IfYouDeceive_lit

by kc

  As soon as Ethan carried her across the threshold of that hell, blackness beckoned and she promptly passed out.

  Forty-five

  As Ethan ran a damp cloth over Maddy’s body, he could hear Fiona speaking in low tones with the doctors in the next room.

  Two days had passed since Ethan had brought Madeleine here. Ethan had told Quin to make sure his house in Grosvenor was empty by the time he was due to return, but Fiona had refused to go, browbeating Quin into telling all. Then she’d set about assembling an army of physicians in London for a wife that Ethan had “neglected to mention to her.”

  Even after two days, and all those doctors working, Maddy was still so pale, as if all the blood had left her body. She tossed in restless sleep, her breathing labored. Tonight she burned with fever again.

  “I’m going tae get her well,” Ethan had declared to the physicians, but he knew what they’d deemed Maddy’s chances.

  Yet they simply didn’t knowher as he did. They only saw her size and felt her weak pulse. And after Ethan told them about her possible pregnancy and then of finding blood on the back of her nightgown in the infirmary, they’d informed him that she’d lost the baby and would be further weakened.

  Fiona had said, “Doona worry, son, she’ll have more bairns once she gets—”

  “Do you think I give a damn about that?” he’d snapped.

  “But the look on your face when you realized…I just thought…”

  His reaction hadn’t been from learning that she’d lost the babe; it had been from knowing she’d lost it in that hellhole.

  By herself.

  Maddy’s body had received his seed and had been ready to give them a babe. But his countless lies had driven her away, straight into danger, putting her in this grueling struggle for life.

  When he’d first feared that they’d lost their bairn, his mind had whispered,It could be the curse once more….

  Yet Ethan knew none of this was about the curse—no matter how easy it would be to assign blame to it. No,his actions had precipitated all this, and he fully accepted all the fault.

  Hour after hour, Ethan watched over her, staring at each rise and fall of her chest, willing her to keep fighting…one more breath in…one more breath exhaled….

  In between fevered dreams, for what felt like days, she’d heard Ethan speaking to her.

  With his voice growing thick, he’d pleaded, “Maddy lass, doona leave me.” Other times, he’d threatened her. “You’ll never be rid of me,” he’d snapped; then, as if he worked to calm his tone, he’d added, “so you’d best…you’d best stay with me.”

  And he’d railed at her, his voice booming so loud the bed had seemed to shake. “You canna do this—take my goddamned heart and then leave me! You think I will no’ follow?”

  She knew he was constantly there, was aware of his movements and comprehended his words, but she couldn’t seem to open her heavy eyelids or speak.

  At night, he would wrap his body around hers, keeping her warm, whispering against her hair, “You enjoy being contrary. Then prove them all wrong and get better.” He’d clutched her hip, then balled his fist there. “Ah, lass, they canna understand how strong you are.”

  Sometimes she heard other voices, doctors, she thought, and occasionally an older woman with a Scottish accent. The woman spoke now: “Ethan, these physicians are doing their best.”

  “It’s no’ good enough!” he roared in answer, then cursed the unseen doctors in some of the vilest language Maddy had ever heard. Directly after he kicked them out of the room, a door slammed, and a cool breeze whistled over her from the impact.

  Finally, her eyelids didn’t feel too heavy to open. She blinked against the light for several moments. She perceived his form standing near the bed and waited as her vision began to focus.

  He raked his fingers through his disheveled hair as a pretty red-haired lady frowned up at him.

  “She’ll wake soon, Ethan. The fever has broken.”

  “They said thatyesterday . And still she has no’.”

  “If she did right now,” the woman said, “you would scare the poor girl to death. You’ve no’ shaved or changed your clothes in days. And you look half-mad.”

  “You ken Iam half-mad, well on the verge.”

  When he began pacing, she said, “You must calm yourself. Your anger with the physicians will no’ help your wife”—her gaze flickered over Maddy and away, then returned immediately—“but slamming the door like that just might wake her.”

  “What do you—?” His shoulders tensed. He rasped, “Are you sayin’ she’s…?”

  “You dinna tell me she has such pretty blue eyes. Look behind you, son.”

  He whirled around, seeming to loom over the bed. Maddy stared up in shock. His eyes were red and wild, his beard growing. His clothes were wrinkled, his sleeves rolled. He looked as if he wanted to launch himself at her.

  The woman said something in Gaelic that made Ethan scowl and his hand shoot up to hisbeard ? He froze, and his brows drew together.

  How long had he been with her?

  Ethan looked at her with such yearning, but he seemed to force himself to back away from her. “You need tae drink,” he suddenly said, dashing to a nearby pitcher. When he poured, Maddy could hear the pitcher clanking against the glass.

  The woman raised her eyebrows at Ethan, then told Maddy, “I’m Lady Fiona, your mother-in-law, and I’m verra pleased to be meeting you this morning.”

  When Ethan returned to the bed with a glass of water, Maddy asked, “Where am I?”

  He lifted Maddy’s head and helped her drink. “You’re in London, in our town house.” Maddy couldn’t seem to drink it fast enough. “Easy, then,” he murmured.

  When he took the nearly empty glass away, Maddy asked, “C-Corrine?”

  “I could no’ find her, but I have men searching in Paris,” he said. “Maddy, I doona believe she’d been sick.”

  Maddy closed her eyes with worry, then quickly opened them, afraid to go to sleep again.

  He ran his hand over the back of his neck. “But Bea—”

  “No,” she whispered. “I know.”

  Lady Fiona said something in Gaelic, then in English added, “Ethan, why don’t you go get cleaned up now while I visit with my new daughter-in-law?”

  He hesitated, then the two of them seemed to share a look. Before he turned to the door, Ethan gruffly said to Maddy, “Verra glad you’re better, lass.” As he trudged from the room, she thought she saw him swiping a sleeve over his eyes.Oh, Ethan.

  Once he’d left, Lady Fiona said, “He’s been worried about you, to say the least.” She sat on the edge of the bed. “Now, I know you must have many questions….”

  “I didn’t get anyone sick here, did I?”

  “None of us. No’ at all. To be on the safe side, I’m staying in this house for a week.” She added dryly, “I hope you like cards.”

  Biting her bottom lip, Maddy said, “I…Lady Fiona, I lost the baby, didn’t I?”

  Fiona brushed Maddy’s hair back from her forehead. “Aye, but a slew of doctors all agree you’ll be able to have more.”

  She’d known she’d miscarried, but still, hearing the news made sadness sweep over her, sharp and heavy. “But Ethan’s not…well?”

  “He does no’ look it, but he’s no’ in ill health. I doona think he’s slept in a week.” She raised her brows as she said, “He loves you quite, well,fiercely . I’m just happy you’ll be able to be together and start anew.”

  Maddy’s eyes began to grow heavy again. “Lady Fiona, I don’t know what you’ve been told—”

  “Lass, I know everything. But understand, he’s changed. Speaking no’ as his mother but one woman to another…when a man like Ethan finally learns to love, it’s forever.”

  “Bloody hell!”

  He’d nicked himself again. His hands were shaking so badly, yet Fiona expected him to shave and clean up? Said he’d frightened his own wife with his appeara
nce.

  He probably had as he’d battled the nigh overwhelming urge to squeeze her in his arms. Maddy’s eyes had been wide in her pale face as she stared up at him.

  It had been everything he could do to force himself to leave that room—but earlier his mother had suggested she speak with Maddy alone once she woke. Fiona had told him there was a small chance Maddy might not even have known about the baby.

  He clung to that.

  When he nicked himself again, he threw the razor down. He rested his hands on the basin and hung his head.Please, doona let her have known. With Bea’s death and his betrayal and Corrine’s disappearance, he didn’t know how much more his lass could take….

  How long did his mother want with Maddy?

  Ethan couldn’t stay away any longer. He hastily dressed, then returned. As he strode in, Maddy’s eyes were heavy-lidded, as if she was struggling to stay awake.

  When he hurried to sit beside her, she weakly lifted her hand to graze her fingertips over a nick on his jaw. He took her small hand in his, kissing her palm, but she’d already closed her eyes. Just as he felt a surge of panic, Fiona said, “She’s just sleeping now, Ethan.”

  “Did she know about the babe?”Say no….

  “Aye, she did. But she’s a strong one, I can tell. She’ll heal from all this if you help her.”

  Maddy might not want his help—or want anything to do with him. “Did she say anythin’ about me?” he asked, sounding as desperate as he was. “About what I did?”

  “She broached it. But she’s in love with you, son. I can tell. You will be able to win her back.”

  Never again would he feel anger toward Fiona for what she’d said and done in the hours after his father’s death.If Maddy had… He shuddered and squeezed his eyes closed. “I need you tae leave.”

  Without a word, she hastened from the room.

  Just before he lost all control of his emotions.

  Forty-six

  Over the last five nights, Ethan had silently crept into her room to sleep with her, easing away each morning. Her fierce Highlander craving to sleep with her made her heart soften, but then she grew exasperated.

  Every time she’d tried to talk to him about what had happened, he’d shied away, clearly thinking she was not strong enough to handle his confessions after only six days of recovery. But she was healing rapidly now that she’d turned the corner. Today, she’d been able to sit up for a good part of the afternoon to play cards with Lady Fiona, who was scheduled to return to Scotland the next day.

  She truly liked Fiona, enjoying that she still scolded Ethan. He grumbled, but Maddy sensed that whatever conflict between them had finally been resolved.

  Maddy needed to get something resolved with him as well, settled for good or ill, just so she could begin to make sense of all that had transpired.

  That night, she made herself stay awake, waiting for him to steal into the room. He came directly after midnight and quietly undressed. When he slowly pulled back the cover, about to ease in and join her, she said, “Ethan, don’t you think it’s time we discussed what happened?”

  He exhaled. “Aye, I suppose it is.” He slung on his trousers without energy, then turned up the bedroom lamp. After placing pillows behind her and helping her sit up in bed, he pulled a chair beside her. “How did you find out?”

  “I’d written the land agent at Iveley about visiting the property because I’d wanted you to see where I grew up. But apparently, you had not only been to Iveley Hall—you’d owned it for years. Since my father died.”

  “Aye. I’d bought up his debts. Including the one against Iveley.”

  “So you did plot revenge against my family. Care to tell me what it was over?”

  “You dinna draw a conclusion?”

  “I think…I think my father discovered you and my mother in bed together. I think you were the man with her that night at Iveley.”

  “Inever touched her!” Ethan said vehemently. “I did go to meet her, but I had misgivings and tried to leave.”

  Maddy quirked a brow. “Do you make it a habit to go to assignations and then not keep them? Like with the barmaids?”

  “I had a strong feeling that I should no’ touch Sylvie. I had a realization with the others. Everything’s led me to you.”

  “What happened that night, Ethan?”

  He ran a hand over his drawn face. “If I try to acquit myself, I only impugn your parents.”

  “I have to hear this,” she insisted. “I have to finally know what happened.”

  His brows drew together, and the pain in his eyes staggered her. “Then I’ll tell you, though I doona relish it.” In his low tone, he described a night of lies and weakness and unimaginable malice.

  When he revealed that her mother had accused him of rape, Maddy was rocked. When he told her Brymer had cut him, Maddy’s tears began to fall unchecked.

  Ethan had been falsely accused, beaten, and then disfigured—while Maddy had been sleeping soundly not far away.

  Her father had allowed it, Brymer had enjoyed it, and her mother had sat back and done nothing, even when she’d known a young man was being tortured in their stables.

  “Oh, God,” Maddy whispered as the full weight of his revelation sank in. “Ethan, I am so sorry for what they did to you.”

  “Doona dare apologize for them! This has nothing to do with you. Thinking otherwise was my mistake. And doona pity me—I had my retribution, as you well know. I bought up your father’s loans and called them earlier than they would’ve been,” Ethan said, his voice harsh. “And called them at the same time. I’m responsible for your losing your home.”

  Wait, called themearlier ? “Would it have happened eventually, or was it all you?” When Ethan clenched his jaw, refusing to answer, and she just stopped herself from sucking in a breath.

  Oh, this must be a jest.She’d known there’d been debts, money struggles. She remembered her parents’ fights, her mother always wanting more. Maddy probably would have ended up in La Marais without Ethan’s interference.

  “And your revenge on Brymer? Did you kill him?”

  “Aye.”

  She nodded, glad to hear it. The image of that man stringing up Ethan and eagerly taking a knife to him…Maddy shuddered.

  “And Tully?” she asked nervously. She remembered he’d always been kind to her.

  “I spared him.”

  She exhaled a relieved breath, and not just for Tully—she was relieved to know Ethan could show mercy when it was warranted. “But what about me? You returned for me only to hurt me further.”

  “I tried to tell myself it was for revenge but realized early on that there was no way I could willfully hurt you. Take pleasure in knowing that my sinister plan for revenge came right back tae bite me on the arse.” He leaned forward, elbows to his knees. “Maddy, I was fallin’ for you from the beginning.”

  “Are we even truly married?”

  He raised his brows as if shocked she had doubts about that. “Bloody hell, we are!”

  “Was the night of the masquerade part of your plan?”

  He shook his head. “I dinna know who you were until the next morning.”

  A thought struck her, and she narrowed her eyes. “What about Le Daex? Did you have something to do with that?”

  Ethan hesitated, then said, “Aye. I dinna want you getting engaged before I could return for you.”

  “Yet another lie? Any others I should know about? More secrets?”

  “There are more secrets. Ten years’ worth of bad things I’ve done. I will no’ burden you with the details unless you insist, but know that I ultimately acted toward a greater good. And sometimes…sometimes I even did things you might have been proud of.”

  She’d known he could be heroic if he chose—and that he could also be a scoundrel. She rubbed her temples.

  “This has been too much,” he said at once, sounding alarmed. “Does your head ache?”

  “I’ll be fine. I just want to get this o
ver with. Is there anything else?” she asked more faintly, praying there wasn’t.

  He sighed. “Aye. I can speak French.”

  “Of course,” she muttered in a deadened tone.

  “Maddy, I ken that I’ve wronged you, but do you think you can forgive what I’ve done tae you? I’m no’ saying this minute. But in time?”

  “After all these lies, how can I trust what you’re saying now? Give me a reason to, Ethan. Iwant to.”