On Our Own

by Silver, L. D.

  “Delilah!” And it’s this horrible, ragged cry. For a minute, I think that means he doesn’t want to tell people he’s married to me. Then the sound of it sinks in.

  His voice is full of sorrow and pain.

  Chapter 83

  He comes over the top of the hill and I freeze.

  Sam’s covered in blood. His shirt’s torn and his hair’s messed up. And his leg... His leg’s been mangled.

  Tears slide down my cheeks.

  “Delilah,” he says softly.

  “Please, tell me it was a dog,” I practically beg.

  “Can’t.” He collapses to the ground.

  I scream. I don’t care if the damn zombies come. I scream and I shout “No!” over and over.

  He lays there in a little heap, like he feels really bad. And I realize that what I’m doing isn’t helping at all. The tears stream down my face and I do everything I can to pull myself together, to calm down long enough to help a bit.

  I kneel on the ground and pull him into my arms, and he makes a long, low pained sound.

  “Are you hurt inside?”

  “No, not like you mean. Just the virus.”

  There are streaks of sweat down his face. God, if I’d gone out earlier I could have helped him, could have eased his pain, even just a bit.

  “What happened?”

  I carefully shift so his head’s in my lap. He snuggles into me, even though I can tell it hurts. Sam closes his eyes for a minute, and then opens his beautiful, green eyes to stare off into the horizon.

  “The Jeep’s fucked. So after the fight, I went to get oil. I’d noticed a convenience store a bit before we pulled over last night. Thought that was worth a try.

  “I was in the store, looking for the oil, when it bit my leg. You just don’t expect them to go straight for your leg, you know? You don’t expect them to crawl on the floor. But that’s what it did. Just crawled right up and took a chunk out of me.

  “I put five bullets in it and it almost reached my neck before it finally stopped. By then, it was too late. It took me hours to get back here.”

  I’m not going to stop the crying; it’s all I can do to keep breathing normally. I stroke his hair and he pushes his head into my hand.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come find you.”

  “It’s okay.” He looks up at me. “You would really tell people you’re married to me?”

  “Yeah.” And a smile spreads across my face at the thought, even from under all the tears.

  He smiles then and it’s his glorious, happy smile. He leans up, even after wincing from the pain, and we kiss.

  It’s the best kiss I’ve ever had. He reaches up and we hold hands. Carefully, I break off the kiss and then slide down, so we’re holding each other.

  Then I think of something. I search both his wrists, slide my hands up higher.

  “Are you just not wearing the bracelet? When did you get it?”

  “Get what?”

  “The Shot. When did you get The Shot?” My mind races through the months, trying to remember from the memos which batches were the strongest. Obviously, the later he got his the better the chance we have.

  “I didn’t get it.”

  “What?!” I stop my frantic search and stare at him.

  “I didn’t get it, Delilah,” he says gently. “Too broke. Nobody cared. Nobody ever cared, except you.”

  He kisses me again, even as the tears flow faster and faster. We wrap ourselves around each other. Then he breaks off the kiss and holds my face. He strokes my hair with the other hand and looks straight into my eyes.

  “Come with me, Delilah,” he pleads.

  “What?” I ask, surprised.

  “Come with me, just like Sid and Nancy.”

  I don’t know what’s on my face at this moment, but my heart’s beating like a drum.

  “They didn’t get to die together at the same time, but then they still got to be together. If we die near the same time, we’ll get to be together.”

  “But we won’t be dead.”

  “No, see, that’s even better. I’ve seen them, Delilah. I’ve seen the zombies that still hold on to each other. We could be like that. Together, until Cassie finds the cure.”

  And then he kisses me again.

  My heart’s pounding out of my chest.

  I don’t want to die.

  What he’s saying is very romantic, very sweet. Yes, I would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don’t want to die.

  “I’m afraid.” It slips out and I didn’t even mean to say anything.

  “Me, too,” he admits. “But we’ll be together. It’ll be okay.”

  And it will leave Cassie all alone in the world.

  I pull back and look at him. His eyes are warm and so full of love. He really does want to be with me.

  “I love you,” I say, and I really mean it.

  “I love you, too.” That glorious smile breaks over his face like a sunrise, and he kisses me and then holds me close.

  I close my eyes and breathe him in, feeling his chest rise and fall. He’s so warm against me. Then he stiffens.

  “No,” I moan, and tears start falling again.

  “It’s okay.” He pats me as best as he can, and then he tenses again, pulling away from me in pain. He turns so his back is on the ground then rises a bit from the pain, his hands clenching and opening. I grab his hand and find his skin is burning hot.

  His eyes catch mine.

  “I love you,” he repeats. Then he gives out a long, low moan and goes still.

  His hand is still warm in mine but his eyes are closed, and I lose it.

  I get up and walk a few steps away, turning my back to him. I cry and I make those horrible sounds like my mom made. I finally understand why she made them, what it took to wrench them out of her.

  God, this hurts. This hurts so much. I want him back now.

  I turn and look at him.

  Maybe I should have gone with him.

  “Delilah?” A little girl’s voice calls out.

  “Cassie?”

  I wipe my tears away, trying to see, when Cassie comes over the hill. It’s at that point that the zombie that is Sam opens his eyes and moans.

  He moves, and that’s when I realize he is between me and Cassie. He’s closer to her.

  Cassie screams.

  Chapter 84

  He’s seen her. Dear God, he’s seen her.

  “No, not her,” I plead. “Not her, too.” My hands clench into fists and I run.

  He lunges.

  I build up speed as fast as I can, tensing every part of my body. He misses her the first time and goes for her again, but then I’m there and I leap at him.

  I put my hands out and tackle him. It’s as we’re flying through the air that the thought whizzes through my brain that this is how my mom died.

  And then we hit the ground and roll. There’s a sharp pain in my neck and another one in my side, and then I’m on my back stiff-arming him away from me.

  “Stop it, Sam,” I demand, even though I know it’s not really him. Sick fear runs through me. He’s so much stronger than me. This isn’t going to last long.

  This is how my mom died, this is how my mom died, this is how my mom died...

  “Hey, Sam,” Cassie calls out.

  We both look – God knows why he does – and then she swings a shovel just like I taught her and bangs him on the head.

  It’s enough to get him off me. I jump up, the panic and adrenaline still pumping through me and making my hands shake. I put one hand out for the shovel and she gives it to me.

  “Sorry, Sam,” I say, and give him a good hit on the head. He hits the ground and stops moving.

  Cassie and I look at him.

  “I don’t think you’ve killed him,” she tells me.

  “Me, neither.” I drop the shovel and grab his arms. God, he’s heavy.

  “Get your backpack out of the Jeep and mine, too,” I instruct. Cassie runs ahead o
f me, Sunshine nipping at her heels.

  I drag him over to the Jeep while Cassie throws out supplies, and then runs around and opens the driver’s door. I boost and shove him in there as best as I can. It’s not pretty and he’d be hurting if he was still human, but it works. I slam the door shut.

  “Wait for the cure, Sam.” I put my hand on the driver’s door window.

  “How are we going to use the Jeep now?” Cassie asks.

  “We’re not. He told me it was fucked before he died.”

  I watch him for a few moments, not wanting to move away yet, and then I see him wake up. There’s a moment where he seems himself, and then he sees me and throws himself at the window, his mouth open and his eyes crazed.

  “I love you,” I whisper, and take my hand away from the Jeep and step back. “We’ll come back for you.”

  I turn and find Cassie holding a shirt in her hand and crying.

  “I know. I’m sad, too, honey. But it’ll be okay.”

  She shakes her head and motions me closer. She gets up on her tippy toes and holds the shirt against my neck. It stings. And then I realize my neck feels wet.

  I pull the shirt away from my neck and it’s covered in blood.

  Cassie’s crying gets louder as I hold the shirt in my hand and sink to the ground.

  “Oh, God.” It’s all I can think to say.

  Chapter 85

  I’ve been afraid of becoming a zombie this whole time. Everyone is, of course, but now I will become one for sure. I sit with the blood from the shirt cooling on my hands and I realize I will die but not die. I will become –

  I shut my eyes and force everything out. There is one last thing I must do. I have to get Cassie to safety.

  I put the shirt on the ground and stand up.

  “Come on. We need to get to the compound.”

  Cassie just looks at me, crying and shaking her head. I make sure there’s no blood on my hands and then I kneel down and gently touch her sleeves.

  “We need to get you somewhere safe. Now.”

  She nods and then collapses into more tears. Sunshine comes over and pushes her nose into Cassie’s hand. She hugs the dog tightly, and I’m glad Sunshine’s able to give her a hug when I can’t.

  Emotionally, I feel cold inside, just cut off, with the thought of getting Cassie safely to the compound before I turn pounding in my head.

  I get up and grab a bottle of water. I scrub my hands and neck until they’re clean of blood. I take one of my shirts, tear off a strip and tie it around my neck, in a way I hope looks like a nifty scarf. I double-check that I’m clean of blood then walk over and gently touch Cassie’s arm.

  She looks me over and then throws herself at me, wrapping her arms around me so tightly that I can’t breathe for a bit.

  I sit on the ground, and that’s when we both dissolve into tears.

  It’s a good cry. I feel like I should have done this long ago. But as it ends and we both quiet down, I can just feel a bit of the pain from the virus spreading through me. It’s a dull ache at this point, but I know it’s a sign.

  We get up and head out with Cassie’s hand in mine.

  #

  We walk for a long time. The pain spreads slowly, building bit by bit, just like the flu. It reminds me a bit of a mix of food poisoning and flu, actually. It feels like you’ve been poisoned, and it feels serious.

  I worry that we won’t make it there in time.

  “How long does it take?” I ask.

  “It’s different for everyone. Longer if you took The Shot.”

  “I did.”

  And now I’m back to thinking about The Shot. It took us so long to get the money. I got the last batch available before everything shut down. I let that thought ping-pong through my mind and then I close it off. I can’t have hope; not for my sake, and not for Cassie’s. Better not to have hope and then have it wrenched away.

  I don’t want her to see me turn. I don’t want her to see me at the end, in all that pain.

  I pick up the pace a bit, and then eventually we come up over a hill. There, on the other side, is the compound.

  Chapter 86

  From above, I can see that the compound is really a small town surrounded by a metal fence. Even with a nice, green lawn around it, it’s tiny; maybe a thirty-minute walk from one side to the other if you walk slowly. There’s a portion near the northeast section where they’re building a cement wall, but it’s definitely a work in progress. Good idea, though. Get the temporary measure put in then create the permanent structure.

  I kind of expected a lot of zombies around the place, but I don’t see any in sight. I spot the entrance to the northwest and we head down.

  When we get close the entrance – about a football field away – we hear a gunshot. Cassie and I stop still and hold up our hands.

  “Stop there!” a voice shouts out over a megaphone. I glance at Cassie and she shrugs.

  “If you’re still human, follow the path between the stones to the front gate. DO NOT stray outside of the path.”

  “Very fairy book,” Cassie mutters.

  “Yeah, right.”

  We carefully wind down a nice, white graveled path bordered on both sides by gray rocks. In some spots, I notice blood and torn grass.

  “I think they might have set up a minefield around the town,” I say.

  “Makes sense,” Cassie responds.

  “Just be very careful if you ever have to leave in a hurry.”

  “Yes, Mooommm.” Cassie rolls her eyes. I grin back at her and push her shoulder a bit. She shoves herself into me and I stumble, and we both giggle a bit.

  We reach the front gate and our smiles fade. It was good to have one more bit of fun, but this is it. This is goodbye. Tears form in my eyes.

  We’re standing in front of a metal gate. Behind that is a small, fenced area consisting of just grass, and behind that is another fenced gate followed by a door.

  A short, balding man wrenches open the door. He’s wearing khakis and a striped shirt, and looks a bit harassed. He takes one look at us and calls over his shoulder, “Ferals!”

  “Ferals?! What the –”

  I put up a hand and stop Cassie in mid-speech. “What’re you talking about, mister?”

  Just then a big, round woman pushes him out of the way. “Shut up, Larry. The kids are okay.”

  “You haven’t even seen them yet, Glenda.”

  And then I realize what he’s talking about. He’s calling us feral. Why? Just because we’re kids?

  “He doesn’t mean any harm. Not all the kids who have come here are okay in the head. But you are, aren’t you, honey?”

  The woman swoons over Cassie like she’s a dog. She opens the gate and pulls Cassie straight into a bear hug. Sunshine follows with a half-hearted wag of her tail and a whine.

  “Glenda, you can’t do that. They have to go into quarantine. They could be infected.”

  “She’s not infected.” I point at Cassie. “I am. I’m not coming inside.” I put my hands up and try to look harmless.

  The woman gasps and pulls Cassie back with her. I roll my eyes. Then I notice Cassie’s backpack is still on my side. I hold it up.

  “She needs her backpack.”

  Glenda looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

  “Please?” I look at Larry. “And could I just say goodbye?”

  He nods and takes the bag.

  “All right, just don’t bite her,” the big woman says.

  Cassie runs into my arms and hugs me. “Please don’t make me stay with her,” she whispers.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper back. “Try to get Larry to help you get free.”

  She squeezes me tighter then. “I love you, Delilah.”

  “I love you, too, Cassie.” I hug her tighter, one last time. “Watch out for yourself.”

  And then the big, fat lady grabs her out of my grip and slams the door.

  Chapter 87

  I stare at the closed door. Shut out for
ever.

  I remember when Cassie and I first met, and how everyone who had tried to take care of us had died, and that's why we formed a partnership instead.

  And I realize that now I’m somebody. I’m her somebody, living and breathing for a few more hours.

  I finally understand why my mom gave her life for me. She didn’t do it because it was expected of her, nor did she do it because she was supposed to. She did it because she loved me, and she couldn’t bear to see me hurt. She simply reacted.

  And now I know I have that in me, too. When it mattered, I was able to react and protect someone I loved.

  I smile, dig my shamrock necklace out from under my shirt, and kiss it. “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

  Then I follow the graveled path back out to the grasslands of Colorado.

  #

  I don’t go far. I walk far enough so I’m sure I’m no longer in the minefield, but the compound is still nearby.

  It’s pleasant here. The sun’s shining, the sky is blue, and there’s a warm breeze. I spread out a blanket and have a picnic without any fear of zombies coming along. I put on my sunglasses and lay back in the sun, listening to music. I try to ignore the pain building in my body and killing me slowly.

  I enjoy my last moments: the warmth of the sun on my skin, the light wind, the grass soft against my back.

  Then I get out my teddy bear and snuggle with it. I fade off to sleep.

  #

  I wake in the middle of the night and it’s very cold. The pain’s increased to the worst thing I’ve ever felt.

  Dear God, it feels like my blood is made of fire and my muscles are the coals feeding the flames. I roll back and forth, trying to stop it in some way.

  “Please stop, please stop, please stop,” I beg the pain, even though I know it won’t hear me. I lose track of time, just involved in the virus and trying to make it quit hurting.

  “Mommy!” I cry out over and over. I’m hot and then I’m cold. “Mommy!”