Needing You

by Becca Siller

  Again I nod my head because I don’t know what to say. He motions for me to follow him into the bathroom. He turns on the shower and strips, his movements jerky and robotic. This’s not the Ian I know. He steps in without looking back at me. I turn and quietly leave his bathroom. I grab a few things and head downstairs to use the duck bathroom. I allow the hot water to wash the rigidity in my body down the drain. I will not let my broken heart or my fucked-up mind mess with what’s good for me. “What if it isn’t what’s good for you, Charlie?” I whisper out loud to myself. I slam the lid on those thoughts and finish up. When I step out of the bathroom, Ian’s leaning against the wall outside.

  “Charlie, I’m so sorry for the way I acted…” he starts but I cut him off quickly.

  “Ian, you don’t need to explain anything to me. I know that look. I know you must be dealing with some pretty serious shit to close down like that. I, of all people understand that. Enough said.”

  “You…are…so…amazing…” he says, kissing me between each word. He deepens the kiss, taking my breath away. I melt into him, shutting off any wayward thoughts. My body starts to react to his hands roaming, so I lift my leg over his hip, pressing myself against him. Before any panicked thoughts can take over, Ian’s phone vibrates from his pocket.

  “Fuck,” he curses and yanks it from his pocket, trying to get his breathing calmed. I giggle, then quickly cover my mouth with my hand to smother the sound. He quirks an eyebrow at me and barks into the phone. Immediately he stiffens and his features darken. “I’ll be right there.”

  “What is it?” I ask, alarmed at the sudden shift in his mood.

  “Livy, she’s hysterical. I’m sorry, babe, I have to go get her from your house.”

  “That’s ok, I should get home anyway. I have to help Riley with a bunch of wedding things.” We start walking to the door before I finish talking. “What about my stuff?”

  “I’ll bring it by later.” We rush outside. As we hop into my car I remember Olivia had her car last night…didn’t she?

  Riley

  I’m lying in my bed still trying to enjoy the peaceful sleep that seems to be eluding me lately when all of a sudden I hear Skylar shout and his door slam. I attempt to block it out and go back to sleep but then I hear Scott and Darius yelling as well. I roll slightly to see the clock. “What the fuck!” I hiss. It’s only seven-thirty a.m. on a Saturday. I’m so annoyed I see red. I don’t bother making myself decent at this point – I just rush from my room to see what all the damn commotion is about. When I walk into the dining room I can see Scott and Darius glaring at Sky in the kitchen, and Sky’s glaring at what I can only assume is Olivia.

  “What the fuck is going on out here?” I shout, trying to gain their attention.

  “It doesn’t fucking matter, Riley, just stay out of it.”

  Darius growls something low in his throat but Scott puts a hand on him to stop him from advancing any further on Skylar. “Sky, why don’t you just tell me what the hell is going on here?” I say with a little more volume.

  Scott starts to explain. “Skylar woke us up shouting at Olivia in the living room. He was telling her to get out of his house and his life. She was sobbing…I’ve never seen Skylar so mad before.”

  “When I tried to pull him back, the dick took a swing at me and almost hit Scott,” Darius snarls, still glaring at Skylar.

  “Sky, what are you two fighting about now?” I ask annoyed. I don’t want to deal with their petty drama.

  Skylar turns his ire on me now. “I wouldn’t want to bother you, sister,” spitting the word “sister” like it’s a curse.

  As I am about to start my apology for making him feel like I find him bothersome, I hear a car door out front. It has to be Charlie. If anyone can get through to Skylar, it’s Charlie. I rush for the door, flinging it open to find Olivia clinging to Ian, ‘when did she leave the house?’ and Charlie walking toward me completely unaffected by the over-familiarity going on between her boyfriend and his partner.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. He’s pissed about something…” I don’t know how she’s knows exactly what I’m talking about but she does. I’d assumed Olivia would call someone, but I’m a little surprised it was Ian. Charlie glides past me after giving me a warm but brief embrace. As we enter the living room I hear Skylar make a very unkind comment toward Scott. Something about him being a bitch or something. I don’t find that particular insult insulting but Darius seems to lose his temper slightly. Scott has to wrap his arms around him to keep him from pounding Skylar’s face in. Charlie doesn’t waste a second. She runs around the kitchen island, wrapping her arms around Skylar’s neck. She pulls him down to look her in the eye. I watch his face fall. The realization of how hurt he is and is reacting with anger makes my stomach twist. Charlie can disarm him faster than anyone else. They’ve always had a really special connection.

  “Wanna tell me what’s going on here?” I hear Charlie ask quietly. Before he has a chance to respond, Ian steps in behind me. I can feel his agitation radiating off him. I turn to see him glaring at Skylar. Is he angry because of Olivia or because Sky is holding Charlie in what could be misconstrued as an intimate embrace? Skylar looks up as I reach out to calm Ian.

  “You motherfucker!” Sky shouts, then runs at Ian. I shriek, jumping out of the way. Darius and Scott try to intervene but before I know it there’s a brawl going down in my living room. I hurry to Charlie’s side at the same time Deputy saunters over to insert himself between her and the melee.

  A harsh expletive from Scott makes Charlie curse. “Oh for fuck sakes, knock it off already!” I thought she’d be cowering in the corner away from the violence. She never ceases to amaze me.

  Scott and Darius immediately straighten at Charlie’s vehemence. Skylar and Ian scuffle a little longer before they’re eventually pulled apart. They’re all a mess, with small cuts and bruises forming on their cheeks and knuckles. A small sniffling sound pulls my attention from the idiots in my living room to a tear-streaked Olivia standing in the entryway, watching with shock on her face.

  “He’s here, now get the fuck out of my house!” Skylar spits at Olivia, who whimpers as he storms off to his room. Charlie glares at the other guys, then follows.

  “I am not cleaning this shit up!” I state harshly.

  “Come on, Olivia. I’ll take you home,” Scott says, kissing Darius, then grabbing his keys.

  “Wait, what happened, Livy?” Ian asks, fixing her with an intimidating look.

  “We got into a fight, that’s all,” she responds calmly, not making eye contact.

  “Really, then why did he launch himself at me the second he saw me?”

  “You know how I get, Ian. I say shit I don’t mean when I get mad.”

  “Please tell me this isn’t the same shit you pulled with Julian?” Apparently Olivia’s silence was answer to his question. “Really, Livy? You know how I feel about Charlie. If you fucked this up…”

  “Fuck you, Ian! I didn’t lie,” she shouts, startling me.

  “Come on, Olivia. Let’s get you home so everyone can cool off,” Scott says softly as he directs her out of the house, but not before casting a quizzical glance over his shoulder at me.

  I spend the next few minutes patching up the minor scrapes and cuts on Ian and Darius. I attempt to talk to Ian but he is anything but forthcoming about the subject. Eventually I decide to head into Skylar’s room to check on him.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone after Ian. But that damn woman makes me crazy. I fucking care about her but I can’t tell her that, I’m not ready for the kind of commitment she wants. I told her things were great between us right now and why was she trying to push the issue? Then she told me if she just wanted a quick fuck she’d call Ian, and I lost it. I’m sorry,” Skylar’s voice cracks with emotion. I sidle up next to him and start cleaning his wounds. He swats at me a few times but I just swat back.

  “You know that isn’t true, right?” Charlie asks, and h
er conviction is a little shocking. After Wyatt’s infidelity I would think she would believe the lie for sure.

  “I don’t know, why would she say it if it weren’t true?” Skylar drops his head into his hands.

  “To hurt you. She wants you to know you can be replaced but she’s choosing you,” Charlie explains and I wonder if she hears the similarity in their situations.

  “You need to go talk to Ian,” I tell her, knowing he’s wearing a hole in the wood floors with his pacing.

  “So do I. I need to apologize, for believing something I shouldn’t have,” Skylar says, standing. We all stand and leave Skylar’s room, letting him lead the way.

  Charlie

  I walk silently behind Skylar knowing this showdown was simply because Olivia was feeling like she needed more from Skylar than he could give her right now. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. I suddenly feel a sense of peace at the realization that all of this angst with Wyatt was simply because I wanted more than he knew how to give. He was just not ready to deal with his feelings.

  Skylar walks around to stand in front of Ian, who’s leaning against the counter, arms tucked across his chest, his shoulders hunched slightly. He looks so dejected that a small smile cracks my lips but I bite down on them to stop it. This is not the appropriate time. Ian’s eyes pop up to Skylar’s and he straightens. He immediately seeks me out. His expression tells me exactly how sorry he is. I glance around and notice most of the mess has been cleaned up. Darius and Ian must have been busy. I didn’t realize I was back there that long.

  “I’m really sorry, Ian, I reacted to false information like a jackass.” Skylar extends his hand to Ian’s.

  Ian doesn’t hesitate to take it. “Shit happens, what did she say exactly? You came at me like an animal,” Ian says, teasing slightly.

  “She said that when she wants a quick fuck she calls you.” Skylar’s crude words make me wince. Ian’s face darkens and I see the man from the shower earlier. This must be his cop side because it’s intimidating as hell.

  “I have never touched her,” Ian states sternly, not taking his eyes from Skylar’s.

  “I know, Charlie told me,” Sky explains, thumbing over his shoulder at me.

  Ian’s eyebrows shoot up as he looks right at me, the question all over his face. I shrug, continuing to survey the damage. When I glance back at them, Ian is standing right in front of me. “You trust me that much?” he asks hoarsely.

  “Yes, you’ve never lied to me and I’m pretty sure you would tell me something like that. Games aren’t your thing.” Ian looks relieved but I’m not finished. “As for the fighting in my living room,” his face blanches, “completely unacceptable. Fighting should be the last thing you turn to.”

  “It was my fault, Leelee. I attacked him, he was just defending himself.” Skylar speaks on Ian’s behalf.

  “I’m not the biggest fan of violence and I know you could’ve hurt him if you lost control. Please just try, all of you.” I address Darius too, who’s standing behind Sky. “I know I’m doing a lot better, but I don’t need any more setbacks.” Ian picks me up and kisses me sweetly.

  “I’m sorry. I saw Olivia crying and him holding you. You’re my girl,” Ian looks away briefly. “This totally ruined the amazing morning I was having. I don’t even smell like you anymore,” Ian says, putting our foreheads together.

  I smile and wrap my arms around him, kissing him back until Darius clears his throat. “Scott called. He’s on his way back, he got Olivia delivered safely.”

  “I need to go check on her and give her the lecture of a lifetime. I won’t have her dragging me into another one of her relationship problems,” Ian says as he sets me back on my feet. “Skylar, I want you to know, man… Livy is a complicated girl, she has a temper too, don’t write her off for one mistake.” He leans over and whispers in my ear as I walk him to the door. “I’m going to come back later. I need to have your taste and smell all over me again.” His crude comment sends a pleasurable shiver down my back. I smile and shut the door behind him.

  Wyatt

  It’s been a few weeks since my blowup with Charlie and my intervention from Miles. Since that horrible nightmare of a night I’ve cut off all contact with the other women I was seeing and haven’t touched a drop of alcohol. Gillian did not take my detachment well at all. She’s made some rather persistent attempts to get me back like having the concierge at our hotel let her in my room and wait for me naked on my bed or leave notes and naked pictures of herself all over the place. I mean seriously does she not realize other people could stumble onto those too? It’s been really rather exhausting, not to mention enlightening. I’ve seen a very unattractive side of her due to all of this. To be honest I can’t for the life of me remember why I found her attractive in the first place. Gillian was the only one of the women I was having a sexual relationship with who never quite understood it was just about sex for me. The rest seemed to take it in stride. Even when I explained how I owed them an apology for using them to mask my own intimacy issues. I think Amber actually laughed and said, “Aren’t we all.” But it was what my therapist Dr. McKenzie recommended I do to start my “road to recovery.”

  Dr. McKenzie is a portly, middle-aged British woman with warm brown eyes and short grey hair who I started seeing four or five times a week. I began going to meetings, also at Dr. McKenzie’s request. She and I both agree I’m not an alcoholic or even a sex addict but some of the things they teach in those meetings help me in dealing with the day-to-day issues I have. Dr. McKenzie is helping me work out why I treated Charlie the way I did. So far we’ve gotten to the point that I recognize I’m one seriously fucked-up asshole, my words, and I need to get my head on straight before I can even think about having a relationship with anyone and most definitely not with Charlie. I remember the conversation I had with the good doctor a few nights ago. My homework had been deciding on a goal and making a plan for how to get there.

  “Well, Wyatt, did you decide on a goal?”

  “Yes I did. I want to be good enough to approach Charlie again and be the man she needs and deserves.”

  “That’s a good goal but I want you to do something for you, not for anyone else.”

  “That is for me.” She eyes me suspiciously. “I know it’s inappropriate, Doctor, but are you in love with someone?” She gives me a bemused stare. “Ok, well let’s say that you have someone you need in your life but you aren’t anywhere near good enough for that person. Wouldn’t you want to do anything and everything to change that?” I ask, hoping she’s following my line of thought.

  “I understand where you’re going with this but let me ask you something. Would you want Charlie to change anything about herself for you? Or would you want her to be herself and just want to be with you?”

  “No, not at all! I love her exactly the way she is. And I had that with her. She loved me for who and what I was but left me anyway.”

  “You know why she left though, don’t you?” Dr. McKenzie’s keen eyes are beseeching me to understand that I need to be me and fix me for me. “There isn’t anything wrong with you, Wyatt. You haven’t had consequences for your actions until now. We are working on your understanding of action-reaction. Charlie ‘left’ so you wanted to punish her by sleeping around. That’s what we are working on.”

  Today is one of the last days of serious filming. Miles and I still have probably two weeks of work left but the good news is the majority of the film is done. Thank God because I’ve felt like shit for two days. I took a pretty hard hit during an intense battle scene a couple days ago and haven’t felt the same since. The other actor just got way too into his part and rammed his shoulder right into my stomach. I was sore but thought nothing of it until I started feeling really sick last night. This morning as I was trying to drag myself out of bed I almost passed out from the pain in my stomach. I must have eaten something bad along with the injury. I figure I just need to rest and let it work through my system.

 
; “Damn it, Wyatt! You look terrible! Are you ok?” Miles asks, his brows furrowed in consternation.

  “Yeah…well no…my stomach hurts really bad. I was throwing up all night last night and now I’m feeling kind of dizzy,” I start to explain but my brain isn’t focusing the way it should be.

  “Wyatt, Jesus Christ, man you’re really pale. You’re seriously scaring me.” I can hear Miles talking but it sounds far away and jumbled. I feel slightly weightless for a moment as my world tilts. What the hell is going on? Maybe this stomach bug is worse than I thought. “Wyatt!” Miles shouts near my face. How did I end up on the ground? Miles looks terrified. “Someone get some Goddamned help over here!” He’s yelling to someone but I can barely hear him over the blood pounding in my ears and now my vision has gone blurry. Then I can’t hear or see anything. Total darkness envelops me like a peaceful blanket. No more pain…just quiet.

  Charlie

  Today is a beautiful fall day in Portland. The air is fresh and cool after a nice rain. Things have been going pretty well. I know Riley is still stressing about something at work but she seems to think she can hide things from me. Which is fine but I will find out what’s going on with her sooner rather than later. I’m also avoiding Ian, a little. After our disastrous night a few weeks ago I just don’t have it in me anymore. I’m really tired of faking things for everyone. There are days when I just want to be as broken as I am inside. The other day I came home to find a very depressed Skylar sitting in the living room with a new piano. He bought it recently and has this idea that he and I are going to start some sort of band or something. The truth is I actually feel really free when I’m singing with Sky. He’s been having a hard time with his breakup with Olivia (even though they are still very much still seeing each other. Meaning they still have sex regularly.) and the new girl in his life. He told me about her last night. Her name is Katie and she’s supposed to be coming to our house today to study before Skylar and I do a run-through of the songs we’re singing for Riley’s wedding. He told me he still has nightmares from the kidnapping. I felt like a complete insensitive bitch because I’d never considered how he would’ve felt about the events of that day.