dips, salsas, lollies, chocolates, ice cream, waffle cones and the rest piled up. ‘Sunday morning, Gordon will do a run to the bakery for bread, buns, pull-aparts and muffins. I’ll pick up vegetables on Saturday and make up the salads while he’s gone. Gordon takes the longest time to shop.’

  Unlike Louise, who moved like lightning along the supermarket aisles yet smiled and gossiped happily, filling Cassie in on the background and personalities of various family members.

  It was awe-inspiring and delightful. This was Theo’s mum unburdened by private worries or family dramas. Like her son, she was a powerhouse. She even checked if Cassie had favourite foods and made sure they were thrown into the trolley.

  By the time they arrived back at the Toorak mansion, the car was overflowing with bags and the two of them were relaxed and comfortable with each other.

  ‘Did you leave anything in the shop?’ Gordon came out to meet them.

  Louise filled his arms with bags. ‘Did you order the drinks?’ And to Cassie, ‘The local bottle shop delivers, soft drinks as well as alcohol.’

  ‘They’ll bring the works by this afternoon. I’ll tip the man extra and he’ll stack them in the games room fridge and beside it. I’ll get one of your nephews to bring the ice for the tubs on Sunday morning.’ He deposited the grocery bags on the kitchen bench. ‘And now I’m going in to see Theo.’

  ‘Gordon.’ It was a warning.

  ‘I won’t bother the boy, but it’s nearly lunchtime. I’ll rescue him from the rellies. Ciao.’ Irrepressible, Gordon was gone.

 
‘He means well,’ Louise said. ‘Now, leave the bags. All the cold stuff is put away. I’ll deal with the rest later. I need a cuppa and a chocolate biscuit.’

  They took their mugs and the packet of biscuits through to what Louise called her sunroom. Large windows let in the light and white wicker furniture looked comfortable, amid a couple of potted palms and a backdrop of pale yellow walls.

  ‘Are you staying in Melbourne?’ Louise asked.

  Cassie choked on a biscuit.

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m being pushy, but there’s no use hiding the fact that I meddle.’ She said it gleefully, proud of herself. ‘Theo knows how to block me. More’s the pity.’

  Cassie swallowed the biscuit and some tea, and managed not to laugh. ‘I’ll be staying a while. I need to find a job.’

  ‘Aren’t you a nurse?’

  ‘I was. I mean…I’m not sure if I still want to nurse.’ Leighton’s lies and the media coverage would have more than informed Louise of Cassie’s burnout. She’d understand.

  ‘Theo’s a doctor.’

  Cassie nodded.

  ‘He’s a good doctor, but he’s a better CEO. It brings him alive.’ Louise knew her son. ‘Do you have another passion, something you enjoy doing?’

  ‘No, that’s what makes it so difficult. All I ever wanted to do was nurse in Africa.’

  ‘Why Africa?’

  No one else had ever asked. The need for nurses in Africa was self-evident. Cassie struggled with the question. ‘I guess as a kid I saw all the people on TV who were suffering and dying without anyone doing anything. I refused to be another person who turned away.’

  ‘And so you burned out.’ Louise leaned back, her coffee mug balanced on the arm of the chair. A worn patch there suggested she did that a lot. ‘But you’ve recovered from that?’

  ‘Physically. I’m still…not certain about nursing.’

  Louise sipped her coffee. ‘When Gordon had his heart attack, we were lucky. We could afford the best doctors and world-class care. Theo knew the system and he made sure that everything that could be done for Gordon was. But for me, I was helpless. Gordon lay there, a shell of himself. I didn’t know if he’d live or die. It was painful. The nurses kept me sane.’

  She put the mug aside and took another biscuit. ‘Strange, isn’t it? If there’s one thing I’m blessed with, it’s family. Love them, hate them, want to strangle them, they’re there in the tough times. But when things were at their worst, in the silent hours of the night, it was strangers I relied on. Theo and Connor, my other son, had their own grief. They didn’t need to carry me, too.

  ‘Cassie, I warned you I meddle. So I’m going to give you advice. You can ignore it. You are a nurse, not just by training. You are calm, capable and caring. Believe in yourself, honey, and find a path that uses all your strength. Don’t run scared and settle for less. Life is like love — you gain the most when you risk everything.’

  A phone rang. ‘Excuse me.’

  Cassie blinked away the sting in her eyes. Of all the ways people had tried to help her and her own struggle back to health and happiness, Louise’s simple affirmation was the most powerful. It was as if a pressure banding Cassie’s chest had crumbled. She breathed deeply, freely.

  ‘Hello.’ Louise picked up an extension on the back wall, hidden behind a palm tree. ‘Don’t shout at me, Gordon. Yes. Yes, Cassie’s still here.’ Louise faced her, rolling her eyes at Cassie.

  Cassie started to smile back when Louise’s expression changed.

  ‘What? Why? No, you’ll tell me now. Gordon!’ She replaced the phone sharply. ‘That man.’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Cassie stood.

  ‘When Gordon gets excited, he’s as clear as mud. I could try calling the office, but he said you need to get down there. Should I phone and try and get some sense out of him, or would you rather just drive there?’

  Cassie was already checking her phone. There were no missed calls or texts from Theo. She dialled his number. ‘I’ll ask Theo.’ She waited. ‘Voice mail.’ She really didn’t want to phone his secretary. ‘Could I borrow a car?’

  ‘I’ll drive you.’

  Stuck in traffic, Louise only spoke once. ‘Gordon could be over-dramatising things.’

  Cassie ran her hand up and down the seatbelt, fretting. ‘As long as it isn’t Leighton.’

  ***

  ‘It’s your cousin Leighton.’ Gordon met them in the foyer and hustled them into an elevator decorated in the elaborate brass manner of a century ago, but smoothly modern in its operation.

  The receptionist, Jodie, watched them with interest.

  ‘Leighton phoned Theo. I was in the office when the call came through. Theo lost it.’

  ‘What do you mean lost it?’ Louise questioned. ‘Theo’s always controlled.’

  Cassie hugged her arms around herself. Her rotten cousin. ‘It’ll be okay. Difficult, but it’s all sorted.’

  It would have helped if Gordon hadn’t given her a sceptical look. ‘Theo threw the phone. Broke it against the wall.’

  She was still blinking, trying to process that unexpected act of violence when the lift opened and Gordon ushered them out. People shot them sidelong glances. Some were family, recognisable from Friday’s lunch. Others must have been staff. They gossiped in low voices, but scattered before Gordon’s scowl.

  ‘Give us a minute,’ he said to Theo’s secretary, Ayesha.

  She gathered up the broken pieces of a phone and walked out, her steps neat and elegant. The click of the door behind her sounded very final.

  Cassie rubbed the goosebumps on her arms.

  ‘Where’s Theo?’ Louise peered around the office.

  It was a good question. Gordon had insisted Cassie race here to deal with trouble, but where was Theo?

  ‘Rooftop.’ Gordon rocked back on his heels, studying Cassie.

  She was bewildered, scared more by the atmosphere than by what she could guess had happened. She knew Leighton and his threats. She’d dealt with them. He had promised. At this point, surely all her cousin represented to Theo was a nuisance. Why the rage of the broken phone?

  ‘Cassie.’ Gordon’s voice was unnervingly gentle. ‘From what I gathered from Theo’s end of the phone conversation, you did the right thing.’

  ‘Leighton told him?’ No. No, no, no. He’d promised. He’d vowed silence. It couldn’t be…

  Louise interrupted. ‘Can someone tell me?’

  ‘In a minute,’ Gordon said. He focussed on Cassie. ‘I think you should go up to the rooftop and talk to Theo.’

  She nodded. Standing here and getting an incomplete story second-hand wasn’t helping. ‘How do I get to the rooftop?’

  ‘The stairs are around the corner, to your left.’

  She exited the office and ignored the stares of the curious.

  ‘…then he tipped the desk over and…’

  ‘Ssshh.’ The embellisher of one small huddle fell silent as Cassie passed, an unhealthy flush flooding his face like a bad case of sunburn.

  The metal staircase was circular and beautifully constructed, and she’d have admired it under other circumstances.

  As it was, she worried. Worst-case scenario was that Leighton had been arrested and in the same way he’d reacted to her dad firing him, he was out for revenge — and so much for his promise.

  Damn. If that was the case, then Theo had every right to his anger. Leighton was threatening the Morrigan family and his dad’s uncertain health. But if Gordon understood and didn’t seem too distressed, then really Leighton’s threat lost the worst of its power. It was still horrible and she’d never forgive him, but it wasn’t catastrophic.

  The slight optimism she’d tried to foster on the climb vanished when she got out on the roof and saw Theo standing with his back to her, gazing out across the rooftops to the bay. His stance was rigid.

  It took all her courage to leave the staircase and walk towards him. He looked so alone.

  Stepping stones formed a path throug
h an expanse of silver gravel that undoubtedly covered a water catchment system. The garden stood just beyond it, filled with the sort of unkillable plants that would tolerate the harshness of the space. Chairs and even a shade sail marked a sitting space. Employees could sit here for lunch or potentially for a private talk.

  She missed a stepping stone and her foot crunched on the gravel.

  Theo swung around. His already tense expression tightened at the sight of her. He was coldly, deadly furious.

  ‘Theo?’

  ‘Go away, Cassie.’

  She grasped the back of a bench beside her. ‘Gordon phoned.’

  ‘Of course he did. He’s just like you. Keeping secrets from me. You have no idea how much I hate secrets “for my own good”.’

  Realisation stabbed her. This wasn’t about Leighton, or only incidentally. This was about how Cassie had dealt with his threats.

  She’d done exactly what his mother had done.

  ‘When were you going to tell me?’ Theo asked. He didn’t wait for her answer. ‘I trusted you when I didn’t trust anyone, and you lied to me.’

  ‘I didn’t lie. I didn’t tell you everything, but I didn’t lie. Theo, you were dealing with enough, and Leighton is my family, my problem.’

  He wasn’t listening. ‘I told you in Jardin Bay how angry I was, how betrayed I felt at people I loved keeping secrets from me. And all the time you listened and kissed me and screwed me, you clutched this secret to you.’

  ‘How could I tell you?’

  ‘How could you not?’

  She stared at him, lost for how to make him understand when he refused to understand. ‘At what point in these last couple of days, days that had to be about you and your family, should I have interrupted to say by the way, Leighton threatened to tell the whole world that Gordon wasn’t your dad, that he rejected you in preference for the role of Brigid Care CEO, and that Brigid Care was rudderless? I was protecting you and Louise and Gordon’s health.’