Finding Perfect

by Susan Mallery

  “How are you two doing?” she asked, lightly touching her stomach. “Everything okay? I’m fine. Still sad, but recovering. It’s going to be okay. I want you to know that. I’m going to take really good care of you both. I promise.”

  There wasn’t an answer, which was probably good. Voices from inside her body would scare the crap out of her. But she felt a sense of peace—a knowing. The rightness of what she’d done settled on her. She was having Crystal’s babies. More important, these were also her babies. They might not have her DNA, but they were growing inside of her. She was nurturing them with every beat of her heart. When they were born, she would be their mother in every sense of the word.

  “It’s going to be great,” she whispered.

  She went into her closet and pulled out the black dress. The bodice was lightweight velvet, with a deep vee. The skirt began just under her breasts. That fabric was lighter, more flowy, ending just above her knee.

  She’d already rubbed a shimmering body lotion on her bare legs. Now she hung the robe on a hook and reached for the dress. After slipping it on, she secured the side zipper. She stepped in front of the mirror to see if it worked.

  “Oh my.”

  While she’d had breasts since she was about thirteen, they’d never looked like this, she thought, staring at the cleavage filling the vee of the dress.

  “At least now I know what I’d look like if I got implants.”

  Fortunately the dress had a short jacket. She pulled that on and saw it hid virtually nothing. Raoul was simply going to have to endure.

  She’d chosen a medium-heel black sandal. She’d barely slipped them on when she heard a knock at the front door.

  “Come in,” she called as she walked to the living room.

  The door opened and Raoul stepped inside.

  She’d never seen him in a suit before. The dark, tailored fabric fit him perfectly, skimming over impossibly broad shoulders. He was elegant and handsome and hers.

  The latter admission was as difficult to believe as the pregnancy had been. Were they really going to get married?

  His gaze swept over her, starting at her shoes and working his way up. When he reached her chest, she saw him tense. He crossed the room in two strides, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her with a passion that had her trembling in her heels.

  His mouth moved against her, claiming, enticing, promising. Heat poured through her.

  Without thinking, she grabbed his hands and lowered them to her chest. He pushed aside her jacket and cupped her eagerly, finding her already tight nipples and rubbing them.

  Fire shot through her. She was wet and ready in seconds. She shrugged out of her jacket and fumbled with her zipper. He undid it for her, then pushed down her dress to her waist. Then her bra was gone and his mouth was on her breasts.

  The feel of his lips and tongue, the stroking and sucking, nearly brought her to the brink. Her breath came in sharp pants. Need threatened to drown her. She hung on to him to keep standing.

  He moved one hand between her legs, slipping under her panties and finding her center with one sure stroke. He rubbed that place hard, as if aware how close she already was. Around and around, his mouth still on her breasts, her hands on his shoulders, her legs shaking so hard she wasn’t sure she could stay standing.

  She came without warning. One second she was riding the wave, the next she was shivering and convulsing, rubbing herself against his fingers, gasping out his name. The contractions faded and the world righted itself.

  She straightened, as did he. They stared at each other. Then his mouth curved in a very satisfied male smile.

  “You look good,” he said. “Did I get a chance to mention that?”

  She was still dealing with aftershock. Where had that orgasm come from? Fifteen minutes ago—five minutes ago—she would have sworn she wouldn’t have a single sexual thought ever again. Or at least not until after the babies were born.

  She paused to take stock of her body. Except for the lingering sense of well-being, she felt fine.

  She smiled at him. “You didn’t.”

  His gaze lowered to her bare breasts. “Those are new.”

  “You like?”

  “The other ones are great, but these will be fun, too.”

  She stepped out of her shoes. “Your turn.”

  He hesitated. “We probably shouldn’t.”

  She could see his erection straining against the fabric of his pants. “Dr. Galloway said it was fine. That the babies can’t see anything.”

  She reached for his belt. “How about we get you almost all the way there and you finish inside me? Everybody wins.”

  Wanting and concern battled. “I don’t want to put you or them in danger.”

  “Me, either.”

  She unzipped his pants and withdrew him. He was hard and thick and when she ran her hand down the length of him, his breath hissed between clenched teeth.

  He moved closer and kissed her. She gripped him in her hand, moving up and down in a steady rhythm. As they kissed deeply, she moved faster. He touched her breasts, using his fingers to lightly toy with her nipples. Arousal began again inside of her. She felt the need building.

  “Raoul,” she breathed.

  He must have heard the desperation in her voice because he dropped one hand to her thigh, then moved it between her legs and found her center.

  The sure touch pushed her closer. She felt him tense.

  She quickly pushed down her panties. He pulled them the rest of the way off and drew her to the sofa.

  “Now,” she said and guided him inside of her.

  He thrust in slowly, carefully. She felt the restraint in his hard muscles. She grabbed his hips to pull him in. He withdrew and she whimpered. Another thrust. He slipped a hand between them and found that magical spot again. It only took a second for her to feel the shuddering beginning again, deep inside.

  She breathed his name and lost herself in her release. He pushed in again and shuddered.

  They clung to each other, breathing hard.

  When she could speak, she asked, “Was that okay?”

  He kissed her lightly. “It was great. There’s something to be said for going slow. How do you feel?”

  She knew he wasn’t asking about her afterglow. “Good. Really good.” There was no way to explain it to him, but she had a sense of certainty. A knowledge that everything was going to be all right from now on.

  She glanced at the kitchen clock and gasped. “We’re going to be late. We have to hurry.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  He stepped back and was dressed in a matter of seconds. It took Pia a little longer, but they were out the door in less than five minutes.

  At the bottom of the stairs, he pulled her close and kissed her again. She let herself feel the warmth of his embrace, the safety she found in his arms and knew that somewhere along the way, she’d gone and fallen in love with him.

  THE DINNER-DANCE WAS HELD at the convention center. Tables had been set up in the center, with the dance floor up by the stage. A local DJ would provide the music during dinner before the live band arrived at eight. Dancing went on until midnight. There was a cash bar, plenty of tacky decorations and balloons floating on the ceiling.

  “Impressive,” Raoul said as they walked in.

  She laughed. “You’re mocking our efforts.”

  “I would never do that. It’s charming.”

  “Small-town America at its best.”

  They wove their way through the crowd, stopping to talk to people they knew. Pia was aware of all the unfamiliar men in the crowd. It was odd to have so many male strangers around. During festivals, most of their visitors were families.

  Dakota greeted them.

  “You look beautiful,” she told Pia. “Positively glowing.”

  Pia did her best not to blush. She had a feeling that any glow came from making love with Raoul rather than the pregnancy, but there was no need for anyone to know.

&n
bsp; Raoul must have been thinking the same thing because his hand tightened on hers.

  “Thanks,” Pia said. “You look great, too.”

  Dakota turned, showing off her blue dress. “I’m dateless, so I’m only here for the dinner. Then I’m heading home to my small, spinster life.”

  Raoul looked around the room. “There are plenty of single guys. Go find one.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Not this week. I’m not in the mood. Nevada and Montana are coming over and we’re having a chick-flick marathon. They’re both staying the night.” She raised her eyebrows. “Besides, compared with you, they’re just not that interesting.”

  “Oh, please.” Raoul didn’t look the least bit impressed.

  Pia laughed. “If I see anyone special, I’ll send him your way.”

  “Please don’t.”

  They parted and continued to their table. Pia spotted a tall, thin man talking to Mayor Marsha. He was gesturing wildly, talking quickly, although it was impossible to catch any part of the conversation over the other talking in the room.

  “Let’s go see what that’s about,” she said, pointing.

  They walked between tables and reached Marsha just as the man moved off. The mayor gave Pia and Raoul hugs, then sighed.

  “I’m getting too old for this job,” she said. “Do you recognize that man?” She pointed at the guy she’d been talking to.

  “No,” Pia said.

  Raoul shook his head.

  “I didn’t recognize him, either,” Marsha said. “Which insulted him deeply. Apparently he’s some Hollywood-producer type.”

  “As in movies?” Pia asked.

  “As in reality television. According to him, we’re hot right now.”

  “Lucky us,” Pia muttered.

  “That’s what I said. He wants to do a show about the bachelors coming to Fool’s Gold. He’s going to get me the details in the next day or so.”

  A reality show? “Is that something we want in town?” Pia asked.

  “No, but I’m not sure how to keep him out. If he’s not blocking traffic or otherwise getting in the way of everyday life, there’s not much I can do. California has very supportive laws when it comes to filming.”

  “Want me to beat him up for you?” Raoul offered.

  Marsha smiled. “Aren’t you sweet? Let me think about it. At this point I’m more inclined to have a glass of wine and not deal with any of this until tomorrow.” She smiled at them. “You two have a good time.”

  “We will,” Raoul said.

  “A reality show,” Pia said as they found their table and sat down. “That’s kind of icky.”

  “It should bring in revenue.”

  “And weird people.” She leaned against him. “Like Marsha said, a worry for tomorrow.”

  He wrapped his arms around her. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look?”

  “About three times, but it never gets old.”

  “You’re stunning.”

  “Thank you. You’re pretty hunky yourself.”

  AFTER DINNER, THE DANCING began. Pia excused herself to use the restroom. Along with her puffy tummy came the need to pee forty-seven times a day. Charity joined her along the way.

  “How’s it going?” her friend asked.

  “Good. I feel much better.”

  “Nice to hear.”

  Pia turned to her. “I wasn’t ready before, but I think I am now. Want to try the shopping thing again?”

  Charity smiled. “I’d love to. I still have to make that all-important baby-wipe-heater decision. We can have an intense conversation about it over hot chocolate and cookies to gain our strength, then face the maternity clothes and baby store, ready to conquer.”

  “It’s a date.”

  They reached the restroom, only to find the usual line.

  “I knew we needed more women’s restrooms when we remodeled,” Pia grumbled. “But did Ethan listen?”

  “Complain to Liz,” Charity told her. “She’ll punish him.”

  An older woman walked out of the restroom, then stopped by Pia. “How are you feeling, dear?”

  “Fine.”

  “I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I miscarried two before having my Betsy. She was a blessing. I know it’s sad but you have to trust that happier days are ahead.”

  “Thank you,” Pia said.

  The woman in front of them turned around. “I lost a baby, too. At four months. It was horrible, but you go on. It’s hard, but moving forward helps with the healing.”

  A white-haired lady using a cane to walk stopped by Pia and patted her arm. “Just make sure you’re taking care of that stud of yours in the bedroom. If God hadn’t meant for us to have sex while we’re pregnant, he wouldn’t have made it so much fun. My George, God rest his soul, and I went at it until two weeks before I gave birth. All six times. As soon as the doctor gave us the all clear, we were at it again.” She winked. “One time a little sooner than we should have.”

  Pia felt her mouth drop open. She consciously closed it, then swallowed.

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you for the information.”

  “You’re a good girl, Pia. Have lots of sex. It helps.”

  The woman teetered off, leaning heavily on her cane.

  Beside Pia, Charity burst out laughing. “I can’t decide which is worse. Her calling Raoul a stud or the intimate details of her marriage.”

  “I know which is worse,” Pia muttered. “I’m just trying not to think about it.”

  After using the restroom, she returned to the table. Raoul stood.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding worried.

  “Nothing.”

  “You look…” He frowned. “Shocked.”

  “Old ladies are telling me how important it is to have regular sex with you.”

  He grinned. “Did I ever tell you how much I love this town?”

  THEY ARRIVED BACK at Raoul’s place a little after ten. The long day had caught up with Pia and she felt exhausted. Raoul guided her into the house, then put his arms around her and leaned his forehead against hers.

  “I want us to share a bed tonight,” he said, then smiled. “I’m not going to try to have my way with you. I just want to know you’re okay.”

  He’d never asked her that before, she thought, both tempted and frightened by the invitation. In theory, they would be married soon, and after that, they would share a bedroom like every other couple. It wasn’t that big a deal. There was no reason the idea should make her uneasy.

  “Sure,” she said, ignoring the warning voice in her head. “That would be nice. You’re not a blanket hog, are you?”

  “You can have all the blanket you want.”

  A lovely invitation, but in truth she was interested in a whole lot more than a blanket. She wanted him. All of him. Not just a practical invitation to a marriage that made logical sense. She wanted his heart and soul. She wanted to be the most important part of his life and the best part of his day. She wanted him to love her.

  Afraid he would sense what she was thinking, she stepped back. “I’m going to go get ready for bed.”

  By the time she’d taken off her makeup and changed into a nightgown, she’d nearly convinced herself that everything was going to be fine. That she was over-reacting. Sleeping with Raoul shouldn’t be that big a deal. It was probably better that they get used to each other one night at a time. She could think of this as a practice run.

  But when she walked out of the bathroom and found him already in bed, her heart seemed to stumble a little. Although they’d shared a bed the first night they’d made love, somehow this was more intimate.

  She shrugged out of her robe, then got into bed.

  “Tired?” he asked.

  “Exhausted.”

  “Back sleeper or side sleeper?”

  “Side.”

  “Go ahead and get comfortable,” he said, then turned off the bedside light.

  She felt self-conscious as she turned on her side, away
from him. He moved up behind her, putting his arm around her. His thighs nestled the backs of her legs, his chest pressed against her spine. He wrapped his arm around her waist, holding on as if he would never let go.

  “Good night,” he murmured.

  “Night.”

  Pia found herself getting more awake by the second. She wasn’t used to sleeping with anyone, and everything about being so close to him felt strange. And scary. She knew in her heart she could get to like this. That it wouldn’t take much for her to want him nearby all the time. And then what? Did she spend the rest of her life loving a man who wouldn’t love her back? Did she get lost in her kids’ lives so as not to notice that her marriage was only a shell of what she wanted?

  His steady breathing told her that he’d fallen asleep. She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, fighting tears and a crushing sadness that told her the engagement was a mistake.

  RAOUL READ THE GRANT proposal he’d received. A grad student had come up with an idea to link high school math and science programs to specific industries. The industries as a whole would underwrite the cost of the special math or science classes with the idea that most of the students would want to study that field and after college would come back to work for the sponsoring companies. The student wanted to study feasibility and approach different industries. The grant amount was modest enough.

  Raoul made some notes in the margin of the proposal. He would call a couple of friends in aerospace, one of the suggested fields, and get their thoughts on the idea.

  The door to the large office opened and Pia walked in.

  He rose and smiled at her, pleased she’d stopped by. The last few days had been better than he could have anticipated. He liked having Pia around. They got along well. She made him laugh and always had an interesting world view.

  Now, however, she looked serious and concerned.

  He walked toward her. “Is everything all right?” he asked. “The babies?”

  “We’re fine.” She drew in a breath. “I know why Crystal left me her embryos.”

  While he hadn’t questioned the reason, he knew she’d had several concerns. “Tell me.”

  “She believed in me. She knew she could trust me to care for her children, to raise them as my own. The only person who had doubts was me. I couldn’t believe in myself. I didn’t think I was capable. So I took the easy way out.”