Kiss It Better

by Jenny Schwartz

  He took two steps closer, threatening steps. ‘How did he even know about it?’

  ‘Some of your family weren’t discreet. They talked about the bombshell in the boardroom. I suspect Leighton overheard Paula in a local café. He was lurking nearby.’

  ‘Scheming bastard. I should never have let him get away.’

  ‘What?’ She really wasn’t following. She was slow, today, unforgivably slow at comprehending anything. It was the shock: from happiness to this. She released the chair and took a step forward. They could make this right, if he would listen.

  He waved an arm in a gesture of frustration and futility. ‘I pressed charges, but I knew, that is, the detective I hired mentioned it, that Leighton had a visa to enter the Philippines. They won’t bother extraditing him for the amount of money he stole. He’s gotten clean away. I should have told Sergeant Forrest.’ He paced away. ‘How much did he take you for?’

  ‘Two hundred thousand,’ she answered automatically, her attention on what he’d revealed. Even as he pressed charges, insisting that there be consequences for Leighton’s actions, Theo had allowed her cousin a way out — was that for Aunt Gabby or her? He’d been kind. ‘Leighton phoned while I was waiting for you at your house. You were off in the Chevy, driving around, processing. You needed that time.’

  ‘Two hundred thousand dollars?’

  ‘Leighton knew some way for me to transfer it immediately.’ Of course he did, if the whole time he was planning to escape to the Philippines. Her brain whirled. Was it better or worse that Leighton be in exile than in jail? How would Aunt Gabby cope? ‘I didn’t even need to go to the bank.’ She shook off her daze and focussed on the conversation, on what was important to her. Her and Theo. ‘It’s only money.’

  Not to him. ‘It’s extortion, secrets and lies. I’m done.’ He looked down at her, close enough to touch, but remote like the Himalayas and just as frozen. ‘I’ll transfer you the money.’

  ‘Leighton is my cousin. It was my decision to pay for his silence.’

  He gripped her arms. ‘I’m not paying Leighton. This is about getting you out of my life. No more ties, no more vicious secrets.’ Each word was selected to cut, to excise her from his life.

  And they did. They hurt.

  She wanted to reach for him.

  But he saved the worst for last. ‘You want to save the world, Nurse Cassie. Go save it. I’ll find a woman capable of an honest, equal partnership.’ Then he pushed past her and his footsteps clattered down the stairs.

  Chapter Eleven

  The hotel room was business-traveller bland, but it was in the city centre, convenient to shops, and Cassie didn’t care about décor. She’d left it only to buy new clothes. She hadn’t gone back to Theo’s home after yesterday’s disaster. He could give her clothes to Louise to pass on to her or throw them out. She didn’t care.

  Louise and Gordon had taken one look at her face and offered for her to stay at their home. She’d refused. Theo’s parents might believe there was hope, but she’d seen and heard and felt the depth of his anger and rejection.

  She wouldn’t have him lose his family as well by letting him think that they stood with her.

  But she hadn’t immediately flown back to Jardin Bay, either. Not because she thought Theo would have a change of heart.

  She leaned her forehead against the window glass, staring down on the people hurrying on the street below.

  No, Theo wasn’t changing his mind. Her attempt to protect him and his family had been one secret too many for him. All the uncertain emotions that he’d fooled everyone he was in control of, all of them had swirled and coalesced and unleashed themselves on her. In his life, she was the expendable one that he could scapegoat.

  Or had he seen truer than her? Had paying off Leighton been less about handling the situation and more about her indulging her save-the-world syndrome? Had she reduced Theo’s equal adult status in their relationship so that she could play the rescuer?

  She thrust her hands through her hair, digging her fingers into her scalp, trying to strip away every delusion to find the truth of why what she cared about most turned and burnt her.

  Imagine attempting to protect someone as strong as Theo from life. It was an insult. But she’d done it because she cared.

  Nor could she have lived with herself if Leighton had made good on his threat and the stress of it had triggered another of Gordon’s heart attacks.

  It was futile to stand and think. Nothing would make this better. For all Theo’s anger, she wouldn’t have acted differently.

  But, God, heartbreak hurt.

  ***

  Theo had never been the kind of boss who intimidated his employees. As a doctor, he’d cultivated an open manner that encouraged confidences and he’d brought that into the business world. So when he saw Jodie actually tiptoeing past his door, he knew he had to get control of his rage.

  It hadn’t cooled overnight, alone in the bed that only the previous night he’d shared with Cassie. Then he’d thought the sex had meant something precious. She’d been there in that incredible lost-and-found moment of hearing his father’s voice. She’d known that he needed that connection to her, to life, and she’d given herself to him and he’d…he’d surrendered himself, too, to her.

  He’d trusted her.

  Always it came back to that, the devastation of her betrayal.

  Secrets. They flayed his soul. How could he trust who he was, when the people he loved lied to him?

  ‘This is ridiculous.’ His mum walked in and shut the door.

  ‘Mum, I’m in no mood — ’

  ‘Nor am I. I thought your dad was the proudest, stubbornest, stupidest man, but as his son, you outdo him.’

  ‘This is not a good time.’

  ‘Am I interrupting your sulk?’

  The pencil in his hand snapped. He tossed the pieces onto his desk. He and his mum both looked at them.

  She sighed. ‘That’s what you did to Cassie.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘The pencil won’t mend, but people can forgive. Like you forgave me.’

  ‘Are you really sitting there telling me that Cassie might forgive me? It’s me who can’t forgive her. She lied.’

  ‘She looked out for you.’

  ‘No. No more rewriting history. You should stay out of this, Mum.’

  ‘I would, but you’re being stupid.’

  Anyone else, even his dad, he’d have thrown them out of his office, but what did you do when your mum sat there meddling? ‘I’m leaving.’

  ‘If you add cowardice to your stupidity…’

  He dropped back in his chair. ‘All right. Say whatever it is you came here to say.’

  ‘Loving people is about accepting that they’re imperfect. I love you.’ His mum’s implication was obvious.

  ‘Thanks,’ he said dryly.

  ‘And there we go. That thanks wasn’t sincere.’

  ‘Mum, you just said I wasn’t perfect.’

  ‘Do you really think you are?’

  He drew a deep breath for patience.

  ‘Theo, you have to learn to accept love as well as give it. You care for everyone. I should have worried when you studied to become a doctor that you’d acquire their god-complex.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That you know what is best and will take care of everyone. That you’ll save the world.’

  He jerked, because that echoed the insult he’d thrown at Cassie, knowing that it would cut her to the bone. He wasn’t proud of himself, using the knowledge of her uncertainty that she’d trusted him with, against her.

  ‘In Cassie’s shoes, with a similar threat against her and her dad, you would have done what she did. You’d have protected her.’

  ‘I’d have beaten the crap out of her cousin. I still should.’

  His mum rolled her eyes. ‘My brothers have a lot to answer for. Forget the machismo and focus on what you said. Would you have asked her if you could beat up her cousin? No, y
ou’d have done it for her.’

  Like he’d phoned Mick, her dad, and agreed to press charges against Leighton.

  Some of his rage and the sharp sting of betrayal faded.

  ‘You’re mad at me, Theo, and at your dad. Not at Cassie.’

  ‘Mum,’ he started to protest, but didn’t know where to go with it.

  She gathered up her handbag and stood. ‘Some anger is natural. I hid something important from you. You don’t need to hide your emotions from me so that I’ll feel okay. I know you love me and that’s enough. We’ll get through this. What you need to do is find Cassie.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘To apologise?’ She arched an eyebrow. ‘And because she’s the only person I’ve ever seen you treat as an equal, someone you didn’t hold back part of yourself from. You need her.’ She rounded the desk and kissed his forehead.

  He watched her walk to the door.

  ‘I just hope that when you work it out in your own muddled head, she’ll forgive you.’

  ***

  Cassie indulged her newly discovered masochistic streak. She could have stayed in the city centre or flown home to Jardin Bay, but instead she was walking along the St Kilda beachfront thinking of Theo. Late morning, she knew he’d be at the office, so she was safe to indulge in what she’d always thought was the clichéd and ridiculous action of reliving happier times.

  There was the restaurant Theo had taken her for their first meal in Melbourne and where he’d proposed that they pretend to be lovers. He’d told her it was his favourite restaurant and she’d intended to treat him to dinner there last night.

  She jolted.

  The man on the deck, looking out over the bay, wasn’t a stranger who resembled Theo, a trick of her obsessed brain. Theo himself sat there, a cup in front of him, brooding. He ought to be at work, but he was right there, shirtsleeves rolled up and tie discarded.

  She remembered the leather-clad biker she’d first met; that streak of wildness in him that he controlled.

  Back then she’d been frozen in her misery, believing herself a failure and her career lost to her.

  This felt worse.

  She’d rediscovered herself, her strength and passion, but the man she wanted to build her new life with was untouchable.

  Her masochism only went so far. She couldn’t face a second rejection from him if he saw her now. But she couldn’t turn her back on him either. That retreat would be hideous, with her imagining he’d withdrawn his attention from the sea and noticed her. Would he stare after her with hate, or would she be walking further and further away from him with him not noticing nor caring that she was leaving?

  She plunged off the path and up to the road, judging a gap in the traffic and running across. She boarded a tram bound for the safe anonymity of the city. It was half full, leaving her a seat to herself. Not that she needed it as she huddled to one side, contemplating the dreary griminess of public transport and the sly graffiti someone had scratched into the seat in front.

  Her phone rang, displaying Theo’s name.

  He’d seen her at the beach.

  As she stared at it, the ringing stopped and the call went to voice mail. Would he leave a message? What kind of message? Surely he didn’t think she was stalking him.

  Whatever it was, she couldn’t sit on the tram, surrounded by strangers and listen to his voice.

  She swallowed hard, remembering how she’d sat beside him in the old Ford, hearing his father sing “Dreaming on the Way”.

  Uncaring what stop it was, she climbed off the tram and walked till she found a wall to stand against where she was out of everyone’s way and could believe herself unobserved.

  Then she checked her messages.

  ‘Cassie.’

  Her knees weakened and she leaned against the wall.

  ‘I hate voicemail. It cuts off the important bits. Can we talk for real? Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you. Are you in Jardin Bay? Call me. Text me. Let me — ’

  He was right about the freaking voicemail. It cut him off.

  Should she be angry that he assumed she’d run home? Impossible. Hope grounded on so little, no more than the fact he wanted to talk and was willing to come to her, made her shaky.

  Her gaze lifted from the cracks in the footpath and registered the bright clothes of people passing by, the busy street and the fact the sun was shining. She’d play the message again, just to check that there was reason to hope — ‘The tram!’

  The tram travelling back to St Kilda was approaching the stop. She sprinted back and swung herself up and on-board. Again there were empty seats, but she couldn’t bring herself to sit down. She stood near the exit and clasped her phone as a talisman, watching Melbourne slowly slide past.

  When she left the tram, she became part of the hurrying, colourful crowd. But she bet none of them were racing along, fearing to hope, but unable to resist. She saw Theo as he crossed the road, walking back from the restaurant to his office. She watched him, the easy stride and abstracted air, and how he stood out in a crowd.

  He caught sight of her and stopped.

  They stared, their view of one another breaking and reforming as people pushed between them and filled the distance of two shopfronts that separated them. Perhaps it was the distance that made his expression so hard to read.

  She got her feet moving and the closer she came to him, it was as if the crowd on the footpath and street faded. All she saw were the shadows around his eyes and the tension that marked the corners of his mouth.

  ‘Forgive me?’ he asked.

  She shut her eyes, fighting tears.

  When she blinked them open, he stood closer, blocking all else from view. ‘I know what I said was — ’

  ‘I love you.’

  His arms closed around her tight enough to hurt and his kiss stole her breath. She hugged him just as hard, her heart pounding like a runner’s. Adrenaline. She had just taken the greatest risk of her life.

  He ended the kiss and looked down at her. ‘You shouldn’t forgive me so easily. Mum was right. You did it because you cared.’

  Her laughter was faint but real. ‘Louise is a self-confessed meddler. Of course she’d see it my way.’ Emotion made her voice husky. ‘I shouldn’t have kept secrets from you. I won’t in future. Not ever.’

  ‘Thank you.’ He finally seemed to realise the public nature of their reconciliation and scowled at intrigued onlookers. One young guy was even walking backward for a longer gawk at them. ‘Let’s go home.’

  The terrace house did feel like home. Theo hadn’t said he loved her, but he showed it. They were barely in the house when he began making love to her with a desperation and generosity that healed the final hurt in her heart. She responded out of her own love. If he had misunderstood and lashed out at her from his own agony, he’d repented, and she trusted him. With everything.

  She gasped his name as she climaxed and only then did he thrust inside her, not letting her come down, but driving her on so that her second burst of pleasure came with his and the beauty of it, the intimacy, had tears leaking from her eyes.

  He kissed them away.

  They smiled at one another as he leaned over her. He kissed her nose. ‘Get dressed.’ He rolled away, heading for the bathroom.

  ‘Why?’ Personally, she saw no reason to leave the bedroom, especially when he walked back in and she admired the view.

  ‘Because we’re going for a drive in the Chevy.’

  She got dressed.

  ***

  Riding in the Chevy with the windows down, the radio playing classic rock and Theo occasionally turning his head to grin at her, Cassie was living the dream. He didn’t even wince when she sang along with a couple of the songs, and she knew her voice was bad.

  He hadn’t said where they were going and she didn’t ask. The road unrolled before them until he stopped just beyond Geelong. She smiled as she read the sign.

  They stood on the cliffs above Bells Beach, the famous surf spot
and the start of the Great Ocean Road. The cliff tops were green, the raw sides a golden buttery earth colour and the ocean reflected the deep blue of the sky. The wind wrapped around them, tugging at them to fly.

  ‘Not quite Jardin Bay,’ Theo put his arms around her, his front to her back, the two of them admiring the wild sea. ‘But I love this place. I wanted it to be here that I told you.’ She turned around in his arms and he looked at her, all control and barriers down. ‘I love you.’

  It was the best kiss. The perfect moment.

  A passing surfer wolf-whistled and shouted, ‘Get a room.’

  ‘I’ve got a Chevy with a bench seat,’ Theo murmured.

  It was tempting, but it was also daylight with people around. ‘Later.’

  He laughed. ‘At home, in the garage, where no one can see.’ He so had her figured out.

  ‘How about you feed me? I missed lunch.’

  ‘So did I.’ Theo sounded surprised.

  Fish and chips eaten on the beach proved to be the most romantic meal. The happiness radiating between them was real and would endure. They’d tested it, hurt, and grown stronger. Next time they’d both fight to keep it.

  Cassie licked salt from her fingers. ‘I need to call your mum.’

  ‘To tell her the good news?’

  ‘To tell her not to cancel Sunday’s party. She was saying she would, but you should see how much food we bought. Theo, it’s not funny.’

  ‘It is, kind of. You are going to fit right in with my crazy family.’

  ***

  Theo topped up the tub in the games room with extra ice. The party was in full swing through the house and garden. Kids were playing a cheating game of rounders, their shrieks and laughter higher pitched over the adult conversation. Those who’d arrived for lunch seemed intent on staying for dinner. There was a lot to discuss and everyone wanted to meet Cassie.

  She was surviving the onslaught. He could see her through the large windows, sitting on a plastic chair near his Papou and making the old man laugh. She wore a white dress splashed with flowers and a red sash around her waist that matched the heels on her feet.

  Theo wandered out. Nope, she’d shed the heels. Her feet were cute and bare.