IfYouDeceive_lit

by kc

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “I doona know why you should trust me or forgive me, other than the fact that…that I’m in love with you,” he said gruffly. “Tell me what tae do tae win you back, and it’s done.”

  It seemed a thousand emotions warred to overwhelm her. She still felt resentment at Ethan’s deceit. Shame and disgust for her parents’ actions burned in her.

  And she was embarrassed by how badly she wished she knew none of this and could just go back to the life they’d made together.

  But above all, she felt…weary.

  “I want to get well, to get strong again before I make any decisions.” And one place called to her as no other did. “Take me to Carillon.”

  Maddy had ached for this place, yearning to return to the life she’d had at Carillon. But even after weeks of healing here, she was far from that existence.

  She sat in front of her mirror, combing out her hair for bed, musing over her time here. The tension between her and Ethan had been grueling. He was standoffish. She felt awkward. They didn’t seem to know what to do with each other.

  Whenever she’d strolled the property, savoring all the new blooms and growth and regaining her strength, she’d felt him watching her, felt his palpable yearning. Once she’d been strong enough to ride her horse, he’d accompanied her, remaining silent beside her. If she’d stopped to gather flowers, he would dash over to help her down from the saddle. Each time, he held her longer as he gazed down at her, his eyes dark with emotion.

  And this week, when he’d gotten word that Corrine had been found and was on her way to Carillon, Maddy had been so excited she’d hugged him. He hadn’t seemed to be able to let her go, even when she pulled back. Finally he had, but he’d been stiff, looking pained.

  It had turned out that Corrine had been knocked unconscious in the frantic struggle for Maddy, then carried away from the city by fleeing friends. But she was perfectly safe now and on her way here. The worry for her had been like a weight pressing on Maddy’s chest—and now it was lifted.

  With each day that passed, Maddy had formed a clearer picture of how she wanted her future to be. She needed to talk to Ethan about what she’d decided, but he seemed like he’d rather have his teeth pulled. Every time she approached him with a serious demeanor, he got an alarmed look about him and changed the subject, or left the room.

  Her infallible Highlander seemed unsure, hesitant, and Maddy was just as much so, having no idea how to proceed with him.

  She rose from her dresser with a sigh, then crawled into her large, empty bed, missing him like an ache before she fell asleep.

  Sometime in the night, thunder boomed outside, and Maddy shot up in bed, gasping for breath. Tears streamed down her face from one of the worst nightmares she’d ever had.

  She’d dreamed she was lost on the coast and couldn’t find Ethan anywhere. At every turn, around each craggy bend, she got farther and farther from him, no matter how badly she yearned to find him—

  Lightning flashed again. A storm was coming, making her ache turn to apprehension, and she leapt to her feet. Had Ethan not heard her cry out? Each night he slept in the room next to hers.

  She ran to his room, but he wasn’t there. Searching the manor with growing unease, she finally spied a light coming from the orangery and ran down the stairs and along the covered walk to reach him.

  Inside, the loud rumble of the boiler echoed against the glass. She’d known he could fix it! But where was he? Catching her breath, she cried,“Ethan?”

  The boiler whistled to a stop, and he shot to his feet, dropping tools as he strode for her. “What’s happened?” he demanded, grasping her shoulders.

  “N-nothing…”Now she felt silly for her reaction, like a frightened girl.

  “Is a storm coming, then?” He glanced up at the glass ceiling. “I could no’ hear it before.”

  “I…I think so. What are you doing here so late?”

  “I wanted to surprise you. Get this thing running once and for all.” He rubbed his palms down her arms. “Tell me what’s troubling you, lass.”

  She gazed up at him and the words slipped out. “What has happened to us? What are we doing?”

  “Truth?” he asked, tenderly brushing his thumb over her cheek.

  “Truth,” she answered with a firm nod.

  He exhaled. “I’m giving you time to come to terms with everything, because I’m…I’m bloody dreading that you’re going to tell me you want to go.”

  “Go? Am I going somewhere?”

  “Do you no’ want to? You have your own estate now. And you said once you got strong again, you’d make a final decision about us.”

  “Why haven’tyou said anything?”

  “I doona want you to go—Ireally doona want you to go—but I dinna want to affect your decision. With everything that’s happened—the illness and Bea’s death and the babe…everyone thinks you must be feeling battered about just now. And I’ve been told that I occasionallyexert undue pressure to get my way. I dinna want to push you into a decision you would regret.” Catching her eyes, he said, “I’m no’ in this for the short cull,aingeal .”

  “What if I’ve been trying to talk to you because I’ve decided that I want to give us another chance? That I want to stay here or at Carrickliffe or wherever, just as long as we can start again?”

  He looked as if she’d slogged him, and his hands fell from her. “Even after all that I did?”

  “Ethan, I admit I still have questions. I still have fears. But I don’t believe we have to have everything figured out before I can…before I can get my husband back. And Ireally want my husband back.”

  “You’re”—his voice broke lower—“you’re keepin’ me, then?”

  “My life is with you. I just want to get back to it. Mind you, we still have a lot to muddle through, but I think you’re worth the chance.”

  “Howcan you forgive me? There were times when it dinna seem possible tae me.”

  “Each day here, things became clearer,” she murmured as the rain began to fall, pattering on the glass above them. “To forgive you, I simply recall how you faced hell to save my life. And then I remember how amazing it is when we have good days together.” She twined her hands behind his neck and lightly pressed her body against the hard warmth of his, craving this closeness so badly. Their breaths were growing shallow, passion stoking, like the building storm outside. “Don’t you think that’s enough to start with?”

  His big hand cupped her nape in that way that made her melt. “If it means I get you back…then, aye, I do.” His other trailed to her bottom to gently knead her.

  Once the storm began to whip outside, pelting the glass, she strangely was unafraid. For some reason, she didn’t feel it was a harbinger of doom this time. She thought it mirrored the intensity of what was growing between them—his dark eyes were promising her a hot, thorough taking, and she knew hers were pleading for it.

  He curled his finger under her chin as he rasped, “I’m goin’ tae get it right this time, you know.”

  “I believe that, Scot.” She gazed up at him with all the love she felt. “That’s why you’re still the dark horse I’m betting on.”

  “Ach, you’re lookin’ at me like you used tae. A husband could get used tae looks like that.”

  She smiled, whispering breathlessly, “I wager you’re going to have to.”

  Epilogue

  Not to marry, know love, or bind, their fate;

  Your line to die for never seed shall take.

  Death and torment to those caught in their wake,

  Unless each son finds his forechosen mate…

  For his true lady alone his life and heart can save.

  Carrickliffe, Scotland

  Easter Sunday, 1865

  Ethan MacCarrick was the oldest brother and head of a family that…flourished.

  He relaxed in the shade of an old oak, surveying the rolling lawn before him. His mother, brothers, and their wives and children w
ere all here, gathered to join him and Maddy for an Easter christening.

  Maddy sat on a blanket, laughing with the two older of their three amazing bairns. Three children she’d given him, all with bright blue eyes and black hair.

  Their first son, Leith—whose entrance into the world had taken years off Ethan’s life, though Maddy hadn’t thought it was that bad—was now going on seven. He was larger than most twelve-

  year-olds and clever, like his mother. Three-year-old Catriona was an imp with delicate features just like Maddy’s, who already knew how to manage her da pitiably. And Ethan had their infant son cradled in one of his arms. For some reason, the boy fell asleep better tucked there. They’d named him Niall after one of Ethan’s favorite wild cousins, who still harried the Continent with Court’s former band of mercenaries.

  Ethan had been wary when they’d first had Leith, the infant seeming to take all Maddy’s attention away from him. Then his son had begun to cry forhim . And just like his mother, the lad had looked delighted whenever Ethan entered the room.

  None of Ethan’s bairns were afraid of his scarred visage, and they knew nothing of their father’s dark deeds in the past.

  Motherhood agreed with Maddy so damned much, and she was an adoring mother, unlike her own. She’d been able to forgive Sylvie for all that the woman had done to her, but not for what she’d done to Ethan.

  When Maddy had confided that to him, Ethan had known she’d accepted him as her new family—the two of them together, ready to defend each other, and their children, to the last breath….

  They’d married again here at Carrickliffe in a grand wedding, since Ethan had been so eager to show off the bride he’d somehow managed to win. The festivities had been overrun with Weylands, including Quin—who’d only reminded Ethan about a dozen times that he’d been warned about Maddy….

  She caught Ethan staring at her then, and she slid him that grin. It still made his heart speed up, always would. He thought he loved her more than was healthy, but had long resigned himself to it. At night, he held her close, his heart so full that his chest ached.

  Ethan knew his brothers and mother had been astounded that he was such a doting husband and father. They could be lost for their families, but Ethan couldn’t?

  Hugh and Jane had one four-year-old son and were “waiting” awhile for the next. Hugh had unaccountably wanted to name their boy after Ethan—and just as puzzling, Jane had let him. Ethan still scratched his head about that one. The lad was their world, and the three were happiest traveling to far-flung places. They were only in town for Niall’s christening.

  Court and Annalía had their son Aleix, their daughters little Fiona and toddler Elisabet, and another one on the way. Though Court loved his bairns, he swore each would be the last. Annalía just smiled and started knitting.

  Ethan’s mother was delighted with all the grandchildren she’d never thought to have and often said she saw a bit of their grandfather Leith in each one. Presently Fiona was waylaid on the lawn by five of them.

  Maddy rose from the blanket and strolled up to Ethan. “Is Niall ready for the bassinet?” she asked. “Or should I call in extra help?” Corrine, Maddy’s oldest friend, lived on the property and had turned down a position as steward to become their children’s nanny. Corrine had proved so deft at her job that other families shamelessly tried to steal her from them.

  “He’s sound asleep,” Ethan said, then added with a chuckle, “He snores like you.”

  She lightly cuffed him on the chest. “I donot snore, Scot.” She took the babe, kissing him good night before laying him in the shaded crib beside them. When Ethan opened his arms for her, she settled easily on his lap, gazing out with him. He drew her close, and she sighed. “I love you, Ethan.”

  He pressed a kiss to her sun-warmed hair, inhaling with pleasure. “How I’m lovin’ you too, lass,” he said. Then a thought struck him. “Right now, if I could give you anything in the world, what would it be?”

  “That’s easy. A lifetime of this.” She waved her hand over the scene, with their children playing and their entire family strong and happy.

  He cupped her face, and her blue eyes went soft as she gazed at him. “Done,” he said, kissing her lips tenderly. “I’m going to give you that, Maddy MacCarrick.”

  And Ethan did.