On Our Own

by Silver, L. D.

  I force the fingers up and the empty-head fights me. Eventually, I get them out of the window and roll it up quickly.

  I collapse back against the seat and breathe heavily, even with the zombie’s black eyes still starting at me and its mouth opening and closing against the glass. Then I see it move and hear a bong against the side of the Jeep.

  “It’s on the roof,” Cassie states.

  “That works,” Sam says. He speeds up and then hits the brakes, hard. The male goes flying and lands in the grass ahead of us. Sam leisurely turns us away.

  It’s at that point that I notice that in the middle of all this, Sam got us free of the rest of the zombies. I hit him on the shoulder for good measure.

  “What’s that for?”

  “For driving into a pile of zombies. Why’d we have to go that way?”

  “It was clear last night.”

  “So, what the hell happened?”

  “Look!” Cassie points between our seats. We’ve gone over a hill, and yep, there’s the answer right there.

  Maybe half a mile in front of us is the smoldering remains of an SUV.

  Chapter 78

  We coast to a stop, staring at what’s left of the vehicle.

  “How long ago?” I ask.

  “It wasn’t there last night. I’m not seeing any flames, but it’s definitely still hot. I don’t know, maybe an hour or so? Maybe more? Definitely since last night at midnight.”

  The doors of the SUV are torn open. The only bit of color left on the vehicle is near the back, and it’s a dark blue. There’s a brown backpack on the ground and a blue blanket caught on one of the back doors, fluttering in the breeze.

  “Are they still alive?” Cassie asks.

  “I don’t know, honey.”

  Dear God, if we’d left an hour ago, two hours ago, would we have found them still alive? What was I doing two hours ago? If we’d just gotten up a bit earlier...

  “Maybe they’re still around.” Cassie lunges to the other side of the Jeep and looks out the window.

  “They’re not,” Sam says quietly.

  “You don’t know that!”

  “You’re right; I don’t. But they would have had to leave the car, and there are zombies all around here.”

  “Crap,” I mutter. Five minutes? If we’d left five minutes earlier, would we have found them, helped them?

  Sam sighs. “Okay. Tell you what. I’ll drive away from the zombies, and away from the car, but kind of slow. Keep an eye for anything that might be them. Maybe they got lucky, maybe they found a rock somewhere.”

  I love him for that. I love him for looking.

  But even though we drive slowly for half an hour, we don’t find anything.

  #

  We’ve been driving for a couple of hours when Sam slows to a crawl.

  “Oh, God,” he whispers.

  “What?” Cassie grabs the edge of my seat and peers around.

  “I heard it was bad,” I say, looking ahead. “I just didn’t expect it to be this bad.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But didn’t you see it on the way down?” I ask Sam.

  “Naw, we went through the mountains.”

  Denver. It had been a beautiful city, especially from the footage I saw of the 2008 political convention.

  It was just awful, what had happened here.

  My eyes flit over the destruction, the ruin, refusing to see it all.

  We’re silent for a few minutes. I just keep thinking about those poor people. I want to see it how it used to be, even though there isn’t even anyone left to rebuild it. There’s no one left to say, ‘not only can we rebuild, but we can make it better’.

  I stab at my eyes, willing the tears not to fall. We may not be able to build a great and shining city again in my lifetime. But dammit, I want to build something pretty and good and better, even if it’s something small.

  Sunshine pushes her wet nose into my hand and whines. I hug her, and realize I’ve been gripping my shamrock and USB drive.

  “It’s okay, girl. C’mon guys; let’s go,” I say softly.

  “Yeah,” Cassie agrees. “We’ve got work to do.”

  #

  We drive the rest of the day, even though sometimes it seems like we’re not getting very far because we have to keep taking detours. The route Sam takes is a good one, though, because we hardly see any zombies. A lot of wreckage, but few zombies.

  The sun is bright, the sky is blue, and we have each other.

  We settle down for the night in a barn, with doors that will still close. We don’t light a fire for dinner, so we have cold pork’n’beans, some bread, and some cold leftover hot dogs. We sing ‘Home on the Range’ until Sunshine howls and Cassie collapses into giggles, and then we’re off to bed in the Jeep, just in case.

  I feel like I’m holding my breath, even though I’m not.

  Chapter 79

  I wake up in the middle of the night. I don’t think I was screaming or anything because Sam, Cassie and Sunshine are all still asleep. I stare out into the utter darkness of the barn and remember some vague dream about my mom.

  It hits me then. The last time I headed out into this world with someone I loved, she died. She died, and it was my fault...

  The TV and the phones hadn’t worked for a week. I mean, we could still turn them on, but you couldn’t connect a call, and nothing came through on the television. Mom was determined to head to California and find Dad and Mike. Dad had been demanding that we stay where we were the last time we’d talked with him. He didn’t think it was safe for anybody to go anywhere. No going to get them, and they weren’t coming to get us.

  My mom decided he was wrong, decreed that we were going to go find them. She’d always stop abruptly at that point: just go find them. But both of us could fill out the rest of the sentence; go find them and be a family again. Mom and I agreed on that, even though I wasn’t holding my breath anymore.

  As much as it hurt, I didn’t think they truly wanted us anymore, zombies or not.

  I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to leave the house. I kept insisting they would get through on the phone, that landlines were better than cell phones, so we’d hear from them if we just stayed. But looking back on it now, I know the truth. I was terrified. I was scared of leaving the house, not to mention going across half the country.

  It was just scary, and I couldn’t face it.

  I threw a temper tantrum when Mom insisted we go. I caused a fight and then hid in my room. She packed the entire car herself, alone, even though it was very dangerous at that point. And when she finally came to me, she had to practically drag me out of the house kicking and screaming.

  So we’re there by the car, and I was screaming and arguing and crying. I kept claiming they would call in the next few minutes, and if we could just go inside she would see that. I was making a hell of a racket. My mom had me by the arm and was insisting I get in the car. I wrenched myself out of her grasp and turned to go into the house.

  A zombie was right there.

  He was covered in blood and his clothes were torn. He opened his mouth and moaned.

  We both shut up instantly, tears still streaming down my face, my mouth open. The zombie seemed a bit surprised by the lack of noise, and then he came at me.

  I froze.

  Mom rushed past me and tackled him. They hit the ground hard, and then he overpowered her and I heard her scream.

  There were other zombies then, and Celie came out of nowhere and hit them with a bat. She grabbed my hand and then we were out of there, leaving the door to my house open and the car loaded and my mom… my mom still on the ground.

  It was all my fault and I stood idly by.

  #

  So now, I look at these two people I love – yes, love – and wonder how on Earth can I lead them out into this world? How can I say to them that I am someone safe to travel with? How can I tell them that they can count on me?

  Chapter 80

&n
bsp; The next day, we’d been traveling for a few hours when we hit the edge of a small town. I look for zombies but all I see are abandoned cars, open houses and blood. Then we drive past a nice little park, complete with an overgrown green lawn.

  “Stop!” Cassie calls out.

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Look!” She points, and then I see movement near one of the trees in the middle of the park. It’s a man – an adult – and I think he sees us.

  “Is he a zombie?” Sam asks.

  “I don’t think so.”

  The guy stops and waves his arms while jumping up and down.

  “Nope, not a zombie,” I state. I roll down the window and shout out, “C’mon!”

  The man runs toward us. I think he’s in his late-thirties. He’s balding but trying to hide it with his hair cut short and spiky. He’s wearing khakis, sneakers, and a torn red polo shirt.

  “What’s that sound?” Cassie asks.

  “Oh my God,” Sam murmurs.

  “What?” I question, looking at where he’s pointing. The sound is a low rumble of zombie moans, and I’d say there are at least a hundred, a lot of them fast, pouring through the park.

  “Run!” I shout.

  The guy doesn’t even look over his shoulder, just pumps his arms and pushes his head down. Cassie opens her door and scoots over to the other side and holds Sunshine. He leaps into the Jeep, saying “Ow” at the same time. He pulls the door shut behind him.

  “Floor it!” he shouts. “Straight ahead!” The fast zombies are maybe two blocks behind him. The man rolls down the window and screams out, “Fuck you! Fuck you!”

  In the mirror, I see him raise something black, something that looks like a remote for a TV, and then press it triumphantly. First I hear a sound, a pow, followed by a rumble, and then something explodes on the other side of the park. Sam floors it and the Jeep jumps forward. The guy, the adult, is laughing as buildings explode all around town.

  Finally, he calms down and rolls up the window.

  He looks at us, and we look at him. I’m sure my eyes are as wide as saucers. He’s dirty and there are tracks in his skin from sweat, but it’s been ages since I’ve seen anyone as gloriously happy as this guy is at this minute.

  “I got 'em, man. I got 'em,” he mumbles to himself and then seems to notice where we are. “Take a left here.”

  Sam complies and I grab for the bar above my head as we swing around the corner.

  “Kids, huh?” The guy nods a couple of times as if it makes complete sense. “Hey, take a right here, buddy, and stop, okay?” He slaps the side of Sam’s seat, like I’ve seen other men slap each other’s backs.

  We turn around the corner and there’s a black SUV sitting there alone under a tree.

  “Hey, great job, buddy. Good luck, okay!” And with a smile and a wave, he’s out the door and trotting to his vehicle. We watch him get in and drive off in stunned silence.

  “Adults are crazy,” Sam states. He turns in his seat and looks at Cassie. “You sure you want to go to this compound full of them?”

  “Yeah,” she says, but she doesn't sound as sure as a few hours ago.

  Chapter 81

  It’s still daylight when Sam suggests pulling over for the night.

  “Isn’t it a little early?” Cassie asks.

  “Yeah, but this way we get a good night’s sleep and show up at the compound rested and looking good,” Sam explains.

  We all agree, but I think he just wants another night with us. That’s cool with me; I’d like another night with him.

  We’re in the country, surrounded by hills and fields of gently waving grass. Some of the hills are rather large, and at the top of one we find hay baled into squares, stacked four high and three wide.

  “Probably kept out here to feed cattle,” Sam says.

  “That makes sense,” I concur.

  “So, we’re sleeping in the Jeep again?” Cassie asks with a sour face.

  “Nope, we’re sleeping up there.” Sam points to the top of the hay stack.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” He smiles. “Just put down some blankets and we’ll be fine.”

  There’s no place we want to really light a fire, so we break out some bread, canned peaches and Vienna sausages.

  “I don’t really like these sausages,” Sam complains.

  “Better than sardines,” I tell him.

  “Yeah.” He shrugs. “I could still use a steak.”

  “Me, too. How about you, Cassie?”

  “I’d love a pizza!”

  “That sounds good.” I toss Sunshine a sausage and she swallows it whole.

  After dinner, Sam shows Cassie how to carefully climb the hay, and then she starts setting up our sleeping area.

  Sam and I hold hands and walk over to another haystack nearby. As soon as we’re out of sight, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me.

  I lose everything but him for a few minutes, and when we eventually stop I’m thankful to find that no zombies sneaked up on us. I’m pressed back against the hay, and there’s this wonderful green scent coming from it.

  “Let’s take her there, make sure she’s safe, and then go home. We can come visit her every once in a while.”

  “Why don’t you just stay there with us?”

  He kisses me again and it feels like he’s pressuring me with his kisses. It’s like he’s saying, ‘stay with me’ when he does it.

  I break off the kiss so I can hug him.

  “I don’t understand why you won’t at least try it.”

  “Exactly. I don’t understand why you won’t, either.” I put my head on his shoulder but that just makes it worse. My whole body lights up. I rack my brain trying to think of something, of some way for this to work. Why can’t I just have both?

  “I want to be with you.” He hugs me tighter. His scent, his touch, makes it so much harder to think.

  “I want to be with you, too,” I admit. And then I let everything go, so I can just enjoy the present, enjoy him. Then I kiss him.

  After we come back, we tie a rope around Sunshine and lift her up on the haystack. She sniffs every edge but fortunately doesn’t fall off. Then we all settle down and go to sleep with all of us snuggled near each other. I feel safe, warm and happy. Then I drift off to sleep.

  In the morning, I wake up and I’m the only one left on the stack. The blankets are crumbled and just left behind.

  Then I hear shouting.

  I scramble to the edge of the hay, my heart pounding in my chest. I don’t have any weapons on me. I peer over the edge, fearing the worst, but I don’t see any zombies. Instead, Sam and Cassie are yelling at each other.

  “She’s staying with me!” Cassie shouts.

  “No! She told me last night she’s going to be with me!”

  Oh, crap. He totally misunderstood what I said.

  “Cassie! Sam!” I shout and scramble down, but by the time I make it to the ground both of them are headed in different directions.

  “Cassie! Sam!” I yell again, but neither of them turns around. I sink to the ground and pull my knees in against my chest.

  Crap. How have I made things even worse?

  Chapter 82

  God, Sam thought last night that I’d finally agreed to stay with him, even though that wasn’t really what I meant.

  Okay, I’ve got to come up with an answer before they come back and it’s got to be good. But I can’t leave Cassie. She’s all alone in this world, and she’s too young to look after herself. What if she winds up with a bad new parent? Will she know what to do? Who will protect her, look after her?

  But I want to be with Sam. I’ve never felt this way for anyone else. He sits near me and I feel like I’m vibrating inside. He’s such a cool person, too. I want to know him better.

  I don’t know why he’s being so stubborn about this. Really, how hard is it going to be to live with adults again? We can just ignore the stuff we don’t like. Sure, they’ll punish us, but reall
y, what can they do?

  Okay, so then every bad, abusive scene from a movie pops in my head. And with the zombies they can get pretty creative, and there aren’t any cops to help out anymore, either.

  But what if they thought we were adults somehow? I mean, okay, with me it’s stretching it a bit, but Sam isn’t so far off. What if we say he’s older, say eighteen, and we say I’m a bit younger than him?

  But if we say I’m under eighteen, they could still separate us, right? They could say I need a guardian, or a stepmom or whatever, and she could say I can’t see him anymore.

  That’s bullshit!

  Okay, maybe I see a bit of what he’s saying about adults. I don’t want to go back to that either. I mean, I can take care of myself.

  And then I think of something, something where they would have to treat us like grown-ups.

  We could tell them we’re married.

  Yeah, we could do that. We could say our parents were worried about us being all alone if something bad happened with the zombies and let us get married.

  That would work, right? Nobody orders around married people. We could live together and do what we want.

  Yes! Now, I’ve just got to convince Sam.

  I smile to myself and then get everything piled back into the Jeep, ready for when the others come back.

  Hours go by.

  #

  The sun’s beating down on me and I’m worried all to hell. I bet it’s noon by now and neither of them have returned. I pace back and forth, trying to choose a direction. Should I go after Cassie? She’s little, but she also has Sunshine. Should I go after Sam? Did he take a weapon?

  Crap!

  Then I hear a shout.

  “Delilah!”

  It’s Sam. I jump up, happy to hear him.

  “Yeah?” I yell back. “Hey, Sam, I know how to fix everything.” I run toward his voice, near the edge of the hill. “Let’s just tell them we’re married!”