Needing You

by Becca Siller

“Here. I wouldn’t miss this for anything in the world, baby. Now let’s get this show on the road. I want to see my baby.”

  I don’t even notice the overwhelming urge to pee anymore. I think I’m holding my breath partly in anticipation to see the tiny little person that has been residing inside of me for the last almost twenty weeks and because Miles is here with me. Gosh, five months sounds like a long time, but it honestly seems like just yesterday I saw Miles for the first time in the Las Vegas airport.

  All of a sudden a little body comes into view on the screen. The technician is saying something but I can’t hear anything past the sound of the whoosh, whoosh of my baby’s heartbeat. I turn briefly to see Miles’ boyish grin as he stares at the screen in complete rapture.

  “Are you finding out the sex?” the tech asks. Two heads nod in agreement. “Ok, you are having a little…”

  I close my eyes as a tear slides down my cheek. Miles squeezes my hand tightly.

  “It’s a girl,” the nurse says and I start to sob.

  Miles erupts in laughter. “I’m having a baby girl!” Miles shouts to anyone within a city block. I turn my face to him to see his eyes shining and tears on his cheeks. “God, I love you,” he says as he leans over to kiss me sweetly.

  I can’t speak, I can hardly even breathe. I’m having a sweet little girl. The emotion that swells inside me is indescribable. “I love you, too,” I manage out past the vise on my throat. I think even the technician is crying. Miles is still clutching at my hand so very tightly. I don’t think this moment could have been any better.

  Charlie

  I hate airports. For some reason they hold bad memories for me. I’m always leaving someone or they’re leaving me. I’m anxious to get home. Riley called me yesterday and told me how Miles surprised her at the appointment to find out the baby’s sex. I already knew he was going to be there and trust me, keeping that kind of a secret from her was awful. She told me they’re having a little girl. My heart swells at the thought of their beautiful little girl with green eyes and dark hair. She’s going to be the most beautiful thing ever. Miles is going to have his hands full for sure. I think about their wedding, which is less than two weeks away. When I board the plane to head home my mind recalls everything that’s happened since I got to Scotland. I’ve been gone a week. A lot has happened between Wyatt and I.

  Last night with Wyatt was amazing to say the least. We held each other as I sang to him. After things became heated during our make-out session we put the brakes on. We know we want to be together but we have a lot of work ahead of us. After the meeting with Dr. McKenzie, I started thinking about the foundation Wyatt and I had before all this started. I knew my feelings for him were intense but now I think we lacked the foundation to maintain our connection. We started with passion, lust and violence. Not violence from Wyatt but the violence I’d gone through with Tony. Wyatt told me he loved me because he was scared of losing me. Not like Miles and Riley. They have a fairytale romance. Miles knew she was the girl for him the moment he laid eyes on her. I heard Riley say she felt a bolt of electricity run through her the moment she saw him. They loved each other at first sight. Now that I’ve talked to him about his past, his childhood, I can see the real Wyatt. I can see myself being in love with him forever and having the relationship we both deserve. Not a lust-driven mess. I’m not discrediting our feelings for each other in the beginning. I’m just wondering if we were slightly misguided.

  I’ve also discovered that I still need to deal with my own shit. I need to admit I don’t have real feelings for Ian. I care about him, yes, I’m attracted to him too, but I used him as a distraction. I wanted to forget. I wanted to move on so badly I forced a relationship with someone I don’t love, and I hurt -or am about to hurt- a good man in the process. I’ve been suppressing my feelings for too long, trying to forget and move on. Not just my feelings about Wyatt and what happened with Tony. Having my heart broken by Wyatt was just as much my fault as his. And putting myself in that situation with Tony was a selfish cop-out. I knew what he was. Maybe not to the extremes he went to but I knew he was dangerous. I needed something different from my life and oh boy did I get it with him. I’ve also never really dealt with losing my parents at a young age and pushing myself to succeed because I thought I needed to prove something to someone. I don’t think I’ve proven anything to the most important person, me. I need to figure out who I am. I’m not Charlie the vet anymore, I’m not Tony’s punching bag, I’m not a lovesick teenager over the hot movie star, and I am definitely not a weak pushover. Things are going to change for me. Skylar has been talking about doing music together. It makes me happy, so why am I fighting it? Maybe I need to take my destiny by the balls for once and do what I want.

  My whole inner war/pep talk makes the flight flash by so quickly that I’m not prepared when the pilot announces we‘re landing. I close my eyes to take a deep breath. I know talking to Ian is going to be difficult. I haven’t called him since our dreadful conversation when I first got to Scotland. He hasn’t tried to contact me either but I understand why he didn’t. Scott and Skylar are supposed to pick me up at the airport and I’m relieved to see the dorks standing with a giant sign with my name on it. Those two are too much sometimes. “Hey, guys. I’ve missed you,” I say warmly as I wrap my arms around the two of them.

  “You are a sight for sore eyes, beautiful girl,” Scott says as he gives me a big kiss.

  “Oohhh, I’m gonna tell Darius you be kissing on someone else,” Skylar taunts.

  “Oh, stop it you two. I’m starving! Feed me,” I demand, grasping my stomach dramatically.

  “Ok, what do you feel like eating?” Scott asks, taking my rucksack.

  “Sushi!” Skylar and I both shout together.

  “Ok, ok, calm down,” Scott admonishes. We make our way out to my car waiting by the curb. I missed my car almost as much as I did my friends. I know Scott is dying to interrogate me so when his first question blurts out the second he pulls away from the curb, I laugh. “So what happened?”

  “I knew you were dying to ask. Nothing happened.” Which is totally not true but he means did we have sex.

  “You didn’t fuck him?” Skylar asks, sounding surprised. I turn around in my seat to smack him.

  “Sky! I’m not a slut! Geez, besides he just had surgery.” I sound offended when I’m really not.

  “So that’s why you didn’t. Not because you aren’t a slut but because he just had surgery,” Skylar responds, teasing, then yelps when I‘m able to reach him to punch him in the arm.

  “No, ass. A lot happened actually. Just not in the way you think. We talked a lot. We met with his therapist together. It was…enlightening.”

  “Enlightening? How?” Scott asks.

  I spend the rest of the drive home telling them about the session and my epiphany. Scott is beaming at me. I turn back to see Skylar in deep thought. “Don’t hurt yourself, man,” Scott says to Sky when he sees his expression.

  “Ha ha, very funny. I was just thinking about where I can find some more band members.”

  “Band members?” I ask.

  “Yeah, you know, for our band. If you’re serious about doing it with me. I’ve been writing a few songs. I really think we can do this, Leelee. We sound great together. I’m not expecting us to hit it big but it’s fun on the side.” Skylar’s so earnest that I take a moment to seriously consider what he’s offering.

  “Ok, Sky. Let’s do it. Why not, right? I was going to do the vet office but I just don’t have the passion there anymore. I think Julian plays bass or something like that,” I tell him.

  “I seriously doubt he’ll want to do anything with me. I mean he was with Olivia.”

  “And you’re not anymore? I don’t know why you keep seeing her, man. That girl is nothing but trouble for you,” Scott says as we pull into my favorite sushi place.

  “Whatever happened with Katie?” I ask once we’re seated.

  “Katie is hella cool. We get al
ong great and we have a lot in common. I haven’t slept with her if that’s what you’re asking. I haven’t even kissed her. I’m not a pig, Charlie. I’m still having sex with Olivia occasionally. I wouldn’t do that to either one of them.” He sounds defensive. I didn’t mean to upset him.

  I reach across the table to take his hand. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I just…I saw the way you look at Katie. It’s a familiar look.”

  “You think I’m in love with her?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Either way, I’m not ready for anything that serious. I’m too young to settle down. I want to finish school and have a stable career. Katie is the same way. Maybe one day we can be together but until then she’s too good for me and what I want out of a relationship.”

  “Damn, man. That’s a really mature way to look at things. I’m impressed. You aren’t the Neanderthal I thought you were,” Scott says with an approving look on his face.

  Skylar barks out a loud laugh, making others turn to glare at us. I just wave at them. “Hardly, man. I’m definitely a Neanderthal. I just don’t want to hurt Katie – she’s better than that. Once I fuck my way through the sorority sisters, then tell me how mature I am.”

  I smack his shoulder as we all laugh. It’s good to be home. Until I get home to find Ian waiting for me. I thought I’d have time to shower before we had this conversation.

  “Hey,” I say lamely.

  “Hey? Why haven’t you called me?” Shit, he’s pissed.

  “You want us to wait?” Skylar asks, eyeing Ian warily.

  I shake my head and motion for Ian to follow me into the house. I’m not about to have it out on my front lawn. “Ian…” I start once inside my room but his body is against mine and he’s pressing his lips to mine. Unfortunately I kiss him back for a moment before I realize what I’m doing. “Ian, stop.” He takes a step back, then looks at me with pain in his eyes.

  “I already know what you’re gonna say, Charlie. But before you do, let me just say something first.” He sits on the edge of my bed with his fingers thrust into his beautiful blond hair. His Boston accent is thick when he’s emotional so I have to listen hard when he talks again. “I know you care about Wyatt. I know you two think you’re meant to be together and maybe you are. But just for a minute think about the life I can give you. I care about you. We haven’t been together long enough to fall in love with each other but I think the potential is there.” He stands and starts to pace. “I’ve thought a lot about us while you were gone. I’m not sure if you’ve ever really given us a chance. What do you need from me to make this work?” he asks, looking so sincere it makes what I have to say next feel like glass on my tongue.

  “Ian, I have thought about it. I’ve thought about our relationship since it started.” I take a deep breath preparing myself for my next words. “I think we both know what I’ve been doing. I’ve used our relationship as a shield. I don’t want to have to face everyday life alone. We get along and things are so easy for us. But is that how it’s supposed to be?”

  “Why not? My last relationship was exhausting. I don’t want to have to work that hard again.”

  “That’s my point exactly, Ian. Nothing worth fighting for should be easy.”

  “Who said I wouldn’t fight for you?”

  “Is it because you really want me or do you feel like you still need to protect me?”

  “Of course I need to protect you. I should’ve protected you better in the first place!” Ian’s voice has risen. He starts to pace the length of my room. I can see he’s too upset to really grasp what he just said. I knew Ian felt like he needed to be my savior but I had no idea he thought Tony taking me was his fault.

  “Ian…” I start but he holds his hand up.

  “Don’t, Charlie. So are we done?” His tone is cold but I can tell it’s forced. “Wait…did you fuck him…again?”

  I shake my head. Why does everyone think I have this inability to deny Wyatt? I love him, yes, but he’s not kryptonite. “No, Ian, I didn’t. And yes, we’re…”

  “You two are back together then?”

  “No. Well, not exactly.”

  “Save it. I really don’t need to hear any more, Charlie. Thank you for making me look like a complete fool.”

  “Ian, wait. You don’t understand.”

  “No. Fuck you, Charlie!” he shouts as he slams out of my room. I don’t follow him. I know he needs his space. I feel the tears starting and decide that a shower will help calm me. I never ever wanted to hurt Ian. I was selfish and because of that I’ve hurt too many people. Before I get into the shower I pick up my phone to call Dr. Iverson. He agrees to meet me in an hour. I close my bathroom door and lock it. I hear Riley calling my name but ignore her. I need a little time to gather myself before facing the rest of the house.

  Riley

  Miles and I have been out house hunting. Since we found out about our precious little girl the other day, the race has been on to find a house and get settled before we leave on our honeymoon. We looked at several houses this afternoon but they weren’t right. I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for but I knew those houses weren’t it. Miles is frustrated with me now. He’s pretending he isn’t but I can tell. We haven’t been together very long and even though the majority of those months have been spent apart, I still know him like the back of my hand. Now that we’re home we need to review the guest list and seating arrangements. I wish I could postpone these tedious tasks but we have less than two weeks to finalize everything.

  “I’m going to take a shower.” Miles kisses my head as we make our way up the walk to the house.

  “Miles, I’m sorry if you think I’m being difficult. I just want the house to be perfect.” I explain.

  I can tell by his face that I’ve made him more irritated. “Riley, that was the worst apology ever. You can’t say I’m sorry you think I’m being difficult because that’s not really an apology. Look, I just want to be with you and the baby. I don’t give a shit where we live. As long as we’re together, I’ll be happy.” We’ve stopped at the door.

  I take his face in my hands. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s compromise. How about we find a nice apartment for now so we won’t feel so pressured to buy something that isn’t what we both want. Besides, Charlie wants to build a house, maybe we should look into something like that.”

  “Charlie is having a house built?” Miles asks but before I can answer I hear someone yelling. Ian comes bursting out of the house damn near running us over.

  “Ian?” I question but he waves me off to storm down the walk to his car. Darius rushes out as Ian peels out down the road.

  “Fuckin’ prick,” Darius mutters, watching Ian’s retreating car.

  “Was that Ian yelling at Charlie?” I ask, worried. He nods.

  I push past him running to her room. Her door is open but her bathroom door is locked. “Charlie…” I pound on the door. “Charlie, answer me, are you ok?”

  “I’m fine, Ry. I just need a few minutes to shower. I feel like shit from the flight.” Charlie’s muffled voice comes through the door.

  “Ok, I was just worried.” I swear I can hear her sigh from the other side of the door.

  “She’s fine, Riley,” Scott says from behind me.

  “What happened?” I ask. He motions for me to follow him out of her room. I look around for Miles but he isn’t here. “Where’d Miles go?”

  “Shower,” Darius answers.

  “Ok, tell me what happened,” I prompt.

  “Like I said, she’s perfectly fine. Trust me. Skylar and I had a long talk with her on the drive home. I don’t know what happened in Scotland but whatever is was, she came back a new and improved Charlie. That…” he gestures to the door, “was her ending things with Ian,” Scott explains.

  “I’m really confused. I thought she and Ian were good for each other.”

  “Maybe for a time they were. But we both knew it wasn’t serious. Charlie was just finally able to l
et him go. She realized it’s better for them both this way.”

  Darius speaks before I can. “How did you get all of that from him shouting ‘fuck you’? ‘Cause I was listening to the same fight and didn’t get any of that.”

  “You weren’t in the car, Dare. I’m going to let Charlie explain.”

  “So are she and Wyatt back together?” I ask.

  “Nope,” Scott says, then smiles.

  “Hey,” Darius says to Scott, who looks up at him. Darius waggles his eyebrows at him suggestively, then gives him a stare that raises the temperature in the room by at least ten degrees. Scott’s face becomes flushed and his loose shorts don’t hide what Darius’s look is doing to him. Darius continues, “I’ve been gone all day. I need…”

  “Hell, I’m going to take a shower. Take it to your room for fuck sakes,” I say. Darius laughs, then picks Scott up, carrying him to their bedroom.

  I make my way to my room just as Miles steps out in a towel. My breath freezes in my throat. Good gracious, my man is beautiful. Between the sexual display in the living room and gazing at Miles’ perfectly sculpted body, I lose myself completely. I strip faster than I thought possible in my state and press my bare flesh against his. His body responds immediately to mine. I moan loudly when I feel his hands slide down my back to grip my ass. I yank his head down to kiss him breathless. “God, baby, what’s gotten into you?” he asks but doesn’t push me away.

  “Hopefully you soon,” I say saucily. My comment is met with a low growl from Miles. I don’t bother dragging him to my bed. Instead, I drop to my knees in front of him. I haven’t done this in a while so I know he’ll appreciate it even more. I pull the towel loose, letting it fall to the floor around his feet. His cock is bobbing deliciously in front of me so I dart my tongue out to lick at the bead of seed leaking from the tip. Miles gasps and leans back against the door frame, one hand holding himself up and the other tangling in my hair. I peek up at him through my lashes to see him watching me with his lips parted slightly. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are burning with need. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I press the head against my lips, giving it a kiss before taking him fully down my throat. It’s a struggle at first but when I see his eyes close and his head fall back I’m able to relax my throat. I adjust my position slightly to handle what I’m about to do. I reach around to grip his ass, forcing his hips forward. He shouts, then looks down at me with bemusement.