Lex (Unconventional Hearts)

by S. K. Logsdon

  “School was great!” Emma bounces in my arms, pulling me from my reverie.

  “That’s great sweetie. Want to come to my house? Daddy said he won’t be able to get you until late.” I explain setting her down next to my car, opening the door for her and she climbs in the back. Leaning inside, I strap her into her booster seat and shut her in. I’m thrilled to be spending the day with Emma. If I was able to birth children, I’d have ten. Unfortunately I can’t, didn’t get those parts or the other parts I was supposed to be born with.

  Sliding behind the wheel, I turn my review mirror so I can keep an eye on Emma. She’s happily smiling in her seat, looking out the window with her backpack pressed to her chest. My heart swells just watching her so carefree and beautiful. If I was able to have a daughter, I’d want one just like her.

  Turning Patsy on the radio, I drive away from her school, towards my house.

  “What we going to do, Lex?”

  “I have a surprise.” I wink at her in the mirror and she giggles, bouncing her feet, dancing to Patsy’s “She’s Got You.”

  Today, before I came to her school, I went to Walmart and bought an entire My Little Pony castle play set and three extra ponies. I also went a little overboard when I picked up two easy reader level two My Little Pony books, The Little Mermaid DVD Blu-ray combo pack and a little girls size six My Little Pony nightdress. I wasn’t sure what size to pick up so I guessed. I just pray it fits.

  Slowly pulling up my cement driveway, I click the button on my garage door opener and it retracts.

  “This is your house?” Emma asks, her eyes looking out one window, to the next.

  “This is my garage.” I explain parking and opening my door. I flip my seat forward and unbuckle her. Climbing out, her eyes wander the expanse of the garage.

  Without even looking at me, her hand clutches my dress and I pull her close. “This way.” I guide her out of the garage and through my back door. Her eyes shoot up as she notices the tall ceilings and then her widened eyes roam over my kitchen.

  “It’s a castle.” She whispers to herself, making me chuckle.

  “Doesn’t daddy live in a big house?”

  Shaking her head, she drops her bag on the floor and does like I suspect most kids do —wander. There isn’t anything she could hurt. So I let her go to search out the house, or the castle, as she calls it.

  Picking up her backpack, I lay it on the table and that’s when I hear her enthusiastically screech. She must have found the toys I set up in the bare corner of the living room, just for her. I even threw down some extra pillows so she’d have something to sit on. If she likes to do that sort of thing. I’m new to watching kids. I have no brothers or sisters or anybody I’ve been close enough with to babysit for. Even though I’ve wanted to do this forever, and I genuinely like Emma.

  Slipping off my heels and setting my purse on the counter, I pad my bare feet into the giant doorframe of the living room and lean against it, watching Emma submerged into playing with her new ponies.

  “This one is Rainbow Dash.” She explains like an expert on the matter, holding up the blue pony with sparkly wings, once she notices I’m watching her.

  “I thought she was pretty. Do you like them?”

  Repeatedly nodding she answers, hugging Rainbow Dash to her chest. “Yes, I love them. My babysitter has a couple like this and daddy bought me some too, but he works a lot so I don’t get to play with toys at his apartment.”

  Apartment? Why would Gage be living in an apartment? He’s a lawyer with a daughter. She needs a yard and places to run.

  “You live in an apartment?” I gently question, coming over to the couch and sitting down.

  Not looking at me, busy brushing her pony’s hair she sadly mutters. “Yes…my mom has our country house. Daddy has an apartment here in Heartfair not far from my school or my babysitters. I miss my old house, but I don’t want to live with mom.”

  The pain in my chest radiates and sharply twists. I hate to think of Emma living like that. I can’t explain why, but I want to take care of her. Call it some strange form of motherly instincts or protectiveness, but I feel sorry for her. I hated my childhood and being a child is something you should enjoy and cherish. You’re only a child once. More often than not children are pushed to become an adult way before they should. I know I was. I’d hate that to happen to Emma.

  Hours pass by and Emma doesn’t stop playing with her prized toys. I texted Roni around dinner time to bring Dolly’s Dairy Dream home for Emma and me. She did, and we just finished eating in the kitchen. Emma seems to like Roni and I know the feeling is mutual. We all ate cheeseburgers, fries and shakes. I know it’s not the healthiest meal, but I figured the cutie deserved a little spoiling. I just sent Emma into the bathroom to put her new pj’s on. I haven’t checked my phone in a while and Gage hasn’t texted me all day like he said he would, not that it’s that big of a deal. Emma is safe with me. I’d never let anything happen to her.

  Stealing my phone from the charger port in the kitchen, I slide the screen on and see I have three missed texts.

  Gage: Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner. Please, please, please, forgive me. How’s Emma? I know she’s in good hands. One of my employee’s completely fucked up a damn case and I’ve spent all god-dammed day fixing this catastrophic bowl of bullshit he’s forced me to have to clean up for him. Idiots. I have no idea how you handle so many employees. I’ve got twelve that I want to kill half the time.

  Gage: Lex, I need you to get back to me. I need to know how Emma is. I texted an hour ago and haven’t heard a thing. I’m worried. Is my daughter alright?

  Suit Master: Miss you.

  Ignoring the Suit Masters plea. I hit reply to Gage.

  Me: Emma is great. She played with My Little Pony’s, we just had dinner, I’m getting her into pj’s right now and we’re going to read and watch The Little Mermaid. Don’t worry. Take your time. I’ve got it covered.

  Gage: I’m going to be a few more hours. I’ll try to make it by nine. I won’t blame you for not wanting to watch Emma again. I’m sorry. This doesn’t usually happen. I’m out of here by seven most meeting days.

  Me: I love watching her. I want to continue if that’s alright. Oooppss gotta go; my little princess is grabbing my hand right now dragging me into the living room to watch The Little Mermaid. See you when you get here.

  Trailing behind the most adorable barefooted-pigtailed little girl on the planet, into the living room she jumps onto the couch and pats the cushion beside her. “You want me to cuddle?” I ask with a raised brow.

  “Yes…please.” She bats her eyes and pouts.

  Who could say no to a face like that?

  Grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch, I sit next to her and she cuddles against my side. Maybe I should change into something other than this dress.

  Turning on the movie, I face Emma. “Honey, I need to change. Can you stay down here for a few minutes while I get into some pj’s so we can have a party?” I wink.

  Smiling, she nods, and turns her focus back to Ariel.

  I run as fast as I can upstairs, change, and I’m back in a silk, jade green tank and shorts set, before Scuttle starts blabbing about dinglehoppers.

  Cuddling with Emma is peaceful. She rests her head in my lap and yawns. It’s nearly nine so I’m sure she’s getting pretty tired. I gently tug out her elastic hair ties and slowly comb her hair with my fingers.

  “My daddy does that.” She whispers, snuggling her cheek into my thigh, her hands tucked adorably under her cheek, eyes heavy, with the blanket pulled just under her chin. I can see the pictures of the TV dancing off her eyes as I stare down at her, soaking up the memory of her and this perfect moment. Tears well in my eyes on how much this feels right. I never thought being a mother was a huge deal. Now, I see that I was wrong. Everything thing about this little girl feels like she’s a part of me.

  “Lex.” A warm hand is gently rubbing my arm. “Lex,” the ma
n whispers.

  Opening my heavily lidded eyes, I blink a few times and focus. Gage is crouching next to the couch eye level with me. The TV somehow got turned off and I look down to see Emma curled into a sleepy ball in my arms. I squeeze her tight against my chest and she makes a cute little mewing noise.

  “What time is it?” I mumble, my mouth dry.

  “It’s midnight. I tried to text you. You didn’t answer.” He smiles and leans in, kissing his daughters head. God he smells so good. Even after working all day. He must have just smoked a Black & Mild because his breath smells like it. It’s a good smell. A smell that reminds me of Gage and makes my heart go pitter-patter.

  Opening up my eyes fully, I take in more of this sexy man. He looks like he’s been through hell. Bags droop under his eyes, his normally perfect hair is in shambles, and his white dress shirt is unbuttoned at the top showing me a little peek of some sort of tattoo. I’m not sure where his tie went, but he’s not wearing it anymore.

  “Let me take her.” His arms try to lift her and I hold onto her tiny body for dear life. He’s not taking her home at this hour. She has school in the morning and needs her rest.

  Shaking my head, I lean up onto my elbow. “No. She stays right here.”

  Gage’s nostrils flare and he flashes me a sharp scornful glare. Boring his beautiful eyes into mine, telling me in his own nonverbal way that I stepped over the line and this means business.

  “Lex, Emma is mine. I’ve had one woman try to tell me what’s best for her. I won’t fight to gain control again.” His ruthless hard unyielding tone washes over me and I wince. I can’t believe he’s being so harsh, I was just trying to help.

  Swallowing hard, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. I blink to keep the tears from falling and gently whisper, chewing on my lip. “I was just trying to help Gage. I care for her. She has school tomorrow and she needs her sleep. That’s all I meant. I’m sorry.”

  Breathing in deep breath and releasing it slowly, he visibly relaxes his shoulders and reaches over Emma, his palm sweetly cups my cheek as a sleepily grin plays on his handsome face.

  “I know, I’m sorry too. It’s been a long day. I need to go home and get some rest.”

  “Stay here. I have four bedrooms. A pretty pink one I’m sure Emma would love to wake up in.”

  Turning his gaze away from me he runs his hands through his hair and sighs. “Ok.” He gives in and stands and when he does I hear his knees crack.

  Slipping my arms from around Emma, Gage offers his hand and I slowly maneuver out from behind her. One foot lands quietly on the floor and as I pull my other one, it gets stuck in a cushion, and I yank it. When I do, I yank too hard, and lose my balance. Just as I think I’m going down Gage catches me and pulls me protectively against his warm chest.

  Breathing hard I stare up into his eyes and he down into mine. “Thanks.” I mutter, feeling too close to him. Trying to pull myself away, he hugs me tighter against his strong hard body and crushes his lips to mine. Stealing all the air from my lungs as he forcefully plunges his velvety tongue into my mouth and I groan. Being swept away in pure Gage bliss, swirling my tongue against his, he devours me with a heady kiss. Drowning me in wanton need, his hard dick is pressed against my belly in his dress pants as his hand feverishly roams my back. Deepening the kiss he grabs my neck, holding my mouth to his and sucks my tongue with forceful pulls, igniting the lady to wake up. The lady!

  Oh no!

  Breaking myself from his raw sexual magnetism I push him away and he stumbles backward, both of us breathing heavily, my heart hammering painfully hard in my chest. I’m so turned on, I can hardly see straight.

  Raking his lustful gaze up and down me, fucking me with his eyes. My toes curl and I bite my lip, desperately wanting to give into my desires, I back away knowing if he finds out about lady, I’ll never see Emma again.

  “Lex, I need you.” His voice huskily states in a deep baritone, as he changes course and advances on me.

  “No, no more.” I shake my head, being stalked by the sexiest predator.

  Coming towards me, I back my way into my foyer, never taking my eyes off him. He slowly stalks me, throwing his jacket on the floor. Leisurely taking off his belt and dropping onto my hardwood floor with a clunk. Next goes the button on his pants. We reach the kitchen and he drops his pants to the ground, revealing legs full of intricate tattoos, black skull boxers and a huge dick poking right at me that I can’t help but salivate at.

  “Like it?” He winks, stopping just long enough to kick off his shoes and pants. I’ve never seen a sexier man in my entire life! I know my lady agrees because she’s painfully throbbing between my legs. I can feel the wetness oozing out of her and dampening my panties.

  Pressing myself against my kitchen cupboards, I find myself cornered, and he smirks.

  “Lex, please, let me make you feel good.” Lovingly he reaches out his hand to me, showing me his less predatory side and more of his caring heart. Which makes my body and mind crave his warm touch even more.

  Shaking my head, I start to tremble in fear. “No… I can’t.”

  “Sweetheart, you’re shaking. Come here.” His eyes drop into a worried expression and he sweetly comes to me, wrapping me in his arms. Still in his boxers and dress shirt, his dick still hard, he caresses my back with strong hands. “It’s okay sweetheart. I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t scare you.” His lips find my hairline and he kisses it over and over. Whispering how sorry he is, I take a deep breath and relax into him, trying to calm myself.

  How I wish I could have just given in to him, to open up and share myself. I want to be able to do that so badly that I start to cry into his shoulder, staining the fabric with my silent tears. Being who I am is so hard. I can’t risk Emma for this, even if I want Gage. I just know deep down he could never accept me for who I really am. He knows nothing about what I’ve gone through. Between the scars that cover my body with a painful roadmap and lady between my legs, there is way too much for him to wrap his head around. I could never ask him to even try to do that.

  Holding onto him, I cry and he lets me. I’ve never cried in anybody’s arms before, not my mothers, and not Roni’s. Nobodies. I’ve never shown weakness, but for whatever reason I feel comfort with Gage. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, things that frighten the hell outa me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Tuesday

  As a tranquil song changes, I roll myself onto my back, raising my legs above my head, my toes touch the floor. Folding my body in half, I clasp my hands behind my back with my shoulder blades squeezed together and lift my ribcage off the floor, to hold Plough pose. Closing my eyes, I stretch and breathe in through my nose and out my mouth, slowly.

  Knock, Knock.

  Faint thuds sound at my door.

  “Lex?” I hear the tiniest and sweetest voice call.

  Smiling, I reply. “Good morning Emma, come in.”

  The door to my yoga room hesitantly starts to open at a snail’s pace and a sleepy eyed little girl pokes her head around the corner.

  “Hi.” She meekly greets, glancing around the room, fixing her stare on the giant Buddha statue.

  “He’s called Buddha, he’s the Zen master. Have you ever heard of him?”

  Shaking her head, she freezes just inside the door, like she’s afraid to come in any further.

  I transition out of my pose and lie flat on the mat. Stretching my arms high above my head, I tug on my muscles, giving them a good pull. Then I roll up into the sitting position and pat the mat beside me, welcoming her into my tranquil space. That nobody else has set foot in since it’s been complete. Not even Roni.

  Rubbing her tired eyes, she tiptoes to my side and instead of sitting next to me, she climbs into my lap.

  “Morning, Princess.” I instinctively kiss her head.

  “Morning.” She snuggles into me, curling into a ball, her legs tucking up under her nightgown. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her clo
se against my body and chest, allowing some strange instinct to take over. I know it should feel wrong to be doing this, but I need to. It feels — right.

  “Did you sleep well?” I quietly ask, slightly rocking my body. I can tell she just woke up; she’s still half a sleep.

  Nodding, she yawns. “Yes… I woke up in a pink bedroom with pretty white bedding. It was like a room from one of the fairy-tale books my grandpa reads to me.”

  Awe! I knew she’d love that room. I’m not a huge fan of pink— but for whatever reason a few years back, I went through a pink phase and decided to turn that room into a princess room of sorts. With mauvish pink walls, a queen sized four post white canopy bed and a few white and pink vintage floral furniture pieces. I never slept in there before, but I like the way it looks. Never had a guest crash in there, yet, until last night, that is. I also have a man’s room too. It’s like I have a theme bedroomed house. Strange… I know. It is what it is, and now I’m glad it’s that way.

  Last night’s fiasco of me crying on Gage’s shoulder was embarrassing. He stayed and cared for me until I’d stopped. Afterward, he didn’t ask what was wrong, or why I cried. I’m certain he might think it has something to do with him, not one hundred percent sure though. Dismissing myself from the kitchen as he began to dress himself, I went into the living room to gather my wits and calm down. Every single part of me was on high alert. Once he’d dressed, I tailed him as he carried Emma upstairs, into the princess room and then I showed him to his own. I felt a twinge of guilt when he thanked me and retired for the evening. I didn’t want him sleeping alone. Truthfully, I wanted him sleeping in bed next to me. No matter how crazy that notion may be, it’s what my heart kept telling me once I crawled into my own bed, alone.

  Knowing he was just across the hall. I stared at my ceiling for what felt like hours, replaying over and over what had happened since Gage has entered my life. Not sure how I never met him before the date with Corey, but I hadn’t. Maybe he didn’t spend much time in Heartfair when he was married. I haven’t the slightest clue. I just know that since he’s entered my life, my emotions are a bucket of mush, and swimming through them is impossible to navigate. One moment, I don’t like him. The next, I think I might be falling in love with him. I’m sure it has a lot to do with the fact his daughter is the most spectacular little girl, and he’s a wonderful dad. Another reason might have a little do with his looks. As shallow as it may seem, he is hot. Scorching, fiery, melt my panties; take me to bed, kind of delicious.