Lex (Unconventional Hearts)

by S. K. Logsdon

  Hopelessly, I’ve drooled over David Boreanaz since I was a teenager and Robert Downy Jr. for almost as long. The thing they both have in common with each other and with Gage as well, is they all enhance a suit. Sexy just isn’t sexy, without a man filling out a suit so scrumptiously you literally become tongue-tied. Gage in a suit does that to me. It’s hard not to like or possibly be falling for someone who carries himself that way. And the tattoos make it all sexier. Never been a fan of tattoos before. Now I am.

  Glancing down at my groggy princess, she peeks up at me through tired eyes and provides me with the cutest heartwarming smile.

  “Your daddy stayed the night too. Have you seen him yet?” I ask her.

  Slightly shaking her head, she replies. “I went into his room when I got up. He snores so I knew it was him.”

  I chuckle at her comment. She’s right he does snore a little. “Do you want some breakfast before we wake him up?”

  My suggestion perks her right up and with my help she gets out of my lap and we leave my yoga room. Passing Gage’s sleeping quarters I can hear him snoring. Just like Emma said. Going down stairs, I know Roni won’t be up for another hour. So Emma and I get to have some more time alone. In the kitchen, she sits on the window bench, just as she did last night during dinner.

  “Can we make my daddy breakfast in bed?” she asks, as I pull the fresh loaf of Barbie’s bread out of the fridge. I don’t have much for Emma to eat. Next time I go shopping, I’ll be sure to pick up some milk and cereal. All I’ve got is toast or biscotti to offer her and orange juice to drink.

  “Sure,”

  Popping two pieces of bread into the toaster, I turn on the stove, fill the kettle with water and place it on the burner. Next, I get the butter from the fridge just as the toast pops up. Retrieving two of my vintage floral milk glass snack plate with cup sets out of the cupboard, I place the toast on one of the plates. I grab it, the tub of butter, and a butter knife from the drawer and carry it over to Emma, setting it down in front of her.

  “Here, you butter the bread for daddy while I get your toast and pour him a glass of juice.” I instruct.

  With an over the top, thrilled expression, Emma follows my instructions to the T. I pop two more pieces of toast into the toaster for her and remove the whistling kettle from the stove. Grabbing the juice from the fridge, I pour Emma and Gage some into their cups, and hot water into one of my paisley tea cups for me, tossing in a tea bag without paying attention to what kind. Once I finish Emma has already completed her task of buttering her daddy’s bread.

  “Ready?” I wink, grabbing the plate from in front of her and the cup of his juice.

  “Yes.” She wiggles out of her seat and I let her lead the way up the stairs and open her daddy’s bedroom door.

  Giving her some distance, I stand just inside the opened door and watch her approach her sleeping father. In my hands, I hold his breakfast, courtesy of that sweet daughter of his. I hope he likes it. Not sure how much of a morning person he is. He could be grumpy like Roni. I pray that’s not the case.

  “Daddy.” She shoves his arm, rousing a sexy groan from him. “Daddy.” Another push.

  Turning onto his side, still wearing all of his clothes, he flutters his eyes open and closes them again.

  “Daddy!” This time Emma becomes forceful and pokes his nose, which he swats away and she giggles.

  He must be faking it.

  “Daddy, Lex and I made you breakfast in bed.” She says, with the biggest smile lighting her sweet face.

  He says nothing.

  “Daddy!” Clearly frustrated, Emma pokes his nose again, except this time he catches her hand and starts to playfully eat her fingers making cookie monster sounds, which makes her laugh and scream with excitement. Tears start to steam down her face from laughing so hard and I can’t stop myself from joining in. This is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. Smiling and chuckling so hard, my face starts to hurt from smiling this long.

  Reaching out to her, he wraps his arms around her little body and pulls her into bed with him. Rolling onto his back, he positions her so she’s straddling his chest.

  Taking control, Gage pokes her in the nose this time, she giggles and tries to chomp at his fingers like a shark and he starts to play scream like a girl.

  Repeating, “Oh no, oh no, the sharks going to eat me, don’t eat me shark. I need my fingers to poke daughter’s nose.” Then he pokes her nose and she attacks again, hysterically laughing. I can’t believe I’m witnessing this. I wish I had a video camera. I could watch this on repeat all day long.

  Obviously knowing Emma couldn’t catch her breath, because she was laughing too hard, Gage stops teasing her and pulls her into a hug, kissing her forehead. “Love you.” He says, lips pressed to her hairline.

  “Love you too.” I hear her reply, muffled onto his chest.

  Once Emma sits back up, Gage finally notices me standing in the room and his face turns bright red. “Sorry.” He mutters, unable to meet my gaze.

  Perplexed as to why he’s sorry, I swipe the happy tears that trailed down my cheeks. Smiling at him, I set the breakfast on the nightstand next to his bed and turn to leave.

  “Lex!” Emma screeches and I stop in the doorway and turn around to see her scrambling off her dad, coming straight for me.

  I kneel to meet her eye-to-eye. Coming to a halt inches from me, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek, whispering. “I’m coming with you. We need breakfast.” Like it’s a secret.

  Nodding, I whisper back. “Okay, but daddy needs to eat his too.”

  “Okay.” She whispers and releases my neck, to go back to her daddy’s bed.

  “I’m going downstairs; I’ll have you know what ready.” I wink at her and she does the same except her entire face scrunches and I smile. She’s too adorable for words.

  “How was last night with Emma?” Roni asks, dropping into the chair across from me in the kitchen, looking like hell.

  “It was great. They just left.”

  “They?” She raises a curious brow.

  “Gage got in late, tried to sleep with me, told him no, cried on his shoulder, literally, and Emma wanted to make him breakfast in bed this morning after they both slept here. So we did. He had to get her home to change for school and him for work.”

  As each word imparts my lips, Roni’s eyes become larger and larger. I know having anybody sleep here is a huge feat in itself. I’m kind of closed off in terms of sharing my home. I wouldn’t even let Roni’s buddies’ crash here two years ago when she had a kegger in her apartment. I called them cabs and sent them home. I was worried about them vomiting or screwing in my guest bedrooms. I’ve never even screwed anybody in my house. I’m not about to let anyone else pop it’s proverbial cherry. If and when it happens, I’ll be the one to devirginize it.

  “Did you kiss him?”

  Out of all the things I just said, that’s what she asks? Come — on!

  “Yes.” I solemnly state. Staring into my tea, rubbing the rim of the cup with my finger.

  “And?”

  I timidly shrug my shoulders, refusing to meet her gaze.

  “Lex.” Her warning tone isn’t lost on me. I know she wants me to give up the goods. What I don’t understand is why she cares? I don’t ask her about her and Bob’s sexcapades or make out sessions. I don’t want to divulge mine. I realize its girl code to gossip and brag about such things. I just don’t want to. I loathe talking about my feelings. Other peoples, I’m more than willing to help with. Mine, not so much. I like keeping them to myself, including those of immense pleasure.

  “No.” I stand and carry my half-full cup of tea over to the sink and pour it out. Turning around I’m surprised to see Roni get up from her chair and come after me. Wrapping her arms awkwardly around me, I turn hard like a statue. I know what she’s trying to do. Breaking these walls down, is not going to happen. I’m not talking about my feelings. She’s not a huggy person, that’s why I know
this is a ploy. One, she’s not going to win.

  “No.” I state firmer this time, with a harsh voice and set jaw. I’m starting to get angry and I don’t get angry often. It’s not pretty when I turn into a raving bitch.

  “Let go.” I order, twisting in her iron arms.

  “No, tell me.” Her voice pleads with me and I remain quiet.

  “Dammit, Lex, fucking talk to me.” Now she’s the one getting frustrated. Join the club.

  “You like him don’t you? You want to hate him, but the kiss was good, wasn’t it? He gets to you, but let me guess, you’re afraid to take the step and talk to him about trying to date. Because you seem to think, you’re some kind of fucking freak since you weren’t born with ovaries and a goddamned vagina. I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit and you know it. You’re prettier and more female than I’ll ever be. You don’t have to bleed once a month to know that.”

  I close my eyes, trying not to listen to everything she’s saying. Everything that we both know is right on the money. I hate that she knows what I feel without me having to tell her. It’s hard being that vulnerable.

  “What about Emma? I know you love her. I saw it last night when you cut her cheeseburger, Lex. You fucking cut the little girls cheeseburger into quarters because you wanted to make it easier for her to eat. Not even good mothers do that, Lex. Shouldn’t that tell you something? Gage comes with Emma. It’s a package, a package that seems really damn good if you ask me.”

  Please God, make her stop! I can’t take this anymore! I hate that my best friend is plucking at my heartstrings and my feelings so painfully. It hurts.

  “How did he taste, Lex?” The question thickly hangs in the air and it’s making it hard for me to breathe. He tasted so good, so perfect. Just like I’d always imagined the man I wanted to love me, to taste and kiss like, making me feel alive.

  Brian made me feel alive once, and for months, I clung to that feeling. I allowed him to keep me locked in the basement when he worked. I even let him force me to clean the bathroom floor with an old toothbrush, or suck his dick as he fucked my face so hard I nearly got whiplash. All because I thought, he loved me, all because I was weak and helpless. Once, and only once I tried to run away from him. After that day, I never tried again. That was the day I nearly died. I prayed that’d I’d die and walk into heavens pearly gates. No such luck.

  Brian wasn’t due home from work until late, so I stole a knife from the kitchen and used it to break free from my basement prison cell. What I didn’t know was Brian had been home all day. He knew I had stolen the knife and waited for me to make a break for it before he tackled me in the yard. Smashing my face into the grass, he started his assault. Wailing on my back with his fists, he knocked the wind out of me so I couldn’t scream. With one hand, he ripped my panties off and without lube, he entered me. Right on the front lawn out in the country, he raped me. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. After he came inside of me, he did what he’d done so many times before. Strung me up in the barn, naked, and began our cutting routine. Little slice here—suck—little cut there—suck—nibble here—slap there—then he went in for the motherload and carved a piece of skin from me. With precision, he removed it completely and threw it on the ground, stomping on my discarded flesh with his work boot. I poured out blood and the pain radiated so badly I couldn’t decipher a thing. I swam into my head, falling deeper into unconsciousness. Two days later, I woke up to have my side stitched unprofessionally, an IV in my arm and a severely worried Brian, holding my nearly lifeless hand.

  “I’m so sorry.” He cried, tears pouring down his cheeks from his sunken in, sleepless eyes. To this day, I don’t think he slept a wink until I woke.

  Kissing my lips, my hands, my body, he lavished me in revolting kisses. They made my skin crawl and the need to purge the contents of my stomach arose. I vomited bile all over the side of the bed, and onto the floor. For the first time ever, he cleaned it up without yelling or beating me. For nearly a week after that incident, he was pleasant and even caring. He cooked the dinners, he washed the laundry, and made the bed. I wasn’t even forced into the basement when he left for work. Hope for a better life clung to me. That maybe he’d decided he’d gotten his sick sadistic fill. However, I was wrong, so very wrong. Hundreds of times after that he broke me, cut me, and nearly killed me.

  Snapping her fingers in front of my face, Roni, pulls me from my sordid past and into the present.

  “You were thinking about Brian, weren’t you?” Concern clings to her words.

  I nod in response.

  “Gage is not like Brian. He’s a lawyer for Christ sake.”

  Yes, that may be true. Gage is a lawyer, but what do I really know about him? Nothing. Other than he’s a sexy lawyer, his daughter is amazing, he has tattoos, drives a Denali, and he likes me. I don’t know his favorite color, if he reads or anything else for that matter. It’s not much to go on. Animal magnetism isn’t a justified reason to fall in love with someone. I can’t believe I thought I might be falling for him. See, like I said, my emotions are a mess. I can’t think straight with him in my world. He’s an awful unwelcomed distraction.

  I don’t want to be here at work today. I want to go home and rest. I’m depressed; I’m smart enough to know what this heavy sad feeling is that’s looming over me like a dark thundercloud. I haven’t felt this sad in years. I know it’s because Roni and I are now on the outs. Gage won’t return my texts and the Suit Master just delivered an outlandishly expensive white gold, diamond tennis bracelet to my work. Not he himself but some mail carrier delivered it about an hour ago. It’s gorgeous; I can’t refute that. Too lavish though, first the books, then flowers, now this. Apparently, he thinks buying my love is the way to my heart. There is no path to my heart, it’s an island cut off from the world and anybody who tries to inhabit it.

  After the argument with Roni this morning, I came to work and texted Gage to check up on Emma. Nothing. This afternoon I re-sent the text. Nothing, again. When they left today, Emma hugged me goodbye and Gage barely said a thing. Either he’s moping because I turned him down last night or he’s mad at me for some other unidentified reason.

  It’s almost time to leave for the day and I’ve barely got a damn thing accomplished.

  Suit Master: Angel, did you like the bracelet?

  Me: Yes, thank you.

  Suit Master: What’s wrong?

  Me: Nothing.

  Suit Master: Lex, if you don’t tell me, you know I can find out other ways.

  I guess he’s right about that. The Suit Master seems to know just about everything about me. On the outside that is.

  Right now, I’m lying in bed. I just took a bath and drank an entire bottle of red wine to drown my sorrows while listening to Patsy. I need to sleep, but I can’t. And the Suit Master just texted me. It’s like he knows I’m in bed, bored, sad, and staring at my coffered ceiling.

  Me: Fine…you win. I can’t sleep. I’m depressed and I miss my little girl.

  Suit Master: You don’t have a daughter. So who’s the little girl?

  Me: A friend of mines.

  Suit Master: Male or female?

  Me: Male

  Suit Master: Do you love him?

  Me: I’m not discussing my feelings with you.

  Suit Master: That would be a yes.

  Me: No. That would be a, none of your damn business.

  Suit Master: How about I keep your mind off this new beau of yours? Who btw you’re not supposed to be feeling anything for. I thought we already had this discussion. Me plus you, equals relationship.

  Me: I can’t have a relationship with a phone or a computer.

  Suit Master: You also can’t have one with me until you get comfortable enough.

  True. However, I’m not telling giving him the satisfaction of agreeing with him.

  Me: Ok Suit Master, make me comfortable.

  Suit Master: I thought you’d never ask.

  I can almost see a sly smile
through the phone. He’s a good distraction. Gotta give the man some credit, he seems to know more about me than Gage does and he’s still interested. That might be a good thing, or it could mean he’s a psycho stalker like I’ve predicted. Even though, Roni keeps pushing me toward him. I know she wants me to be with someone and I don’t think she cares who.

  Suit Master: Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?

  Me: If you know so much about me. Shouldn’t you already know the answer?

  Eat that, you dirty scoundrel.

  Suit Master: That’s not the fun of the game, Lex. I want you to willingly tell me.

  Me: No, why should I? If you already know the answer. Or do you?

  Suit Master: Fine. But you have to ask me questions too and pretend to actually want to know the answers.

  Me: Deal

  Suit Master: You my Angel, like Rocky Road ice cream, with sprinkles, caramel sauce and coconut.

  WHAT THE!??

  Me: How in the hell?

  Suit Master: Thought you had me stumped didn’t you?

  Me: Yes!!!!

  Suit Master: Lol…I told you… I know you.

  Does he know about my lady?

  Suit Master: Your turn.

  Me: Fine… Favorite food?

  Suit Master: Steak, medium rare.

  Three hours later

  Me: I’m finally tired, thanks for keeping me company.

  Suit Master: No problem, Angel. Sleep well. Talk with you tomorrow… The secret of being a bore is telling everything.

  Me: Is that your way of telling me you told me too much? Lol…